As I walked behind two professionally dressed older men, I couldn’t help but overhear their conversation. I was heading to a class that promised to address public speaking anxiety. Apparently, these two men were headed in the same direction.

One said to the other, “I’d rather run naked through downtown Portland in the snow than take this class.” The other replied, “You’ve got to get over it or you’re going to get passed over.”

That conversation took place over 25 years ago, and it so happened that I was the instructor for that class on public speaking.

A Fear of Public Speaking Is Normal

These two men were no different than many other adults I’ve worked with over the years as an associate professor of speech communication. No matter what our age, most adults experience some apprehension related to public speaking, and some experience extreme public speaking anxiety.

At one time, I was one of those people. Not only did I have extreme speech anxiety, I’ve always been an introvert. Yet I realized that my fear of public speaking and my natural aversion to the spotlight got in the way of my own potential.

A World of Opportunities Awaits When We Face Our Fears

Once I made the critical decision to face my fear of public speaking, a world of opportunities opened up for me. I’ve had opportunities to speak all over the country and speak up for causes that were important to me.

One summer, at age 65 – the age of new possibilities – I had an opportunity to give a TEDx Talk. The experience gave me one of my first global platforms.

I realize the idea of speaking in public doesn’t appeal to a lot of people. Some of us would rather work behind the scenes. We’d rather write or blog than face a live audience. Yet we need to advocate for ourselves and for others. Now is our time to move to the forefront.

As individuals with a lifetime of expertise and wisdom, our voices matter, now more than ever before. Whether we’re promoting an encore business venture, speaking up for a cause or sharing our personal stories in schools or on college campuses, now is our time to speak up, speak out and be the difference.

We’ve got too many opportunities ahead of us to let fear stand in our way. As FDR said in his 1932 inaugural address, “Only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”

As someone who has faced my fear of speaking up and has helped others do the same, here are four suggestions that can help those of you who may be a bit reticent about speaking in public.

Think About the Interests, Values, Attitudes and Needs of Your Audience

What does your audience need? What do you know that can help them succeed? When you are asked to present to a particular group, do your homework.

Put your focus on the audience rather than on yourself. Your audience is far more concerned about themselves than anything you forget to say or don’t say as you intended to say it.

Practice, Practice, Practice

I have been speaking for 40 years. Yet even now, I will practice for several hours before giving a 15-minute presentation. Public speaking can open a world of opportunities, but it does require work.

Polish Your Skills

All of us can benefit from watching others and from getting consistent feedback. I first gained confidence as a speaker by participating in Toastmasters. Toastmasters International provides mentors, models, step-by-step instruction and lots of feedback.

Other than helping people become aware of speaking ‘potholes’ – such as frequent “ums” or other fillers – I don’t stress delivery when working with individuals who have high speaking anxiety. With sufficient practice, delivery generally takes care of itself. We all have something important to say.

Organize What You Have to Say

Here are two common structural patterns that can be used as containers for ideas:

Information Sharing

When sharing information, start by getting the attention of the audience. Always include why what you are going to say matters to them.

As humans, we are natural storytellers. Telling a story or short anecdote is a great way to get the attention of an audience. Briefly establish why you are qualified to address the topic. Then share the focus of your talk.

Next, provide an overview of points you plan to discuss. Cover each point and give examples, illustrations, explanations or other support.

Then remind the audience of what you just covered by recapping your points. Finally, close with a challenge, quote or something that gives the audience ownership of what you said.

The Power of Persuasion

When wanting to persuade the audience to take action, again start with an attention-getter. Establish relevance for your audience. Show them you understand a problem they are facing. Then provide a solution. Finally, ask them to take a specific action.

These four suggestions – focusing on the audience, getting sufficient practice, polishing your skills and using appropriate patterns are time-tested strategies for increasing public speaking confidence and skill.

Now is the time for us to share our wisdom and expertise. If fear is holding you back, I challenge you to take steps to address that fear staring this week. Speak up, speak out and be the difference. Your voice does matter.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

If you have dealt with the fear of public speaking, what helped you get over that fear? If you are using your voice by speaking in public, how has it helped make a difference in your life or the lives of others? What advice would you give others who have a lot of speaking anxiety but could benefit from facing their fears? Please share your experiences with the community.

In the never-ending quest to reach a desirable weight, some cultures that are worth studying are the French and the classic Mediterraneans, i.e., Greeks and Italians. When adhering to their classical way of eating, people in both cultures generally do not have a problem with weight.

Scientists have long been puzzled as to why the French, who eat a high-fat diet, are rarely overweight and have a lower incidence of heart disease than do the low-fat crazed Americans.

The answer may be pretty simple: The French, Greeks and Italians, for the most part, eat real food, locally grown. Also, they enjoy the experience of eating.

If you’d like to abandon dieting once and for all, look at these seven tips and see which of them align with your present eating style. It may also be a good idea to embrace the ones that do not constitute a part of your current eating patterns. You will feel and look better in a very short while.

