Having a sense of purpose, calling or mission is a powerful motivator. It is also key to having a longer, more fulfilling life.

At times, however, that sense of calling or purpose may feel elusive. You may not be able to see it as you look forward, towards your future. But you may be able to follow its trail as you look at your past.

I offer you five questions designed to help you think, as specifically as possible, about moments in your life. I’m using a technique that I’ve found to be useful and revealing when asking people to share their stories with me, leading to powerful insights.

Five Evocative Questions

• Can you tell me about a time when you were in love with what you were doing?
• Has there been a moment when your values really guided your actions?
• Tell me about a time when your work or life felt engaging and satisfying and you felt motivated. What did you notice was present then?
• Can you tell me about a time when you were in touch with your passion?
• What was one moment when you felt like your life mattered?

Use Stories to Discover How You Live Your Values

If I had just asked you to list your values, you might give me your sanitized and pre-approved list of values – interesting but not terribly helpful for our inquiry.

Instead, I asked you to tell me about a time when your values guided you. That way you’d offer me a much richer recounting than a mere report. Through your actions, I’d be able to help you see what your values meant to you. You can answer these questions by yourself.

But, better yet, why not invite a close friend to listen to your stories and ask you to go deeper, with probing questions like: “Tell me more,” or “What else did you notice?” Just remind your listener that their job is to support you to find your own answers, rather than telling you how they see your life.

A lot of us may stumble around feeling like we don’t have a sense of purpose because nothing we do or hope to do feels significant enough. But when we reflect on our lives, we often find a stream of events running together in a way that suggests that we have always been drawn, or guided, by something.

Our purpose may not have come to us in a thunderbolt, or flashed before our eyes on a marquee, but we can observe it in our actions. Embracing our purpose as it has played in our life is very satisfying.

Sure, we may have had a lot of setbacks, even endured what we may call ‘failures,’ but we’ve also had a stream of small victories, ones that may have gone unnoticed by others but were always important to us. We are drawn to appreciate what we have been standing for and the contributions we have made.

Learn from a Peak Moment

One of my peak experiences occurred when I was a university department chair and was reviewing candidates for a faculty position. One candidate seemed ideal for the job – I could sense a good fit reading about his life choices, his values and the aspirations that seemed to be guiding him.

Yet as I listened to him interview, I knew he wasn’t adequately conveying who he was. Perhaps he wasn’t well-schooled in how to respond in an interview, perhaps he wanted and needed the job too much – and I happened to know that his life was at a critical juncture.

As I listened to him, I felt something powerful coming through me, something that needed to be said on behalf of his future. I offered him a gentle piece of guidance, though I don’t know if one could still do this with more standardized interviews today.

He responded immediately, shifted his delivery, and ended up with a faculty position in my program and a 25-year-long career in the university.

The world didn’t know what I did. There was no applause. My colleague may not even remember what I said. But I had such a bodily sense of purpose as I spoke that I will always remember the incident.

In addressing my colleague, I was in touch with part of my calling: seeing the possibility in others and gently helping them to find their way. It is only in reviewing peak moments like this one that I see how deeply that purpose has been present throughout my life.

Without my actions, an expression like “seeing possibility in others” might sound trite. But I know it is still guiding me forward.

Discover What Calls You

You’ve had moments like that, moments when you felt alive, on track, even guided. By reviewing these moments, and seeing the values or drive that was underneath them, you can find irrefutable evidence of your calling.

The answer to the question of purpose doesn’t just live in your words; it lives in your life. Use it to claim your legacy. Or, having discovered the threads of purpose in your past, go forth and weave them into your future.

Have you discovered how to shape your future purpose based on past events and lessons? What purpose has emerged from peak moments you experienced in the past? Please share your insights below.

Lately, I’ve been thinking a great deal about friendships. Friends and social acquaintances are a big and important part of a woman’s life. Therefore, it remains vital, as we age, not to let those relationships slip away. It’s so easy to get caught up in other life events.

Grandchildren and husbands or boyfriends and appointments and social events can easily eat away at our time. It seems friendships are often the first to go, because it’s easy to put off returning that phone call or email or text message.

But it shouldn’t be. If you are finding yourself pushing your friends on the back burner, or you’re the friend that seems pushed to the side, you need to reevaluate these situations. I have developed some questions you should ask yourself about your relationships with your girlfriends.

Do You Both Put in The Time?

Friendship doesn’t just happen. Friendship takes time and energy from both parties. Ask yourself, is everyone pulling their weight to maintain the relationship?

