Author: HairWeavings Editorial Team

Winston Churchill once said, “Never let a good crisis go to waste.” Let’s not just get through the difficulties of our challenges and our adversities, let’s grow through them. Otherwise, what a waste to have them!

The old saying, “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade,” is one of the wisest truisms to live well by. Once we unfortunately get them, let’s use them towards enhancement. We can look to turn pain into new purpose and meaning so that our challenges don’t make us smaller; so that we don’t succumb to them but rather we expand around them.

When life throws us an out-of-left field curve ball, we are knocked over in disbelief and shock. Like the scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz, we stumble and flop down and wobble our way to eventual standing. Unlike Mr. Scarecrow, who gets restuffed and then is good as new, we have to cope and work at it before we regain some sort of footing.

A Life-Long Child Issue

When I found out that my middle daughter would have life-long neurological issues, intense bitterness, anger, and a brick of sadness that sat crushing my heart brought me bumbling into a therapist’s office. ‘Why me?’ was my embittered rumination. ‘Why bad things happen to good people?’ became my existential perennial question.

I was stuck in the muck of profound grief; grief over the loss of the normal, healthy baby that is naturally every mommy’s dream and expectation. When that bubble is popped with a diagnosis that would entail a very different type of parental roadmap and a different type of child, adjusting to a new reality becomes a work in progress.

Another Health Crisis

Fast forward to a more recent adversity in my life: being told I had a large mass sitting on three organs. And I had gone to the emergency room thinking I was dehydrated and simply needed fluids. The unexpected diagnosis had me in stupor.

Once I started treatment for a ‘better’ cancer than was originally thought, I went along more like the Tin Man, without much feeling. That’s what shock can do sometimes, numbing one’s heart. My guidepost here, much like a horse with blinders, was putting one step in front of the other, looking straight ahead to what’s right in front of me and doing what I had to do without much thinking or feeling.

No turning to Google to look up side effects and end up with all of them, or statistics to compute my case, or anything else. Just keeping on keeping on.

Post Traumatic Growth

In the middle part of my life between these two major challenges, I studied positive psychology where I learned the concept of post traumatic growth: change and growth that can be experienced after a life crisis. It’s important to know that this is possible. It is then something to go after which is life-enhancing.

I always had a proclivity towards the idea that I have to do something with what I’ve been given; that the way to live well despite our challenges is through growth.

Picking up the pieces and resuming never sat well with me. Something good must come out of the bad. All living things have a natural inclination towards growth, but when something terrible happens that brings us to a halt where coping is our main task, what we must do to keep afloat, the idea of growth is out of our purview…. for the time being.

It’s when we settle into our situation, when the acute critical period is over, that we can look to reflect and evaluate. New terrain, new landscape requires new seedlings, new plantings, new growth.

There are actually five areas of growth that have been determined to be indicative of post traumatic growth:

Greater Appreciation of Life

Do you appreciate life in a new way? Feeling more gratitude? Reveling in the ordinary? Deciding to live more fully engaged?

Improved Relationships with Others

Have your relationships deepened? Are you seeing more of the good in others? Are you looking to spend more time with loved ones and prioritizing relationships?

New Possibilities in Life

Are you looking to do different things or opening up to new ideas? Are you seeking new opportunities to enrich your life? Are you daring to step out of your comfort zone?

Personal Strength

Do you recognize your strength in how you went through the difficulty? Do you feel a sense of self-pride? Are you more willing to tackle difficult things knowing you’ve done it before?

Spiritual Change

Are you examining your beliefs and values about things? Do you feel a greater connection to something beyond the self? Are you questioning your place here in this life – your purpose, your existence, the meaning?

These are some signs that growth is happening.

What I Learned

Through these two major life crises, I have to say my life has become much richer. I have taken on life with a greater sense of urgency, am more intentional of living into my values and what’s important to me, have a much greater zest and enthusiasm for life and oh so much more.

I used to want something big and concrete to show for my trials and tribulations, like starting an organization or foundation. But what I’ve come to see is that my growth has been more internal in the way I live my life. Now that I learned this model, I see so clearly my growth in all of the five areas.

