Author: HairWeavings Editorial Team

It’s hard to know what to do when good friend becomes seriously sick, especially if the prognosis is life-threatening.

Pushing past our own fears around mortality, sensing what is best in the moment, and knowing where the boundaries lie between supportive and intrusive requires empathy and honest communication. Possibly more than the friendship has ever required before.

Vulnerability, on both sides, can intrude, making it difficult to stand close while a friend faces the uncertainty, and sometimes the inevitability, of a diagnosis.

Denial, grief, physical pain, and loss of control can relegate one to taking life one step at a time and their future one moment at a time.

It’s disorienting and frightening and can conjure up defenses, making a person resistant to accepting assistance with daily routines – especially with things they used to take for granted – and even more so the new protocols and treatments.

It’s hard to be a good friend in such times. But it’s possible. It requires sensitivity, a tremendous amount of patience, and the courage to enter into a friend’s world.

I know, I’ve done it. I walked along this path with a friend from her diagnosis of stage 4 stomach cancer to the end of her life. I’m passing this along in hopes it will help you if, or more likely when, you are faced with the sudden life changing news of a good friend.

Here’s what I learned:

Give Them Time

Everyone reacts to grave news in their own way. It takes time and often – many attempts to come to grips with the ramifications of a serious illness. Your friend may expend lots of energy fighting the reality and attempting to change it.

That’s hard to watch, but it’s part of their process, and if you can suspend judgement, you can provide security and comfort through this difficult time.

The Truth of the Matter

It’s difficult to remember but the truth is, this is their journey and not yours. You may believe you know more and would handle the situation a better way, but you can’t know for sure until you’re there. So, be respectful and let them work it out for themselves.

Accept Your Limits

You can’t fix this. You can be supportive, kind, patient, and help your friend stay as comfortable, safe, and well as they can be in any given moment, but there is no promise that any of your efforts will do more.

Even so, being comfortable, safe, and well-cared for will make a world of difference to them, so what you’re offering matters.

Food Is Love

For some, food is comfort. Offer home-cooked meals and sit with them while they eat, providing good company and a sense of connection.

But be aware that their appetite might be affected by their condition or treatment. Encourage them to eat well but recognize that food may not always be appealing.

Just Be

Sometimes the best comfort is delivered in silence. Spend time with your friend just being. Sit in the sun of a warm afternoon and listen to the birds, or take a short walk with them.

Snuggle up under a blanket and watch their favorite movie together. It can be exhausting to constantly focus on their condition. Sometimes, they need to escape their own thoughts.

Be Helpful

Ask to run errands, do the dishes, set up a calendar to be sure they have someone to drive them to appointments. Help with the simplest of tasks can make a big impact on their daily lives.

Be Responsive

Do your best to sense their moods and their needs. Allow them the space to be in their own moment without trying to pull them out of their sadness. They need to feel what they feel.

Lend a shoulder to cry on, a strong hand to hold through the fear, and a supportive ear when they wish to share. But remember all these things come in their own time.

Take Care of Yourself

Being there for a friend who’s traveling along the road of sickness is taxing and fraught with its own set of emotions for you too. Be aware of your own health and be kind to yourself.

Take frequent time off from their routine and deeply immerse yourself in your own life. You cannot pour from an empty cup; remember to fill yours.

There is really no wrong way to be a good friend as long as your intentions are pure and your efforts come from your heart. Show up as the best version of yourself and your friend will be better for what you bring.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

How do you take care of a sick friend? What do you think is important to do in such circumstances? Please share your thoughts with our community.

When
someone asks me how I am, I say, “I have no complaints.”

No matter
where I am – grocery store, bank, real estate
closing table, church – my
statement of having no complaints usually gets a response.

Some
people just seem surprised that I don’t say the usual “fine.” Others chuckle. Some
question me, “Really? None?” It is not uncommon that someone says, “Yeah. Who
would listen if you did have complaints?”

My life
mission statement includes living on purpose, so to just mindlessly respond to
someone with a “fine” doesn’t seem intentional. I settled for “no complaints”
as a purposeful response to the frequent question.

