Overall, the American Psychological Association estimates about 20-40% of divorces are due to infidelity. The breach of trust and the dissolution of a once-committed relationship can leave lasting wounds. Nevertheless, it is possible to find healing and forge a path towards a positive future after divorce.

Divorce and Infidelity Statistics

To begin, I’d like to share some eye-opening facts on infidelity:

• Infidelity is one of the top 10 reasons for divorce, accounting for 11% of cases.
• Women who are completely dependent on their husbands financially are 50% more likely to cheat than women who work.
• The overall rate of infidelity among married women has increased by 40% since 1990.
• People with a college degree are 10% less likely to cheat on their spouse.
• Emotional affairs are becoming even more prevalent, accounting for about 45% of infidelity cases.
• Men aged 35 to 44 are three times more likely to commit adultery than women in the same age group.
• 36% of people cheat with a coworker.
• 14% of women and 19% of men have cheated while attending a work conference.
• About 22% of men and 14% of women admitted to having sexual relations outside their marriage while still married.
• 10% of affairs begin online and 40% of these online relationships turn into real-life affairs.
• Couples who met online have a higher likelihood of being involved in infidelity compared to couples who met offline.
• 35% of people who cheat on their partners also report feeling guilty about their infidelity.
• The primary reasons cited for infidelity were lack of love (44%), variety in sexual partners (44%), neglect (32%), and lack of appreciation or need for attention (31%).

Statistics source: https://blog.gitnux.com/divorce-after-infidelity-statistics/.

Now that we’ve got the stats down, we need to move on to the most important part – healing from divorce due to infidelity. Recovering from a marriage marred by infidelity can be an overwhelming and deeply emotional journey. Here are some questions to help you in your journey of healing.

Will You Allow Yourself to Feel Your Emotions?

It is important to acknowledge and accept your feelings, no matter how difficult they may be. Emotions such as anger, sadness, and betrayal are all normal after a divorce. It is essential to process them in a healthy way.

Try to find a healthy outlet such as talking to a therapist, journaling, or confiding in a trusted friend. It is important to give yourself the space and time to heal.

Will You Take Care of Yourself?

Divorce can be a stressful and exhausting process. It is essential to take care of yourself both physically and mentally. Getting enough sleep, eating well, and engaging in activities that make you feel good can help you cope better. Exercise is also an excellent way to release stress and boost your mood. Remember to make time for yourself to relax and recharge.

Will You Avoid Contact with Your Ex-Spouse?

It may be challenging to avoid contact with your ex-spouse, but it is essential to give yourself time and space to heal. Until you are ready to face them again, limit communication to matters that are essential, such as co-parenting arrangements. It is important to prioritize your healing process.

Will You Find a Support System?

Having a support system can make a big difference in your healing process. Reach out to friends, family members, or a support group for people who have gone through a divorce. It is important to surround yourself with people who support and uplift you.

Will You Concentrate on Self-Improvement?

Divorce can be an opportunity for growth and self-improvement. Consider taking up a new hobby, pursuing a career goal, or focusing on self-care. This can help you build confidence and regain a sense of purpose in your life. By focusing on yourself, you can turn this experience into a positive one.

Will You Forgive Yourself and Your Ex-Spouse?

Forgiveness can be a challenging process, but it is an essential step in healing. Forgiving yourself and your ex-spouse can help you move on from the past and focus on the future. It doesn’t mean forgetting what happened, but it means choosing to let go of the anger and resentment. Forgiveness is a gift to yourself, not to your ex-spouse. It frees you from the ugly feelings trapped in your head and heart.

Will You Seek Out a Skilled Professional to Help?

When you find that any of these suggestions seem out of your reach, seek out a professional divorce coach who has experience in this area. You will be able to do work in all of these areas to move past the pain and resentment to live a healthier and happier life.

Will You Journal?

Journaling is a great way to process your thoughts and feelings about your divorce, the infidelity, your ex and yourself. It helps you to open up your mind and heart to the truth in a private manner. You will be able to learn things about yourself and the situation that you didn’t anticipate. It is a strong tool for healing.

Conclusion

Healing from a marriage that involved infidelity is a long and challenging process. Remember that healing takes time, and it is important to be patient and gentle with yourself. With the right support and mindset, you can recover from a marriage marred by infidelity and move on to a brighter future.

By focusing on yourself, finding a support system, and taking care of yourself, among other things mentioned above, you can start the process of healing and move forward with your life.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Do you think infidelity is a top reason for leaving a marriage? What other reasons do you think rank high? What feelings would infidelity spark in you? What is the best way to recover from such an experience?

Joseph Campbell said that if writing a book excites you and scares you at the same time, it might be a good thing to try.

I love stories, of course, but never thought I would be writing one… or two, or three, or um… six.

How It Began for Me

When I first entered college, I took the normal first semester credits. In one of my classes, I had to write a paper. The professor handed it back to me, and I will never forget his tone when he said, “This is the worst paper I have ever read! My advice to you is to quit school.”

