Month: September 2023

I first heard about Airbnb back in 2011. “Do you have a spare room to let for the Royal wedding?” The question popped up on Facebook. Interesting, I thought, but who are Airbnb?

I Asked Around My American Friends

My friends in the U.S. seemed to think it was a legit platform. It certainly sounded promising to me. I have a spare room in my flat in London and while I have thought about letting it, I didn’t want to do so long-term. I want to keep it free for friends to come and stay and besides, what if the tenant and I were incompatible?

My flat is quite small. I have one bathroom and the kitchen and the living room, where I work, are open plan.

But I Plunged In

There was only one way to find out, and that is by doing it. I registered on the Airbnb website, gave them details about me and about the flat and its location, and I waited.

To Cut a Long Story Short

I’ve been letting my room on and off ever since, and for the most part it has been an entirely positive experience.

I’ve hosted men and women and sometimes couples from all over the world from the US to China to South Korea, Canada, Australia and various countries in Europe. I have learned about their politics, their culture and their often weird (to me) culinary habits. I have learned that a country like Romania has a largely ‘peasant population’ (a direct quote) and is not totally in harmony with the EU.

Most Guests Respect My Space and Don’t Intrude

Sometimes, oddly enough, they don’t intrude enough. Many guests like to keep themselves to themselves so much I barely have a chance to talk to them. Some shut themselves up in their room all day and then I begin to worry about them – are they okay, they don’t seem to have eaten anything all day.

There Are One or Two Guests I Would Not Ask Back

The worst was a guy who never left the flat, even in glorious weather, and who cooked two complicated and extremely pungent meals every day (on occasion I had to nervously ask if I might please just have the use of the kitchen for a brief moment while I made my own dinner) and complained about everything.

There was another guest who imported his girlfriend overnight without asking and broke my weighing machine without telling me and then made a huge fuss over an invoice.

These Apart, the Worst That Has Happened Has Been Mild Inconvenience

People who spend a long time in the bathroom just as you’re preparing to leave the house. People who use your own special mug, or sit in your own special chair, or who don’t put things back exactly where they came from. All of which is a reminder of how ludicrously fogeyish one can become about such things when you’re living on your own.

So What Should One Look Out For?

When someone makes a request to stay, I like to know something about them, either from reviews from other hosts or from the guest themselves, and preferably both. I had a recent run-in with Airbnb when a potential guest sent me a request with no information at all.

I replied asking to know more about them, but they didn’t respond and so the request expired. I was then reprimanded by Airbnb for not replying. The Airbnb rep at the end of the phone was not helpful, though I’ve had better experiences in the past.

I Am Now a Super Host

So-called, which doesn’t mean much to me, but it does help to push one up the search engines I believe. I now have a steady stream of guests, nearly all of whom I have grown to like hugely. I don’t socialise with them outside the flat, but I love to chat with them in it.

Moreover, It Has Saved My Life Financially

This means I can afford not to fret too much about day-to-day expenses. I have also on occasion let my entire flat when, for example, I made extensive trips to Australia to research my books. Again Airbnb – and its European sister Wimdu – was invaluable, as letting agents here in the UK generally won’t take on properties for less than six months or a year. The rent I received paid for my trips.

Airbnb Is Not Popular with Everyone

Not everyone likes Airbnb. Especially those in the hotel industry, and in places where landlords have switched from letting long-term because they make more money through Airbnb. I imagine some letting agents aren’t fans either.

What Guarantees Are There?

Apart from reviews, which are very helpful, and gut feeling, likewise, there are no guarantees that a guest will respect your space, or wash up, or not generally get in your way. If guests cause damage, Airbnb have an insurance scheme which presumably pays for it.

But as I said, in my experience, and in the case of friends of mine who also host through Airbnb, these things don’t happen. I have never had a guest who has made a mess of the common spaces, or who hasn’t washed up, or who has stolen or damaged any of my property. Most people are kind and thoughtful and respectful and generally good to have around.

Above All I Have Learned Things

I have learned a lot from my tenants. For instance, how London appears to the tourist, why perhaps surprisingly some Europeans consider it to be a more friendly and tolerant place than their own country.

I have been impressed by the bravery of some young women, often with little English, who have come here on their own for the first time just to witness the famous sights of London. I have learned things about my home town I knew nothing about. I have learned a good deal about countries I’ve never visited and are unlikely to.

