I’ve noticed women often have a love-hate relationship with visibility. We long to be seen and heard while also being afraid of it.

We seem ambivalent about how we regard those who stand out and this extends to ourselves as well.

It’s an uncomfortable feeling. It bothers us, but we don’t want to discuss it. That might attract unwanted attention.

Tall Poppy Syndrome

I first heard the term ‘tall poppy syndrome’ when an Australian actress mentioned it during an interview. It is a term used to describe those who seem too visible and successful. It’s about wanting to cut tall poppies down when they rise above the crowd.

If we see someone enjoying something we want but don’t have, we can end up condemning the very thing we value. The opposite happens when we want to avoid being viewed as a tall poppy ourselves. We hide our achievements, so we don’t appear to be bragging.

To Be or Not to Be Visible

We experience conflicted feelings about success when our desire for visibility clashes with our want to hide. This gets even more complicated as increasing numbers of Boomer women jump into self-employment. If others don’t know you exist, you don’t have a business.

The same is true with any midlife job search. If you are looking for a new job, you will need to be visible as most of the work available can only be accessed by networking with others – online or off. Even if you apply for a job in person – most employers will check out your online profile.

Many women hate having their photo taken. Some replace their online image with a photo of their pet or a flower. I understand why.

Online trolls who like to offer criticism are a reality. So are creeps looking for a date among your FB posts. And yet, it’s a conundrum – especially with the growth in online video, FaceTime and Skype.

Is Being Visible an Attitude?

In an online discussion I read, women said that visibility was about self-confidence. One advised, “Don’t consent to being invisible.” Another said, “The times in my life that I have felt invisible have never had anything to do with how others saw me, but with how I saw myself.”

Some women said they felt invisible because as they grew older the opposite sex seemed to pay less attention to them. Others said they felt invisible when out with their husbands. A man was addressed when buying a car – while they were ignored.

And yet other women said they sometimes like to feel invisible because they find it less stressful. It gives them a break from unwanted attention and a chance to be alone with their thoughts.

There Is Strength in Female Friendship

Female friendship allows us to be visible with our vulnerabilities. Among friends our own age, we feel connected by our common life experiences and realize we are not alone.

Like-minded women tend to share with each other and offer support. We’ll provide a compassionate ear, lend a helping hand, offer solutions, boost each other up and celebrate each other’s achievements.

We’ll remove our masks and share our joy, sorrow, goals and vulnerabilities. Brene Brown calls vulnerability “the birthplace of joy, creativity, belonging, and love.”

Women are learning that vulnerability can be a strength. To be fully human is to be vulnerable. No one gets out alive. Our younger selves often wore masks as we felt we had to pretend to be someone we’re not.

It’s hard to put yourself out there and open yourself to ridicule. It’s also hard to live a lie by hiding your authentic self. Older women are beginning to let go of any pretense from past roles. We are expressing more of ourselves.

Vulnerability is about a willingness to show up and be seen when we can’t control the outcome. It takes courage.

Life Is One Risk After Another

It is when we let down our defenses and express more of who we really are that we become more fully alive and human. We need to take chances. When we experience a full range of emotions that includes both joy and pain, we allow our emotions in – rather than deny them.

When we guard ourselves against love because we’re afraid of losing it – we’ve already lost. Part of being vulnerable means reaching out to others and asking for support, rather than going it alone.

Offering support is also a risk. We can offer kindness, affection or love and be rejected. We can reach for a goal and fall short of it and then look foolish in a public forum. It’s still worth the risk.

Let Yourself Be Seen and Heard

Even though as children we may have sung about “letting our little light shine,” as adults we still have a tendency to “hide it under a bushel.”

We all have dreams and challenges. A woman’s circle is good medicine for the soul. Sixty and Me is our circle.

Do you have conflicted feelings about wanting to be heard and yet also not wanting to stand out? Please share your thoughts and insights with our community using the comments section below.

I’m convinced that none of us can escape dark eye circles and under-eye bags (with the help of some Plexaderm skincare products or not). If it isn’t genetics passed down from our parents and grandparents, it’s a chaotic schedule that convinces us to trade in rest for more work. Before you know it, there isn’t enough concealer in the world to hide the fact that you’re routinely getting less than eight hours of sleep every night. And even if you come to your senses and set some boundaries between the bed and your work desk, skincare products that work like Plexaderm feel like a necessity because the damage is sort of done.

