Author: HairWeavings Editorial Team

I like being old. At 80+, I think I am allowed to say so. Indeed, I like being old so much that I wrote a book about it.

But that doesn’t mean that everything about being old is wonderful.

Far from it.

And one of the things I like least is the loss of friends.

Phone Bills

Roughly 20 years ago, I was chatting to a very reflective female friend of my parents, living in the same retirement community and aged 96.

My father had just died, and I noted that I had run up a large phone bill talking to his friends about the event, as well as phoning home to talk to my family.

She said anyone should consider themselves lucky to have a high phone bill. At her time of life, her phone bills were very low, because she had so few friends left to talk to.

Interestingly, that small detail brought home the point very vividly.

Friends Gone

Clearly, one of the very sad aspects of growing older is the slowly mounting deaths among friends.

Each and every loss diminishes our lives a little bit more. These may be old friends we have known from childhood or someone who we just met, but had connected with and held high hopes for a lasting friendship.

I guess it is just down to luck as to whether you have lost a lot of friends over your life or just a few. I have been relatively lucky in this respect, but nonetheless, they do add up.

What somehow surprises me is how many varying circumstances there are.

You might think a death is a death is a death.

But that is not how it is. Indeed, each one seems surprisingly different.

A Death from AIDS

There is the death of my friend who had been living with AIDS since I met him, about whom I have written before. He was very young and that made it especially poignant.

He would sit in my kitchen and talk about all manner of things, but more than once he just looked at me and said, “It’s not so much to ask, I just want my life.”

And he was right. At 30, you should have a life to look forward to.

An Old Friend from College

Perhaps my greatest loss was of a friend from college, who I had known for over 50 years. We had seen each other through various early boyfriends, then marriage, then children and eventually grandchildren.

She was a very deep person, perhaps not surprisingly as she was a therapist, and rarely did ‘small talk’.

We once met for lunch when we had not seen each other for five years. I went to her office, she put on her coat and walking up the road, immediately launched into a discussion of her worries about one of her daughters.

None of the usual “How was your flight?” which I always find boring. Who cares about my flight!?

She died from lung cancer, having lived a long time in its wake.

The Conductor of My Choir

People often feel a sense of kinship with the conductor of their choir (or orchestra). You see them frequently for rehearsals – often over many years – and music brings its own intimacy.

I had been singing with his choir for roughly 25 years. And he had a wonderful twinkle in his eye.

In addition, the man had been very helpful to my son, and we had become friends. We socialised together with our respective spouses. I had helped him out when his wife died of cancer.

He had TB, contracted when, as a young man, he helped a homeless man find a shelter for the night. As such, he would have undoubtedly been a likely candidate for Covid-19.

But he was already going downhill in his mid-70s and increasingly needed help with his breathing. He died before Covid was on the horizon.

Much of the choir could not sing certain music without tears in their eyes.

A Fellow Writer

And there are the sudden unexpected deaths. I had a writer friend, to whom I wasn’t very close, but we enjoyed each other’s company.

He lived alone, had many friends and learned about a year or so ago that he had an inoperable brain tumour and would not live for more than a few weeks.

I can just envisage him wondering what to do. His solution – surprising at the time, but actually very sensitive and sensible – was to post a notice to this effect on his Facebook page.

He also said “thank you” to all his friends. This gave everyone an opportunity to write kind or thoughtful words to him while he was still alive, while I am sure his closest friends rallied around.

The Loss of Friends

One by one, they drop out of your life.

You want to tell them something, but they are not there to hear. Or you want their advice, but they are not there to give it.

I want them all back.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you lost many friends over the years? Did you find every circumstance to be different?

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Photo: @TracyTutor

Originally posted at: Tracy Tutor’s Cream Tortoise Shell Sunglasses

Do you find it easier in retirement to sit back, not ruffle any feathers, be ok with the status quo? This can be in your work, your relationships or in the day-to-day energy needed for any accomplishment. To complete a goal, we need courage when obstacles stand in the way, and guts to leave the comfort zone.

At age 68 I wrote a book about happiness. It came together easily and reflected what I really felt in my heart. At first, I found the book generated interest without really working at it. People are really looking for “everyday happiness.” This type of happiness is not the mountaintop type that comes on your wedding day or the day you gave birth to a healthy baby.

