I’m part of a fast-growing demographic group – women baby boomers who enter a new phase of life after the death of our husbands. It’s true that the average age a wife becomes a widow in the United States is 59.4 and 70% of all married baby boomer wives will experience widowhood.

Many years ago, when a woman’s husband died, she went into mourning – sometimes wearing black “widow’s weeds” for a year or more. Generally, she remained alone after that year or perhaps moved into an adult child’s home.

That was the case with my great grandmother. She lived with her adult daughter and son-in-law after her husband died. And then when my grandmother became a widow, both she and my great grandmother (her mother) moved in with my parents, me and two young brothers – four generations living together for many years in a little house with only one bathroom!

New Choices for a New Generation of Widows

Widows today certainly have more choices – where we will live, what we want to experience in life, and whether we want to share this new life with another partner. Indeed, in a recent international study of nearly 4,000 widowed persons, only 46% of the women who became a widow at age 60 or older said they don’t plan to date in the future. The other 54% want to date or are already dating, have entered a committed long-term relationship, or have remarried.

In this multi-faceted study, more than 500 widows who remarried or repartnered gave valuable advice for other women thinking about a similar step in the future. While each widow’s situation is unique, here are some words of advice from many women in the study:

Discuss Finances with Your New Partner

“Communication is the key to a successful relationship! Talk about all expectations and hide nothing. Make sure you’re both on the same page with financial issues.”

“Discuss all financial matters openly and honestly.”

“Before beginning to live together, you should have candid discussions about who pays for what, will you merge finances, etc. Hoping things will ‘work out’ on their own is not a sound basis to begin a life together.”

“Talk about financial issues ahead of time to make sure you have the same views and goals financially.”

“Speak openly, determine your soon-to-be spouse’s attitude towards saving and investing.”

“I didn’t bring up the money stuff because I thought it would hurt our relationship before we married. Boy, was I wrong. We had big disagreements later.”

“Ask about your partner’s credit score, debt and finances.”

“Talk, talk, and talk some more about life goals, financial plans, etc.”

Take Time to Understand the Implications of Your New Relationship

“Educate yourself so you feel confident about making your own financial decisions.”

“Always be involved in your finances. Know everything going out and coming in. Don’t get complacent. Stay informed.”

“Be careful with you finances. Do not allow anyone to take advantage of you because you are lonely or sad. Put yourself first always.”

“Take your time in a new relationship; it takes a few years to see where the other person is and how they handle money and how they will stand beside you if you have a financial crisis.”

“Understand each other’s financial stability and responsibility where money is concerned. Who pays for what?”

“In regards to marriage; be very aware of what benefits you can lose. Educate yourself. Don’t put what your deceased spouse worked so hard for at risk.”

“Check out the other person’s major medical problems. You may not want to take care of another person again.”

“I didn’t know he was going to retire soon after we got married. That changed our financial picture a lot.”

“Make sure your spouse has a source of income for himself. Also, make sure you have similar financial goals.”

“Best for me is keeping my finances separate. Think this is important for all women to have money in their own name.”

Get Trusted Guidance from Qualified Professionals

“Get financial counseling together with your new partner before getting married.”

“Keep it to ‘yours-mine-ours.’ Protect your children’s interest. Do a pre-nup.”

“Consult a lawyer and draw up very clear documents, and absolutely insist on a prenuptial agreement if considering remarriage. Let your family know.”

“Talk with a financial planner and tax professional if you can.”

“Have a will prepared with specifics for where you want the money to go and what your desires are with children. I specifically am having problems related to his step children and ex-wife.”

“Always protect yourself and your family first, in case you need to be on your own again.”

If you’ve experienced widowhood, or know a relative or friend who is a widow, what advice would you share with other women contemplating remarriage or entering a long-term relationship? What would you add to the suggestions above? What other financial advice for widows do you have? Please join the conversation.

Retirement is a fruitful time to develop creative projects and activities that inspire and increase the general health of your mind, body, and spirit. So, let’s get creative!

During my working years I wrote textbooks on acting as well as a plethora of articles for magazines and PR firms, plus a boatload of Hollywood screenplays.

I can’t paint, draw, or play an instrument. I was born to be an actress, teacher, and speaker, and I’m happy and more than grateful for all these creative outlets.

However, in retirement, I’ve been writing books, blogs, and speeches. Writing has been my passion as well as my creative joy throughout my 60s. The gift of writing for Sixty and Me continues to help me discover more color, contrast, and curiosity in my life.

