Author: HairWeavings Editorial Team

If you are a woman who follows the blogger, Instagram, and Twitter fashionistas of the world, you have probably gained the impression that you need to wear something new and different every single day. Wrong!

There are a variety of reasons this will not work for you, or most people you know. Not the least being lack of space, lack of time, and lack of money!

I worked out my own personal style many years ago. I continue to wear what suits me and what works for me, although it may not be fashionable. But it is stylish; which, for me, is more important than fashion. What’s stylish for you?

My body has changed shape with the onset of the years. But I use the same formula and vary it to suit my new body type. I’m sometimes challenged to decide if I’m an Apple or a Rectangle as I’m most definitely not an Hourglass any more.

Why Have a Fashion Formula?

Do you have a formula and stick to it? Or do you play swings and roundabouts? You know, having a fashion formula to use for dressing yourself works for most people. It alleviates the pain and suffering of the “I haven’t got a thing to wear” syndrome. It has other benefits too:

Save Money

You will no longer be overspending on clothes that aren’t right for you just for the sake of buying something new. Buy what is right for you. Invest in clothes that co-ordinate with the rest of your wardrobe. I’m, a great fan of mix and match.

Buy items that are expensive enough not to break the bank but are a high enough quality that they will provide you with plenty of wear. Make sure you like what you buy!

Avoid Waste

When you buy clothes that never really work for you, they either go to the local charity shop (which is good) or to a landfill (which is bad). If your wardrobe is bulging at the seams, how many of the clothes in there do you really wear? That is a waste of time, space, and money!

Find Extra Time

You probably don’t have the time, or maybe even the inclination, to spend hours on shopping, and putting different outfits together. Time is precious and you need a simple and convenient way to get dressed.

Be Comfortable, Stylish, and Happy

Do more of what works rather than trying something new all the time. If you’re not being fashionable or especially creative, you will feel good about yourself. But of course, trying something new can be very exciting!

A Fashion Formula Should Be Simple

It may seem very basic; it’s supposed to be. Depending on your body shape, you will need only the 10 following items:

• A white t-shirt – with elbow length sleeves
• A pair of boot-cut jeans – high-rise is usually better and more comfortable
• A plain white shirt – with button down collar
• A black jacket – single breasted with a little shape works best
• Black pumps – lengthen those legs
• Crew neck sweater
• A wrap dress – for everybody but an apple body shape
• A skirt – pencil or otherwise
• A trench coat or leather jacket
• A pair of sneakers, ankle boots, or both

Yes, with these items, you can dress stylishly and in great comfort every day, especially when you choose the right accessories.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What makes up your list of basic wardrobe items? Is there something missing from the list? Personally, I doubt if I could live with one pair of shoes and one pair of boots. How about you? If you’d like to know what goes with what, let me know and I shall see if I can help. Please join the conversation.

I did not get along with my mom. We both had strong personalities, different ways of looking at life, and personal issues that made it hard to be nice to each other. Once I became old enough to speak up, we were off and running, fighting for the last word and sometimes fighting just to fight. I used to think our relationship was so rocky because we were so different. Now I know it was because we were so much alike!

Nevertheless, she was my mom and I loved her despite our snarky relationship. When Mom was diagnosed with Dementia, I immediately stepped up to be her caregiver. I wanted to support and lovingly care for her. 

My Mom Was Proud and Independent

It was hard. She hated the thought of losing her independence. She had been a formidable, self-sufficient powerhouse who ruled the roost. She was so proud, and asking for or accepting help was not her style. Having me show up offering help she felt she didn’t need was excruciatingly difficult for her and made her angry and anxious (Read my article, Caregiving a Difficult Parent: How to Cope and Heal the Relationship).

I Carried Some Emotional Baggage from My Past

They say if you are hysterical, it’s historical. I was most certainly hysterical in the beginning. I acknowledged that I had some serious baggage I needed to unpack from my relationship with her if I was going to survive my caregiving journey. Mom was not going to change, so I had to. 

My Strategies to Minimize the Negative Narrative

Here are 6 effective strategies I developed and lessons I’ve learned along the way that may help if your parent or loved one can be difficult, grouchy, or mean and your relationship with them is challenging. Taken together they can ease the tension and diffuse the negative narrative.

Self-Awareness

I had to take a long hard look at my behaviors and triggers. I started paying close attention to my reactions to my mom by noting the way my body, mind, and heart were feeling when she baited me or argued with me. I questioned my reasons for being angry, defensive, and frustrated and slowly picked apart what was bothering me and why.

One thing I noticed was that I came into every conversation ready to fight, annoyed and defensive. When I started the conversation with a better attitude and listened, she felt heard and wasn’t as defensive. I tried numerous techniques to count to 10, breathe, pause, remain calm, and be curious rather than critical. We began to be civil to each other and eventually had nice conversations. It wasn’t easy, but the softer I was, the softer she became.

Seek Support 

Don’t do it alone. We are only as sick as our secrets. When we share our stories, concerns, and challenges, we shine a light on them and we allow others to give us support, hear us, validate our emotions, and give us a new perspective.

When we are so close to our loved ones without feedback from others, the overwhelm can feel insurmountable. I found a trusted group of caregivers, a therapist, a church group, and family and friends I could reach out to night and day.

I didn’t find them all at once by any means, but I refused to give up until I found people I could count on and reach out to who were good listeners and caring supporters.

