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Also Seen on Olivia Flowers

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Originally posted at: Gina Kirschenheiter’s Black and Silver Sequin Confessional Look

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you walked away and suddenly felt a sense of freedom?

Perhaps it was a toxic workplace, a harmful relationship, or distancing yourself from a negative friend. The outcome, however, was a huge feeling of relief as if a heavy burden had been lifted off your chest.

A healthy relationship should never make you feel that way.

You deserve to feel comfortable, unrestricted, and able to be your genuine self in a relationship.

So, what are the signs? Here are my thoughts based on over 28+ years helping people find the “one” and over 6,000 marriages.

There Is Chemistry

All good relationships have a huge dose of physical attraction. Am I alluding to the bedroom? You bet. At any age, we want to enjoy our sexual relationship – it brings us closer and it’s…. fun!

Let’s face it – if you don’t, he’s just a friend. And with my clients, we are not looking for more friends.

If I could forecast chemistry, wow, everyone would be happily in love. It’s that intangible – and it may not happen on the first date, contrary to popular belief. Yes, it may knock you over like a charging bull immediately. But it can also happen on the 2^nd or 3^rd date.

It may be a smile. A laugh. An engaging conversation. His mannerisms when he gets excited about a topic. And then, Boom.

After 28 years of coaching clients, I know that if it hasn’t happened by the 3^rd date – it probably isn’t going to happen. That’s based on over 38,000 clients – yes, I started 33000Dates.com a while back and can’t keep renaming it.

So, no chemistry? Move on.

Your Values Are in Sync

I can’t say this enough – common values, chemistry and communication are the foundation of a solid relationship.

And, “forever” may be a really, really long time, as those of us who are divorced discovered! There will be countless decisions made between now and forever, decisions that are influenced by your values and beliefs.

These values impact how you spend your time together (as one client told me last week, his barometer on whether a relationship may work is to go on a one-week vacation together!) where and how you tie the knot (if you do), how you celebrate holidays (if you do), and most importantly, how you choose to live your everyday life.

We all have different backgrounds and experiences that shape our perspective of the world. In a relationship, the goal is to find a compromise and a middle ground that satisfies both partners, which is why communication is crucial.

If your value systems are too far apart to find common ground, one or both of you will always feel conflicted about the life you’re leading. You should never compromise your integrity just to be with someone who is not right for you.

Openly Expressing Your Feelings and Opinions

Sharing your innermost thoughts and emotions without any judgment is key.

Healthy relationships are all about open communication and understanding. So go ahead, and express your desires, fears, needs, and feelings freely. Just remember, a judgment-free zone is essential for creating a strong emotional connection with your partner.

You Are Comfortable Introducing Him to Those Closest to You

I mean, sure, you can introduce anyone to your friends and family, but are you really at ease leaving them alone in the other room? Do you trust their behavior and manners? Are you proud to show them off to the VIPs in your life? Or… are you constantly making excuses for their questionable actions and words? Do you secretly worry they’ll embarrass you or themselves?

I just spent a 5-day weekend in Dallas with my 5 siblings, spouses, and countless nieces and nephews, and I was so excited to introduce Jeff to my family. He may have been a bit nervous, but I wasn’t. He was his engaging self, and two of my sisters whispered to me, “Dad would have loved him.”

No, you don’t need anyone’s approval to date someone. But if deep down you wish it was someone else or even no one at all by your side in social situations, well, that’s a big ol’ red flag you can’t ignore.

You Can Learn from Each Another

No one is perfect, including ourselves and the people we admire. Embracing our differences and unique backgrounds can actually enhance our relationships, rather than hinder them. Just like in sports, where a variety of skills is needed to build a winning team, in relationships, we should focus on our strengths while appreciating our partner’s strengths. By doing so, we can learn from each other, gain new perspectives, and share unique experiences together. But this can only happen if both parties are open to it.

My husband-to-be loves history and documentaries. I love Bridgerton. I’ve learned so much about music  – Muscle Shoals, anyone? We’ve got to keep learning and being curious.

You Engage in Your Interests – Both Together and Separately

Each of us has unique passions and hobbies that we must continue to pursue while in a relationship. Neglecting the things we are passionate about can lead to resentment towards our partner (regardless of fault) as we lose our sense of purpose.