And then another idea hit me in my 70s. I determined that if I wanted to call myself a real writer, I would have to enter the world of fiction.

I’d always written non-fiction and opinion pieces, yet the real and true path that would eventually challenge my writing skills and abilities was to create stories that come from my imagination.

Finding Inspiration

If you love nature, you are quite likely a creative person. Loving nature means that you have developed your five senses, your intuition, and environmental awareness.

Loving nature means you have an inherent ability to develop a creative environment that manifests itself through your mind, body, and spirit. This creative process expands your vision and perspective about how you are living your life culturally, emotionally, and intellectually.

Taking a Leap of Faith

My mother used to say to me, “Joanie, never fear anything. It’s a waste of time. Besides, it’s more fun to be surprised by life.”

My mother was a force of nature and a creative icon to be reckoned with. She never held back from taking leaps of faith while staying conscious and aware. She never feared the unknown. She and my father built homes, condos, and apartment buildings into their early 80s.

Avoiding Resistance

Being creative means turning your ideas into reality – putting your imagination to work. Creativity presupposes that you have the ability to examine opportunities and possibilities that you never thought of before.

When you ask yourself, “What if?” it is then you see that the world is your oyster and your imagination soars.

Yet, it is unfortunate that it is human nature to resist. Resistance is the opposite of creativity. Resistance is toxic to your soul and gets in the way of everything you think you want to imagine and explore.

In your early childhood years, the world is limitless, but as you grow older, you become cautious and lose your ability to expand your world and take chances. As a result, thinking becomes repetitive and predictable.

Being creative means stretching your mind and mastering a new way of thinking that involves exploring and experiencing, questioning and accumulating new information, and recognizing that everything you’ve ever done, everything you’ve every learned adds to your journey of creativity.

Color, Contrast, Curiosity

The following are three ways to enhance creativity after 60 and overcome the diminishing capacity to imagine without limitations.

Look for Color in Your World

Every day, all day, you see color – in your homes, dwellings, clothes, food; in the outside environment –the sky, cars, trees, water, facades, interiors. And the list goes on.

Most people ignore colors. But, suppose you make an intention to see as many colors in your world as possible and make a list of those colors. This activity would necessitate staying fully conscious, fully aware during the day. Artists – painters and designers – do this naturally because it stimulates creativity. Try noticing different colors and blending them into creative ideas. Discover how this exercise stretches your imagination.

Look for Contrast

Contrast is everywhere in life and begins when you wake up in the morning: the thought of a great day but your body is tired and sore; the warmth of your home and the cold temperatures outside. You experience hundreds of contrasts daily.

Contrasts are the meat and potatoes of the living experience and the key to developing creative ideas. Contrasts enrich the human experience and tap into your imagination, as well as stimulate curiosity and provoke the idea of “what if.”

Be Curious

Mental gridlock is the devil you encounter frequently. It teaches you nothing about your life and even worse, it inhibits stretching your mind. In fact, mental gridlock turns off your neuro-transmitters – adrenaline, dopamine, serotonin – and keeps you stuck in mental quicksand.

The only way out of the mental stagnation is to be constantly curious about life, relationships, behavior, and changes that are constants in life. Ask yourself what’s on the other side of your mind? What is challenging, new, and provocative? Take risks and be willing to make glorious mistakes.

More importantly, tap into your vulnerabilities. Vulnerability is the key to creativity. Acknowledge your emotions and be brave. Without curiosity, life will be boring and lifeless.

Creativity is one of the most important tools in your mental tool box. From creativity come new skills, talents, and abilities you never thought you had. It increases mental, emotional, and spiritual bonding. More important, creativity brings joy and stamina into your life.

How do you inspire creativity in your life? What are the tools that give you creative energy? Let us know your creative process.

Lil Nas X dropped his latest music video for “Montero (Call Me by Your Name)” Thursday night and phew, is there a lot to talk about. The rapper strums his guitar in a reimagined Garden of Eden with voiceovers to tell fans he’s not hiding anymore, himself or his sexuality. At one point, Lil Nas X’s video features him in multiple makeup  looks, while two denim-clad Lil Nas Xs drag a pink fur-wearing Lil Nas X to get chained up.

