Author: HairWeavings Editorial Team

Are they hiding more secrets?

I don’t know about you, but somewhere along my life’s journey, I picked up and carried with me a belief that I needed to be able to rely solely on myself. And somewhere along my path, that message morphed into an even more warped version of itself as if it stood in front of a fun house mirror. This version made me look like I was a failure in the pursuit of being independent if I couldn’t do everything by myself.

Was It the Divorce?

In retrospect, it may have happened when I got divorced. At the time, I couldn’t see the potential of a blooming forest through the trees of doom and gloom and uncertainty. My responsibilities felt daunting.

I had my two kids most of the time and was suddenly faced with the need to jump back into the work force after being a stay-at-home mom for 18 years. Also, I had to ramp up some income real fast as the timer was tic-tocking down to a deadline when support would come to a stop.

I felt I had to prove that I could handle everything on my own, and if I couldn’t, that would mean I had failed and let my kids down as well.

No pressure!

Can We Go It Alone?

There’s a quote from Margaret Wheatly I came across many years later which says, “Everything in the Universe only exists because it is in relationship to everything else. Nothing exists in isolation. We have to stop pretending we are individuals that can go it alone.”

I wish I had seen this earlier.

Asking for help is actually a sign of strength, not weakness. To ask for help requires vulnerability, and being vulnerable is a sign of strength. So when you do the math, asking for help equals being strong!

Bugs in Your Eyes

Some years ago, I was watching a TV show about two women friends living together to raise a baby. In one of the episodes after the baby had been born, the mom challenged a biker to a game of pool while holding her newborn in a sling, saying that she could do everything by herself and didn’t need any help.

He looked closely at her and said, “You’ve got bugs in your eyes.”

She tilted her head looking confused, and he continued saying, “You see, skeleton riders, we’ve got this saying … You’ve got bugs in your eyes …what it means is this… You can’t always be the lead hog. When we ride, we ride in formation. We trade out the lead, because if you stay in the front of the pack for too long, you get bugs in your eyes … You need to let other people help you. It doesn’t make you any less of a rider …”

It’s Lonely and Exhausting to Be Self-Sufficient All the Time

Brilliant, right?! Not only is it okay to rely on others, it’s imperative – for us as individuals and as a community. Being too self-sufficient can be an exhausting and lonely road, and relationships can become collateral damage.

We definitely need to know that we can rely on ourselves, and it is also important to be able to ask for help when we need it.

This is an example of an and/both situation. Both things can be true.

We all at times feel the weightiness of our thoughts, fears, concerns, to-do’s and responsibilities falling squarely on our shoulders. And if we can allow others to give us a hand, or a shoulder, or a hug, everybody wins.

Helping Others in Return

Doesn’t it make you feel good when you are able to help someone?

Letting the people who care about us give us some help when we need it, is giving them a gift as well. It’s not easy at first. Asking for help is a muscle. The more you exercise and do the reps, the heavy lift of asking gets easier.

I recently had Sky Bergman on my podcast Loving Later Life. In her 3^rd act of life, she became a filmmaker and created the documentary film Lives Well Lived, for which she interviewed 40 people aged 75-100. Hearing Bergman’s experiences making the film later in life as well as the participants’ moving stories helps us to realize that we’re here to live our best life and none of us can do it alone. We help ourselves by helping one another.

Let’s Talk About It:

Do you have bugs in your eyes? Do you always try to do everything yourself? Is it hard for you to ask for help? Are you afraid that it will make you look less capable?

She does pretty well for herself.

We all know that a healthy lifestyle leads to a longer life. But no matter how healthy that lifestyle is, as time marches on, its destination is inevitable: old age. When we are young, we never think old age will happen to us, but it does. What do we want our old age to look like? We should ask ourselves that question – and act on those answers – sooner rather than later.