For those who don’t know, Plexaderm has been around for a while but it may not be on your radar given that it’s one of a neverending list of products that promise to nix dark circles, bags and fine lines. And while plenty of them actually deliver results, what sets Plexaderm apart is its instant gratification. The product, best described as a serum, is made up of silicate minerals derived from shale clay that tighten and lift the skin surrounding the eye in as little as 10 minutes. The downside? The effects only last until you wash your face at the end of the day, but it’s still the closest you’ll get to actual Plexaderm treatment.

Fortunately, if you happen to be in the market for a similar dupe to the O.G. quick-fix product, you’re in luck, because we’ve done the research for you and outlined some of our favorite products that work almost as well as Plexaderm but offer sustained benefits rather than just instant, temporary results. We even were able to find some solid alternatives that are a little easier on the wallet as well. Of course, if you’re looking for instant gratification and prefer to stick to the real deal, you can actually find Plexaderm on Amazon. On the other hand, if you’d rather try something with longer-term effects, consider any of these products that promise Plexaderm-like results.

Our mission at STYLECASTER is to bring style to the people, and we only feature products we think you’ll love as much as we do. Please note that if you purchase something by clicking on a link within this story, we may receive a small commission of the sale.

Plexaderm.

Plexaderm Rapid Reduction Eye Serum

Buy: Plexaderm Rapid Reduction Eye Serum $65.95

In case you do want to try the real deal. If you’re anything like me, the quick return on investment will convince you to try at least once.

Estetist.

Estetist Caffeine-Infused Coffee Eye Lift Cream

The powerhouse ingredient in this anti-aging, under-eye treatment is organic coffee bean. It’s been clinically proven countless times over to not only boost collagen production, but calm puffiness and brighten skin tone, too.

Buy: Estetist Caffeine-Infused Coffee Eye Lift Cream $16.99

Kiehl’s.

Kiehl’s Eye Fuel

Lightweight and suitable for all skin types, this cooling eye treatment is made with caffeine to fight puffiness and vitamin B3 to diminish dark circles.

Drunk Elephant.

Drunk Elephant C-Tango Multivitamin Eye Cream

There’s a reason—actually quire a few—that this antioxidant-infused eye cream has become such a beloved cult favorite. The vitamin C and peptide-charged formula fights free radical damage and also helps to correct existing signs of premature aging.

Erno Lazlo.

Erno Lazlo Multi-Taski Gel Eye Cream

This multifunctional eye treatment combines the puffiness-reducing properties of a cooling gel with the hydrating and line-filling benefits you get with a traditional cream formula.

First Aid Beauty.

First Aid Beauty Eye Duty Niacinamide Brightening Cream

Formulated with brightening superhero niacinamide, this corrective eye cream helps to banish dark circles and discoloration without feeling heavy or interfering with your concealer.

Freck.

Freck So Jelly Cactus Eye Jelly With Collagen

Spiked with line-reducing cactus and plumping collagen, this illuminating formula helps brighten hyperpigmentation for a youthful, bright-eyed effect instantly.

Alpyn Beauty.

Alpyn Beauty Natural PlantGenius Line-Filling Eye Balm

Fast-absorbing but still cushiony, this plant-based eye balm is enriched with the retinol alternative bakuchiol to diminish fine lines and boost collagen production.

Buy: Alpyn Beauty Natural PlantGenius Line-Filling Eye Balm $62

Dermalogica.

Dermalogica Biolumin-C Eye Serum

In addition to a vitamin C complex for brightening, this lightweight eye serum is also infused with chia seed oil to depuff eye bags and tremella mushroom extract for hydration and firming.

Buy: Dermalogica Biolumin-C Eye Serum $70

Glow Recipe.

Glow Recipe Avocado Melt Retinol Eye Sleeping Mask

An ultra-rich eye mask with time-release retinol (smoothing), coffeeberry (brightening) and avocado (moisture) for the ultimate glow-up.

Buy: Glow Recipe Avocado Melt Retinol Eye Sleeping Mask $46

Kate Somerville.

Kate Somerville Wrinkle Warrior Eye Gel

Somerville’s eye treatment is a standout thanks to a formula that includes yeast and plankton extracts for nixing dark circles and an “HA3” complex, made up of several kinds of hyaluronic acid, to plump the under-eye area.

Olay.

Olay Eyes Eye Lifting Serum

This fragrance-free eye serum was formulated specifically for lifting and firming sagging, under-eye skin.