“Montero” is unapologetically queer, from the lyrics to the sweet note Lil Nas X wrote to his younger self, which he posted on Instagram. He doesn’t hold back with wardrobe, either. Makeup artist and KVD Beauty Global Veritas Artistry Ambassador Anthony Nguyen was responsible for the makeup. Two looks stand out: pink and blue makeup.

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YouTube.

For both looks, Nguyen used the TikTok viral Good Apple Skin-Perfecting Foundation Balm ($38 at Ulta). For the blue look, he mixed Super Pomade Vegan Eyeliner, Shadow & Brow Pigment ($20 at Ulta) shades White Out and Satellite to match the denim. He used the shade Graphite for Lil Nas X’s brows.

Source: Instagram

Dying over the pink eyeshadow? Us, too. Nguyen used Dazzle Vegan Eyeshadow Stick in Force Field ($22 at Ulta).

Source: Instagram

Of course, these aren’t the only swoon-worthy looks in the video. Wait until you see the red braids he rocks while on the stripper pole and giving Satan a lap dance. (Yes. It’s everything.)

Lil Nas X is a national treasure. When was the last time we got a video this artistic filled with symbolism, while the artist is also serving makeup looks and has a powerful message? Beyoncé is one of the only other artists to truly do the same. It’s worth watching the entire video, above.

As an online dating coach, I get the same questions constantly, and rightfully so! Here is the usual rundown:

• Which dating site/app if best for me?
• Are there any good men out there?
• Why would a successful, sincere man need online dating?
• Are they all looking for hookups?

As an online dating expert for over 20+ years, I could tell some incredible stories, both great and not so great. But what I know to be true – and this isn’t all unicorns and rainbows – is that 99% of the success with your goals of online dating is going to be due to two factors: your attitude and your strategy.

Attitude

If you are diving into the world of online dating with a smile on your face, a sense of humor, and low expectations, this can be a winning recipe! Why low expectations? Isn’t that negative? NO, it’s not.

High expectations will just bury you in the online dating world and disappoint daily. You need an adventurous spirit – even if your goal is an LTR or marriage. With any first date, your only goal is answering this question: “Would I like to see this person again?” That’s it.

Your Strategy

Exactly, how am I going to go about this new adventure? Will I discuss this with family and friends? (I hope not, unless they got married through online dating!)

Will I join every site/app and just throw it at the wall and see if it sticks? Hmmm, might be overwhelming and turn into a full-time job. Should I hire a dating coach? This may be a good idea but do talk to them first to see how they strategize and your comfort level chatting with them.

Which Dating Site/App Is Best for Me?

This will depend on many factors: your age, geographics, and goals. The site I recommend for a 62-year-old female client in New Jersey will generally be quite different than the dating app I may suggest to a 50-year-old male client in San Diego.

Dating sites can be exceedingly popular in one part of the country – and nearly devoid of members in another!

Case in point: Bumble has been the new buzzy dating app, and while I have 6 clients seriously dating someone they met on the app, I also have 4 clients in whose geo area Bumble just does not have critical mass (yet). Basically, they ran out of potential dates after 2 swipes!

Are There Any Good Men Out There? All the Good Men Must Be Taken…

I laugh at this one, and it tends to be women who ask this question slightly more than men. When I look at the singles in their 40s – 60s, most of them became single due to divorce, widowhood, etc. and tended over the years of marriage to socialize with married couples.

So, we do tend to get stuck in our small circle of friends and not be able to see the bigger picture. Online dating can be extremely encouraging (if you are on the right dating sites/apps) when you get to see the vast quantity and quality of singles out there in cyberspace!

So, Why Does a Successful Single Need Online Dating?

One particularly good reason is, online provides the best odds that you are going to meet someone for a long-term relationship.

You are out of college, finished graduate school, perhaps don’t want to date in your workplace – we just eliminated the largest numbers of people you come in contact with on a daily basis. Successful singles aren’t spending their time in bars either!

Are They Looking for Hookups, to Scam You, Sex?

Some, perhaps, but not the vast majority. The clients I work with are looking for quality partners. They are paying for both my service and online services. When they need something done for their personal life, they seek help. A good housekeeper. A motivating personal trainer. Instacart to shop. A yoga instructor. A dog walker. And the list goes on and on!

I feel very strongly when it comes to getting the best results with online dating. A great attitude is needed (that’s your part) and a strong strategy (of an experienced dating expert).

So, what is the downside to speaking with an online dating expert, having them write your online dating profile, recommend the right dating sites for you, vet your photos for the biggest pop online and provide ongoing coaching and feedback to you as you begin this exciting adventure? What could you potentially lose? Your single life!