My learning has skyrocketed as I wish I had five lives to live and learn and do all that I’d like. My new work is now on my inner world, doing a deeper dive into myself (with an amazing Jungian therapist), getting at those old cobwebs of past hurts, disappointments and resentments, and replacing them with newfound inner healing.

You may also like REBUILDING LIFE AFTER A CRISIS.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What life trials have you faced? Are any of the recent? Have you tried to pick up the pieces – or to grow from each adversity? What strategies have you tried that worked for you?

Don’t you hate it when suddenly, mid-sentence, you’re not able to access a word from memory? It feels like the word is on the tip of your tongue, yet it’s just beyond reach. Noticing my friends and I experiencing this frustration more often lately, I wondered, what gives?

Not surprisingly, most commonly refer to these moments as “tip-of-the-tongue” (TOT) phenomenon or state. Encyclopedia.com describes TOT state as the experience of feeling confident that one knows an answer, yet cannot produce the word. William James is the first psychologist to describe this state back in 1890, minus the modern label.

Other technical terms used to describe what I’ll collectively refer to as TOT episodes are Lethologica and Lethonomia. Both are modern words derived from classic Greek. Letho meaning forgetfulness, logica meaning word, and nomia meaning name.

Should I Be Worried?

The good news is TOT moments are not necessarily a sign your memory is failing. Lethologica or Tip-of-the-Tongue Phenomenon is discussed at VeryWellMind, providing the following information about TOT (sources cited in the article):

Tip-Of-The-Tongue Phenomenon Is Universal

People from all over the world report experiencing moments where certain words seem momentarily inaccessible.

These Moments Increase with Age

While young adults might experience tip-of-the-tongue moments once a week, older adults generally experience these incidences almost daily.

People Often Remember Partial Bits of Information

For example, they may remember the letter or the word they are searching for begins with or the number of syllables the word contains.

Proper Nouns Seem to Present the Most Difficulty

When it comes to which words seem to escape memory most, proper nouns take the top slot. This includes remembering a person’s name or the name of a specific place or thing.

What’s Causing the Glitch?

There are many theories regarding why TOT states occur. It is believed the left temporal and frontal areas of your brain are affected, temporarily unable to work together to retrieve words or names stored in your memory. If you’d like to further explore these theories, this Wikipedia link goes into great detail regarding the same.

All said, most agree that multitasking, fatigue, anxiety, and the natural aging process contribute to the occurrence of TOT states.

What’s the Best Way to Manage TOT Moments?

Personally, it’s hard for me to relax and stop searching for the elusive word during a TOT moment. Instead, I’m likely to continue trying to recall the word. If that doesn’t work, I’ll often pull out my phone and refer to Google to help solve the mystery. If all else fails, most of the time it comes to me soon after I stop thinking about it.

What’s the best approach to handle it? No consensus on the answer, but most agree it’s important to remain calm during a TOT moment. Try to avoid becoming anxious or triggering a full out panic response. This will only compound the problem.

Here are a few suggestions I found from various sources that may help you manage or resolve a TOT state.

Stop Thinking About It

Probably the best advice is to stop thinking about it! The word may pop up in a moment or two. If not, it’s likely to reveal itself, eventually.

Don’t Struggle to Find the Word

Repeatedly coming up with wrong answers may contribute to learning the mistake. Rather, look up the correct answer and repeat it a few times to help with encoding.

Your Brain Links Related Words Together

If you know the first letter of the word and talk about it or related facts, you may recall the word. Example: “You should watch this movie I saw! Dang, what was the name of it? I think the first word of the title starts with an F. You know, Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman played a young Irish immigrant couple struggling to save enough money to head west for the Oklahoma land run? I know this.”

Tap into Your Brain’s Phonological Network

This network is a bunch of words stored close together because they are similar or sound alike. For example, if you’re trying to remember a certain baseball player’s name that is one syllable and starts with J, say names like Jim, Jack, John, and Josh out loud.

When Should I Seek Help?

The general advice is to contact your doctor should you experience TOT states more frequently than your norm or they become troublesome. Also, if you are experiencing adverse cognitive issues besides TOT episodes, it could be a sign of a more serious problem.

