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If you asked most women over 60 to describe how they feel, somewhere in the answer – underneath the gratitude and the carefully maintained perspective – you would find some version of the word tired.

Not sick-tired. Not age-tired. Something harder to name than either of those things.

I know this tiredness personally. I practiced criminal defense law for over three decades, raised children through genuinely difficult seasons, survived a divorce after a long marriage, and spent years being the person my family called when anything went wrong. I was capable and competent and chronically, quietly exhausted in a way I couldn’t quite explain.

It wasn’t until I remarried last year and finally had enough stillness to look honestly at my life that I understood what had been happening.

I had spent decades carrying things that didn’t belong to me.

The Exhaustion Nobody Names

There is a specific kind of depletion that comes from chronic emotional over-responsibility – from being the person who absorbs everyone else’s anxiety, manages everyone else’s crises, and holds the emotional weather of an entire family system on her shoulders.

Researchers call it emotional labor. Therapists call it over-functioning. Most women over 60 just call it their life.

We became this way for understandable reasons. Many of us grew up watching our own mothers disappear into everyone else’s needs and call it love. We were rewarded throughout our lives for being capable and selfless and endlessly available. We built identities around being needed – and when you’ve spent 40 years being the strong one, it becomes genuinely difficult to imagine what life looks like if you stop.

But here’s what I want you to consider: the exhaustion you’re feeling may not be about getting older. It may be about carrying a weight that has been accumulating for decades – and that you have more power to put down than you currently believe.

When Love Becomes a Burden

For women in our generation especially, the line between loving someone and making yourself responsible for them can become dangerously blurred.

We love our adult children – and we find ourselves managing their finances, their emotions, their relationships, their decisions. We love our partners – and we find ourselves monitoring their moods, smoothing their conflicts, absorbing their stress as though it were our own. We love our families – and we find ourselves at the center of every crisis, every holiday, every moment of tension that needs to be resolved.

And somewhere along the way, love stopped feeling like love. It started feeling like a job we never applied for and can’t figure out how to leave.

The truth – and I say this as someone who had to learn it the hard way – is that genuine love does not require self-erasure. You can love your adult children without managing their lives. You can care for the people around you without absorbing their emotional chaos. You can remain connected and present and deeply loving while also maintaining a self that is recognizably, unapologetically yours.

The Second Act Requires a Different Kind of Strength

Women over 60 are not winding down. The research on this is increasingly clear – our 60s and 70s can be among the most purposeful, creative, and meaningful decades of our lives, if we allow them to be.

But that second act requires something most of us were never taught: the ability to consciously choose what we carry and what we put down.

Not out of selfishness. Not out of indifference to the people we love. But out of the hard-won recognition that we cannot pour from an empty vessel – and that the people in our lives are ultimately better served by a woman who has learned to take care of herself than by a woman who has slowly, quietly disappeared.

You have more years ahead of you than you may currently believe. The question worth sitting with is what you want to do with them – and what you might need to put down in order to live them fully.

Also read, Reclaiming Yourself After a Lifetime of Being Everything for Everyone Else.

Let’s Discuss:

What’s one thing you’ve been carrying for years that you’re beginning to wonder if it was ever really yours? Share your thoughts in the comments.

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What do stereotypes say about young adults born between 1997 and 2012? What valuable role can grandparents play? To set aside judgment and open up the conversation, they have a key advantage: perspective. They know, for example, that every new generation has, in its own way, been viewed with suspicion by the one that came before it. It’s an age-old generational reflex: change is unsettling before it is understood. So what are these stereotypes, and how can we, today’s grandmothers, help break them down?

Too Fragile

Often described as hypersensitive, unable to handle criticism, or overly focused on mental health, this generation talks about realities that previous generations have often kept silenced.

What this might hide: Talking about anxiety, burnout, or personal limits may indicate a desire to stop normalizing silent suffering.

How grandmothers can help:

By not downplaying what the young person is expressing and by acknowledging that we may simply have been more silent than they are on these issues. Grandmothers can embrace vulnerability because if we dare to show it, it’s a step toward finding a solution.

Lazy Generation

They are accused of not wanting to work, of refusing to make an effort, or of lacking stamina.