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What is your attitude when it comes to online dating? Have you created a strategy to get you the results you seek? What does this strategy include? Please share with the community!

We don’t know the answer to how many years we have left, but have you asked yourself how many healthy years you have left?

In 2018 it was estimated that a woman or man born in the EU that year would have around 64 healthy life years ahead of them – approximately 76% of their total life for women and 81% for men.

This is a stark calculation – in other words people born in 2018 in the EU are likely to spend a fifth or more of their life unhealthy.

Healthy life years are also known as disability-free life expectancy. A healthy life is defined as one without limitation in functioning and without disability.

Many of us want to live long lives, but we also want to live independent, active, happy lives. We don’t want to live with disability or with limitations. Many of us want to travel, hike long distances, get on and off the floor easily, garden for hours without tiring, feel energetic all day long and live a life filled with meaning rather than limitations.

We want to have a sharp brain, be able to remember things, maintain our weight and look (at the very least) presentable. Nobody wants to be constrained by arthritis or by type 2 diabetes or by dementia.

We want our years to be healthy.

So How Do We Do It?

I’ve recently been interviewing experts about healthy, happy ageing. These included people from a wide range of specialties (community doctors, psychologists, personal trainers, coaches). I’ve also interviewed ordinary people with a “can-do” attitude to ageing.

Their fundamental recommendations are the same. Let me distil for you what some of these are:

It’s Never Too Late to Start

Of course, it’s best if you start getting fit and healthy when you are young, but many of us are too busy having a good time or furthering our careers to do that. But it really is never too late to start.

One of the people I spoke to was Mary Anne. Mary Anne is a caregiver for her husband, who is quadriplegic with multiple sclerosis. She found that she was tired all the time, so at age 68 she decided to join a gym and start with a 30-minute workout.

Within two weeks, she started to have a lot more energy. Over time, she found that her rotator cuff pain and her arthritis were alarming her less and less. Now Mary Anne does stair climbing challenges, exercises most days, and has started jogging. When she was 70 years old, she climbed 70 floors of a Dallas skyscraper as part of a charity challenge.

Genes Aren’t Everything

Many people feel that particular illnesses run in their families, but experts repeatedly told me that genes prime the gun, but your lifestyle and environment fire the gun.

Rajashree knew that she was prone to developing type 2 diabetes, because she was from India. When her doctor confirmed that her blood tests showed she was diabetic and had high cholesterol, she decided to try to change her diet.

After a year, all her blood tests were normal, and she was no longer even pre-diabetic. She could so easily have decided that she couldn’t do anything about it – type 2 diabetes was her destiny.

When Kate was 40, she was diagnosed with psoriatic arthritis. She knew what a painful condition this was because her mother had been crippled by it. Doctors prescribed lots of medication to manage the pain.

Over time, Kate started to notice that some foods made her symptoms worse, and so she started to change her diet. Now, in her late 50s, she has no symptoms, takes no medication, and runs 10 km regularly. She too could have just thought: “Oh well, like mother, like daughter.”

You Can Change Your Story

It’s easy to believe we are on a particular track living out a particular story, but your life can change dramatically if you want it too. What’s your life story? Are you someone who always fails or will always be an outsider? Are you someone who’s a people pleaser or whose life is a-shambles?

It doesn’t have to be like that. You can write yourself a new script for your life – if you want to. You may need help, but it is possible.

Dr Robert Kornfeld had a difficult upbringing and ended up a drug addict at 15. He turned his life around, through his own perseverance and commitment to self-improvement. Now he helps others overcome the negative programming from their parents and create a new life story for themselves.

Glynis has started a new business. She’s 67, and she wants to seize the opportunity to develop something new that will benefit her community. Annette and Graham moved to a new country in their late 50s to start a new business.

You can, if you wish, live the last fifth or quarter of your life in disability – or you can, if you work at it, live your life with minimum disability, discomfort, or pain.

You may be indignant at the very idea that this is your choice, but the experts and ordinary people I speak to make it totally clear that we absolutely have a part to play in how healthy our final years are. So, let’s celebrate that – we are in so many ways masters of our own destinies.

Don’t give up, don’t accept “the inevitable.” Take charge of your life and move forward.

Do you have ‘bad’ genes? What do they say about your health after 60? Have you decided to counter their prognosis? How? Please share with the community and let’s boost up our health!