A dear friend called me yesterday, distressed:

“What am I supposed to do? Some people are wandering around town without masks, eating at outdoor patios with less than three feet between them. Isn’t that horribly dangerous? Others are wearing masks and full-on face shields. Gosh, are face shields necessary? It seems a bit obsessive to me, but who knows? And then, there’s the whole social-distancing thing, which seems to be haphazard no matter where I go. For that matter, I hardly dare go anywhere, because I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, how, when, or where.”

She’s not alone. Many of us, especially those of us seniors who are in the more vulnerable age/health category, are in a quandary as our various communities try to get out of lockdown and back to normal.

Although what is normal seems to be very much in question. There are guidelines given to us by various public health professionals, others by our community leaders, and still others by our friends, Google, and the Internet in general.

What’s a Person to Do?

Wear a mask, OK, but when and where, and for how long? What kind of mask is best? Or is a mask even effective in the first place?

Observe social distancing. Got it. But is sharing a meal OK? How does that work? Observe social distancing in certain circumstances but not in others? OK, but which? And how?

Take my temperature regularly, OK. Once a day, once a week, three times a day? Only before I go out? Only if I feel hot? Yikes.

The only stable directive across the board seems to be, “Wash your hands.” Whew. One down.

Individual Choice

It’s all a matter of individual choice. Each of us has to do our own research and listen to the opinions of those who make the most sense to us. Those we trust. Of course, community rules and mandates must be followed (i.e., requiring mask wearing in public places, practicing social distancing).

Beyond that, what we do or don’t do to protect ourselves, and society at large, from the coronavirus is purely a matter of choice.

But, what is right for my friend may not be right for everyone. She may choose to stay home all the time. You may feel comfortable meeting friends at a distance.

What is right for your significant other may not feel comfortable for you. What 90% of the population does may not feel like your path. Once you’ve listened to the medical experts and done your research, make a decision. Decide what you want for yourself; what makes you feel safe and protected.

Personal choice is always important – pandemic or not. Take Pat Taylor, for example, who, at 80, found herself once again battling ovarian cancer.

Not her first go-round, as Pat has had to deal with this particular cancer several times since it first cropped up in 2004. Yet prior to the pandemic and before schools shut down, Pat refused to give up the volunteering dear to her heart: as a cafeteria worker, every weekday at a local elementary school, doing whatever was needed.

During the pandemic, individuals dealing with cancer may choose to stay at home, others to connect more with friends and loved ones at a distance, still others to paint or write or read. There is no right or wrong in any of these – or a multitude of other – choices.

What matters is the choice that fits for you, whether we’re talking about coronavirus or cancer or any other unfortunate situation.

Getting Rid of Covid-19 Stress

Let’s take this one step further. Although the situation itself may seem out of control since no one can yet predict how/when the pandemic will end and under what circumstances, you no longer need to suffer from the stress of it.

You see, the stress of feeling out-of-control damages our immune system, having nothing to do with whether or not we’ve actually contracted the virus, and that’s something none of us can afford. Our immune system is our body’s number one line of defense against all ailments, Covid-19 included.

So, the one thing you can absolutely do for yourself, in the face of so many conflicting “dos” and “don’ts,” is regain some measure of control over what you can control.

You can’t control Covid-19, you certainly can’t control what other people are doing, but you can take charge of your own behavior.

You can make informed decisions about how you are going to manage your health in these trying times. And with that, you can achieve a measure of calm and peace, that will benefit your overall well-being enormously.

What are you doing to stay safe and protected doing the pandemic? Do you find yourself at odds with your family/friends regarding the type of precautions you’re taking versus what they’re doing? Does taking precautionary measures against Covid-19 decrease your stress about the virus or increase the stress? Please share your thoughts and observations with the community.

The uncertainty of life is certain, and that is particularly true in the year 2020. With that uncertainty, most of us have done the important practical acts recommended by other Sixty and Me writers.

Those would include having an updated will, power of attorney, and living will documents in order as well as a periodic review of financial documents.

That’s the big stuff. So, congratulations if you have those in place and up to date. But, what about the incidentals of our ongoing lives?

This month, I came to realize there are other, non-legal considerations that will be helpful to family and friends should there be an emergency situation.

Earlier this summer, I found myself en route to the hospital (first time ever excluding childbirth) after results of tests were available only hours earlier (non-Covid-related). It was a shock to this healthy eating, healthy living, habitual exerciser.

On the way to the hospital, thoughts flew through my mind. What were the immediate pieces family would need to pick up should I not return home?

I leave you with these considerations.

What Material Things Will Family Want or Need

What of your day-to-day personal belongings or collections will anyone else care about?

I had the presence of mind to tell my husband should the worst come about to save two things: 1) My computer where there is information he would need, and 2) the shoebox of family photos I had not yet completed scanning into my computer. Everything else can be given away or thrown away.

No doubt we all have a favorite blue vase or a piece of clothing (a collection of race t-shirts, in my case) that will have little or no meaning to anyone else.

Don’t burden family with sorting through incidentals. They will have enough on their plates dealing with grief and the fiduciary stuff that comes with the end of a life.

Who Will Want/Need to Know of Your Death or Severe Life-Changing Illness?

Several years ago, I received a voice mail from a man identifying himself as the son of a close friend. He was letting me know his mother had been hospitalized with a stroke. I was shocked as we were scheduled to travel together the next month.

I returned his call for more information and asked how he knew to contact me. He said his mother had told him years earlier where she kept a list of close friends. If anything happened to her, he was to contact those on the list.

I was honored to be on that list and thankful for her forethought. Regrettably, I had not done this earlier myself. After my unexpected trip to the hospital, I found myself, intravenous fluids pumping into my arm, typing into my cell phone the names of friends and associates who should be made aware.

Consider who should be on your list. Friends of a lifetime, that one person in your volunteer organization who will let others know…

Who are the people who would be hurt if they first hear about your death in your obituary? Who would write, call, or visit if you became less able to participate in your previously active life? This doesn’t need to be a lengthy list. Those first names that pop into your head will certainly belong there.

The Numbers List

I once helped a friend look for hours for a policy number for her mother who was hospitalized. We finally found a statement from earlier in the year tucked behind a recipe. I decided then to avoid that type of stress for my family. I made a list of every possible account and number that might be needed.

Is there a central place you keep that myriad list of numbers? These would include social security number, insurance coverage name and number (health, life, and long-term care), as well as active credit card numbers.

A simple list of accounts given to a trusted member of your family will help when you cannot be there to give them the information.

My Positive Outcome

Thankfully, my physician’s identification of an urgent health problem has me back on the road to my active life. For all of us, that eventually won’t be the case.

My experience taught me many things, one of them being that I have the ability to take some weight off those I love by having information at hand when they will need it.

Have you considered the incidentals of what you may leave behind and how you can help your family cope? What are some tips that you have come to realize will be helpful to others in the same boat? Please share your experience with our community.