The relationship between a child and a person living with dementia can be very enriching for both. I interviewed Kathryn Harrison who has a unique window into the relationship between her own kids and her mother who had early-onset dementia.

Kathryn’s book, Weeds In Nana’s Garden, mimics real life, portraying a young girl who discovers her beloved Nana has Alzheimer’s Disease. The girl accepts the difficult changes with love, learning to take over as the garden’s caregiver.

To further promote understanding of dementia
among children, Kathryn found through experience that when her kids did things together
with Nana, it made it better for Nana. Her kids grew up with a different kind
of sensitivity and respect for older people.

As you read on, look at these activities through a different lens. Think of doing them virtually via Facetime or similar technology, particularly if a loved one is in the early stages, has a person living with them, or a caretaker comes in to help.

Singing

Singing is a natural place to start. Most
older folks like when I come and sing for them, but they LOVE when children
come and sing. And, as Kathryn noted, a young child does not care if you’re
singing “Frosty the Snowman” in July. Neither did her mother.

Dance and a Show

Well, of course, if you’re going to sing you
have to dance. Kathryn’s mother loved R&B so if she was in a grocery store
and heard it, she would start grooving! Her grandchildren wanted in on the
action.

Something that may have been embarrassing
between daughter and mother became a beautiful thing when shared with
grandchildren.

If you’re going to dance, might as well make it into a show. Boy, can I relate to this one. Years ago, when we visited our granddaughters, there was a show every night, and of course we were part of it, making use of silly clothes as costumes.  

Blowing Bubbles

Kathryn made an accidental discovery when her
kids were blowing bubbles in Nana’s garden. As her mom was sitting in the
garden, she suddenly stood up and started chasing the bubbles around. They
played with those bubbles for a long time. And even later, as the disease
progressed, they brought those bubbles out and her mom lit up.

Coloring

While there are many adult coloring books now,
coloring for adults is still a relatively new thing. One day when Kathryn’s
kids were coloring, her mom wandered over, and they colored for three hours
straight.

Kathryn bought her mom an electric pencil sharpener, and the older women sharpened those pencils and filled 12 coloring books. Kathryn actually did an Art Exhibit of her mom’s colorings because they were just so beautiful and so full of expressiveness. Coloring was a life saver, especially when the disease started taking away her speech.

Decorating

As dementia took over, Kathryn’s mom was
having trouble with being able to follow recipes, but she could throw as many
sprinkles on cookies as anyone.

While making a gingerbread house for Christmas,
Kathryn was exacting as to what went where. Mom just took the candy and dumped
it all over the roof. That dumping progressed to Christmas trees and other
things and became a family tradition of sorts.

Fun with Clay

Just like with the bubbles, taking molding
clay and just sitting outside and playing with that clay with no particular
purpose or no particular outcome was fun and cathartic. Everybody takes a ball
of clay to squish around, and it becomes something to do together.

Reading Books Together

It gets hard for folks with dementia to read
books, and that can be a point of frustration. But what Kathryn found was that
her mom had a lot of classic picture books memorized.

Nana would sit with her grandkids and “read”
the book, but she wasn’t really reading. She knew the story, and she knew what
the pages were going to say, and she would sit and read with the grandkids
using those familiar stories. Touch and feel books are also very useful.

Looking at Photos

It was also effective for Kathryn’s mom to
look at photos of their lives and just listen to everyone talk about what was
going on through photos.

Go for Walks Together

Throughout the progression of the disease,
Kathryn and her kids would take long walks with Nana. They would go down to the
lake at her mom’s community and Nana could watch the kids run around. It had
the feel of being at a park.

Picking Flowers

Kathryn’s mom believed you always needed a bouquet
of flowers in your house. If you have them outside, you should bring them
inside. In the past, when they walked in the woods, she would always gather up
big bouquets.

As the disease progressed, Kathryn’s kids
would pick the flowers for their Nana and bring them to her – in her house or,
later, to the care facility. They could be weeds but it did not matter.

Kathryn’s kids gained self-confidence by being
with Nana throughout. They became an inseparable part of the caregiver team.
They commanded a presence and a lot of the care home residents were happier
when the children visited.

In a time when It’s harder than ever to come
up with ways for young people and old to connect, it is refreshing to see just
how many things you can do together, even in a virtual setting.

Kathryn has taken that idea and gone into
schools to talk to kids. She says, “They’re just so into it. They’re just so
full of questions and so full of wanting to play a part and understand more and
help.”

Yeah, we could use a little more of that and learn
from people like Kathryn.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What activities can you do with your grandchildren? Are you using a virtual connection to be in touch? How does this help you? Have you tried connecting virtually with a loved one living with dementia? Please share in the comments below.