“I have no complaints” also reminds me to not complain! It is as much a personal motivation as anything. Because I might be tempted to complain about a few things if I wasn’t intentionally not complaining.

For
instance:

The Weather

It is
often tempting to complain about the weather. Some days it is too hot for my
comfort. Others, too cold. It seems to rain often when our family has planned a
day at the river. It was never dry enough to do a controlled burn in our woods
this past spring.

But, the
weather changes day to day; sometimes hour to hour. We have a good home with
the ability to control the climate indoors.

The
seasons are glorious to behold, and seasonal changes of clothing is fun. There
are plenty of indoor, rainy day activities for our family. And for Pete’s sake – we have woods to stomp around in and enjoy, burned or not burned!

No need to
complain about the weather.

Other Drivers

Other
drivers can be pretty annoying – driving the
speed limit in the left lane, not using turn signals, not merging gently and
politely – and I do admit it takes some
self-control to not get so bothered.  

I am glad
that in my pre-elderly years I have become more patient and tolerant and less
in a hurry so I can control my temptation to complain about other drivers.

Waiting on Hold

Being put
on hold used to annoy me a lot, but even that became less of an irritant after
watching a colleague put her phone on speaker and keep working while waiting on
hold. I should have thought of that!

I do like
those businesses that will give you a call back. That’s thoughtful. If I need
to make a call that may require waiting on hold, I can time my call and plan
for ways to make it tolerable, with less cause to complain.

Little Aches and Pain

Of course,
the aging process carries along a few telltale signs. A complaining foot. An
achy hip. Sometimes sore muscles as a reminder that I tried a new exercise two
days ago.

For a
while, I had nagging back soreness until I figured out I should not be in a
weight lifting class with 30-somethings.

While some
aches and pains are unavoidable as I age, I am doing a few things to stave off
as much of the inevitable as possible.

I walk a
lot and take the stairs. Every time. I work out with a friend who is younger
and who is a retired Athletic Director. She keeps us focused on core strength
and balance. And, I love yoga, both in a class and at home with videos.

Complaining
about aches and pains just makes them worse and using them to motivate me to
keep moving is much more productive.

Professionals Who Don’t Act Professionally

While I was working as a Realtor, I occasionally had cause to complain about the unprofessional behavior of other Realtors or Mortgage Lenders or Attorneys. I could tell you stories!

BUT, I
won’t. Because complaining about others’ actions is not going to result in any
positive energy at all. My blood pressure is low without medication and there
is no need to get it high over stressing about something I can’t control.

Politicians
who seem to have forgotten they serve the people? No need to waste my breath complaining
about them.

Unjust
actions by people in positions of authority (police, teachers, pastors, etc.)
who take advantage of their title? No need to generate negative energy that
only hurts me and doesn’t change anyone.

A system
that is broken and under-funded? I can only wisely manage my own finances and
plan for a future that has uncertainties.

I can
vote. I can write letters. I can stand in the gap on occasion. I can volunteer.
I can contribute. I can listen. I can soothe. Those are much better ways to
expend energy than complaining.

Kids These Days

And what
about present day kids? Ha, ha! Nope. No complaints about this. Even though it
was a while ago, I remember being young and finding my way. I wore skirts too
short and swimsuits too skimpy. I pierced my ears when “nice girls” didn’t
(according to my mother).

I smoked
cigarettes and drank alcohol before I was legal. I even smoked pot a few times
(and inhaled) when it was a felony to possess even a seed. It only made me
paranoid, so that didn’t become a problem, but I did experiment. If I was
younger now, I would definitely get a tattoo.

While I am
concerned with education and employment opportunities for young people, I am
not worried about the generations younger than mine.

While there
are temptations to err and risks to health and just plain stupid mistakes that
will be made by some, there are plenty of smart and enterprising and capable
people younger than me who will solve as many problems as they create.

The 13-year-old son of a client went to Washington D.C. to receive an award for a “future technology” competition. He was delighted to meet Bill Nye, the Science Guy.