And we lose our friends and identity. I play pickleball and love yoga. Jeff loves to work out, do his volunteer work with the Red Cross and play basketball (a lot). You won’t find me joining him on the bb court. But the golf course? That’s our thing together.

You Imagine a Future Together

I believe that many relationships fail nowadays because people are too focused on living in the moment. They’re out there enjoying life, taking selfies, traveling, and having a blast.

Sure, all of that is great.

You should be able to have fun and enjoy life with your partner.

But those things alone don’t necessarily mean you’re truly compatible in a relationship. You can have fun with anyone, but it doesn’t mean they’re the one you want to spend your life with.

The litmus test? If you can picture yourself waking up in 10 years and still see that person by your side, then you’ve found something special.

You Can Be YOU

What does it truly mean to be yourself? Are you energetic, a spitfire, always ready for a laugh? Or perhaps you have a more serious and composed demeanor. Maybe you’re the hopeless romantic, wearing your heart on your sleeve.

If you find yourself constantly holding back, shaping yourself into someone you’re not just to please your partner, you’ll not be truly happy. It’s like diluting your essence for their sake, putting on a mask that doesn’t truly represent you.

The right person will cherish your quirks, your passions, and all the amazing complexities that make you, you. So never settle for anything less than a love that celebrates your truest self.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

In your last relationship, was there instant chemistry or did it take time to develop? Were you comfortable introducing this person to close friends and family? Were you “you” during the relationship?

Imagine a rosebud: delicate, tightly closed, full of promise. It’s beautiful in its own right, yet we know its true splendor is revealed only when it fully blooms.

As women, our journey mirrors this transformation. While our youth holds its own charm, it is in our later years that we truly come into our full glory, living life in vibrant, unapologetic bloom.

Living in full bloom means embracing every part of ourselves – heart, mind, body, and soul.

It’s about harnessing the wisdom, strength, and beauty that come from our life experiences and using them to create a life of purpose and joy.

So many of us spent too many years of our lives absorbed in one aspect of ourselves – maybe we were victims of the predatory diet culture or just focused on others, never on ourselves. Some of us were laser focused on church or work or education.

It’s when we begin to understand that in order to have the life we want to live, we need to be synergistically in sync with our whole being – heart, mind, body and soul.

Let’s unpack that a bit.

Heart: Cultivating Emotional Resilience and Compassion

At the heart of living in full bloom is emotional resilience and compassion.

Life has undoubtedly thrown its share of challenges our way. Yet, these experiences have also equipped us with the ability to navigate emotional storms with grace. Embracing our hearts means allowing ourselves to feel deeply, love fully, and forgive generously. That abundant overflow is what fuels everything.

Self-love and compassion are crucial. It’s about recognizing our worth, treating ourselves with kindness, and extending that same compassion to others. When we nurture our hearts, we cultivate a sense of inner peace and emotional balance that radiates outward, touching everyone we encounter. It is the plumb line to serenity.

Mind: Embracing Growth and Positive Thinking

Our minds are powerful tools in shaping our reality.

Living in full bloom involves adopting a growth mindset – an openness to learning, evolving, and seeing challenges as opportunities for growth. It’s about letting go of limiting beliefs and embracing the potential within us.

How we think plays a pivotal role. It’s easy to fall into old patterns of negative thinking, but by consciously choosing to focus on the positive rather than the negative, we can transform the way we think, replacing old, worn-out thoughts with new and inspirational ones. This is done by focusing on the solution rather than the problem, for example.

It is how we can transform our outcomes. Creativity flows and inspiration hits rather than moping over the problem. We’ve done enough handwringing – it’s time to focus on the fix! This doesn’t mean ignoring life’s difficulties at all, but rather, approaching them with a sense of hope and possibility – this is done when you look elsewhere.

And by the way, our brains can create new synapses and connections, even at this age, which is most exciting!

Body: Nourishing Yourself

Our bodies are the vessels through which we experience life. We cannot divorce ourselves of our bodies – we must love them up as best we can.

And unlike an old car, we can’t turn in our old clunker for a new and shiny model. As we age, it becomes even more important to care for our bodies with a great deal of love and respect.

Nourishing our bodies means taking an honest assessment of our habits – which should stay and which need to go? Evaluating our activity level and listening to what our wise bodies tell us. We might need a little extra rest or reconsider that second glass of wine.