“Everyday happiness” comes from finding the joy and peace in the everyday regular life stuff. As soon as it was published, I was asked to have a book signing, then received an invitation to join a pop-up sale, and someone forwarded my information to a popular podcaster who had me on her show to talk about the book.

Success Is Not Guaranteed

Not only that, but the book – my book! – was also carried in two local bookstores as well as two huge on-line bookstores. Then everything stopped. For whatever reason it came grinding to a screeching halt. One local bookstore in my city asked me to pick up the inventory, as the book was not selling. Other opportunities weren’t falling at my feet like at the beginning.

Now I could see that promotional work and marketing were needed to let my target audience know the book existed. I admit that I have a very negative reaction to getting out of my comfort zone to do marketing! Now, more than before, I need guts to move forward. Stopping, letting the status quo take over, and sitting back will not let people know my happiness book is available.

These 5 Simple Steps Will Help

Can you relate to this when thinking of one of your goals or dreams? What you need is guts. In this context, the word guts means courage or bravery to step outside our comfort zone to accomplish something.

Your situation may be much more severe than marketing a book. Maybe you need to apply for work at age 68, or you are making decisions on moving from your home, or finding your way after your spouse has passed away. Where do we find this type of push (the guts needed to move ahead)?

Monitor Your Inner Dialogue

My inner dialogue scares me sometimes. I can scare myself with negative thoughts about marketing. Could the book be too small or too big, or not complicated enough, or overpriced. Wait, could it be underpriced? Does the cover attract interest? Does the topic encourage? Is it too simple? This type of thinking paralyzes and keeps me in the comfort of my home, basically not doing anything at all.

Are you experiencing a loop of questions, spinning your head in circles like I am? Stop the thoughts. One way to do this is to write the thought down on paper. Then, in a column next to it, write the exact opposite.

For instance, “Is my book too simple?” The opposite would be, “My book is perfect for someone who needs a reminder of simple steps to take.” Remember, the scary thought and the opposite could both be true! When the scary one surfaces, try to counter it with the positive, gutsier one. Why should we give those scary thoughts all the attention?

Imagine What Moving Forward Would Look Like

What action could you take in the situation you are avoiding? Remember to take baby steps. In my case, I’m not going to 5 bookstores in a day and asking the owners to look it over. That thought makes me want to pull the covers over my head!

I will start with one bookstore! I try to imagine myself with confidence, discussing my book with a bookstore owner. It really pays to practice imagining yourself being gutsy in the comfort of your recliner before you begin. Picture yourself completing a baby step with confidence, strength, or courage!

Tell a Friend the Baby Step You’ll Try and Add a Deadline to It

If someone knows I’m struggling with my courage, and I let them know my deadline to do the scary thing, it’s enough to propel me forward. My friend and I have done this on many levels. Right now, she is needing the guts to open her storeroom closet and clean out a couple of bags in there. Procrastination had taken over.

We discussed how she could start, put a deadline on completing one bag, and then checked in with each other around that deadline. She was happy to report that she conquered this first step and is now on to the second bag that needs her attention. Accountability is helpful to give that first nudge to action.

“Behind every gutsy superstar in life are the small steps of their journey, their quiet perseverance, their commitment to practice, and their ultimate belief that they are meant to be successful.”

—Robyn Benincasa

Does Failure Mean You’re a Failure?

Well, it can sure feel that way when you don’t take action to step outside the comfort of your recliner to do it. Nagging failure thoughts keep you stuck. If you fail to begin, try another start at it. It’s helpful to break down the goal into something more manageable. Get support from a friend or spouse. Set a time (or a timer) and try again.

Inaction can breed more inaction. Small manageable progress will encourage you to take one more step. Keep believing in yourself. You can move forward in 2024 to accomplish a goal, no matter how small the steps are.

Give Yourself Some Straight Talk

What I mean here is go ahead and admit the fear, the inaction, and the procrastination. After admitting it, talk to yourself. Ask yourself, is it really that bad? Challenge your reason for why you haven’t moved forward toward your goal. Remind yourself of why you want to accomplish the goal. Think about the outcome you are shooting for.

It’s ok to be afraid of something that doesn’t come naturally. Tell yourself the truth. This kind of talk helps me diminish inaction and fear, then find the guts to move forward to accomplish it.