All in all, it’s been and continues to be a highly positive experience.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you tried Airbnb? As a tenant or a host? What is your experience with the platform? Would you mind sharing a story?

“You always look like you are having so much fun,” remarked one of the young ladies in my condominium area. “You’ve got your boots on or your tango shoes in hand, and you give off the vibe that life is always full of joy.”

Of course, life is fun and full of joy, but only if you make it so. You can choose to wake up every morning with a smile on your face or shuffle to the bathroom and stare at yourself with horror.

When I start my day, I prefer to enjoy the opportunity to make choices that put a smile on my face, give my energy a push in the direction of Barton Springs to do my daily half-mile swim and meditation. I plan on spending the rest of my life having fun.

There are people that wake up determined to be cross, to cause trouble, to sabotage their best efforts. I get it that not all people are alike. I was born with unbounding energy and a positive take on life.

However, in case you might be out of ideas about how to have more fun in your life, here are five ways to lift your spirits and put a smile on your face:

Dance as If No One Is Watching

I’ve spent most of my life dancing. Whether the music is in my head, on the radio or on my iPad, whether I am in my home, at a dance hall, in a store, pumping my gas, when I hear music, my feet move and my heart pulses.

It’s all about adrenaline and dopamine flowing through my body, and dancing puts a smile on my face and makes my body move.

You probably have a favorite dance and hopefully you hear music in your soul. It’s a passion that I continually experience. I dance at least four times a week, and my favorites dances are Argentine tango and the Texas two-step.

If you have a favorite dance, be sure to indulge it. If you want to learn to dance, I encourage you to take lessons and enjoy the bliss.

Visit Your Family and Friends More Frequently

There is a warm and loving feeling that comes into our lives when we visit our family. I like to have fun enjoying the interaction of my three grandsons, my son and my daughter-in-law.

When we are surrounded with close people, there are so many issues to talk about, to review, to take part in, especially, sports and a jigsaw puzzle that is ever-present on the dining room table.

I’m presently visiting a city where I lived for 18 years. I made many friends who are still close to me, to my heart. I love communing with them over a good meal and a glass of wine. We have fun talking and laughing and remembering.

Volunteer and Help Your Cause or Help Others Who Need Assistance

I volunteered for the first time for a political candidate a few years ago. I had a great time learning how to make calls, stuff envelopes, seal them and laugh at all the paper cuts displayed on our hands. Yet, what was more important to our efforts concerned our conversations about politics and life in general.

I met new people, we exchanged ideas and passions and worked for an effort we felt was important for our state. This was my first experience, my first rally, my first march, but it wasn’t my last in the direction of volunteering.

I know people who have fun volunteering in an animal shelter, a senior center, a library, a school room, delivering food to those who cannot shop or prepare a meal. These efforts display an unparalleled level of empathy that can’t help but fill a person with joy. And it’s fun.

Take a Walk Listening to Music or a Walk with Your Best Friend

One of my favorite ways to have fun is to walk around the hills where I live and listen to my favorite music. The hours pass quickly, and the physical exercise doesn’t feel difficult.

And when I hike with a friend or with my hiking group, I have fun with the other participants and learn new things from new friends.

When walking or hiking, another level of joy is reflected in the beautiful flora and fauna surrounding your trek.

I’ve had many memorable walks and hikes, especially up steep hills with a true friend who kept me talking and pushing me forward as we tested our tenacity. Every hike was fun, every level of endurance was fun and every conversation was a learning experience.

Exercise and Engage in Favorite Activities with a Friend

I swim and do yoga most days of the week. When it cools off and the humidity decreases, I ride my bike around a beautiful lake in my city. I write during the day, and often read my favorite detective novel. Everything is fun and feels fulfilling.

I had lunch with a wonderful friend last week. It seemed we weren’t going to be able to get together before she left for her trip. But urgency and importance were paramount.

We dined and spent two important hours together. I’m lunching again tomorrow with an old, dear friend. I’m dining with another friend over the weekend. I am having the best fun of my life.

In my 60s, I started to plan regularly scheduled meet ups with my friends when I lived in Los Angeles and taught yoga. We had special places for happy hour, different restaurants to share dinner, and sometimes we met at UCLA and walked around the beautiful campus.

