If you feel like everyone’s walking all over you, taking what they need with little or no concern for your needs, you may have what I call ‘doormat energy’ – pleasing others at your own expense.

You Always Say Yes, Even If It’s Not Convenient

You wanted to go on a walk, but you put your plans on hold because you’re busy helping someone else.

You get stuck coordinating another project at work or running another event at church because you were afraid to say no. You go out of your way to help a friend, but she never offers to return the favor, and you never ask.

Here Are Some Signs You’re Being Too Passive

• You don’t take care of yourself because you’re too busy taking care of everyone else.
• You say “yes” when you really don’t want to.
• You don’t feel appreciated.
• People take advantage of your kindness.
• You feel guilty.
• You avoid conflict.
• You compromise your values if it means people will be happy with you.

Don’t get me wrong – generosity and helping others is good for the soul, but not when it comes at the expense of your own health and happiness. Seriously, where is it written that you come last?

What Does This Have to Do with Your Weight?

If you’re letting people take from you without refilling your tank through self-care, you will end up exhausted and resentful. And you’ll likely turn to food to replenish your energy – both physical and emotional. Remember, food doesn’t expect or demand anything from us!

Unfortunately, carbs have a clever way of tricking our brains into feeling better – calm, happy, even elated! When we eat or drink those comfort foods, the levels of serotonin and dopamine rise in our brains and we get an instant ‘high.’

Our stressors just melt away and we feel better – at least in the moment. But we’re reminded of the dire consequences when we get on the scale the next morning. We vow to do ‘better’ but for some reason we keep repeating the cycle.

One of my clients, Mary, is a perfect example. Being a wife and mother of five consumed her time. Her husband was a busy medical provider. She took care of his needs and raised the children single-handedly.

When We Don’t Feel Valued, We Eat to Fill the Void

Mary didn’t have time to work, so she didn’t bring in income. Her husband didn’t value her and deep down she didn’t value herself.

She desperately wanted people to like her, so she avoided conflict. She let everyone walk all over her. She rarely spoke up for herself. She tried diet after diet, only to regain the weight she’d lost plus more.

Mary was miserable inside so she ate to feel better… to get that ‘high,’ to feel happy, to feel cared for, to feel loved. She mindlessly inhaled cookies, cakes, candy and bread – whatever it took.

The Reasons for Self-Sabotage Are Buried Deep

Mary didn’t overeat on a conscious level. In fact, she vowed every day that today was the day it would all change, and she’d finally have the willpower and self-discipline to be ‘good.’

But “today” was elusive until she figured out what was really at the root of her cravings and emotional eating. Once she addressed those issues, she was able to lose weight and keep it off.

There Is Hope!

The extra weight we carry is often a symptom of something deeper going on in our lives. We can try every crazy diet on the planet, but unless we figure out our cravings and emotional eating, we’re doomed to be stuck in the same pattern of losing – and regaining – weight.

So, what about you? If you had chest pain, would you keep taking aspirin until you finally had the ‘big one’? Of course not! You’d recognize the symptoms and seek help for the condition.

Our food cravings and addictions are simply a symptom of a deeper issue. With the proper help, you can put an end to self-sabotage.

You don’t have to do this alone! If you are tired of repeating the same cycle over and over again and are finally ready to stop the madness, I warmly invite you to schedule a discovery session with me.

I’ll also send you a free copy of my book, Beat the Belly Fat Blues: Mind-Body Solutions for Permanent Weight Loss. I think you’ll find the stories of hope inspiring!

Do you try to please others at your own expense? Do you find that you are an emotional eater? What strategies have you adopted to stop the cycle? Please share your thoughts and experiences below.

I’ve tried a lot weird things for the sake of beauty, from using a lip-vacuum device in attempt to fake a plumper pout to dousing my lackluster locks with a bottle of IPA beer to restore some shine after a bleach job gone wrong. One thing I never imagined doing, however, is spreading warm candle wax on my body with the hopes of achieving supple skin, but alas, here I am.

Before you assume that this skincare-candle hybrid is a product of kink culture or a sexy Valentine’s Day gimmick, hear me out, because apparently skincare candles are the latest thing in the beauty and wellness space. I’m guessing you’re either intrigued or horrified at this point, so I’ll go ahead and get on with my Neom Organics Skin Treatment Candle Review.

To offer some much-needed context here, I’ve been a huge fan of Neom’s luxe candle range for some quite some time now, but I have to admit — when I stumbled upon their Skin Treatment Candle, I was a little hesitant — not to mention kind of confused. But, in the name of beauty (and my job, of course) I figured I had to give it a try for myself. Spoiler alert: it’s not scary, painful, or kinky (unless you want it to be, that is) at all.

In fact, it’s the ultimate me-time selfcare product I’ve been subconsciously dreaming into existence for the past year (I mean, let’s face it: we all could use a little extra TLC after the dumpster fire of a year that was 2020.)

Our mission at STYLECASTER is to bring style to the people, and we only feature products we think you’ll love as much as we do. Please note that if you purchase something by clicking on a link within this story, we may receive a small commission of the sale.

Basically, you simply light the candle as you normally would, wait 10 or 15 minutes for the skincare-grade wax to soften and pool into a liquid, and then you’re ready to drizzle this yummy skin-enhancing wax-to-oil formula all over your skin — just don’t forget to blow out the flame. Clearly, Neom’s Skincare Treatment Candle isn’t formulated with any old candle wax. The soybean oil base is infused with not only twenty-four different de-stressing essential oils, but also a slew of nourishing skincare ingredients, including jojoba oil, cocoa butter, almond oil and rapeseed oil.

Courtesy of Neom Organics.

