Here I sit, tucked away in a quiet, distant corner of Orlando airport, waiting to board a flight to London, ready to start my new life: yet again. My emotional swings have been crazy today; I awakened full of beans, excited, optimistic for my new chapter to begin, absolutely convinced that the shock waves of my divorce two years ago were finally behind me, and the ripple effect of extreme highs and crushing lows was now firmly in the rear view mirror.

But no, it took just a momentary peek in the mirror to deflate my new found confidence. I see a woman of 64 who has been living overseas for most of her adult years, and is embarking upon a self-imposed new life back home in Blighty, and it’s daunting.

I’m a little scared.

My life has been a rollercoaster for the past 30 months, since that awful day we mutually agreed it was time to go our separate ways. We had become one of those dreaded statistics of husband and wife living separate lives and simply drifting apart. I knew it was the right decision, but I’ve been adrift ever since, searching for my equilibrium, and I still haven’t found it.

Following My Heart

So, I made a very important decision. I realized that I must go back to the fold of my nurturing lifelong friends, the very small remaining family I have left, the country that holds the key to my soul, and the good memories and nostalgia that I crave.

I must get on this flight today and be courageous, otherwise I am in danger of spiraling into overwhelming sadness that I may find it too hard to climb back from. I must put my two feet firmly on English soil, and find the old me, the me that was always full of joie de vivre, the life and soul of the party, the gregarious version.

It’s imperative that I find the old Wendy before the new empty, unfulfilled Wendy gets a vine like grip, and won’t let go.

It’s been too long since I was hugged, since I made a man’s eyes light up when I walked into the room, since I received a bunch of beautiful flowers, since I didn’t have to be brave and make all the decisions on my own all of the time. It’s simply been too long.

And I wonder how many of you have experienced this? It is not so easy to share our sorrow and our insecurities, is it?

I did not envision, and certainly did not want to be facing the world in my seventh decade as a newly single woman. I practice an Attitude of Gratitude every day, because there are too many wonderful events that have graced my life, and most importantly, I am super healthy. I don’t want to portray a woman steeped in gloom, because I am not.

There is just a void in my life, and I can’t seem to find my way to fill it. Yet I am optimistic that this latest huge life change will nourish my soul.

Pursuing My Solution

I’m keen to share my journey with you ladies in the coming months if I may, as I negotiate my new life back in the UK. There will inevitably be down times, amazing new experiences, laughter, tears, and lots of cuddles with my two new cats that I have been manifesting for many months now. I can’t wait for cat purrs, and fishy kisses!

I would be thrilled to have you connect with me in the comments, if you so wish, or follow me from afar if you so desire. May I ask you for a virtual hug or to virtually hold my hand every once in a while? It would mean the world to me, and I would be happy to reciprocate. Certainly, I have learned that bottling up such raw emotion is detrimental: sharing is cathartic.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you had life-altering experiences that you may like to share? Maybe you are currently facing your own set of unique challenges? Do you think divorce in earlier years is easier to move on from than gray divorce?