Buy: Olay Eyes Eye Lifting Serum $22.78

Peter Thomas Roth.

Peter Thomas Roth Instant FIRMx Eye

This quick-fix eye cream tightens the look of the skin upon application and minimizes the appearance of crow’s feet and other fine lines over time.

Sunday Riley.

Sunday Riley Auto Correct Brightening and Depuffing Eye Contour Cream

This cruelty-free formula uses a mix of popular and little-known ingredients to deliver everything you want for a glowy, youthful smize.

Buy: Sunday Riley Auto Correct Brightening and Depuffing Eye Contour Cream $65

Murad.

Murad Renewing Eye Cream

This firming and lifting eye cream delivers visible results—softening the look of fine lines and crows’ feet and brightening darkness—without leaving behind a greasy residue.

Versed.

Versed The Fix Emergency Eye Mask

As the name suggests, this quick-fix eye mask instantly reduces puffiness and undereye swelling and magically lifts under-eye circles and discoloration instantly.

A version of this article was published in August 2020. 

Learning when to let go is one of life’s most important lessons. Whether we’re leaving a loved one or they are leaving us, there comes a time to make a choice that demonstrates who we are and what we value, regardless of what other people may think.

I have written quite a bit about the grieving process in my own life as I left a marriage, home, and lifestyle I loved only to find that members of my closest family had abandoned me in the process. In religious terms, that is called shunning. In today’s web-connected world, it’s called ghosting.

I vacillated between doubling down on efforts to connect, hoping to force change or enforce my expectations. Fear or anger dominated my decision-making. The harder I tried to connect, the greater the distance grew between us.

The Five Inevitables

According to David Richo, author of The Five Things We Cannot Change, there are five inevitables:

• Everything changes and ends.
• Things do not always go according to plan.
• Life is not always fair.
• Pain is part of life.
• People are not loving and loyal all the time.

Successful people spend their lives in positions of leadership – at home, at work, at church. We guide, train, teach, and release. Wisdom dictates when to hold on and when to let go.

It is different for every person in every circumstance or stage of life. Sometimes people jump ship too soon, and sometimes they stay far longer than they should.

Approaching a Surrender

The first indicator that I was approaching a surrender was that I began to feel victimized and stuck. In the addiction world, we call that ‘hitting bottom’.

The natural response is to fight, flee, or freeze. I did all of those before moving beyond the sorrow enough to engage my brain again and make healthy choices for myself in spite of what I perceive as unfinished business.

Whether you’re struggling with an uncertain future around love, money, lifestyle or health, the recovery stages remain the same. When we’re facing change, our minds can only calculate what we will lose, not what treasures await us on the other side of the leap.

Here are some practical steps you can take to weather the inevitable grief of loss and exhilaration of meaningful change.

Resent

Transformational speaker Kyle Cease said that people don’t break your heart, they break your expectations. After we come out of denial, facing loss makes us angry. Especially if it is the loss of a cherished belief or dream.

Change is hard. Losses are real. Anger is the emotion (Energy in Motion) required to move us beyond the pain. It fuels us to find resolution.

Regroup

Facing the hard question of “should I stay or should I go” can stir fear, insecurities, and anxieties that threaten to overtake us.

We worry about what people think, how we look, and how to navigate new areas we may not have faced before. To ease those anxieties, we may struggle for more control. We want to micromanage the results – anything to keep from feeling powerless.

Deep down, we know that’s not the way life works. This is your time to take a deep breath. Be still and know that sometimes you just have to lean in to your limitations.

Repair

Everything will work out the way it’s supposed to, even though you may not be able to see it yet. Follow your heart to the Promised Land where you forgive yourself and all involved.

Do what you can to live at peace with or without your desired outcome. Be respectful of others and, more importantly, find your self-respect again.

Release

Bury the bitterness and break the rules. Life as you knew it before the divorce, devastation or death is over. You can’t go back to what was; you can only press ahead to what may be.

Just because life knocked you down doesn’t mean you’re stuck there. Sometimes your eyes need to be washed with tears before you can see new possibilities ahead. Don’t settle for less than you deserve. Learn what you can and move on.

How do you know when to hold on and when to let go? When it’s costing you more than you’re willing to pay. We only move when the pain of where we are is greater than the fear of where we’re going. And remember, one person cannot do the work of two.

Do you feel stuck in a mind-numbing job or a dead end relationship? Are you unable to effect a change or be recognized for your contribution? Are you holding out for the financial security of retirement? Do you feel stuck? Do you find yourself nagging, pleading, wishing, hoping or praying incessantly with no change in sight? Please join the conversation below.