Here are a few examples of adverse cognitive issues.

• inability to remember recent events
• confusion
• inability to concentrate
• behavior changes
• apathy
• withdrawal
• depression

What’s Worse Than a TOT Moment?

Well, lots of things! TOT moments are no doubt frustrating, but luckily, the phenomenon is universal and seems harmless. Except, perhaps, to your ego, which might get a little bruised!

Let’s Have a Conversation:       

Do you experience TOT moments? How often? Have they increased with age? Based on your experiences, what actions have helped you resolve TOT moments?

Originally posted at: Leva Bonaparte’s Grey Check Print Blazer

Originally posted at: Venita Aspen’s Blue Pearl Trim Ruffle Dress

“I wouldn’t be caught dead in that!” This is
such a common phrase, even if we just think it to ourselves, rather than say it
out loud.

Usually, it’s an invitation, if mentioned at
all, to discuss what it is about someone else’s choice of clothes that is
provoking such a strong reaction.

But I want to point you in another direction,
by asking what WOULD you be caught dead in? In other words, what outfit would
be your number one choice when you go to meet your maker?

All bodies have to be covered, regardless of
whether they are going to be buried, cremated, or disposed of in another way. So
even if it is going to go up in flames, why not choose to have your body go
into the incinerator in style?

To help you contemplate what your deathstyle
statement might be, here’s a few hints about how – and why – to make a dead good choice.

Decide You Are Going to Decide

Don’t leave the decision about your last
outfit up to your family. Research has shown that 1 in 4 people wish they had
known what their family member had wanted before they died.

When you think about it, would you leave it up
to someone else to choose your clothes while you are alive? No! At least, not
usually. So, why do it when you are dead?

Leave Clear Instructions

Knowing your wisheslessens the possibility of arguments. You may think that your family would be the last to argue about your burial clothes, but here’s what happened in Ken’s family:

“I was quite clear that our Mother had wanted
to be buried in her nightdress, but my father assured me she had said to him in
her last few days that she wanted her best dress to be put on her body. And my
sister thought both were not right; according to her, our Mother had told her
she wanted to be dressed in her artist overalls. We had a very tense time
trying to reach an agreement that all were happy with.”

Familiar Clothes Help the Grieving

A dead body is not so often seen these days. If
you wish to have an open coffin, however, or for someone in the family to dress
the body, or just to imagine what the body is dressed in, even if the funeral
director does that job, then you deciding in advance of your death really
helps.

This applies to perfume or aftershave, as well
as make-up.

Choose Something That Expresses Your Personality

Familiar items can bring comfort. President
George W Bush apparently wore grey novelty socks, Marilyn Monroe wore a
favourite dress in bright green, and Michael Jackson was in full stage costume,
including a wig, make-up and the iconic white gloves.

You Can Choose a Funeral Gown

Indicate if you want a funeral gown supplied by a funeral director. Many have a choice of gowns or robes – this can be a way around possible family disagreements.

The Clothes Can Represent the Type of Service

Choose clothes that will reflect the service
you want. This provides a sense of continuity, an extension of your
personality, and further comfort to the bereaved.

Loose Clothing Is Much Easier to Put on

Frankly, whoever is dressing the body faces a
challenge as it is lying down and is much more difficult to dress.

If it’s a member of your family who will do
this, then make their life easier by choosing a loose-fitting garment. Don’t choose
leggings or anything that might have been hard to put on even while you were
alive!

Choose Something You Have Made, or Was Made for You

My husband told me he wanted to be buried in
his dressing gown. Why? Because I had made it for him. I was very touched, and
it made a huge difference to me when I told the funeral director what was to
happen.

Have What YOU Want

If you can’t do something while you’re alive,
your death just might allow for it. It’s not unknown for people to choose superhero
costumes, bikers’ leathers, and even wedding dresses.

Whatever kind of death service you choose,
it’s best to take things in your hands prior to the event. I hope you find the
above dress tips helpful.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What outfit do you want to wear at your death
service? Have you thought about it? Would you choose something meaningful or
something convenient? Have you seen any outrageous death outfits during
funerals? Please share with our community!