What this might hide: many do not reject work, but rather exhaustion, toxic environments, and the idea that a person’s worth is measured solely by their productivity. Recent data shows that younger generations are looking to balance money, purpose, learning, and well-being at work.

How grandmothers can help:

First, we can replace phrases that imply “we used to work harder” with “What makes you want to give your all?” And in conversations with other adults, point out that wanting a balanced life isn’t the same as lacking ambition.

Smartphone Addicts

They’re supposedly incapable of living without screens, without social media, without seeking validation online.

What this might hide: every aspect of their lives has developed in a digital world. Aside from their negative effects, these technologies help them stay connected, learn, create, advocate, or find communities.

How grandmothers can help:

Rather than reducing phone use to an addiction, take an interest in how they use it: “Who do you follow online?” “What do you create?” And if the young person is aware of what their grandmother does online, it will also be easier to talk about the downsides or dangers.

Lack of Respect for Authority

Young people are often criticized for asking too many questions, not obeying automatically, or challenging established ways of doing things.

What this might hide: they have grown up in a world where many individuals and institutions have lost their credibility, and they also favor an horizontal management structure where everyone pitches in to find solutions. The hierarchical model does not align with their values of collaboration and autonomy. Arrogance is unacceptable, but demands for consistency, transparency, and fairness are entirely valid.

How grandmothers can help:

Help them distinguish between disrespect and critical thinking when necessary. A young person who asks “Why?” isn’t necessarily being rude. Sometimes they’re trying to understand before agreeing. However, tone makes all the difference, and it’s good to lead by example.

Impatience and High Expectations

Often portrayed as impatient and demanding, this generation has grown up in a world of instant gratification.

What this might hide: two very different things: instant gratification in various forms has always been part of their lives (though now all generations are becoming increasingly impatient) and… these young people are reaching adulthood in a costly, unstable, and anxiety-inducing environment, so their sense of urgency may stem from the feeling that the future is fragile.

How grandmothers can help:

They can put these difficulties into perspective. Grandparents know that, throughout history, certain periods have been just as destabilizing and anxiety-inducing as today, but they understand young people’s anxiety because they, too, are affected by the rapid transformation of today’s economic, social, and technological conditions. Openness is key here; we can ask them to explain what’s most challenging for them, while making it clear that we understand their world as young adults is very different from the one we experienced.

No Longer Know How to Communicate

People say Gen Z no longer know how to talk to others and that they prefer texting to real conversations.

What this might hide: they communicate differently. They switch between different forms of expression: text, images, humor, memes, videos, short messages, and online chats. It’s sometimes less rich, but sometimes not at all – it’s just a different code.

How grandmothers can help:

By creating opportunities for real conversation: walks, coffee, car rides, and shared activities can sometimes spark very meaningful conversations.

Self-Centered

They are accused of narcissism, individualism, and an obsession with identity.

What this might hide: Many young people are trying to figure out who they are in a world that is highly visible, highly competitive, and highly uncertain. Their search for identity can be interpreted as self-centeredness, when in fact it is often an attempt to find their place in the world.

How grandmothers can help:

By offering a less hurried, less performance-oriented perspective. They can remind young people that they have the right to try, to make mistakes, and not to have a clearly defined identity by the age of 20.

In short, challenging stereotypes about Gen Z doesn’t mean pretending that young people are perfect. It means refusing to pigeonhole them before listening to them.

Let’s Have a Conversation :

Do your adult grandchildren usually talk to you? Do you think grandmothers can counter pervasive myths by sharing firsthand observations about their adult grandchildren? What are the differences between being an ally and being a mentor to your grandchildren?

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What happens to our body, emotions and memory in our 50s and 60s? They take us by surprise.

Our body starts to sag; we find ourselves yelling at our kids for no reason at all, and we can’t seem to remember anything! All of this seems to happen overnight. There are even more wrinkles on our face that weren’t there the night before!

After years of coaching women on improving their health, I find there is one decision most women make around the age of 50 – whether they know it or not.

One group embraces life by being proactive with their health. They ride the upward curve of feeling great which allows them to have lots of energy to play with grandchildren and do all the things they used to do.

Others buy into the belief that it’s all downhill from there and that’s just how life happens. They believe that the 10-, 20-, 40-pound weight gain will never come off. They believe that to get rid of the pain in their knees they need to take a pill. They are resigned to the fact that they can’t exercise because they don’t have enough energy and it probably wouldn’t help anyway.

