You’d think that by the time you hit 60, life would give you pass to a stress-free existence. A daily itinerary filled with yoga, afternoon teas, wine time with the girls, and blissful gardening, right? Maybe some traveling with the hubs or friends?
Sadly, no amount of chamomile can shield women over 60 from the stress they still feel every day.
The mental load carried by older women is no joke. It’s a complex web of family duties, health concerns, personal aspirations, and often work too. For many women, this stage is less about fun and relaxation and more about juggling roles and responsibilities.
If these things aren’t managed well, they can cause a tangle of problems and unhealthy repercussions.
The Many Hats of Women Over 60
For most women, reaching retirement age doesn’t mean you really “retire.” You may not be practicing your chosen career any longer, but all the other jobs seem to continue or reinvent themselves.
The Family CEO
If you thought your days as the family’s Chief Everything Officer (CEO) were over, think again. Your adult kids may have flown the nest, but that doesn’t mean they took their problems with them.
- Need to know how to make sauce? Call Mom.
- Babysitter for the weekend? Grandma would love to help – right?
- And let’s not forget all the mundane, daily questions that you’re expected to answer.
- “Mom, how do I unclog a drain?”
- “Mom, what’s this weird rash on my kid’s leg?”
- “Mom, can you watch the dog while we’re in Cancun?”
It’s like a never-ending episode of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, except you can’t phone a friend and there’s no cash prize at the end – just the satisfaction of knowing you’re still indispensable.
That doesn’t feel like a bad thing, right?
As much as we want our kids to be independent and NOT need us, we still want to be needed. In fact, one of the biggest mental struggles for many mature women is feeling irrelevant and unnecessary.
It’s a slippery slope though.
- Emotional support
- On-call babysitter for the grandkids
- Caregiver for your own aging parents
These roles mean many women find themselves taking on even more at a time in their lives when they thought they’d have more time for themselves.
Balancing these responsibilities requires setting clear boundaries. Remember, it’s okay to say no sometimes.
Grandparenting – The Sequel to Parenting
Sure, grandparenting is all about the fun stuff without the disciplinary struggles. Bu it can also be a lot of work. Especially if your children don’t recognize your boundaries and respect your time.
You remember being in the thick of parenting, right? It’s hard. Rewarding, yes, but also hard. So, you probably get it when your kids call you wanting help with their own children.
They,
- Have questions
- Need a break
- Vent frustrations
- Even have relationship issues
Again, it’s great to be needed, but it’s also really easy for your kids to forget to be considerate of you as they’re dealing with their own life challenges.
And, as much as they want your help, they also want to tell you how the way they’re raising their kids is different (read better) than your old-fashioned ways. So, the message is, “Help me, but do it the way I tell you to.”
My Husband’s Keeper
Let’s not forget your husband or partner. Retirement was supposed to be the golden years of rediscovering each other and enjoying life. But now that you’re both home all the time, it turns out absence may really be the key to make the heart grow fonder.
Who knew you could argue about the correct way to load a dishwasher or the best route to the grocery store?
Maintaining a relationship takes effort at any age, but after 60, it can also mean being the emotional anchor for a partner who might be dealing with their own set of aging anxieties. So, you’re not just juggling your own mental load, but also balancing theirs.
If you’re in a relationship, spending more time together during these years might bring you closer or shine a light on problems hiding in the shadows.
Medical Director
Health is the wild card of the 60+ mental load.
Suddenly, you’re managing doctor’s appointments like a project manager on a tight deadline. It can feel like there are more specialists in your life than characters in a daytime soap opera. And remembering when to take your medication feels like a part-time job.
And all of it is probably x2.
Men are notoriously averse to going to the doctor. They’re often even worse at keeping track of appointments. So, while your right leg is running on your own personal medical treadmill, your left leg is running on his. It can be quite the balancing act.
But there’s a certain camaraderie in this stage of life. Your friends are likely going through the same things, and there’s comfort in shared experiences. Even if those experiences include comparing colonoscopy stories over a cup of herbal tea.
Financial Planner
Financial security is often a significant concern for women over 60. Retirement savings, healthcare costs, and unexpected expenses can weigh heavily on your mind.
This stress can be one of the most uncomfortable portions of the mental load over 60.
Especially if you’re feeling pressure to,
- Help your kids financially
- Purchase gifts for your 14 grandchildren on birthdays and holidays
- Spearhead family travel or events
Be sure to consult a financial advisor if you need guidance. Knowing you have a solid financial plan in place can significantly reduce this stress.
Lightening the Load – How to Manage the Stress as You Age
So, life isn’t as easy during your golden years as the pamphlets made it sound like it’d be. What’s a girl to do?
To begin with – don’t ignore it. It can be tempting to just go along to get along, but don’t. Ignoring the stress from your many responsibilities can lead to some serious repercussions.
Chronic stress is no joke. It can spike blood pressure, ruin sleep, and weaken your immune system. Ever notice how you get sick more easily when you’re overwhelmed? That’s your body reacting to what you refuse to recognize.
Then there’s the emotional toll. Anxiety and depression can make it hard to enjoy life. It’s like carrying a backpack full of rocks everywhere you go – you just feel weighed down and unmotivated.
And it’s a vicious cycle – stress leads to more stress.
This means managing your mental load is crucial.
So,
Focus on Self-Care
This isn’t just about pampering yourself. It’s about maintaining your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Regular exercise, a balanced diet, and adequate sleep are essential.
Making time for activities that bring you joy and relaxation is also necessary. Whether gardening, hiking, cooking, or raising chickens – find your bliss.
Seek Support and Find Your Tribe
Never underestimate the power of a good support system. Friends, family, or a support group – whoever they are, having people to talk to makes a huge difference.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, consider seeking professional help. A counselor can offer strategies to manage stress and cope with your mental load.
So, ladies, take a breather. Delegate tasks, practice self-care, and don’t be afraid to ask for help. And don’t let anyone make light of or dismiss the way you feel. A heavy mental load as you age can be a big problem. Your well-being is worth lightening it.
Let’s Unload:
Have you struggled with the mental load that comes with later life? What’s that been like? If you’ve felt buried under stress and have found ways to cope, please share your experiences and join the conversation.