Holistic wellness is key. It’s not just about physical fitness but also about how we fuel our bodies and care for our overall well-being. This includes a supportive diet, regular and varied exercise, plus adequate rest, as well as practices like yoga or meditation that support both physical and mental health.

Soul: Connecting with Your Inner Self

Living in full bloom requires a deep connection with our inner selves. This is about spiritual growth, finding our purpose, and aligning our lives with our core values. It’s about exploring what brings us joy, fulfillment, and a sense of peace.

Spiritual practices can help us connect with our soul. Whether it’s through meditation, prayer, or spending time in nature, these practices allow us to tune into our inner wisdom and cultivate a sense of inner calm and purpose.

At this point in our lives, this is one of the most important connections we can make.

Embrace Your Full Bloom

Living in full bloom as a woman of a “certain age” is a beautiful, powerful journey.

It’s about embracing every part of ourselves – heart, mind, body, and soul – and using our experiences to create a life of joy, purpose, and fulfillment. Just like a rose in full bloom, we are at our most glorious when we fully embrace and celebrate who we are.

This really is in the prime of our lives – live it fully bloomed!

Let’s Talk About It:

Have you embraced your age? In what was have you bloomed past 60? What else can do you to release your full potential?

Originally posted at: Alexis Bellino’s Hot Pink Bralette and Skirt

The definition of Ghosting according to Urban Dictionary is, “The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date.”

A better definition is… you and I meet, we have amazing chemistry, we hang out and have awesome sex. I bond to you and then you disappear, ultimately breaking my heart. You don’t answer my calls or texts and I am so confused and concerned.

Here’s how the conversation goes. “Are you hurt? Did I do something wrong? We were making plans and now you’re gone.” Sadly, ghosting happens all the time now.

Back in the day, before the Internet, when people met via a fix up by friends, no one would have even thought to disappear like they do today. Their reputation was at stake, and they didn’t want to face the judgment of their friends. They would have done the proper thing and said… “I think we aren’t a match.” You’d have closure, maybe some tears but you’d have known why the relationship was ending.

In today’s cyber world, no one is holding anyone accountable so it’s easy to disappear. People think by not answering your texts or calls, they are not hurting your feelings. What they don’t realize is you hurt even more because you have no idea what caused the rift and no way to fix it. You can’t totally prevent this from happening but I want to give you some warning signs that can help you recognize you’re headed for trouble when they appear.

Warning Sign #1: Chemistry

Chemistry… and I mean hot, can’t-take-your-hands-off-each-other, and the sex is so amazing!

When the chemistry is this hot, turn and run the other way. Relationships are rarely based on chemistry alone and chemistry keeps a friendship, a much needed connection from happening. You bond so fast from the intimacy that you don’t have a chance to really see who someone is until it’s too late.

Warning Sign #2: No Exclusive Commitment

Usually he’ll say something like, “we are having so much fun, let’s see where it goes.” And you agree to it because you’re bonding through sex, and he’s fun, and you think he is too. He’s not, and he’s telling you he’s not about a relationship. He’s about fun when he uses this phrase.

Warning Sign #3: Feeling Needy

You find yourself feeling more clingy and needy because you don’t know how he fits into your life.

Instead of being a grown up and telling you this is getting on his nerves, he disappears. People would prefer to just leave than get involved in some type of confrontation with you. Again, the reason is because they are not committed to the relationship.

Warning Sign #4: The Future Talk

He knows there’s no future for the two of you, so he keeps silent. He’s just in this for the fun and nothing serious. He stays silent when you future talk and disappears versus “hurting your feelings” letting you know he’s not on the same relationship page as you are.

Warning Sign #5: Trying to Put an End

He tries to end it but you draw him back into the relationship because you’ve bonded, and you miss him so much when you are apart.

At this point, he feels like you are not hearing him so instead of going through the drama of a breakup again he just disappears. Really listen to what men are saying to you because men mean what they say. We as women don’t always mean what we say… mostly because we are people pleasers and we think things are changeable. The disconnect happens because we think men think this way too! They do not!

I’ve given you 5 warning signs to watch for in future relationships. Use them. They can save you a lot of heartbreak in the future.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you experienced this kind of “ghosting dating,” when someone you were seeing suddenly disappeared and stopped communicating? Do you think it is possible for women over 60 to meet men who want to make a commitment? Do you often miss ‘warning signs’ in your dating relationships?