Kameron Westcott’s Pastel Plaid Shirt in Austin

Real Housewives of Dallas Season 5 Episode 7 Fashion

On this week’s episode of RHOD the ladies take a girls trip to Austin, Texas (aka BBH’s Lauren and Jessica’s new hometown!) with Kameron Westcott serving up some serious Barbie cowgirl vibes in this pretty pastel plaid shirt. Which is unfortunately sold out, however no worries because we’ve herded up some Style Stylers down below that are still totally worthy of a big yeehaw.

Fashionably,

Faryn

Click Here to See Her Sold Out Ralph Lauren Collection Shirt

Click Here For Info on Her Skirt

Photo: @KaryBritt

Originally posted at: Kameron Westcott’s Pastel Plaid Shirt

If you’re starting to notice your balance when you walk, and perhaps feel unsteady on occasions, then you’ll know that this can affect your enjoyment of walking.

As a specialist exercise instructor, I’ve helped hundreds of people to feel steadier on their feet and more confident with their walking.

I know how vital walking well is, and that’s why I’ve written this series of articles for Sixty and Me readers.

What Does Walking Well Mean to You?

Walking well is essential for many reasons. But your reasons might be different from someone else’s.

Perhaps you want to be steadier on your feet so you feel happier walking to go shopping and run errands. It could be that you want to go for walks with your friends and be able to concentrate on the company and the conversation, not worrying about where you’re stepping and how you’re feeling the whole time.

Walking well could mean visiting cultural sites or travelling to foreign cities where you will be able to enjoy your surroundings and spend your time looking up at what’s around you.

Maybe you’ve had a fall or are worried about falling. Anxiety about falling can be overwhelming and, unfortunately, make us more likely to fall.

What Is Walking Well?

Most of us don’t stop to think about how we walk. We learnt to walk 50, 60, or more years ago and have carried on doing so without giving it a second thought.

It might seem silly, even frustrating, to have to think about how we walk. However, I promise you it’s worth it!

Walking well means thinking about our posture and our overall walking technique. Taking some time to think about how we walk will make a big difference for many years to come.

Stepping Out

Often, when we start to feel more cautious about our walking, we begin to take smaller steps. If you haven’t noticed this with yourself, look around and see if you notice a difference when other people walk.

Taking smaller steps doesn’t necessarily help us walk better (or more safely). In fact, it can affect how we place our feet on the ground (more on this in my next article) and make us more likely to trip and fall.

Taking Big Strides to Walk Well

Watch this demonstration video to learn about how taking longer strides can help us walk more confidently. Stand up and practice along if you can, I hope you’ll notice the difference!

(If you are going to practice with me, please make sure you have a clear space to move, with no trip hazards like rugs or trailing wires on the floor).

Walking Well Series

This is the fourth in a series of Walking Well articles I’ve written for Sixty and Me. All the articles have demonstration videos that you can follow along to, which will help you practice these tips.

The magic will happen when you fit all these elements of walking well together. So take a few minutes to look at these other articles and videos.

If you’re concerned about your walking posture, read more about what is good walking posture, how it helps us walk well, and what we should think about when walking.

Looking ahead may sound scary, but it is crucial if you want to walk well. If you find yourself looking down at the ground a lot when you walk, this article and video are for you!

Do you think of walking as something your legs do? Or is it a full-body activity? It is indeed a full-body activity, which means that our arms are involved in walking well. Look at this article and video to learn about why swinging your arms can help you feel more confident when you walk.

Exercising for Walking Well

As well as paying attention to our posture and walking technique, doing exercises to improve our strength, balance, and posture will help us walk better.

If you want to improve your balance, it’s good to do some balance exercises most days (rather than a long session once a week). It doesn’t need to be a lot. Just a few minutes a day (at home) is all it takes. You don’t even need any equipment.

If you want some easy-to-follow balance exercises to do at home, this FREE, 4-week Balance Boost video series could be right for you.

If you know you want to do regular exercise to feel stronger, move more easily, have better balance and improve your posture, look at the Vida Wellness online exercise studio. Our videos are clear and easy to follow, and most of our routines are 10-15 minutes long, so you can easily fit them into your day.

How does it feel when you walk? Have you tried taking longer strides, and does this help you? How has your gait changed with age? Please share your thoughts and observations below.