If you chose a friend who is working to make the friendship a happy one, it means you should feel the obligation to respond to her. Answer her texts, emails or phone calls.

Making time for a lunch date or maybe a manicure is a great opportunity to chat and share. If you don’t both feel the need, you should evaluate the friendship and ask yourself: “Does, this friend feed my soul? Does she inspire me? Can I rely on her? Can I trust her? Do I laugh with her?”

Do You “Mirror” Each Other?

Mirroring doesn’t make you two peas in a pod. It simply means you are on the same wavelength. You understand where each of you is coming from. You are more similar than different.

I don’t believe in cliques. That works for some women but not for me. I like my friends to come from different walks of life – that adds spice to the relationship.

And yet, my friends must have my life values. Our values are the glue that bonds us. My advice is to not try to mirror your friend. Choose a friend who mirrors you.

Can You Really Open to One Another?

Every month in my winter home in California, I host a focus group. Each month we discuss a topic of concern. The women I invite are open and honest, and we discuss tough topics.

For example, it’s not easy to admit that you feel invisible because of your age or that you don’t know how you will handle finances if your husband dies. Open honesty is as important in a friendship as it is in a romantic relationship.

Do You Help One Another?

Do you share useful information with one another? If you have a friend who is open and honest and wants to offer you meaningful and thought out advice, she is a keeper. Sharing is caring and creates a tight bond.

Friendships simply can’t be taken for granted. If a friendship isn’t working, you owe it to the other person to have an honest conversation.

Perhaps you need to clear the air. Perhaps you need to re-evaluate the relationship. I am a firm believer that after 60 you should be thinking about quality rather than quantity.

Do you have a group of good friends? What are the qualities that you value most in your friends? Please share your thoughts in the comments below.

Twice a year, Bath & Body Works pulls out all the stops and discounts holiday and everyday favorites up to 75 percent off, which new discounts throughout the week. The Bath & Body Works Semi-Annual sale for holiday 2020 is no different—actually, it might be even better. We’ve got the details on all the goods so you can game-plan your shopping trip.

Of course, deals will be online as well as in-store so if you feel safer shopping from your couch, you can still stock up on Bath & Body Works favorites. Now’s the chance to score the beloved holiday fragrances before they’re gone (until next year), as well as throwbacks including Secret Wonderland, Honeysuckle and Sensual Amber brought back just for this sale. Christmas body care will be just $4.95 and select Christmas 3-Wick Candles will be $11.95.

Source: Instagram

For the best of the best deals, you’ll want to dig for those 75 percent off products. These include body care, candles, hand soaps and tons of non-holiday items you’ll want to use all-year round. You’ll even be able to find some best-selling fall body scare scents and ones you haven’t smelled for months. It’s basically like a rummage sale where you never know exactly what you’ll find.

The sale begins Saturday, December 26. If you’re shopping in store, don’t forget your face mask and hand sanitizer and maybe even consider going on off hours to avoid the crowds. Or, there’s always delivery! As much as we want to shop and treat ourselves this year (we deserve it), we also have to stay safe too. Set your iCal and get ready to get your haul on. Then, have big New Year zoom with friends to share exactly what you got.

Twice a year, Bath & Body Works pulls out all the stops and discounts holiday and everyday favorites up to 75 percent off, which new discounts throughout the week. The Bath & Body Works Semi-Annual sale for holiday 2020 is no different—actually, it might be even better. We’ve got the details on all the goods so you can game-plan your shopping trip.

Of course, deals will be online as well as in-store so if you feel safer shopping from your couch, you can still stock up on Bath & Body Works favorites. Now’s the chance to score the beloved holiday fragrances before they’re gone (until next year), as well as throwbacks including Secret Wonderland, Honeysuckle and Sensual Amber brought back just for this sale. Christmas body care will be just $4.95 and select Christmas 3-Wick Candles will be $11.95.

Source: Instagram

For the best of the best deals, you’ll want to dig for those 75 percent off products. These include body care, candles, hand soaps and tons of non-holiday items you’ll want to use all-year round. You’ll even be able to find some best-selling fall body scare scents and ones you haven’t smelled for months. It’s basically like a rummage sale where you never know exactly what you’ll find.

The sale begins Saturday, December 26. If you’re shopping in store, don’t forget your face mask and hand sanitizer and maybe even consider going on off hours to avoid the crowds. Or, there’s always delivery! As much as we want to shop and treat ourselves this year (we deserve it), we also have to stay safe too. Set your iCal and get ready to get your haul on. Then, have big New Year zoom with friends to share exactly what you got.