My own daughter works in a Nurse-Family Partnership program, developing relationships with at-risk moms with a view of changing generational and societal habits.

She
fearlessly goes in the homes of her clients and loves them through pregnancy
and the first two years of learning to be a mother. The research of how these
relational programs can change lives is inspiring.

I trust
the future is in capable hands.

The Cost of Food, Gasoline or Anything Else

I was tempted to complain about a rise in gasoline tax in our state. But then my husband reminded me of how much we enjoy travel and good roads.

Of course,
I remember waiting in line for 10-cent-a-gallon gasoline during a “gas war” in
the 70s, but I also remember when minimum wage went from $1/hour to $1.15.

My father
died in 1979. He had worked for the same company since returning from WWII. He
was a skilled and talented sign painter. He had no retirement (the stress of
which most likely contributed to his early death – along
with a diet of saturated fats, sugars, and some not-so-great genes).

He was
making a bit more than $6.00 an hour when he died. 40 years later, he would not
believe the wealth and security that is available to many in the United States.
Still, we lacked little, even on his limited salary.

The truth
is that I can afford anything I need and a lot of what I simply want but could
live without. Thankfully, neither my husband nor I require medications that
might tempt us to complain about the cost. But, also, with Medicare, at least
for now, even medications would be affordable in most cases.

There is
really not much to complain about in reality. Complaining is just another habit
that could drain me and make me unhappy.

It might
be easy to fall into complaining if I’m not reminding myself often of how truly
blessed I am. By adopting my signature “I have no complaints” response to even
casual greetings of “How are you?” I remind myself to be grateful for all the
good parts of my life – of which
there are plenty.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

How do you engage with people around you? What do you do to keep focused on the positive? Can you resist the temptation to complain? What’s your response to the usual “How are you?” Please share with our readers!

If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably seen a thousand dreamy photos of Dubai – glittering skyscrapers, desert safaris, luxury shopping – and thought, “Is it really that amazing?”

Spoiler alert: It’s even better in person.

I recently got a chance to experience Dubai, and wow – it’s like a place where the future and the past live side by side. Whether you’re all about luxury, obsessed with culture, or want a trip you’ll never forget, Dubai delivers. Here’s why you need to put it on your travel list ASAP.

First Impressions: The City of Superlatives

When you land, you realize Dubai doesn’t do anything halfway. The tallest building in the world? Check (hello, Burj Khalifa!). Biggest mall? Yep (The Dubai Mall is a small city). Artificial islands shaped like a palm tree? Why not.

It’s big, bold, and beautiful everywhere you look, but it still feels welcoming.

Adventures in the Desert

One of my favorite days in Dubai was escaping the city and heading out into the desert.

Picture this: golden dunes as far as you can see, heart-pounding dunes bashing in a 4×4, and then a sunset so beautiful it didn’t look real. We ended the night at a desert camp with a traditional BBQ, camel rides, and stargazing – pure magic.

Old Meets New

What I love most about Dubai is how it seamlessly blends the old and the new.

One day, you’re sipping fancy coffee at a five-star hotel; the next, you’re wandering the narrow lanes of the Al Fahidi Historical District, exploring museums, and riding an abra (a traditional wooden boat) across Dubai Creek. It’s a reminder that this glitzy city still holds its roots close.

Food, Glorious Food

If you’re a foodie, just know: you’ll be in heaven. Thanks to its diverse population, Dubai’s food scene is a global mash-up.

One night, we had Lebanese grilled meats; the next, we were diving into spicy Indian curries. Of course, we made time for classic shawarma wraps grabbed from tiny roadside spots. Don’t even get me started on the sweet maqamat (little fried dough balls drizzled with date syrup) – dreamy.

Also read, 6 Must-Try Eating Tips for Your Visit to Budapest (or Anywhere Else).

Living That Luxe Life (Even on a Budget)

Dubai’s luxury reputation is honest – but you don’t have to break the bank to enjoy it.