I cherish these memories as important milestones in my living experience. It was all fun.

In the middle of struggle, or sorrow, or difficulty, there is always room to smile, to laugh, to experience fun. The essence of life is to find joy, to give gratitude for our gifts, talents and passions and to create a presence that accentuates the positive and eliminates the negative.

Let the fun begin.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

How do you find fun in your life? Do you need a mood booster? What activities make you glow? Please share in the comments below!

After a lifetime of being – uh – well-insulated, I lost 55 pounds in my early 40s and have kept the pounds off for 17 years as I write. I’m currently 59. (I know you’re wondering, so, yes, I carried twins and am 10 years past meno.)

When friends ask, “How are you doing this??” their eyes would quickly glaze over as I began to explain the basics of my new habits, but – I noted – snap back to our conversation when I mention one of my very best – and most cherished – tactics ever.

One-Second Backstory

For me, the hardest time of day – food-wise – was (is, and always will be) dinner itself, of course, but what came after dinner was always a total train wreck. My chow-hound husband was forever buying junk food and supplying our kitchen like a hurricane was bearing down on our coastal Florida home (we live five hours inland in Georgia). He always kept a steady supply of cookies, ice cream, and his favorite candy (Twix, chocolate mints and the like) at the ready, should they be needed.

In the early years, I ate with abandon right along with him, and ballooned to a larger size than I’d ever before been. It’s an old story, but I went to a wedding, and later didn’t recognize the heavy woman wearing red in the photos.

Oh, shocker: it was me, and I have to tell you: while some women carry weight beautifully, I wasn’t one of them.

Soon after the photo-crisis, I had an epiphany – what AA calls “a moment of clarity” – that I simply couldn’t continue matching my husband calorie for calorie. He was over six feet tall and led a relatively active life.

I thought about shedding 220-pounds quickly by handing my Chow-Hound over to a gal who didn’t mind being chunky, but one, I didn’t think such a person actually existed and two, I wouldn’t be so heartless to saddle another woman with his habits anyhow.

So, as you know, cohabitating with a feaster, being the mother of invention, I was left no choice. I had to conjure a highly effective way of dealing with my husband’s eating style.

And there was only one thing in life that stood any chance of combating the sugary treat buffet that appeared each evening in my kitchen.

There was only one thing: a really juicy, off-the-charts, phenomenal book and I dubbed my invention “book-dessert”.

But there were two caveats to my plan: I needed to take my book-dessert upstairs to my bedroom early in the evening – say 8 p.m. – to get myself away from the TV and my old habit of grazing right along with my husband as we binged a show.

I also had to commit to the premise of an evening book-dessert and not just say, “what a cute idea” and never really plan to do it.

No, I had committed to going upstairs to brush my teeth, (maybe) shower, jump into my jams and settle into bed with my high-caloric book (clean sheets also being part of the magic).

Early on, I knew that for book-desserts to make a dent in my eating habits, the book had to be a five-star, white-tie marvel; there was no room for anything even remotely snoozy.

You’ll find that book-desserts are a game-changer. I’m on my 17th year of maintaining – what I call “preserving” – my original 55-pound loss; so, book-desserts paired with other micro-steps will take you to your preferred weight (allowing you to preserve it for a lifetime).

In the last century, we learned that motivation is no way to lose weight and preserve a loss for the long run. Willpower doesn’t work and only leads to a yo-yo dieting lifestyle.

We know now that establishing ironclad habits that will have our back for a lifetime is the only detailed map to the weight loss-treasure.

My favorite habit study out of England concluded that it takes 66 days of repeating the same behavior to store the new habit into the automatic part of brain.

All that said, I want to share with you my most beloved book-desserts I’ve read this year that are just waiting to snuggle in bed with you as our world heads into autumn, the coziest season of all.

Let’s go!

If You Want to Laugh

Why My Third Husband Will Be a Dog: The Amazing Adventures of an Ordinary Woman and My Nest Isn’t Empty, It Just Has More Closet Space, bothby Lisa Scottoline and her daughter Francesca Serritella. Lisa made her mark writing mysteries which isn’t a genre I read, but her memoir books are hilarious.

Her first two non-fictions, My Nest Isn’t Empty and My Third Husband, were my favorites of her nine non-fictions. Expect: relatable and a behind-the-scenes look at the life of a successful writer (who loves animals). I especially love how Scottoline brings her character of a mother along for the ride. No doubt you’ll agree with me, her mother is a hoot.

