Author: HairWeavings Editorial Team

We need a Russo siblings reunion.

You’re sitting there, staring blankly ahead and thinking to yourself… Where do I go from here?

Your so-called retirement years can
either be a true sense of the phrase “golden years” or, sadly, the
stereotypical boring bust.

To steer you toward the more exciting
(and healthy) path, I’ve laid out four simple ideas to help you be more
adventurous.

Immerse Yourself in a New Culture

When you think of “adventure,” travel likely pops into your head, right? Well, traveling is a popular item on bucket lists for a reason – it allows you to deep-dive into an entirely new experience.

Which means, it’s time to get wild and
crazy and tap into your sense of adventure as you plan your globetrotting.
There are several options here.

Hiking, Trailing, and Nature

If you’re an outdoorsy adventure-type,
you can go all out like Art Huseonica, who, at age 68, conquered
the 1,600-mile rugged (and snow-capped) Arizona Trail. Impressive, right?

Tour the World as a Volunteer

I recommend traveling with the purpose
of giving back and looking into voluntourism organizations like Global Volunteers and GlobeAware.

Why? Volunteerism is a hugely important factor
for living a healthy and active lifestyle. Giving back is one of the five core
categories that make up a fulfilling retirement life, which I call the “5 Rings
of Retirement.” So, it’s worth marrying the two.

Cruising Beyond the Ports

And if you’re determined to go the
classic cruise route and hop on a ship that sails the seven seas, be sure to go
beyond the standard tchotchke
shops as you dock at each port and embrace the local lifestyle.

The main takeaway here is to get
creative and immerse yourself in a completely new environment. Which means,
dive into everything new (and non-touristy) as you travel – from the language
and culture to the people and food.

If you do, not only will you learn
profound things about entirely different lifestyles, but you’ll also gift
yourself new experiences that come with amazing memories and relationships.

Learn Something New

If traveling isn’t your speed, lifelong learning is a must-do. Even if you
can’t imagine yourself re-entering a classroom, you can still participate in
continuing education by taking an online course.

These days, you can learn nearly
anything from the convenience of your own home. And online education is only
going to become more accessible. In fact, the e-learning industry is expected
to grow beyond the $300 billion mark by 2025.

Whether it’s learning how to knit,
speak a different language, play a sport, write a book, make digital photos,
sing and dance, or play a musical instrument, all new topics that you take on and learn present their benefits.

Major ones, too.

For instance, playing a musical
instrument is like a full-body brain workout with long-term positive effects.
Music stimulates more parts of your brain than any other human function, which
is why music memory is the last part of your
brain that Alzheimer’s touches.

Take knitting and digital photography, as other examples. According to a University of Texas study, they’re both considered high-challenge activities that enhance your memory.

The moral is: Learning a new skill is
not only stimulating and challenging, but it’s also excellent for your
cognitive health. Online education makes it super convenient, too, so no
excuses.

Start a Side Hustle (aka New
Business)

There’s no time like the present to
create an online business. Plus, you have decades of wisdom to impart on the
world.

Why not turn your years of knowledge
and experience into a passion project that earns money?

You can start a small online business
based on virtually any topic, skillset, or interest. Which means, the online
world is your oyster.

Once you have your chosen topic,
package up your knowledge and consider deploying bits of it in these formats:

• Start
  a blog and monetize it
• Become
  a freelancer or consultant
• Educate
  and book speaking gigs
• Sell
  digital info products

The beauty in starting a side hustle
is that it’s not designed to eat up full-time hours, and you can base it on your expertise or a passion of yours.

Plus, if you do it online, you can run
your business from your home. Doesn’t get better than that, right?

The important thing here is to work
because you want to, not because you
have to.

Expand Your Social Circle

Another adventurous path you can take
is to expand your social network and meet new friends. And I don’t mean
Facebook friends.

Take the effort to get out of your
comfort zone and engage face-to-face in new meaningful relationships.

Which is something not a lot of people do. In fact, research says 45% of people struggle to make new friends and the average American hasn’t made a new friend in five years.

While it may not be the easiest task –
seeing as how we’re creatures of habit – meeting new friends is a worthwhile
one. A number of studies indicate that being social keeps you mentally active as
you age. It also lowers the risk of Alzheimer’s and cognitive decline.

Bonus Tip: Figure out your core values and meet new folks who share them.