You can splurge on a yacht cruise or a night at the Burj Al Arab, but you can also find excellent street food, affordable hotels, and free activities (like the Dubai Fountain show). It’s possible to live the Dubai dream without a millionaire’s budget.

Final Thoughts

Dubai is like nowhere else I’ve ever been – a city of dreams that somehow feels real.

It’s fast-paced but still soulful, glamorous, grounded, futuristic, and deeply connected to its traditions.

If you’re craving a destination packed with adventure, culture, shopping, fantastic food, and once-in-a-lifetime moments… trust me, Dubai must be on your radar.

I am already planning my next trip back on November 3, 2025. Join me on my 4th visit to Dubai if it’s on your bucket list as well.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you looked up Dubai as a possible travel destination? Which sights would you like to see? Would you take a trip there if you were in a group or do you prefer solo adventures?

Years ago, a client I’ll call Susan “confessed” to me that she’d eaten a bag of potato chips the night before her visit with me. She felt guilty and ashamed about blowing her diet which then spiraled into her feeling like a failure who could never lose weight, which led her down the path of hating her body, which then led to binge eating a box of cookies.

She joked that perhaps she should be sent to jail for not being able to follow the rules of her diet, but it wasn’t really funny.

When we talked about this, she realized that for decades she had been trapped in “diet culture mentality,” a mindset that promotes food restriction, equates beauty with a small body size, and promotes the idea that weight loss is a reflection of willpower and moral character.

It was also a mindset that did NOT help her lose the weight and keep it off.

Diet Mentality and Food

Susan shared that she lived in a constant state of deprivation and restriction. She lived in fear of letting go of being so rigid with her diet, believing that if she wasn’t strict about what she was eating, she would give into using food to feel better… to comfort, numb and distract herself. If she ate “good” food she was a good person. If she ate “bad” food, she was a bad person.

Diet Mentality and Emotions

The obsession over her food filled Susan with anxiety and fear. Using food to cope left her feeling guilty and ashamed of herself. She hid her binge eating well, knowing that if anyone found out what she was doing, she would be humiliated. Failure, guilt and shame were emotions she carried around like a heavy backpack she could never take off.

Diet Mentality and Body Image

Because diet culture perpetuates unrealistic beauty standards, most women stuck in diet mentality are dissatisfied with their bodies. Susan constantly compared herself to others and this led to low self-esteem. Over time she found herself withdrawing from social activities, wearing clothes to hide her body, and refusing to be in photos.

If you can relate, you’re not alone.

Nearly every woman I know shares a similar story.

The Cost of “Diet Mentality” Is High

Unfortunately, we’ve all paid the price of diet mentality, including me.

• The pressure to constantly track, measure, and count every ounce of food we ingest.
• The heaviness of self-criticism, blame, and disgust we feel in our bodies.
• The hits to our self-esteem when we let the scale define our worthiness.
• Losing weight and gaining it back, because we can’t stick to our diets.

As a registered dietitian, the price was especially high. I was expected to know better, do better, be better.

After decades of being stuck in diet culture, and never getting results, I decided enough was enough.

There had to be more to the story of weight loss. And that’s when I realized weight loss is not really about the food.

Of course, nutrition is important, but the truth is that diets don’t work and diet culture doesn’t help.

The Key to Losing Weight Is Understanding WHY We Are Over-Eating

In other words, weight loss comes down to what we are THINKING and what we are FEELING.

Because no diet will work as long as we are being driven by our emotions and what’s going on in our heads.

From that moment on, I started learning everything I could about how to:

• Let go of the emotions that were causing my cravings and emotional eating – including the diet mentality emotions of guilt and shame!
• Let go of the negative beliefs that were sabotaging me – including the beliefs that I was a failure and not good enough.
• Rewire my brain to help me lose the weight and keep it off.

The Results Were Incredible

I lost the weight, and I’ve kept it off for years. And my clients are doing this too.

For the past 20 years, I’ve been teaching women how to lose the weight and keep it off. But not by going on another diet. I’ve been there, done that. Quite honestly, I will never do it again.

I refuse to be a part of a culture where we set women up for failure and make them feel bad about themselves by promoting diet culture.

