It’s summertime in North America, which means it’s getting hotter by the day. As the temperatures outside rise, is your love life sizzling or fizzling?
As much as we all want that special someone to flip the switch on our hot meter, we must first be willing to flip the script on the narrative we were sold on romance.
That’s right, ladies, contrary to what we were led to believe, turning up the heat on your love life starts with you.
More specifically, it begins within you.
This is the first of a new six-part series on “The Art of Self-Love After 60.” In this series, we will focus on ways to stimulate love, bliss, happiness, and pleasure on our own terms.
Lost in a Vast Wilderness
Since childhood, our generation has been fed unrealistic stories about love and what constitutes romance.
These stories began as fairytales where damsels in distress were saved by their knight in shining armor. As we got older, we were exposed to teenage summer love flings with a dance-worthy soundtrack.
By the time we were in our 20s, we were on our own when it came to navigating the rigid, murky world of adult lovemaking.
Despite feeling we were on our own, isn’t it ironic how many women of our generation relied on others to make us feel loved, wanted, and sexually stimulated?
Could it be that on some level we were all lost in the vast wilderness of adulthood because we counted on everyone other than ourselves to define what love and pleasure meant to us?
Rewrite the Book of Love
There is nothing wrong with desiring love and pleasure from another person. But when we are raised to believe this is the only way to pleasure and fulfillment, we unconsciously separate ourselves from our inner power.
This disconnect opens us up to all sorts of disappointments, especially later in life when our spouses may have passed away and potential suitors are unappealing.
In these new ways of living and being, we are left to ask, now what?
I get it, not everyone 60 and over desires a romantic relationship, let alone thinks about sexual pleasure as you may have once did.
But what if you are like millions of women over 60 who still do?
If you are still operating under the outdated premise of romance and lovemaking from a bygone era, what do you do and where do you turn for answers in today’s world?
The opening lyrics to the 1957 hit song, by the Monotones titled, “The Book of Love” go like this:
“I wonder, wonder who, who-oo-ooh, who
(Who wrote the Book of Love)
Tell me, tell me, tell me
Oh, who wrote the Book of Love
I’ve got to know the answer.”
This song speaks of a mythical book that would provide the long-sought-after answers about love. Is there such a book? If there is, we can all agree the author(s) didn’t consult women. At least not women of our generation.
It’s our turn to rewrite the narrative on love. And who better to do this than you!?
7 Steps to Spice It Up on Your Terms
If you are seeking to turn up the heat on your love life, whether you are in a relationship or not, here are seven steps to spice things up on your own terms:
Self-Reflection and Self-Awareness
What three things make you feel loved, beautiful, and turned on? How can you apply them in your life?
Seek Out New Experiences
Arrange a date to places you haven’t been, with an existing partner (or potential partner) and even by yourself. Also, explore new ways to enjoy an intimate night, especially by yourself.
Rediscover Touch
Reflect on what kind of touch (a massage, holding hands, cuddling, hugs, and self-pleasure) makes you feel most loved, pleased, and connected. Incorporate more of that touch into your life.
Communicate Desires and Needs
What are some things you wish your partner knew about your desires? Journal these desires. If you are in a relationship, have a conversation about it with your partner.
Experiment with Change
What subtle changes you can introduce in the bedroom, either by yourself or with a partner? Examples include new lingerie, romantic music, extended foreplay, or reading romantic literature together.
Attend Workshops or Counseling
What area of your love life do you want guidance or new ideas on? Consider attending a related workshop, online course, or counseling session with a professional.
Engage in Physical Activity You Enjoy
Taking a bath, dancing, walking, Tantra, daily meditation, or even yoga, whatever activity it is be sure it stimulates feelings of bliss, relaxation, confidence, and pleasure.
The keys to unlocking a vibrant love life at any age are communication, mutual respect, and the willingness to experiment and evolve. As you go through these seven steps, I encourage you to add in your own to better suit you and your lifestyle as you turn up the heat on your love life.
Please join me in the video where I will share additional insights along with seven journal prompts to help you integrate what you are learning.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
How do you turn up the heat on your love life? Do you communicate well with your partner? What do you feel is lacking in your love life and why is that?ac
