Author: HairWeavings Editorial Team

Click Here for Additional Stock / Here for More Stock / Here for Even More Stock / Here for Even More / Here for Even More / Here for Even More / Here for Even More / And Here for Even MORE

Photo: @whitneywildrose

Originally posted at: Whitney Rose’s Black Oversized Sunglasses

Photo: @wendyosefo

Originally posted at: Wendy Osefo’s Black and White Draped Gown

I think I’m a bit strange. I dislike almost all presents, whatever the time of year. I don’t much like giving them, and I certainly don’t like getting them. It has been ever thus.

Giving Presents

It is wonderful to give presents to children. You generally know from their parents what they are longing for – and there is such delight when they receive the gift. No problem there.

Once in a while, I realise I am looking at something in a market or shop that someone I know would really like to have and there is again great pleasure in buying it for them. They would treasure it; it would be a surprise. There will be happiness all around.

Nowadays, my family – and I suspect many others – all have an Amazon wish list telling me exactly what presents they would like to receive – which book, which pair of slippers, which annual calendar.

Buying these is rather like doing your weekly grocery shopping. Check the list, buy, wait for the post. No artistry in this. No surprise when the package is opened.

The one benefit is, the person will welcome the addition to their wardrobe or library or whatever and won’t feel the need to send it back.

Getting Presents

I never much liked getting presents either. As a child, there might have been a longed-for item – a special doll or a pretty dress – and when I happened to receive it, there was a moment of real pleasure.

But most of the time, I would receive the wrong thing. My grandmother had good intentions, of course, but was not very good at working out which age was appropriate for which toy. My parents, somewhat surprisingly, were not much better either.

Even when I was a fully grown adult, my mother could not resist buying some dress that she thought would ‘look cute’ on me, which was never to my taste.

Aversion to Waste

I have always known – but it grows stronger as I get older – that I have a strong aversion to waste in all its forms. The wrong present is a complete waste – a waste of money, a waste of someone’s time acquiring it and a waste of any effort I make to wear it or read it or use it however it was intended.

It’s a waste and an embarrassment. I say thank you, of course, but it all makes me very uncomfortable.

The Surprise

So this brings me to the surprise. A few weeks ago, it was a grey afternoon and I was quietly working on my computer when the doorbell rang. We weren’t expecting anyone, so I surmised it was probably one of the charity workers who would come along at Christmas time. I let my husband handle it.

A moment later, he shouted up to me that we had a large parcel. I knew we hadn’t ordered anything, so I rushed down, hoping I could catch the delivery man before he disappeared. Too late for that. My immediate thought was that it was going to be a nuisance to get this thing taken back.

But the parcel had my name on it, so I began to investigate. Inside was a large basket. After removing coloured ribbons and layers of see-through plastic, I realised it was some kind of hamper full of fruit, a variety of chocolates and sparkling wine. What a nice thought on someone’s part, even if it was surely not intended for me.

Oh, and there was a note! I was shocked that it was actually addressed to me, from my lovely neighbours who were temporarily away, thanking me for looking after their house. It was for me, after all. A complete surprise on a grey day. A present I liked. Not a waste at all.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Do you like giving presents? Do you like getting presents? Do you share an aversion to the waste of unwanted presents? Please share your thoughts below!

When divorce occurs, what was enough to retire on, when you both lived in the same house, can become barely enough to live comfortably, or worse. Many of my mediation cases involve a stay-at-home parent, usually moms.

It takes a while to emotionally come to terms that your lifestyle will change during and after your divorce. Going back to work is a change that is scary and hard to accept, particularly if you have not worked in a really long time!

There is loss of prestige, loss of your social life and your way of living. Fearing rejection from potential employers and lacking confidence in your modern work skills is normal. You may feel that a “deal” was made that you would not have to work, and you feel that deal should be kept.

Divorce Will Likely Reduce Your Standard of Living

The reality is that most women who were stay-at-home moms do not recover their standard of living after divorce. Sadly, many end up living close to poverty level upon retirement. Going back to work is a reality you need to face sooner rather than later. 

Existing assets will be depleted if you remain unemployed or underemployed. Making smart divorce decisions like going back to work will provide you a better chance at a secure retirement.

If You Can Work, Judges Often Expect It

Some attorneys may advise you to not return to work during the divorce. I have seen this backfire. Women have wasted years where they could have been building job skills and increasing their income only to find themselves with spousal support that is far lower than expected.

If your attorney is encouraging you to not work during the divorce, I strongly encourage you to have a direct discussion with them about the average support they have seen granted. Keep in mind every judge, even in the same city, has a different idea about support and their rulings can be inconsistent.

Women judges have often raised kids and worked full time during their marriages and may not be sympathetic to your cause.

The Deal You Made in Your Marriage to Stay at Home Is Probably Over

In mediation, the working spouse usually tells me that they would find it unfair to have their lifestyle severely decline to support an ex-spouse who wants to continue to stay at home. They also do not feel it’s fair that they must postpone their retirement to support a spouse who does not want to get a job.

The working spouse envisions themselves working until they are 70 or beyond. For these reasons, during mediation the working spouse asks that some level of job income be “imputed” upon the non-working spouse.

Look for the Positives and Rise to the Challenge!

Technology has changed a lot since you have been out of the workforce, but that knowledge can be learned in a short period of time. There are online courses on YouTube, Thinkific and LinkedIn Learning where you can learn the skills you need for little or no money.

You can get a jump start by learning those skills while you are anticipating divorce but are still at home. Getting formal education may not be financially smart or necessary because it postpones the inevitable and may not necessarily result in enough additional income to be financially justified. Going back to school is sometimes just a coping mechanism because working is much scarier than going to school.

Working May Boost Your Self-Esteem and Be Fun!

Going back to work can help build your self-esteem and after divorce, everyone needs that boost! Being a stay-at-home parent can be thankless!! Your kids don’t often thank you for a job well done and there is no paycheck.

Being told by your boss that you are doing a great job and getting a raise can be a huge boost for your self-confidence and self-esteem. Women who rise to the challenge – even if they have a job that pays a fraction of their ex-husband’s income – seem to be much happier and well-adjusted post-divorce.

Going back to work can improve your social life. At work you will have new activities and challenges to think about. You will be meeting new women and men and starting new friendships. Maybe you will even find romance in the workplace!

Read 8 IN-DEMAND WORK-FROM-HOME ONLINE JOBS FOR OLDER WOMEN.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Did you get less spousal support than you thought, and did you go back to work? Do you regret not starting a job sooner? Have you found your work fun and has your social life changed?

Click Here to Shop Additional Stock / Click Here for More Stock

Photo: @kylerichards18

Originally posted at: Kyle Richards’ Black Zip Front Dress