Try these simple steps to gather guts to progress toward your 2024 goal.

(PS. I approached a small local bookstore about carrying my book. The owner said yes!)

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Can you share what you’re struggling with right now that requires guts to accomplish? What has helped you get off the recliner and take a baby step toward it? Can you add something to my thoughts to help others find the guts to move forward?

When I was a kid, watching old family slides was an event. Dad would drag out the slide projector, a screen would be erected and popcorn would be made. Every new slide would bring a shared memory, a laugh and an occasional snide remark between siblings. Inevitably, a slide would get stuck and the lights would go on. Dad would try to unjam the slide while the crowd moaned about why it was taking so long.

Several years ago, I digitized my parents’ and grandparents’ slides. It was like finding buried treasure, discovering photos I had never seen.

The process for converting your family slides into digital copies to be shared may seem daunting. It’s not. It’s fun, and you’ll learn a few skills in the process.

Step 1: Get Organized

Sort through your slides and organize them in chronological order. My parents were highly organized, so my job was relatively easy. Keeping them in their original carousels, slide trays or boxes is ideal, but recycled Handi-Wrap or Reynolds Wrap boxes are a good fit for slides.

Label them the way you will want them labeled as digital files. The photo scanning service will create digital folders and name them based on the information you provide them. It will be much easier later on if you take the time to organize your slides.

Step 2: Send Them to a Photo Scanning Service

Although you can certainly buy a slide scanner, having a high-quality photo scanning service do the work is easier and produces a much better result. I have used ScanCafe in the past, but now highly recommend DigMyPics.com.

They blow each slide with compressed air to remove surface dust prior to scanning, use High Dynamic Range (HDR) exposure merging to select the best exposure, use scratch and blemish removal technology, and incorporate AI software to restore many images to their correct color. (Learn more.)

All of their scans are high resolution, producing high-quality JPEG files. If you desire, you can also receive TIFF files, or both. For most needs, JPEG files are fine. However, if you plan to edit the digital images in a photo program like Adobe Photoshop, then consider TIFF your go-to. The result is well worth the $0.49 per slide cost ($1.09 for non-standard slides).

Are you a bit nervous about sending your keepsakes across the country? DigMyPics.com makes the process easy, provides periodic email updates, and enables you to view images online as your slides are scanned. After the quality review process, you will receive a link to review your slides and may delete up to 20% of the slides you don’t want and just pay for the ones you do. That blurry, dark photo of the Wisconsin Dells… gone.

They will provide you with either a CD or DVD, FlashDrive, and/or customer-provided new external hard drive. If you want a CD or DVD, make sure you also get the files stored on a FlashDrive or external hard drive so that you can share them with others. You will also have an opportunity to download them directly to your computer.

Step 3: Enjoy the Show, Learn and Share

Now for the fun part – enjoying the photos of days gone by! To share these gems with family and friends, you can certainly send a bunch of emails or post on social media, but there’s a savvier way and you’ll rewire your brain in the process as you learn something new.

Introducing… photo sharing websites. There are dozens of quality photo sharing websites that make the upload and display of your new digital photos loads of fun. You can organize your photos, include them in slide shows, set them to music, and even create your own photo website.

I highly recommend SmugMug. It doesn’t offer a free option, but it’s a classic you get what you pay for. The basic subscription is $10.00 per month (if you pay annually) and it’s a bargain given the available templates, customization, unlimited storage and flexibility. They offer a free 14-day trial so you can try it out before committing. I love it! If this is all new to you, no worries, there’s SmugMug School that offers video tutorials and tips.

Once you’ve set up your home page on SmugMug, you can email a website link to family and friends to share your photos (it will be yourname.smugmug.com) or share on social media. If desired, you can set your page or a specific gallery to private by establishing a password for those who visit your site. People who visit your site may download the photos and, if desired, order prints.

Having your own custom site is a great way to share your digitized slides, as well as other photos and short videos you want to display.

So, dig out those boxes of slides and get started. There are memories to be captured and cherished in the years to come.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

How many old slides do you have? Have you started the process of digitizing them yet? Did any old memories come to mind that you had forgotten but were captured on slides?

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Photo + ID: @tamrajudge

Originally posted at: Tamra Judge’s Black Strapless Cutout Jumpsuit