Humor

Interestingly enough, my mom had a great sense of humor, and we did think the same things were funny. If I was honest, I had spent much of my life trying to make her laugh that wicked laugh of hers. When I took the time to be relaxed and positive and worked at making her laugh more than trying to be right, humor became a critical bond between us.

Smiling and laughing together was a key to getting along and healing our relationship. I worked at seeing the funny side of things instead of being so tense all the time.

Do You Want to Be Right or Do You Want to Be Happy?

As Mom began to lose her battle with dementia and became more anxious, irrational, and distressed, it became obvious to me that she needed comfort and support, not aggravation or confrontation. I began to ask myself if it was more important to be right or be happy?

Needing to be right seemed so ridiculous and even cruel. I began to understand that agreeing with her was so much easier and kinder. Surprisingly, when I stopped trying to be right all the time, so did Mom. Being happy was so much better than being right. 

Radical Self-Care 

Self-care is critical, necessary, and deserved, not a luxury item. You can’t give from an empty cup. If I was rested, eating healthy foods, taking a little time for myself, and making sure I prioritized my well-being, I was calmer, more patient, and more compassionate. Taking care of me made me stronger to take care of her. By making sure my needs were met, I became a better caregiver.

Walk Away If You Are Able

If my mom became agitated and I wasn’t able to calm her down or respond to her properly, I would simply walk away after saying “I’ll be right back, Mom.” The separation eased the tension. Stepping away from the fire when possible usually puts it out. I would make sure she was safe if I left her alone. If it wasn’t, I would see if someone could stay with her while I cooled off. When I wasn’t able to step completely away, I would at least text or call someone to let off the steam and get support.

I No Longer Needed to Have the Last Word

I found a combination of these tactics gave me the space and energy to face my Mom when she was being less than kind. I began to value our relationship more when I could manage it better by responding rather than reacting. Arguing and disagreement had no place in the final time I had with her.

As I watched her become so lost and confused and her spark began to diminish, my time with her became so precious. I wasn’t about to waste it. I worked hard at being able to appreciate who she was and what she meant to me. With a little bit of luck and lots of work, I got to know this dynamic woman. I gained insight and made memories.

I was blessed to find that at times we could be two peas in a pod who could laugh and love together. It was no longer about having the last word, it was about sharing our words. I am forever grateful that instead of fighting with her, I fought to change and heal our relationship and shine as her caregiver.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you been someone’s caregiver? How did that change your relationship? What compromises or solutions did you find for being a better caregiver to your loved one?

You just became Bella Hadid.

You just became Bella Hadid.

Writing to money can help us positively build a relationship with our money. It helps us to be honest with ourselves about money. It helps us to really see the big picture of our frustrations and feelings about money.

Every day, we bottle up our feelings about money. It’s essential to feel them and let them go. We often don’t realise the extent of the negative feelings we’re carrying.

And How Is a Love Letter to Money Really Going to Change Anything?

When we write our love letters, we become very aware of the stories that we’re carrying around about money. While writing the letters, we can start the process of changing our stories to ones that we really do want to carry around with us.

Writing your love letters to money, you will realise how you really feel about it and its presence in your life. You will begin the process of building a much stronger relationship with it. As you continue to build your relationship with money, you start allowing more money to show up in your life.

How to Write a Love Letter to Your Money

It’s a great idea to use a journal to write your letters. Use these sorts of questions to help you start writing:

• What does money mean to you? 
• How could more money change your life? 
• What does financial freedom mean to you?
• What would you like your money relationship to look like?
• What is really frustrating you with money right now?
• What wishes do you have for money right now?
• Do you want more money in your bank account?
• Do you want to be able to pay all of your bills in full with last month’s money?
• Do you want to buy a new car and pay cash in full?
• How can money give you more support in your life?
• What’s holding you back from making money unlimited in your life?
• What do you want to experience in your life right now?
• What are you currently not doing for lack of enough money that you would like to do? How do you feel about that?

Whatever money is actually making you feel right now, write it in your letter. 

What if You Don’t Really Like Money Right Now?

Money can be stressful and cause a lot of frustration in our lives. Not having enough money, having a creditor or bill take money that we were planning to use for something else, having an unexpected bill show up, losing a job, wanting to buy something we really want, but just don’t have the extra money right now and so many other issues show up in our financial lives. Then throw in being taught to not talk about money with anyone. At the end of the day, we just don’t like money.

So, when it comes to writing your love letters to money and not really liking money right now, voice your true feelings in your letter. Let money know how you are feeling. Don’t hold anything back. Write it all out. And make sure to include as much detail as possible.

Building a relationship with money means being honest with money, just like in any other relationship you have. So, no matter how you are feeling about money on any particular day, put it in your love letter to your money.

What if You Really Don’t Know What to Say? 

This question is the biggest procrastination device that anyone can use to delay this challenge. When you don’t know how to start go back to the questions.

Challenge yourself to write love letters to money for 30 days straight.

Continuing Your Love Letter Process After 30 Days

Our relationship with money needs nurturing on a regular basis just like any other relationship in our life. Writing love letters to our money, letting it know how we feel, is one of the easiest ways to keep nurturing our relationship. Plus, during the writing process, you continue to learn even more about yourself and your own thinking processes. Every time we do the challenge, we get new opportunities and expand our money relationship even more.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What is your current relationship with money? Where do you see the relationship going? What money goals do you have? What would you write in a love letter to money?