Factors That Affect Our Health

There are many factors that affect our health in a positive or negative way. They include diet, nutrition, exercise, pollution, prescription drugs, stress – this is a big one! – alcohol and many more.

In this piece, I would like to focus on exercise and answer some of the questions I get asked all the time on this topic. For example, “What kind of exercise should I be doing?” and “How long should I exercise?” and “Does the type of exercise depend on my age?”

You don’t have to be a gym rat to benefit from exercise. If you are just starting out, begin with 15 minutes per day and work your way up to 60 minutes per day. If you have been consistently exercising, I would suggest you start with the amount of time that you are used to and increase from there.

Many people believe that cardio is the way to go. Others believe that lifting weights is really a must. They are both right! You do need both, but in different percentages depending on what age you are. When you are younger and up to age 25, your workout should be 70% cardio and 30% muscle building or weight lifting. Things change as we get older.

What Happens to Muscles as We Get Older?

At around 40, your workout should include 50% cardio and 50% muscle building. After age 25, we start to lose muscle mass. Post-menopausal women have a natural decline in estrogen, which in turn increases visceral fat mass, and decreases bone mass density, muscle mass, and strength.

Low physical activity and low protein intakes are the two contributors to sarcopenia and osteoporosis and the loss of strength in postmenopausal women. On the other hand, exercise and supplement intake has the potential to slow down and even stop the loss of muscle mass.

So, after the age of 50, your workout should consist of 60% muscle building and 40% cardio. Once you reach your 60s, you should be doing weight-bearing exercises such are brisk walking, golf, dancing, yoga, etc. that will increase your muscle mass. Not only does exercise improve your bone health, it also increases muscle strength, coordination, and balance, leading to better overall health.

Some Healthy Aging Exercise Tips

Here are a few tips that I follow when it comes to exercise:

First, never let more than 2 days go by without exercising! Second, practice interval training – just 15 minutes per day, three times per week. It is super-efficient and the ideal workout for a busy schedule. Third, alternate your cardio and muscle building days. Always take one day off a week to let your muscles recover.

Finally, do what you love! If you don’t like running, then don’t run. Pick something that you love doing. You will be more consistent.

Stress and Exercise

I mentioned above that stress can be a big factor in determining our health. I find that most people who feel unwell have been neglecting self-care. So, on our day off, taking a little time out to care for ourselves makes us better at everything we do. Free from our careers and our relationships we see our personal problems in a different light.

One of my favorite pastimes is soaking away the stress of the day in a detoxifying Epsom salt bath. Enjoy!

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Which life are you designing? What are you doing to achieve healthy aging? Have you already made your decision? Are you happy with it? Remember, it’s never too late to take back your health! Please share how you have changed your exercise routines over the years.

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For my 60th birthday, my children did something I didn’t know I needed and now can’t stop talking about, partly because it was thoughtful, and partly because I spent an entire morning wearing a tiara in public like a woman who had either just been crowned or recently escaped supervision.

They picked me up at 9:00 a.m. under the innocent pretense of breakfast. Mothers of adult children know that if someone else is offering to pay, you get in the car and ask no questions.

Once we were seated, they handed me my first “gift,” a baby congratulations card. Not a milestone birthday card. Not even one of those politely vague “celebrating you” numbers. No, this one welcomed me to the world. Apparently, I was starting over.

Along with the card came a tiara and a sash, which I was expected to wear immediately. And I did, because somewhere along the line you realize dignity is overrated, and besides, there are photos your children will take whether you cooperate or not.

The premise was simple. We were going to spend the day moving through the decades of my life.

Being Born

At breakfast, I represented zero. Which, honestly, felt about right before coffee.

An hour later, we wandered through a farmers’ market, one of those perfect, bustling places where everything smells like kettle corn and the hope that comes from growing things. That’s when they handed me my “10th birthday” card.

I’m fairly certain they made it themselves because it looked exactly like 1974 exploded onto cardstock. Inside a tiny box, emphasis on tiny, was a miniature Barbie Dream House. About five inches tall. The kind of thing you would normally toss into your cart while waiting in line and then regret later.

But here’s what they knew about me. I had always wanted a Barbie Dream House. And at 60 years old, standing between five kinds of tomatoes and homemade salsa, I finally got one.