There have been many books written on this many-faceted subject. One of the best is Next Year Younger: Live Strong, Fit, Sexy, and Smart – Until You’re 80 and Beyond by Chris Crowley, Henry S. Lodge, and Alan J. Hamilton. There is also a version designed specifically for women. Having reached 91, I can say, based on what I did right and what I could have done better, that there are nine areas that really matter when it comes to planning well for your final years.

Accepting the Reality of Aging

The first step in coping with old age is acceptance. We must acknowledge that ageing is a natural part of life, and the physical and mental changes it brings are simply milestones on our journey. Embracing these changes with grace and dignity is the cornerstone of a fulfilling old age. Instead of dwelling on what once was, we focus on what is and what can be.

Acceptance enables us to maintain a positive attitude and adapt to the evolving, inevitable circumstances of life. As Mark Twain said, “Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”

Getting Enough Sleep

It’s a fallacy that older people need less sleep. We need just as much as we did when we were younger, and getting it is even more important in terms of its impact on our health and quality of life. And although it’s tempting for retired people to indulge in napping, it’s important to be cautious about it: as researchers at Johns Hopkins University have pointed out, if you overindulge in it, you may find your cognitive and memory skills suffer.

Keeping the Body and Mind Active and Agile

Physical activity is the fountain of youth. As we all have heard so often, engaging in regular exercise not only improves our physical health but also boosts mental well-being. Moreover, exercise releases endorphins, which are natural mood lifters, helping to control feelings of depression and anxiety that may surface in old age.

Mental agility is equally important. It’s good to engage in brain-stimulating activities. Keeping our mind sharp will not only help us maintain cognitive function but also provide a sense of accomplishment and purpose.

Keeping Your Diet Healthy

It’s vitally important that we continue to eat a healthy diet. This should contain as much natural food as possible, including fresh vegetable salads and fruit salads. It’s also a good idea to take vitamins, especially B12, to make sure we have all the necessary vitamins and minerals.

Nurturing Relationships

The mature years are not a time to sit home alone, for isolation speeds up cognitive decline. One of the greatest joys of life is the relationships we build and nurture over the years. Regular social interaction with family and friends can help us combat feelings of loneliness and isolation that are often associated with old age. Ideally, we should head into old age with these relationships already cultivated.

Joining Clubs and Organizations

Volunteering or joining clubs and organisations provides us with a sense of belonging to a community. It also is an opportunity for us to meet new people who share our passions. This can carry on into our old age and bring great pleasure.

Finding Fulfilment in Hobbies and Interests

Old age is a time when we can pursue hobbies and interests in much greater depth, because we now have abundant quantities of a precious gift: time. And we are free to spend it on any passion, be it golf, gardening, photography, music, or any other subject.

In my own golden years, I have found that art can be a powerful medium of self-expression and exploration. Whether you are an artist or an art enthusiast, visiting galleries, museums, and exhibitions can be a source of inspiration and intellectual stimulation. Whatever we choose to pursue, though, we’ll find that nurturing these kinds of habits during our later years is much easier if we develop them before real decline begins.

Simplifying Life by Downsizing

As we age, we should consider downsizing our living space. Smaller, one-level homes are a wiser choice for older people. They are easier to navigate and maintain, reducing the physical strain of household chores and maintenance. Smooth floors and fewer pieces of furniture reduce the chances of falling, which is always a danger for older people.

Simplifying our belongings can be liberating, allowing us to focus on what truly matters in life. This needs to be done while we are younger and still have the energy to do it. Do we want to leave a huge jumble for someone else to clean up?

Gaining Peace of Mind by Putting Our Affairs in Order

Putting your affairs in order is a responsible and thoughtful step in coping with old age. And it is vital that it be done before we are too old to do it. This includes the obvious: creating a will, designating power of attorney and organising important documents. Consider discussing your end-of-life wishes with your family and documenting them in advance directives included in your power of attorney for health.

Questions for You:

How are you preparing for your future well-being? Have you thought about the lifestyle choices that will support your health and happiness in old age? What steps are you taking right now to build a fulfilling life in your later years?

The series takes place beyond years past.