Eat Small Portions

Eat small portions of really good and real food.

“Real” food is food in its original form – fresh vegetables, whole grains, fruit, nuts, seeds, legumes, unprocessed meat and fish.

Get Variety

Eat a wide variety of food, mostly fruits, vegetables and whole grains.

Don’t Skip Meals

Don’t skip meals (you won’t forget to eat meals when you stop snacking!).

Eat Locally

Enjoy your food and choose fresh, locally grown, quality ingredients when possible.

Get In Touch with Your Body

Listen to your internal cues. When you no longer feel hungry, stop eating.

Avoid the Sweet Stuff!

Eat less sugar, a product found in nearly all processed foods. The French eat less than half as much as Americans do. Current research suggests that sugar, not saturated fat, may be a key dietary contributor to heart disease because of its inflammatory nature.

Be More Social

Make meal time social when you can. It can be more pleasurable. Just be sure to remove the serving dishes from the table after everyone is served. Linger over tea, not food.

Do Not Diet

What does the word “diet” bring up for you? Hunger? Deprivation? Doing without the food you love? How could that possibly work? Statistically, 85% of the time dieting does not work. Who wants to feel deprived? Not me!

What really works in maintaining a healthy weight is tuning into your hunger signals, having quality food in your refrigerator and pantry, and eating enough – but not too much. Eating in this way gives you room to have a treat now and then without guilt or any of those feelings that come up with dieting.

I developed my online program, 6 Weeks to Diet Freedom, for that very reason. It’s much easier to be successful with your eating habits when you know you will have delicious, healthy food than when someone tells you to only eat what you’re ‘allowed.’

The French have their cheese and chocolate, but in small bites of high quality. The Italians love their pasta, but the flour is unprocessed and the vegetables are the main event. These cultures eat slowly and savor their food.

Between Meal Hunger

If you feel hungry in between meals, there are several things you can do. You can look back at your previous meal and see if you might need a bit more protein (humus, fish, beans, meat, yogurt) or fat (nuts, meat, fish, olive oil, avocado, olives). Or you might discover that you go to the kitchen out of habit, not really out of hunger. Pay attention to your actions, and most importantly, eat quality food and tune into your hunger signals so you have enough, but not too much, to eat.

Soup Solves Many Problems

I’m a summer person, but one thing I love about the cold weather is making soups again. Soup is a melting pot for all things good – vegetables, lentils, beans and herbs. Find some recipes you love (there are many on my website) and have a pot of something ready to enjoy. Soup works as an appetizer, a full-on meal or as a between meal snack. Here is a Squash Soup, one of my favorites and very easy to prepare.

Ingredients:

1 peeled and chopped butternut squash

1 small sweet potato, quartered

1 large onion, quartered

1 tbs. coriander

1 tbs. olive or avocado oil

1/2 tsp. dried basil

1/2 tsp. cinnamon

1/2 tsp. cumin

Preparation:

Sauté the onion in the oil. Add the other ingredients along with 4 cups vegetable or chicken broth. Bring to a boil and reduce heat to simmer for 20 minutes.

When cool enough, pour into blender or food processor to puree.

Garnish with slivered almonds and a sprig of parsley.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What habits have you noticed about the way you eat that work for you? Are there habits do you want to change? Please share in the comments below!

We’re finally traveling again as the pandemic seems to be winding down, for business or pleasure, and the airports are full to bursting. Since the airlines require us to arrive at the airport at a minimum of two hours pre-flight time, if one is fortunate enough to get through TSA rapidly, you have a lot of time on your hands. Not to mention the many delays and re-scheduling which results in even more time sitting in the airport.

So, there I was, waiting and waiting, reading some and snacking more, which meant I ended up with a number of used food wrappers on my lap. A lady seated close by me who also had used food wrappers on her lap sighed, looked over at me, and asked if I would mind watching her carry-on while she zipped over to the nearest trash receptacle a few rows away. I told her I’d be happy to.

The lady got up, took a couple of steps toward the trash bin, then turned back to me and asked if I’d like her to toss my trash as well. Surprised, but pleased, I said “Yes!” and thanked her.

A little thing, in and of itself of no great consequence. Who cares if someone offered to toss some trash? But there it is: we should care. We should take notice of the innumerable acts of kindness, whether random or planned, that people all over the planet engage in daily, without the least thought of reward or even thanks.

Why? Because kindness, behaving towards others with consideration, generosity and caring, is one of humanity’s best qualities. It is vital to our survival, for we cannot navigate this life successfully without the compassionate support of others, in one way or another.

Kindness Can Be Simple

Kindness doesn’t have to be complicated, effortful or deliberately thought out ahead of time. Kindness can be simply waiting courteously to let a person having difficulty passing through a door go before you, rather than huffing with impatience.

