Author: HairWeavings Editorial Team

For those of us prone to feeling anxious, the holidays double or even triple the worry. Anxiety escalates as we anticipate weeks of hurried preparation and activity. It becomes overwhelming. It’s just way too much!

Does This Sound Like You?

Stressed and overwhelmed…

Inadequate for handling daily life, especially now…

Troubled about most everything…

Distracted by chaotic thoughts…

Restless and nervous…

Uptight and anxious…

You’re Not the Only One

Many of us with anxiety experience disrupted sleep and tense days. Being constantly stirred up makes life frantic and crushing. Engulfed by chaotic thoughts and feelings makes calm and any sense of peace a distant dream. Who can think clearly with all this going on? Feeling like a wreck is disheartening to say the least. It’s totally exhausting – in every way: physically, mentally and emotionally. Give me a break, PLEASE!

What If You Could Calm Down and Be Anxiety Free?

Managing worry and overwhelm is doable. It really is! You can learn how to control frenzied thoughts and emotions and when you do, life is more relaxed and peaceful. Thinking slows down and gains greater clarity. Without a constant sense of dread and fear, sleeplessness begins to dissolve. You can breathe again and come back to your senses. You can actually unlock the prison of anxiety and become free.

How Would I Know?

I’ve been there! About 12 years ago, disturbing relational and legal issues plagued my family. It was an emotional nightmare. I was a mess! I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat and just went through the motions of doing what was needed each day. Obsessed with scary, unrelenting “what if” thoughts, I made frequent visits to my doctor’s office. Xanax calmed me down a bit. To say the least, I was tied in knots, miserable, and hopeless.

Over time, the crisis shifted into low gear, and I was able to process my anxiety more clearly. A strong resolve developed in my heart and mind.

“I’m not living like this anymore!” I proclaimed.

That declaration prompted a search for help. What I learned and the support I received completely turned things around for me. When I learned how to become free from the tyranny of anxious thoughts, you might say I became immune to excessive worry and fear. This put me on a path of freedom and sparked the desire to help others find the same relief and freedom. I became a certified anxiety coach so I could help others become anxiety free.

Can An Anxiety Free Life Be a Reality for You?

Most certainly! Yes! You can calm down anxiety and live more peacefully. You can learn to control thoughts and fight back with statements like, “I don’t have time for you (anxious thoughts) right now! Get out of here! I’m done with you!”

Stop Anxiety Using These 3 Steps

#1 Pinpoint the Root of the Fear Triggering Your Anxiety

This process could be challenging but is well worth it. Living an anxiety-free life begins here. Start by exploring questions like these:

• What’s underneath all this fear?
• What’s my inner critic telling me?
• What worst case scenarios are troubling me?
• What’s my worst fear and why?

#2 Change Old Thought Patterns to New Thought Patterns

Be intentional! Replacing negative thoughts with positive thoughts stimulates calmness and hope. No doubt about it, this is a radical shift for most of us. Repeating calming strategies tones down chaotic thinking and out-of-control feelings. Overwhelm becomes less and less an inevitable experience. This skill, used consistently, brings encouragement and confidence. Hope for anxiety-free living starts rising!

#3 Draft a Plan to Continue Practicing Daily Stress-Reducing Strategies

As you create new habits to turn around guilt-producing and fear-generating patterns of thinking, you are becoming calmer and learning how to live anxiety free. A sense of security emerges when you have a routine and backup blueprint for coping with anxious thoughts. You’re doing it, and it’s making a difference!

One Woman’s Experience

One of my clients was a retired administrative assistant who was feeling anxious about everything. Following an accident, her ankle wasn’t healing as anticipated. She was having problems with relationships. Covid had shut down her social life. Isolation was depressing her. Volunteer opportunities dried up one after the other.

I listened and shared my ways to understand anxiety and tools to settle anxious “what if” questions and thoughts. She began practicing those ways to manage worry and found success in preparing her mind and emotions for difficult conversations and situations. She started becoming anxiety free.