Is This Anything? by Jerry Seinfeld. You know you’re in good hands with Jerry, but listen to the Jerry-narrated audio version to really uplevel the laughs. Fun. Nee. (Plus, Jerry is the gold-standard in the dad and husband department, and we love him for that too.)

Meaty and We Are Never Meeting in Real Life both by Samantha Irby. Hilarious memoirs, but word to the wise: if you’re squeamish about bathroom habits (Irby has Crohn’s disease) and/or funky sexual situations you may want to skip this one. Otherwise, this woman is a wonderful read because of how real she keeps it.

If You Love Thrilling Non-Fiction While Brushing Up on Your History

The Splendid and the Vile: A Saga of Churchill, Family, and Defiance During the Blitz by Erik Larson is in the top 10 favorite books of mine of all time. You see, I was devoted to my historical-husband Mr. Mark Twain for many years and never once strayed, but upon reading The Splendid and the Vile, I followed my heart to go steady with, and eventually marry my new historical-husband Winston Churchill.

Not as witty as Twain, Churchill merely saved the known world from the darkness that would have shrouded our planet had Hitler not been annihilated. Before, during and after France fell, and long before the sleeping giant awoke, Churchill was wreaking havoc for the enemy.

The author is a genius writing about a genius albeit different from his own. Larson’s research is impeccable, and I went on to read Larson’s other “good luck putting them down” books: Isaac’s Storm: A Man, a Time, and the Deadliest Hurricane in History; Dead Wake: The Last Crossing of the Lusitania; and Thunderstruck.

Thunderstruck details how Marconi’s wireless telegraphy communication invention went hand-in-glove with England’s second most famous murder (after Jack the Ripper, but not as gory). The topic might sound dull at first blush – I mean, wireless? (yawn) – and, yes, the first one hundred pages are skimmable. But thereafter put on your seatbelt for a wild ride ending in truly astounding and totally true circumstances. My review? Mind blown.

If You Want an Absorbing Read While Learning How to Save Yourself

The Unthinkable: Who Survives When Disaster Strikes – and Why by Amanda Ripley vividly shares with us how human beings react in a disaster. Think about it: how would you react in the face of a plane crash, a fire, or falling off a cruise ship?

In a page turner of a book, Ripley shares with us the various ways humans react in crisis (did you know that we can freeze), and how preparation is the first and last word on surviving an event that we’ve never before grappled with. What I learned: don’t fall off a cruise ship; always note where the exits are, and never reach for your carry-on when it’s time to bolt from the plane. My review: read this book and then gift it to loved ones.

If You’re Curious About How One Man Handles Our Food-Porn World

The Elephant in the Room – One Fat Man’s Quest to Get Smaller in a Growing America by Tommy Tomlinson. A former, but long-time columnist for the Charlotte Observer, Tomlinson’s memoir is a snapshot of his childhood on St Simons Island (SSI) in Geogia. This glimpse into Tomlinson’s life details being raised by two incredibly loving, engaged parents who were stymied by Tomlinson’s weight issue.

A gifted child, one of the most touching stories in Tomlinson’s memoir is when his dad – with great sorrow – tells him that the family couldn’t afford to send him to college. And I won’t spoil the rest of this memorable moment for you. Easy to read. Seriously great. Highly recommend.

If You Want a Friendly Read Leavened with a Thoughtful, Endearing Protagonist

This is Your Life, Harriet Chance! by Jonathan Evison. If your genre of choice is a really absorbing book, look no further. Seemingly a light, bouncy read about recently widowed 78-year-old Harriet Chance who goes alone on an Alaskan cruise, the story offers up serious fare as Harriet begins to take stock of her life.

Harriet Chance had me from the beginning which is one of my favorite things in a great book, and just light enough to be perfect for the beach, a flight, or snuggling into your cozy bed.

If You Loved the Kite Runner and Cutting for Stone, Check Out this Gripping Page-Turner

The plot itself hurtles like a rocket through a historical time in history that I never learned much about. Viet Thank Nguyen the author of The Sympathizer goes bananas with his ability to write the blank out of a story. I kid you not: the man can write.