For example, if you value health and
fitness, try joining a kayaking club or hiking group to meet new people.

Along the same vein, if you value
creativity, get in touch with your artsy side and take a class where you’ll
likely meet other creatives.

Your Adventure Awaits

The key to all of these ideas is to
get out of your comfort zone. The more you stretch yourself, the more
adventurous your experiences will be.

Extra Bonus Tip: Look within yourself to truly find your sense of adventure.

As silly as it sounds, self-reflection
– and I mean the patient kind where you very carefully consider your deepest
desires – is super powerful.

Yes, it actually works. In fact, a study of UK commuters found that
drivers who practice self-reflection are happier, more productive, and less
burned out than people who don’t. What’s more, people who self-reflect perform 23% better than those who don’t.

Which is why I put together our popular Post-Career PurposeFinder – so you can ask yourself the right self-reflecting questions that will shortcut your way to a truly adventurous lifestyle.

The adventurous experiences and
memories are yours for the making. I’m rooting for you.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

How will you be adventurous in the next month? In the new year? What really makes you tick? Are you willing to travel out of your comfort zone to seek adventure? Please share your thoughts with our community!

It is often suggested that babies should be born with a manual, because it is so hard for new parents to work out how best to look after them. We, mothers, know that we managed somehow or other. But now it begins again, as we are faced with being a grandmother.

So how do we learn to be grandmothers?

Be an Instinctive Grandmother

Of course, some people are ‘naturals’ whether as mothers or grandmothers. It wouldn’t occur to them to look for an advice book or to ask friends – they just know how to do it.

I watch these women in awe, as it certainly isn’t me. I didn’t have a clue when my first baby was born, although I was probably a little better by the time I had a second.

Nor, nearly 40 years later, did I have much immediate sense of how to be a grandmother, much less a good one. It certainly didn’t feel natural to me from the start, as it all felt so long ago.

Learn from Our Grandmothers

In my book, Celebrating Grandmothers, where nearly 30 women talk about how it feels to be a grandmother, many explore this issue.

A few describe their own grandmothers in some detail. Of course, those women of the past varied hugely – not only in their social backgrounds but in their behaviour. Some were memorably strict, while others were distinctly full of fun.

My interviewees shared that their experiences of these women had influenced them as grandmothers. Especially in those cases where they had spent a lot of time with their grandmother or she had a strong personality which impressed certain values or attitudes onto the next generation.

This is not my case. I had little to do with my own grandmothers, as one lived too far away – the breadth of the USA was a serious hindrance in the 1950s – and the other had only limited interest in the role. Neither helped me much when my time came.

Learn from Our Mothers

Of course, your grandmother is not the only potential influence in this arena. Our mothers, too, were grandmothers to our children, as were our mothers-in-law.

Some of the women I interviewed felt that they had learned a lot from those two maternal figures, watching how they had played with their grandchildren or had taken an interest in teaching them.

But I, again, did not have much luck in this situation. By the time my children were born, my husband’s mother had died, and my own mother was, again, too far away as I had moved overseas. And, as she was a very dedicated career woman, I am not sure how involved she would have been had she lived nearby.

In any case, I had little in the way of role models.

Turn to the Grandmother Experts

Nowadays, we all learn from ‘experts’ on all sorts of issues and being a grandmother is no exception. There are numerous books on “how to be a good granny” – as well as my favourite, “how to be a bad granny.”

There are also a growing number of websites devoted solely to the joys and challenges of being a grandmother or touching on the topic quite frequently. Including, of course, this one.

Many of us have doubtless learned a great deal from their advice – from how to avoid saying the wrong thing to how to cope with modern equipment. But it did not occur to me to look for such information online or in a book.

For example, when I was writing my book, which is definitely not a ‘how to’ book, one friend asked if it would explain how to fold down a modern pushchair (stroller). Perhaps we have all struggled with that one.

Make It Up as You Go Along

I think that most of us make it up as we go along. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

We probably make some of the same mistakes we made as mothers. But I am sure we make many fewer, because – although it may not seem like it when the first grandchild is born – we have been there before.

Like with a second child, the knowledge is just lurking there, waiting to come out. We cuddle and burp the baby without thinking about it. We encourage the toddler to toddle and, as they grow, we talk to the grandchildren about the wonders of life, from the sublime to the ridiculous. It comes naturally.

Some do not want to take a great part in this adventure, but most of us find it enormous fun – and incredibly rewarding.