Now that the holidays are over, there is no getting around the fact that there is still a long winter to get through. Even in a pandemic, planning for holidays was a distraction from the fact that we are mostly still stuck at home, missing close contact with family and friends.

Now, though, I fear that even for those of us who are more naturally optimistic and flexible, the winter might get long. So, here are nine ideas for managing hard days to prevent hard weeks.

Take Time for Yourself

Even if you are holed up together with someone(s) you love, at times you need to be alone. Don’t feel guilty if you need some space.

Even if you are in a small space, you can lock the bathroom door and indulge in a warm, soak-y bath. Or put headphones on to drown out the family noise for a bit. Or take a walk around the block unattended.

Read a Great Book

Reread a classic, maybe? Or download a recent title that you are interested in. I inadvertently signed up for an audio book service and before I canceled it, I downloaded a few books.

I wasn’t sure I would enjoy listening to a book, being a page turner. As it turns out, listening to a good book is better than trying to find something edifying on the radio when I am driving!

Watch a Funny Movie

I usually tend towards drama and action, but laughter is good for the soul. In our house, what is funny to one is not always humorous to another, but the three of us (husband, Joel, adult son who has Down Syndrome, and myself) found ourselves laughing out loud while watching the Christmas Chronicles.

It was fun and lightened the mood. Joel very much has enjoyed the Andy Griffith Show and even though it is definitely not PC by today’s standards, we find ourselves laughing at Barney’s antics or Opie’s comments.

Send a Letter to Someone You Appreciate

Instead of feeling isolated, reach out. I have had a practice that if someone comes to mind in a special memory, I reach out to tell them.

Sometimes, I write a letter and snail mail it, or I might just send an email. A phone call works, too. Telling someone else how they have been special to you will make their day… and just might make yours, as well.

Seek Inspiration

Sometimes inspiration just happens. An idea comes out of the blue or a memory spurs action that has wonderful results. Other times, most, maybe, inspiration is the result of a search or research.

Google is such a grand source of information that can lead to inspiration. Give yourself some time to follow your curiosity on the Internet and see where it leads. Find a new recipe. Try a new hobby. Take a course online.

Listen to a Happy Song (and Sing Along)

It doesn’t matter how well you sing. It matters that you join in and that you enjoy making a joyful sound. Childhood favorites? Teen idol oldies? Silly camp songs? Find some songs that will make you smile.

Plan Something for the New Year

We were gifted a box of oyster mushrooms. Well, we’d never had them, so we had to search for what to do with them. But we loved them! Inspired by our taste buds, we researched how to grow them and found that it is possible on a small scale. Now we have four logs inoculated with mushrooms – shitake and oyster.

They take a looong time to “bloom,” so we can look forward to the fruit of our labor next summer/fall and that gives us hope on several levels. We also were just given some interesting root vegetables that were locally grown. We will try them and see about planting our favorites this year.

Write About How You Feel

I have been a journal keeper for the past 40 years. I have always written in my journal about major life lessons so I could return to them to remember accurately. They were super helpful in writing my first book, Which Old Woman Will You Be?,and so are they now, as I work on my second book.

I have less to record now as my life has slowed and evened out, but I make myself continue to make time to write in my journal. I know that I will return to what I record to remember accurately what we are now experiencing. Writing how I feel during this challenging pandemic helps me now and will help in the future as I recall.

Remember That Seasons Change (and So Will You)

We didn’t know in March 2020 that we would still be restricted 10 months later. But we made it through spring when the birds returned and the garden got planted and the trees leafed out.

Then, we enjoyed summer when the garden grew and the trees gave shade and birds had baby birds learning to fly.

Fall came and we saw birds leave on their migratory routes and we harvested the last of the tomatoes and watched the trees’ leaves change to vibrant reds and yellows and oranges.

Now, winter is here. The trees are bare. The birds that stayed visit our feeders, especially on snowy days. The garden sits dormant.

But the solstice has passed, so the days are slowly getting longer. We have plenty of split wood for the fireplace that is cozy and warm. We know that spring will come and the bare trees will leaf out, and the seeds we’ve ordered will arrive and be planted. Soon, we will clean out the bird houses to be ready for the next generation.

We’ll make it through this just as we have made it through the past 10 months. With intention and purpose, even if tempted to succumb to the dark and dreary cold of winter, we can make it through with grace and hope and be stronger as a result.

Have you stumbled into gloomy days? What do you do to get out of the blues? Are there activities specific for your climate that you particularly like? Please share in the comments below.