Turning 20

By my 20th birthday, things took a turn. My children cannot quite wrap their minds around the fact that in Wisconsin in the early 1980s, the drinking age was 18. They look at me the way you might look at someone who casually mentions they once rode to school on a covered wagon.

To honor that era, they handed me the fixings for a Long Island iced tea, the unofficial drink of questionable decisions everywhere. Miniature bottles, fruit, the whole kit. It was both nostalgic and mildly alarming. The accompanying card featured women exercising in leg warmers, à la Jane Fonda.

Lunch Marked My 30s

If you’ve lived it, you know those were the years filled with children, noise, schedules, and the kind of exhaustion that becomes your personality. My kids didn’t try to recreate the chaos. Instead, they gave me something quieter, a framed copy of one of my favorite photos of them when they were little.

It wasn’t fancy. Just a simple frame, a simple picture.

But it stopped me.

Because I hadn’t stared at that version of our life in a long time.

We ate sandwiches at one of my favorite spots, and for a moment, it felt like all those years folded in on themselves, the little hands, the busy days, and the woman in the middle of it who didn’t realize she would miss it. (Although I did write about it for 60 & Me here – My Lasts.)

On to 40

That afternoon, we took a walk through a park, talking the way you only do when there’s nowhere else to be. That’s where I turned 40. Those were the years of teaching, parenting, multitasking, and trying to hold everything together with the organizational skills of an air traffic controller.

My children celebrated that decade with a pair of Brandy Old Fashioned socks.

If you’re not from Wisconsin, this may require explanation. A Brandy Old Fashioned is basically the official drink of the Northern Wisconsin supper club. Somewhere between the relish trays, dim lighting, and lake views, generations of Midwesterners have been quietly coping with life one muddled cocktail at a time.

And honestly, there were plenty of evenings in my 40s when meeting my sister or my husband for one of those felt less like “going out” and more like emotional maintenance.

The gift made me laugh because it was so specific, so completely tied to who I was during that time in my life. Not glamorous. Not carefree. Just a woman trying to survive motherhood, teaching, and middle age with good friends and a decent cocktail.

Soon Enough, It Was Time to Turn 50

My children handed me a card from New Girl, one of my favorite shows from that time, along with a mug, the kind with a cozy pocket to slide your hand into. I had owned one like it years ago and had broken it, which felt like a small tragedy at the time and a ridiculous thing to remember years later.

Except they remembered. And suddenly, it didn’t feel ridiculous at all.

The day ended at a local brew pub, where a few friends joined us for cake, flowers, and simple appetizers. Nothing elaborate. Nothing over planned. Just people I love gathered around in a light-filled area, which, it turns out, is my favorite kind of celebration.

That’s When My Children Gave Me My Final Gift for My 60s

Recently retired, my husband and I traded in our tent for a little more comfort and bought a Scamp camper. We have big plans to see the world, well, at least the parts with decent roads and available campsites.

My gift was a sticker for my water bottle in the shape of that little camper.

Small. Simple. Perfect.

Because by then, I understood the pattern.

Nothing about the day was extravagant. The gifts were humble, sometimes even a little silly. But every single one of them said the same thing: We see you.

Because somewhere along the way, between raising children, making meals, answering questions, finding lost shoes, and remembering everyone else’s favorite everything, you can start to feel a little invisible.

Not unloved. Just a little overlooked in the everyday parts of life. This day quietly corrected that. It reminded me that my children had been paying attention all along. To the things I loved. The things I missed. The things I once wanted and had forgotten to say out loud.

So, Here’s a Thought:

Do you have a friend, a sister, a partner, someone in your life who deserves to be seen like this? It doesn’t have to be for a milestone birthday. It doesn’t have to be perfectly planned. It doesn’t even have to last all day.

Just a handful of moments. A few thoughtful gestures. Little pieces of a life, handed back with love. From broken mugs to Barbie Dream Houses. Because sometimes, the best way to celebrate a person isn’t with something new.

It’s by remembering who they’ve always been.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

If someone threw a “decades party” for your life, what small, ordinary object would instantly represent one of your eras? What is something you secretly wanted growing up, but never received, that would still make you ridiculously happy today? Which decade of your life would surprise people the most if they really knew what was going on behind the scenes?

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