As we used to say playing tag, “here we come, ready or not” and you are probably readier than you think.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Where did you learn how to be a grandmother? What help were your own grandmothers or mothers? What would you say to a new grandmother? Please share in the comments below.

Until just last week, I had a jewelry tree festooned with about 50 necklaces circa 2017 (the year I retired) on my bedroom bureau. Although most days find me in jeans and “athleisure” clothing, my work-necklaces were ready to go!

It wasn’t until I found a small bag of silver jewelry in my underwear drawer that my current relationship to jewelry changed. The necklaces in that bag were the sole survivors of my mother’s cache of fine and everyday jewelry. I saved this lot, hoping to pass them onto my daughter at some point. They sat unnoticed since 2021, the year of my mother’s death.

The Discovery

When I took them out to be photographed and sent electronically to my west-coast-residing daughter, I realized I had purchased most of these items for my mother, and I loved all of them! The pandemic and retirement had sounded a death knell for the subject of daily adornment for me. These silver necklaces flooded me with memories of the role of jewelry in my life through the years.

A Youthful Introduction

My earliest memories of the importance of jewelry come from my grandmother, a Holocaust survivor. When I was 7, her only surviving brother who had emigrated to Paris sent her a ticket on the SS France to travel with him in Europe. At that time, gold was affordable, and my generous grandmother brought back gold coin necklaces for my mother and I, along with some other fine pieces. Learning the survival tricks of her generation, she sewed them into the lining of her coat to avoid paying a tariff upon her return.

Jewelry also played an important role when I became a Bat Mitzvah. In those days, many gifts of gold jewelry were purchased at a shop run by another Holocaust survivor. I remember eyeing her numerical arm tattoo while choosing gifts for my friends.

It was also customary to buy the Bat Mitzvah girl a gold charm bracelet to house the unique charms which were frequently chosen as gifts. I recently found mine and admired the little golden ark charm which housed a tiny Torah.

Engagement and Marriage

At the tender age of 19, I became engaged! My first husband came from a family which placed jewelry high in its value hierarchy. It is possible this family learned the important lesson during WWII that jewelry is an easily convertible asset during challenging times.

One older family member had a mesh purse fashioned from silver coins her father had made for her when she emigrated from Russia in the early 1900s. Israel’s recent raid on Lebanese banks prove that this strategy is still going strong in war-torn countries. Lebanese residents used these banks to get loans based on the value of their jewelry, which was used as collateral.

For my engagement, my fun-loving husband created a treasure hunt, replete with 10 clues scattered around my house which resulted in the discovery of the beautiful 1.5 carat heart-shaped diamond engagement ring. My younger self was overcome with joy and exuberance about the future.

My first husband’s family generously gifted me many lovely pieces through the years. When my children were born, tokens of their affection included a tiny name bracelet for my son, and rings, child-sized necklaces and bracelets for my daughter.

The Tide Turns

Eventually, these wonderful years of growth and optimism were punctuated with loss. My clever, young husband died climbing Mt. Rainier, and I was left with a heart-shaped diamond which lost all its meaning. The stone was reset in a necklace, but it was eventually stolen by a cleaning service.

My mother spent her last few years in a continuing care facility, but never gifted her fine jewelry before her death. The bulk of it, too, was stolen, except for the few items which remained in a safe deposit box. The only other survivors were in the plastic bag I found in my drawer.

It eventually became my task to distribute two modest diamonds and a gold watch to the next generation from that safe deposit box. Trying to be fair, the items were appraised, but the pandemic interceded, and one diamond remained at the jeweler for a year until I reminded my niece. The gold watch was returned by my son-in-law because my daughter divorced him, and the other diamond is sitting in the jeweler’s paper envelope because its recipient isn’t much interested in wearing it.

What Is the Message Here?

Although the fine jewelry in my family has had an unhappy ending, I am not of the opinion that material objects are meaningless. Quite to the contrary. Finding the little bag of silver jewelry led to the discovery of other pieces, both precious and mundane.

My reunion with almost all the jewelry I found last week filled me with glee!

The little baby bracelet for my son was next to a small treasure chest filled with his baby teeth! I remember putting the tiny bangle bracelet on the wrist of my daughter when I pulled tights over her diaper.

