“Who am I?” “What am I?” “Where am I?”
These may sound like lines from a poorly written soap opera, starring an amnesia-plagued woman attempting to escape her checkered past, but these questions often also plague healthy women in their 60s.
Where you were once busy, purposeful, and confident, suddenly everything you know about who you are, your roles, and your purpose shifts like quicksand, leaving you feeling unsteady and scared. And you’re left asking, “Who am I now?”
The Pain of Change
It can be emotionally painful retiring from a long-held career, becoming an empty nester, or simply adjusting to the changes that time and aging bring. Often these changes come with some excitement and new opportunities, but sometimes it just feels confusing and lonely.
The pain felt as you move into the wiser years of life isn’t all physical (although achy joints are no joke), but rather more of a feeling of mourning as you realize there are things you can’t go back to again.
For some, the 60s (and 50s) are a prime time for identity shifts. As women reach their 60s, they may experience a profound change in how they see themselves and how they feel they’re seen by the world. One would hope that this is mostly positive (you’ve earned it), but too often the identity shift comes with loss of purpose, feeling irrelevance, sense of invisibility and social changes.
Unfortunately, not only can these feelings dull the enjoyment you’ve earned the right to experience, but they can also lead to depression, anxiety, or other mental health challenges.
The Loss of Familiar Roles and Purpose
For years, your identity has been defined by specific roles and the purpose associated with them. The 60s can mark the end of a career, a role that provided not only financial security but also a sense of accomplishment.
There was also the stability of a daily routine, respect and recognition from colleagues, and the satisfaction of accomplishing things on a daily basis. Retirement can mean the end of structure and feeling useful.
Similarly, the role of motherhood, which is central to many women’s identities for decades, can change dramatically.
As children grow up and become independent, women (and men too) can feel less needed and relevant, which can lead to a profound sense of loss.
Socially, there can be many changes as well. Friends retire and move; there may be divorces, deaths, or other dramatic shifts in what once felt like stable dynamics.
So, as the roles and friendships that a woman once counted on morph or disappear, many women experience a sense of disorientation and question their self-worth.
Getting to Know You Again
Before you get swallowed up in the abyss of identity loss, take a deep breath and look in the mirror. You may look different, but you’re still the woman you used to be, and this is your chance to get to know her again.
This period of life may be a time of profound transformation, but it’s also a chance to revisit who you are at your core, beyond the roles you’ve played – mother, wife, professional, caregiver – and reconnect with the woman you’ve always been.
Think of your 60s (and beyond) as an opportunity to redefine what success and happiness looks like for you.
This stage of life gives you time to tell and own your story and define your worth. You’ve spent decades building a life, accumulating wisdom, and navigating challenges that would have daunted your younger self. Now is the time to embrace that power and live out loud.
You’re only invisible and irrelevant if you allow yourself to be – no one else can tell you who you are, set your limits, or what you’re allowed to do (unless you let them). Only you can (or should).
But staying visible and relevant also means staying engaged and speaking up. You’ve earned your wisdom, and your perspective is invaluable. Don’t shy away from sharing it.
Tips for Defining and Embracing Your Identity in Your 60s
If you find yourself wondering just who you are now that all your identity markers are changing, take a minute and think about the following tips. These can help you begin to take control of who you are and make the next chapters your most impressive yet.
#1. Leverage Your Curiosity and Keep Learning
Just because you’re in your 60s doesn’t mean you must stop growing. In fact, this can be the perfect time to explore new interests and passions. Keeping your mind engaged and curious helps you stay sharp and keeps life exciting and fulfilling.
#2. Stay Healthy
Feeling good in your 60s starts with taking care of your body and mind. This is the time to focus on what makes you feel strong, healthy, and vibrant. Whether it’s a daily walk, yoga, or dancing in your living room, staying active is vital.
Don’t forget about mental health – practices like meditation, mindfulness, or simply spending time in nature can do wonders for your sense of well-being.
#3. Nurture Existing Relationships and Seek Out New Ones
Relationships are at the heart of a fulfilling life, and in your 60s they can become even more meaningful. Studies repeatedly show that social connection is the key to longevity and happiness.
So, make time for people who bring you joy and continue to create new connections.
#4. Be Open to New Experiences
One way to stay relevant is to keep up with technology and current trends. This doesn’t mean you have to be on every social media platform or know all the latest music, but staying informed and engaged with what’s happening in the world can help you feel current and expand the topics you can talk about.
The beauty of your 60s is that you have more freedom to explore, to take risks, and to embrace change with open arms.
Finally, remember that relevance is not just about what you do but how you see yourself. You need to believe in your own value, be proud of your life experience, and choose to live your future years finding purpose and passion.
When you utilize these tips and approach life with this mindset, staying relevant will come naturally.
In your 60s, it’s natural to experience an identity shift. But rather than seeing this as a loss, view it as an opportunity to rediscover who you are, what you love, and how you want to live the next chapter of your life. Embrace these changes and dive into the future with confidence, grace, and a sense of adventure. After all, the best could still be yet to come.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
Have you been struggling with a change in identity in your 60s? Have you successfully navigated your changes in purpose and figured out how to feel relevant? Please share your experiences and join the conversation.
