As a dating consultant, I have listened to thousands of women explain why they are still single. Excuses include “all the good men are taken/married,” “my career kept me engaged and I woke up one day celebrating my 55th birthday,” “after the divorce I was busy raising my children,” “I was married for 30 years to the most wonderful man who passed away,” etc. When you read these, they sound reasonable, don’t they?
Here’s the good news: there’s still plenty of time! And every week I see people in their 50s and 60s fall in love!
Being Single, Widowed or Divorced Has Become Your Comfort Zone
Time flies as we age, yes? You have a daily rhythm: working out, yoga, pickleball, volunteer work, lunching with friends and book clubs. But are those a substitute for a loving partner? Maybe or maybe not.
I personally think there is nothing better than having a partner who shares interests like travel, movies, dinners in or out, a date for New Year’s Eve and the cuddles, kisses and hugs that go along with all of this!
Your Love Life Needs Planning
Oh, I know you may have met the one in college or the workplace. That was the biggest pool of people you’d ever meet. Not true anymore! You need a dating strategy – and stop thinking it should all fall into place organically or by luck. Because the biggest pool of eligible people is now online.
Sure, you’ve heard horror stories that tend to be exaggerated. In my 25+ years of working as a dating counselor to singles, I’ve rarely encountered those.
So, you need a plan: writing a great dating profile, choosing the right online dating site, having lovely, true and current photos, and being able to craft fun messages to other singles. There are over 100 million singles in the US alone – I’d say your odds, whether you live in Boston or the Badlands, are pretty darn good. After all, the people online are looking for relationships too.
Unrealistic Expectations
You can’t go into the dating process thinking it’s all rainbows and unicorns. Instead, think of it as an added adventure to your life. Your best bet is to enter online dating with low expectations and the thought that “Hey, I’m going to meet someone I’d have never crossed paths with otherwise.”
I had one client go on a date four weeks ago with an interesting doctor, but no chemistry. They both agreed it was more of a friendship, but he asked her if she’d like to join him at a work cocktail party the following Wednesday. Guess what? She met one of his work colleagues – and they’ve now been on 4 dates!
You Listen to Your Friends and Family
May I start with, what do they know about online dating? Most of your married friends may have married pre-online dating, your family thinks it’s dangerous (What? Meeting a person at a restaurant sounds pretty safe to me.), and your single friends… well, they are single for a reason. Enough said!
Fear or Low Self-Esteem
Of course, there is some anxiety about doing something new and wondering if you remember how to date and converse. I encourage all my clients, both male and female, to get out on 4-5 first dates the first 2 weeks. Why? Your confidence will soar!
You’ll be thrilled to be having new conversations with new people that are not part of your social circle. This is part of the spice of life and will keep you young in heart and spirit. I promise you, after 4-5 first dates, you’ll be learning new things, not just about other people but about yourself!
Good luck and happy dating!
Let’s Have a Conversation:
What’s holding you back from dating in your 60s and beyond? What are your fears about dating? Do you think you are single because you feel comfortable this way or is there a different reason?