The silver jewelry was still exactly my taste decades later. Most of it, vintage 1970s, was made by craft people, had a pleasing, simple geometric aesthetic, and/or featured interesting minerals. I immediately cleared the jewelry tree of its 2017 work-necklaces. These will all be donated with the remainder of my work clothes in the very near future.

The silver jewelry, although smaller in number, now populates that little tree. I gladly choose a favorite to revive that wonderful old habit of adornment, even on unremarkable days.

I still have a cache of precious jewelry which I truly have no occasion to wear. Dressing up seems very “pre-pandemic” these days, especially for retirees. However, when it comes to this jewelry, I prefer to be impractical, my alter-ego M.O. These items hold the history of my life’s best moments. They can stay in the wings, for now, but cautiously in a safe deposit box!

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What jewelry do you have from previous generations? Do you have plans to keep or pass on your jewelry? Does it make sense to sell the fine jewelry you own? Does jewelry now play any role in your daily life?

In the past month or so, I have noticed that I am ready to move on. I am ready to move on from politics. I am ready to move on from yelling at each other. I am ready to move on from fearing what may happen. I am ready to move on with my life.

When I look back, I am struck by how my memory of these past months is rooted in the experience of doing nothing. I don’t actually remember dates of things. If my calendar didn’t tell me what I was doing on such-and-such a date, I wouldn’t have a hook to hang them on.

Of course, my life has been moving on, whether I am ready or not. Weeks fly by in spite of my mindfully paying attention to the moment. My weekly appointment calendar that was pristine in January promising splendid adventures, is now filled with appointments kept or canceled and reminders for observed holidays and phases of the moon.

Readiness Does Not Signify Change

As someone living with long-COVID, I continually experience the necessity of taking time to slow down and come to terms with what kinds of influence I have on myself and those I am connected to. It took long-COVID to really teach me just how vital self-love is.

What is true for me is that just because I am ready for change doesn’t mean that things will change in response to my readiness. For example, I think I am ready for a new relationship, yet I find excuses to stay at home, and in fact, I mostly prefer my own company!

I am ready to return to vitality and good health, yet I have limitations, physical and psychological, that prevent my implementing the changes I need to make.

I have sat with many older adults who have lived a full life and are ready to go, but remain suspended between living and dying. My capacity to witness their pain and suffering increases with practice but doesn’t hasten their passing.

The Tipping Point on Aging

Malcom Gladwell’s book The Tipping Point came out in 2001. In it he brilliantly brings into focus how social change occurs. It is not linear. The visionaries, the salespersons, the “mavens” as he tags them, all swirl around, seemingly without connection, until, “Boom!”, the kaleidoscope turns and the pieces fall into place. I am sensing we are at a tipping point now. It has certainly taken a while, but it is here.

Those of us who have been working in the field of aging will tell you that for decades it has been a lonesome journey, with only the occasional gathering of the tribes to reassure us we were not lost in the desert.

We would speak of the same themes: the challenges in meeting the needs of an increasingly older population, lack of funding for research, lack of resources to adequately train and staff care homes and long-term care facilities, underpayment of providers, and a general dismissal of the extraordinary nuances that life offers after that benchmark birthday of 65.

Reclaiming Our Present; Rewriting Our Future

As with many life changes, it is only when we are living the experience that it takes on importance. There are now sufficient numbers of Boomers who are taking stock of what it feels like to be 68 or 73 or 86. And it isn’t like what “they” said it was going to be!

Greater numbers of aging adults are exploring and describing their lived experience. Their words are reaching across the generations and penetrating wider markets. These experiences are in stark contrast with the ageist images of frail elderly or technologically challenged gray-hairs perpetuated by marketers and pharmaceutical companies. We are reclaiming our present and re-writing our future.

Three Questions to Get You Moving

A friend posed three questions to me recently.

“Who are you now?”

“Why are you here?”

“Where would you like your ‘where’ to be?”

Here are my answers:

I am a vital, thoughtful, and passionate older woman who has wisdom and insights worth sharing.

I am here to change lives for the better and to offer compassion and understanding, especially to those who feel silenced or invisible.

I would very much like my “where” to be here and now, although I find myself spending more time with my past and making amends. I realize that my physical “where” may need to be more temporary than it has been, because the world I am a part of right now is unsteady, but my internal “where” is anchored in my heart.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

How do you answer these questions: “Who am I now?” “Why am I here?” “Where would you like your ‘where’ to be?” How has your answer changed in the past year? Why has it changed?