I was shocked, upset, holding back tears, disoriented to think that my parents were spending money to educate me, along with my own student loans. How could it be that as soon as my higher education began, a professor was telling me I wasn’t good enough? Right then I had a choice – quit and go away quietly or roll up my sleeves and prove him wrong.

And I did. Consequently, I became an English teacher and author, so the story had a happy ending!

My Story

I believe that each of us has a story to tell. Not necessarily our own memoir, but daily encounters offer lots of stories. Some are happy and funny, others are sad, still others have a lesson to teach.

I always felt I had a story in me, but for most of my life, like many of you, I was too busy to even think about it. And then, one day, it came to me. At the time, I lived on a 10-acre farm near the Gulf of Mexico with horses, dogs, chickens, and a baby goat, Jaxby, who also happened to be quite sick.

In my care for him, night after night, as I bottle fed him and gave him his meds, I realized that Jaxby’s story was full of lessons for children and grown-ups. And so, I wrote a story, then another, and a while later a book appeared.

If I Could Do It, So Can You

Beginning is difficult, and not everyone has a baby goat for inspiration. But life happens around us all, so let me share my template that has worked well in my writer’s life.

Think About Setting

The setting includes the time, place, experience or character (maybe an animal, friend, small child, whomever appeals to you) you want to write about. This is where the story begins. Don’t struggle to find the setting, just think about it.

You may want to teach a skill in a how-to book, or you may have an experience you would like to share, and still you may have a lesson that you think would be helpful to others. Each of us is different, so focus on the type of story you want to tell.

Begin Writing

After you have a topic or a character, you can begin writing. This may seem like the hard part, but if you do just that, begin to write, it is easier than you think.

You are going to just write. And write, and write. You will be using the right side of your brain only. The side that houses the creative juices, the artistic thoughts, the free-flowing inspirational stuff.

During the writing stage, DO NOT think about:

1. spelling,
2. grammar,
3. sentence structure,
4. what your friends and family may think.

You are probably wondering why I am telling you to ignore important writing skills. To put it simply, the right side of our brain is our creative side. We use the left side of our brain to do more analytical things like correct spelling and grammar. Therefore, when we write and we are working on being creative, we do not think about anything else except writing. Otherwise, we will quickly suffer from writer’s block. Our brain is not designed to be creative and analytical at the same time.

Following this process makes writing easier, so it flows smoothly.

Keep on writing until you tell your story, whatever it is – a cute story, funny story, memoir, fiction, or non-fiction. This may sound hard, but when you ignore the rules of writing, the story flows very easy.

Time to Edit

Now that you have your story down, the fun part is over. You have the task of grammatically editing your story. The left side of the brain which is analytical, structured and detail-oriented will help you in that task.

The editing of your writing can be daunting, but when it is all done, you will have a finished story and feel unexplainable joy.

5 Easy Steps to Simple Editing

Building a Paragraph

Paragraphs usually have five sentences. Introduction to the main idea of the paragraph, three sentences explaining that idea and forming the body, and a closing sentence summing up the paragraph.

Sentence Structure

This is the grammatical structure of a sentence. Sentences consist of a noun, a verb and a direct object. For a sentence to make sense in the English language, we follow this simple rule. Another rule for a good sentence is we never start a sentence with the word ‘And’. We don’t end a sentence with a preposition.

In the usual case, you will have a subject (the performer of an action), a verb (the action itself), and a direct object (receiver of the action) in every sentence. This should be enough basic information to get you started.

Segue of Thoughts

Your paragraphs must flow together well. The closing sentence has to take the thought of the paragraph and blend it into the next paragraph. So, your closing sentence in paragraph 1 will be written in a form to blend that idea into your introductory sentence in paragraph 2, etc.

Grammar and Spelling

In this step you correct any grammar, any spelling that you didn’t notice before. Unless you are hand writing (and I am a fan of paper and pen), your computer has probably done this step for you already.

Final Draft

This final step sometimes feels like the most daunting. You have written an entire book, and now comes the time you must read it and read it, and read it again.

One last tip I used as an English teacher was to read papers backwards. The reason I did this is because our brains work much faster than our eyes and tend to fill in words in places they very well may be missing.

After you have exhausted yourself reading, you can sit back and feel good that you are now an author! Good luck and let me know how it goes!

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What is your story? How do you feel about writing it? Have you started on such a project? Is your story flowing or do you feel stuck?

Rachel Fuda’s Marble Print One Shoulder Bodysuit on Instagram

Real Housewives of New Jersey 2023 Instagram Fashion

I’m not sure what Rachel Fuda was up to while wearing this fine ‘fit. But I am sure about where she got it all because Rachel did us a major solid and let us know the deets. And we are so thankful because now we don’t have to lose our marbles trying to track down a new one shoulder bodysuit, jeans, pumps, and purse!