Say Farewell to Anxiety

Your story can be about learning how to manage anxious thoughts and feelings too. As you can tell from my story and my client’s, everything changes!

I invite you to work through the steps outlined above. Purposefully moving forward with rewiring thoughts makes a difference. It puts you on a good path towards worry free living. Go for it!

If you are really feeling anxious or defeated, I encourage you to find help even during this busy holiday season. Perhaps, like me, you are at the point of deciding to do something about your anxiety riddled life. It’s like learning to climb out of a swamp! You need to know how and lean on someone for help. If you want to learn and grow, consider working with an anxiety coach or someone who can help you.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What contributes most to feelings of anxiety over the holidays? How do you counter those thoughts? Is there any habit that has helped you in a particular situation?

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Recently, a family friend, Wendy, remarked on what excellent sleep she’d gotten. Mildly curious and trying to be funny, I responded, “Melatonin, wine, or did you kick Jerry out?”

Rather than any of my suggestions, however, she said, “No, I slept in Kendra’s bed last night. It’s amazingly comfortable! No wonder she never wanted to get up in the morning!”

Kendra is her daughter, and my raised eyebrow prompted her to further explain:

“We moved her into the dorms last week. We’re officially empty nesters! So, I was missing her a bit and thought I’d sleep there last night. And besides, Jerry was snoring like an apneic buffalo, so it worked out for both of us.”

I said, “Wow, that’s exciting for all of you. New chapters for everyone!” Which compelled Wendy to admit that after 5 days of crying on and off, she was finally starting to think about their new reality and what to do next. 

In my experience counseling couples in this stage, I can tell Wendy’s handling things pretty well. Many couples struggle to find their new groove after the kids leave.

The empty nesting phase can be as jarring a change for couples as the newborn stage was once upon a time. But just as the arrival of your children brought joy, pain, fun, and frustration, so will their exit. 

Pain and Frustration in the Empty Nest

It’s like “watching your heart live outside your body.” That’s how one woman described the feeling of her 18-year-old leaving home and starting life on his own. 

Change is often difficult or, at minimum, uncomfortable. Empty nesting, however, is in its own category of change, just as parenting is in its own category for relationships. 

You may logically know that the objective is to give your child the skills and confidence they need to become a self-sufficient, resourceful adult who contributes positively to society. However, achieving that goal is bittersweet. 

For each parent, it can mean,

Grief and Emotional Adjustment

It may seem inappropriate to use the term grief when it comes to your child moving out, but for parents that’s precisely what it can feel like. Grief refers to the emotions associated with loss, and for many parents, “empty nesting” can feel like just another way to say, “coping with loss.” 

The grief you feel isn’t just about your child being gone. It’s also associated with the closing of a monumental chapter of life. Even if they move back at some point for a while, the chapter on parenting through childhood has closed. Accepting that and coming to terms with it requires an emotional adjustment that can be extremely difficult for some parents.

Identity shift

Remember the change you made from an autonomous individual, living your life and making decisions just for you, to a parent in charge of the life and well-being of another human being?

Yep, you’re making that same kind of shift all over again. 

Becoming a parent of a child and then becoming a parent of an adult can be the two most significant identity shifts a person makes in their lifetime. Give yourself some grace – neither is easy, and both can take time.

A New Kind of Stress and Worry

Becoming a parent means getting cozy with worry. But when your child moves out, there’s a whole new level. 

Without being able to see them each day, you regularly worry:

• Are they okay?
• Are they happy?
• Are they safe?
• Do they need you?
• Are they making good choices?
• Are depressed, scared, focused, feeling successful, lonely, etc., etc.

While these worries never really go away, they settle down and eventually fade into a low background hum.

There’s no right or wrong about these emotions. Some may feel certain aspects more strongly or for a longer time than others. And there’s no clear split between what mothers and fathers feel – both parents are affected. 