Nguyen was born in Vietnam in 1971 and moved to the U.S. when Saigon fell. Today he’s an associate professor at UCLA in both the English Department and in the American Studies and Ethnicity Department, and a regular contributor to the LA Times and the New York Times.

In his spare time, he writes prize-winning novels. To list how cool this guy is would require pages upon pages. The story is about what happened after the fall of Saigon and how the refugees moved on with their lives in the U.S. An absolute don’t miss read.

If You Want the Title of the Best Book-Dessert I’ve Read All Year

A Woman of No Importance: The Untold Story of the American Spy Who Helped Win World War II by Sonia Purnell. This true story is about a woman from Maryland who becomes one of the most feared (by the enemy) spies of World War II.

It’s clear that Purnell spent years researching and writing Virginia’s story with such finesse that you can just feel the Gestapo mere steps behind Virginia as she flees Nazi-occupied France. Also, a total must read, an ideal salve when you’re having a blue day.

To wrap it up, given that most of us have a chow-hound in our lives, it’s paramount that we match the calories with something just as formidable. Take the litmus: if you had to give up the most delectable books or dessert, which would you choose?

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Do you live with a scarfer? What are your favorite book genres? What do you think of book-dessert? Have you read any of the books on this list? Could you actually head to bed at 8 p.m. every night to read an amazing book? If you had to choose, would you pick books or desserts?

Photo: @arianamadix

Originally posted at: Ariana Madix’s Brown Top and Skirt Set

Who gets grandma’s yellow pie plate?

At first glance, this seems like such an innocuous query. However, the possible answers to such questions are sparking small inter- and intra-generational conflicts all over the country.

As the elderly parents of Baby Boomers die or as aging Baby Boomers downsize or die themselves, there arises a huge issue. How do you best dispose of all the personal property, collections, and keepsakes that have been acquired over the decades?

In some cases, nobody wants grandma’s pie plate. Many of today’s younger generations have more mobile lifestyles or live in much smaller accommodations than their elders and truly don’t have room for such items. Then there are others who don’t attach the same sentimental value to certain items that their predecessors did and simply don’t want them.

Of course, sometimes the converse is true. Several family members may want Grandma’s well-used pie plate since they want to treasure it to remember grandma and all her loving greatness.

The problem has reached such proportions that the University of Minnesota Extension Service published a booklet entitled Who Gets Grandma’s Yellow Pie Plate? A Guide to Passing on Personal Property.

How Should We Distribute Personal Belongings After Someone Dies?

Megan Orenstein of the Virginia Cooperative Extension Service talked to a highly-interested group at the Crystal City Connection Hub of the Arlington County Library about the main ideas presented in the guide.

Orenstein noted that many families are reluctant to talk about distribution since it obviously brings up the concept of death. However, the transfer of assets will happen and, if you don’t, the state will have a plan to dispose of your worldly possessions.

The Need for a Plan

The best way to handle the distribution is to have a plan designed by and agreed upon by all major family members involved.

If you are the person initiating the planning for your own possessions you need to begin thinking this way, Orenstein advises us to assess the real value of our possessions.

She suggests we identify the heart-string possessions and what will happen to them when we die. Who should decide how these possessions should be divided? Her advice is to take a very purposeful approach to this very emotional topic.

One other idea is to consider include your own personal definition of fairness. Should a financially struggling member get more monetary assets than his or her siblings or should everything be divided equally? Also ask yourself what you think is the best way of preserving the memories you believe should be preserved? Remember that, in the end, you are entitled to divide up your things in any way you choose.

But What If Someone Balks?

Sometimes, the family member in question doesn’t want to discuss the issue at all. They may say, “You’re already planning for my death.”

In this situation, you need to work slowly to help them understand the importance of planning. Instead, Orenstein says that you can begin by saying something like, “I know this is uncomfortable, but I want to do this as an act of love for you.”

Information and Involvement Are the Keys

It is important for the family to share in the planning stage. However, you shouldn’t expect immediate results. This could be a couple of years’ process.

We tend to think in an all-or-nothing mentality which keeps us from thinking about other alternatives. Orenstein reminds us that people are going to react very differently and you must take the time to make it as comfortable for everyone.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Do you agree that division of personal property after death can be a problem? Do you have a story of how division of worldly possessions worked well after a death? Do you have a story where it didn’t work well? Do you have any advice for people who will undertake such a task? Feel free to join in our conversation.