Sincerely Stylish,

Jess

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Photo + Info: @rachelfuda 

Originally posted at: Rachel Fuda’s Marble Print One Shoulder Bodysuit

I recently celebrated 8 years of sobriety – getting sober at 63 was probably the best decision I ever made. It took lots of attempts and plenty of mistakes, but it finally stuck.

My Mistakes on the Road to Sobriety

If you want to try an alcohol-free lifestyle then make sure to avoid my 8 mistakes!

Mistake #1 – Waiting for Rock Bottom

I knew I had a problem, but I was in denial for years, convincing myself that I wasn’t that bad. I couldn’t possibly be an alcoholic because I was holding down a responsible job and raising a family. An alcoholic was that homeless man in the park who had lost everything – that wasn’t me!

Mistake #2 – Moderation

I spent a decade stuck in the Moderation Trap. Once I’d learned that the low-risk limits of alcohol are just one and a half bottles of wine a week, I decided that I would drink within those limits. It was only when I tried (and failed) to do that that I realised just how dependent I had become.

Mistake #3 – Fearing Failure

I almost never got started on this life changing journey because I believed I would fail. I just couldn’t imagine quitting alcohol, never having a drink again. I knew that I had tried (and failed) to moderate my drinking again and again. Surely it would be even harder to quit completely?

Mistake #4 – Worrying About Other People

Peer pressure is powerful. I was trapped in my drinking because I couldn’t bear to peel away from the herd and be different. As an introvert and a people pleaser I didn’t want to be the centre of attention as I was bombarded with questions about why I wasn’t drinking.

Mistake #5 – Being Influenced by Marketing

As a teenager I believed that alcohol was cool. Wine became the essential parenting aid as I joined the mommy juice culture. Mid-life challenges needed wine as did juggling a career with family life. Retirement gave me time to relax and drink even more wine!

Mistake #6 – Waiting for Happiness to Strike

I had relied on alcohol to make me feel good for such a long time that I missed those chemical highs when I stopped. During my first few months of sobriety, I didn’t change anything in my life. I just didn’t drink. I expected to feel happy because I was sober. But I didn’t, I felt flat and rather depressed.

Mistake #7 – Being Depressed About Quitting

I had to quit for health reasons and was horrified at the prospect of an alcohol-free life. I imagined that an alcohol-free life would be a grey and boring existence. Alcohol had become so entrenched in my life that I had no idea how I would socialise, relax or have fun without it.

Mistake #8 – Trying to Do It Alone

I thought there was something wrong with me because I couldn’t be happy with just “one glass” of wine like some of my friends. I tried (and failed) to quit over and over. I was ashamed of my drinking problem and wanted to fix it myself. I didn’t want to reach out for help or join a community.

Learning from My Mistakes – 8 Tips!

TIP #1: Do It Now!

Alcohol dependence is like an elevator, and it’s only going down. The longer you leave it the worse it will get, so if you’re worried about your drinking – take measures NOW!

Tip #2: Forget Moderation!

If you could moderate, you would have done it by now. People who can moderate just do it naturally. They might have a glass of champagne at a wedding, but alcohol is not really on their radar.

TIP #3: Progress Not Perfection

Making progress should be your strategy. Some people have many Day Ones, but the important thing is to keep trying. Do it in stages. A week, two weeks, 30 days, 100 days, 6 months and then a year.

Get an Annual Tracker from janet@tribesober.com.

TIP #4: Have Your Reasons Ready

Just smile and say, “I’m taking a break from the booze because I’ve not been sleeping well,” and remember it’s not your responsibility to make other people feel comfortable about their drinking!

TIP #5: Change Your Thinking… About Drinking

Reflect and question the limiting beliefs you hold about alcohol. Do you really need alcohol to have fun, to relax, to console yourself for a difficult day? Explore new ways to manage these situations.

TIP #6: Reconfigure Your Life!

When you quit drinking, you can’t just leave everything the same. You’ll need to change your routines and get new interests. New hobbies and a new community will keep your happy brain chemicals triggered.

TIP #7: Get Excited!

Get excited about this life changing opportunity! You are going to look better, feel better, sleep better and be full of energy. Ditching the booze is the best thing we can do for our health and happiness as we get older.

TIP # 8: Find Your People

The joy of connecting with others on this journey is that we realise we are NOT alone. 20% of social drinkers will become dependent over the years. There is such power and relief in sharing our stories with others in a community like Tribe Sober.

Sober Curious? Join Our Free Sobriety Bootcamp

From 5-9^th June Tribe Sober will be running a Bootcamp on the Sobriety Bootcamp Facebook Group. Daily tasks, trainings, articles and connection.

Let’s Have a Conversation

Have you ever tried to cut down or quit drinking? Did you make any of my 8 mistakes? Have you ever been in denial about your drinking? What kind of hobbies and interests do you have now that you are retired? Do you drink more than a bottle and a half of wine a week? Are you aware of the health risks of alcohol for older people? Which was the most helpful of the 8 tips?