Note: For some parents, empty nesting can result in empty nest syndrome. This is a condition characterized by feelings of emptiness, loss of purpose, and even mild depression. It’s crucial for individuals to recognize these feelings and seek support from friends, family, or professionals.

A New Type of Couple

Then there’s the change in the relationship between parents. For couples, empty nesting can mean:

Ripping the Band-Aid Off Marital Problems

Children in the home often provide both purpose and distraction for a couple. Once they move out, marital problems no longer have anywhere to hide. 

Relearning How to Communicate

Even if the marriage is strong, working as a family requires a certain kind of communication that often takes over and replaces healthy communication as a couple. Most empty nesters need to relearn how to communicate with each other. 

Redefining Your Relationship

The need to redefine your relationship isn’t necessarily a negative. In fact, it really should be looked at as an exciting opportunity. That said, going through that process can be difficult and have associated growing pains.

It’s important to note that experiences within marriages during the empty nest phase can vary significantly. Factors such as the relationship quality before the children leave, communication skills, and the ability to adapt to change all shape how couples navigate this life stage. Seeking support through counseling or support groups can be beneficial for couples facing challenges during this transition.

The Joy and Fun of the Empty Nest

Empty nesting isn’t all pain and problems, however. There can be many exciting and fun aspects to your new chapter. An empty household presents unique opportunities for personal growth, rediscovery, and a positively redefined relationship with your partner.

Among the bright spots in empty nesting are:

Personal Freedoms

With the children out of the house, you may have newfound freedom to explore personal interests or take up activities you’ve put on hold. This is a prime opportunity for self-discovery and personal growth.

Rekindling Romance

Empty nesters can use this time to focus on their relationship. Date nights, spontaneous getaways, and shared hobbies can reignite the romantic spark and strengthen the bond between partners.

More Sex

Some people mistakenly think that by the empty nesting age, libido is gone forever. Not true. The biggest libido killer is parenting. Once the kids are gone, the freedom to do what you want, where you want, and when you want without being walked in on or interrupted can mean a sexual revolution in your home. 

Professional and Educational Pursuits

Many find that the empty nest phase allows them to invest more time in their careers or pursue further education. Without parenting responsibilities at home, focusing on professional and personal development can be much easier.

Travel

For some, empty nesting means time for travel. Whether backpacking across Europe, on a cruise, or relaxing on a beach, empty nesters frequently embrace the opportunity to experience the world.

Focus on Fitness

Health and wellness are essential at all stages, but with the kids gone, you may have more time to focus on your personal health. This might involve joining a gym, taking up a new sport, or simply dedicating more time to exercise routines. This is also a healthy way to deal with the more distressing emotions you may be feeling. 

Becoming an empty nest adult is undoubtedly a challenging and emotionally charged period in life. Acknowledging the difficulties while embracing the bright spots can help individuals navigate this transition with resilience and optimism. 

Finding a way to embrace the changes accompanying empty nesting is crucial. Recognize that change is a natural part of life. Use this time and opportunity to re-evaluate your identity and purpose. By actively engaging in personal growth, rekindling relationships, and exploring new opportunities, it’s possible to enjoy a fulfilling new chapter of life.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Are you an empty nester? Have you found ways to cope or struggled with the change in identity? What’s helped? What’s made things worse? Please share your experience with other readers and join the conversation.

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Since there are SO many Bravo shows right now and we want to provide you with the most content possible, we’re covering Real Housewives of Potomac Season 8 as a Shop LTK exclusive. If you aren’t familiar with Shop LTK it’s an easy to download shopping app that we share all of the looks we cover on the blog on! But don’t worry, even if you don’t have the app yet shopping last night’s pretty Potomac looks is still just as easy as clicking HERE or on the images below.

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Originally posted at: Shop Real Housewives of Potomac Season 8 Episode 6 Fashion