Or simply listening to a friend stuck in a challenging situation, instead of jumping in to fix it for them, which empowers you but disempowers them. Or the easiest of all, that can be repeated many times a day: saying “thank you” as often as you can.

Such kindness costs nothing, yet the rewards not only to the person on the receiving end of your kindness but to yourself are very real. Research shows that even small acts of kindness over a short period lead to increased life satisfaction.

Big or Small, Kindness Is Always Meaningful

Kindness on a bigger scale, such as volunteering in service to others, be they human or animal, generates even greater benefits. Studies consistently show that seniors who volunteer on a regular basis experience less depression, less cognitive decline, better self-reported health, fewer functional limitations, and are likely to enjoy greater longevity.

Dr. Mildred Dixon was a prime example of one who enjoyed the many personal benefits of volunteering. Dr. Dixon, at 100, is the oldest National Park Service volunteer, having served for 44 years. The National Park Service was dear to Dr. Dixon’s heart, because, as she put it, each park tells a story of “inspiration, creativity and perseverance.”

This was after a lifetime of serving others as the first woman podiatrist to work for a Veteran Administration’s Hospital, retiring finally in 1985. Dr. Dixon was also the only woman to be inducted into the Kent State/Ohio College of Podiatric Medicine Hall of fame – one of her many other professional accomplishments.

Kindness Is Worthwhile

You don’t have to put in an entire lifetime of volunteering to improve your life satisfaction or contribute to the well-being of the planet. If you can, great. If not, the smallest acts of kindness are worthwhile, to yourself and those who receive your kindness.

So the next time your neighbor asks you to walk their dog, or water their plants while they are out of town for a day or two, think twice before you automatically say “Sorry, no can do.” Thanks go such a long way in spreading kindness.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What act of kindness made by others toward you made you smile? What recent act of kindness did you do for someone else? How did it make you feel?

“How did we do?”

How often do you see this question in your email box?

In the last week, I have received emails from my optician and from a delivery service asking me to review their performance as deliverers of a service.

Not to mention from an online company that sells health related products asking for my views about the product I had bought.

It makes me want to scream!

Being Asked Our Views

It seems to be all the rage to use the convenience of email to ask our opinion on all sorts of goods and services. Occasionally, there is a small inducement, such as the chance (one in a million?) to win some valuable prize, but usually there is nothing.

You are asked to give a number of stars out of five. And, before you know it, you are asked why you gave this assessment. It all takes time with no payoff to yourself.

And it is very irritating. You had needed to buy something, and you went to a bit of trouble to decide what to buy and where. You made your decision, and it has come. Surely, this is the end of the matter.

As a former researcher (although not of this kind), I have tended to feel it is my duty to respond if asked. And I used to do so faithfully.

But it is becoming much too frequent. My patience is being tried. The simple solution, of course, is to delete the email. Problem solved.

Until the next one.

Book Reviews

But there is a different problem.

I write books. And we authors need good reviews in order to sell our books. Lots of reviews, the more the better. Otherwise, no one will be willing to buy.

Some well-known writers get every new book reviewed, often in prominent places. They are lucky, but they are a minority. Most of us struggle to get reviews whether from someone famous (or a fellow writer) or simply ordinary readers.

The more successful writers and their publishers use all sorts of means to engender reviews, most of which cost considerable sums of money. The rest of us simply ask at the back of a book for readers to put a review somewhere that it will be seen, such as on Amazon.

We don’t like doing it, but every bit helps. We hope that it doesn’t annoy readers too much.

And, to be fair, we are not large companies seeking to improve our market status by declaring that x percent of our users found us wonderful.

We are simply individuals, who have spent large amounts of time and effort to create a book, which may – in the absence of any review – end up languishing unread.

Each review makes a difference to the potential reader wondering what to buy next.

And equally importantly, it provides the most wonderful boost to the writer him or herself. We all know our best reviews off by heart.

Some years ago, Sir Ian McKellen said of one of my books, “As powerful as any great classic of fiction.” My heart swelled.

Much more recently, my latest book has received numerous positive comments, “a lovely, lovely book”, “original and perceptive”, “extremely well written.” My favourite came from a fellow writer who I do not know: “I loved your book”, she said, “Never stop writing.”

So, next time you read a book and like it, do think about it. A good review will really help to sell it to more people.

And it may just make the writer’s day.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Do you get annoyed when asked for reviews by email? Do you respond to such requests? Do you ever write reviews of books and other products and services?

Heather Gay’s Graffiti Print Dress With Jen

Real Housewives of Salt Lake City Season 3 Episode 6 Fashion

On this week’s episode of The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City Jen Shah reveals that Angie Harrington’s husband started an Instagram page called “Shah Exposed” (). And while we don’t know whether that’s true or not, we do know that when it comes to who makes Heather Gay’s graffiti print dress the writing is definitely on the wall. 

Fashionably,

Faryn

Click Here to See Her Dolce & Gabbana Dress

Originally posted at: Heather Gay’s Graffiti Print Dress