Instead, I’m teaching them how to lose weight from a place of love and respect for themselves.

If you’re ready to lose the weight and keep it off weight without the disastrous effects of diet culture, I warmly invite you to watch my FREE class on Weight Loss Success.

Backed by over 20 years of research into the neuroscience, psychology, and mindset of weight, this FREE class will help you learn how to lose the physical weight – and the emotional weight – and keep it off.

Also read, Are You Tempted by Promises of Quick Weight Loss?

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What issues have you had with weight loss? Have you suffered from the culture of diet mentality?

The first time I held a musical instrument changed me. The tiny 12-bass accordion came down from the attic, unplayed since my mom was a child. A teacher named Mrs. Daniels suffered through my scales as I learned how to play and read the notes.

Then came Aunt Mary’s used spinet when she upgraded to an organ. Besides practicing 30 minutes every day, my sister and I were responsible for keeping the dark wood dust-free – no easy task on a busy hog farm.

Next came an instrument just for me: a well-played flute in a battered case, purchased second hand from a graduating flutist. We took it to our small-town music store for a tune-up, giving it a cleaner sound than any of the shiny new student flutes.

A Lifelong Skill

I had a chance to reminisce when a best friend invited me to her seventh-grade granddaughter’s orchestra concert. The talented young musician sits first chair violin and certainly had the most enthusiastic cheerleading section in the gymnasium. I realized how big a part music has played in my life and how teaching music to our children is an investment that, if they choose, becomes a gift for the rest of their lives.

Upon reaching high school and earning first chair, Mom and Dad said I could have a brand new flute. Instead, I chose to have my trusty friend replated with silver. We even tucked her in a new case before a special spring concert.

I had the flute spot in quartet; the tune was Chicago’s “Color My World.” Mom spent every minute before hand-stitching a sky-blue velvet dress. It had long sleeves, a good thing because it was mighty cold that year – so cold the hog water tanks froze the night of my concert. Dad wouldn’t be there for my moment in the spotlight.

Just before the quartet took the stage, I saw my mom stand up in the bleachers and wave. I followed her eyes to the door where Dad was coming in, all cleaned up in a suit and tie. I never felt so loved.

Never Too Late to Begin Again

Fast forward 50 years. I found the old flute in a trunk during a move. It made an awful sound. The pads were rotten and the silver plate worn. While it was in the shop for repairs, I learned of a flute choir that practiced and performed in a local church.

I didn’t remember any of my fingerings that first rehearsal. But the other flutists encouraged me, and my playing was passable by the Christmas concert. I noticed my husband sitting in the back of the church and waved. When I looked a couple numbers later, he was gone. He didn’t come back. I never felt so unloved. He’s my ex now.

Keep the Music Playing

The pandemic paused most live music. It’s tricky playing a flute wearing a mask. When the new leader of a local community band announced practices in the park, I was all in. Now, as a member of the Manatee Community Concert Band, we play a full concert schedule in Bradenton’s Neel Performing Arts Center. Members range in age from students to a kid in his 90s who sits with the trumpeteers.

It’s a thrill: walking out onto the shiny wooden stage in front of a packed house and waving to my own cheerleading section. Our backdrop is a towering 3,000-pipe organ. But that’s another story.

Also read, 4 Ways Music Feeds Our Spirit in Tough Times.

A Perpetual Gift

The gift of music has enriched my life more than any other gift. Some kids pick it up, but most won’t. I play music; my sister plays golf. We were both offered the same opportunities and are happy with our choices.

I am grateful I can read and play music and for that old flute in the battered case I was embarrassed to carry. I’m grateful to my mom for setting the 30-minute kitchen timer, for the blue velvet dress and for leaving me a little something when she departed so I could go buy my first new flute – a gift to myself for my 65th birthday, also the day of Mom’s Celebration of Life.

Thanks Mom and Dad for the gift of music. I’ll be grateful to my last toot.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What one gift from your childhood has been the most valuable to you? Has music played part in your life? In what ways?