Neom Organics Intensive Skin Treatment Candle

It probably goes without saying, but this candle also happen to smell like straight-up heaven on earth — i.e. lavender, jasmine and Brazilian rosewood.

Full disclosure: while I was ever-so-slightly concerned about getting burned, rest assured, it wasn’t an issue. In fact, this is one of the most relaxing nights to myself I’ve had in a hot (pun intended) minute. Neom recommends that you make a night of it too — draw a warm bath, pour a glass of wine, and get ready to have the literal softest skin ever after massage in the moisturizing oil and breathe in the relaxing blend of anxiety-erasing aromas.

Neom offers two versions of their Skincare Treatment Candle: the Scent to De-Stress and the Scent to Sleep. I tried the de-stress version, and as someone with an apparent inability to fully unwind, I found that it really did the trick.

Courtesy of Neom Organics.

Neom Organics Perfect Night’s Sleep Skin Treatment Candle

For all of the restless night owls out there, it’s time to give this sleepy time candle a try. Not only does it smell and feel amazing on the skin, but it also helps you wind down and prepare for some solid shut eye with the help of English lavender, calming sweet basil, and jasmine.

Buy: Neom Perfect Night’s Sleep Candle $46

I’ve tried a lot weird things for the sake of beauty, from using a lip-vacuum device in attempt to fake a plumper pout to dousing my lackluster locks with a bottle of IPA beer to restore some shine after a bleach job gone wrong. One thing I never imagined doing, however, is spreading warm candle wax on my body with the hopes of achieving supple skin, but alas, here I am.

Before you assume that this skincare-candle hybrid is a product of kink culture or a sexy Valentine’s Day gimmick, hear me out, because apparently skincare candles are the latest thing in the beauty and wellness space. I’m guessing you’re either intrigued or horrified at this point, so I’ll go ahead and get on with my Neom Organics Skin Treatment Candle Review.

To offer some much-needed context here, I’ve been a huge fan of Neom’s luxe candle range for some quite some time now, but I have to admit — when I stumbled upon their Skin Treatment Candle, I was a little hesitant — not to mention kind of confused. But, in the name of beauty (and my job, of course) I figured I had to give it a try for myself. Spoiler alert: it’s not scary, painful, or kinky (unless you want it to be, that is) at all.

In fact, it’s the ultimate me-time selfcare product I’ve been subconsciously dreaming into existence for the past year (I mean, let’s face it: we all could use a little extra TLC after the dumpster fire of a year that was 2020.)

Our mission at STYLECASTER is to bring style to the people, and we only feature products we think you’ll love as much as we do. Please note that if you purchase something by clicking on a link within this story, we may receive a small commission of the sale.

Basically, you simply light the candle as you normally would, wait 10 or 15 minutes for the skincare-grade wax to soften and pool into a liquid, and then you’re ready to drizzle this yummy skin-enhancing wax-to-oil formula all over your skin — just don’t forget to blow out the flame. Clearly, Neom’s Skincare Treatment Candle isn’t formulated with any old candle wax. The soybean oil base is infused with not only twenty-four different de-stressing essential oils, but also a slew of nourishing skincare ingredients, including jojoba oil, cocoa butter, almond oil and rapeseed oil.

Courtesy of Neom Organics.

Neom Organics Intensive Skin Treatment Candle

It probably goes without saying, but this candle also happen to smell like straight-up heaven on earth — i.e. lavender, jasmine and Brazilian rosewood.

Full disclosure: while I was ever-so-slightly concerned about getting burned, rest assured, it wasn’t an issue. In fact, this is one of the most relaxing nights to myself I’ve had in a hot (pun intended) minute. Neom recommends that you make a night of it too — draw a warm bath, pour a glass of wine, and get ready to have the literal softest skin ever after massage in the moisturizing oil and breathe in the relaxing blend of anxiety-erasing aromas.

Neom offers two versions of their Skincare Treatment Candle: the Scent to De-Stress and the Scent to Sleep. I tried the de-stress version, and as someone with an apparent inability to fully unwind, I found that it really did the trick.

Courtesy of Neom Organics.

Neom Organics Perfect Night’s Sleep Skin Treatment Candle

For all of the restless night owls out there, it’s time to give this sleepy time candle a try. Not only does it smell and feel amazing on the skin, but it also helps you wind down and prepare for some solid shut eye with the help of English lavender, calming sweet basil, and jasmine.

Buy: Neom Perfect Night’s Sleep Candle $46

I’ve tried a lot weird things for the sake of beauty, from using a lip-vacuum device in attempt to fake a plumper pout to dousing my lackluster locks with a bottle of IPA beer to restore some shine after a bleach job gone wrong. One thing I never imagined doing, however, is spreading warm candle wax on my body with the hopes of achieving supple skin, but alas, here I am.

Before you assume that this skincare-candle hybrid is a product of kink culture or a sexy Valentine’s Day gimmick, hear me out, because apparently skincare candles are the latest thing in the beauty and wellness space. I’m guessing you’re either intrigued or horrified at this point, so I’ll go ahead and get on with my Neom Organics Skin Treatment Candle Review.

To offer some much-needed context here, I’ve been a huge fan of Neom’s luxe candle range for some quite some time now, but I have to admit — when I stumbled upon their Skin Treatment Candle, I was a little hesitant — not to mention kind of confused. But, in the name of beauty (and my job, of course) I figured I had to give it a try for myself. Spoiler alert: it’s not scary, painful, or kinky (unless you want it to be, that is) at all.

In fact, it’s the ultimate me-time selfcare product I’ve been subconsciously dreaming into existence for the past year (I mean, let’s face it: we all could use a little extra TLC after the dumpster fire of a year that was 2020.)

Our mission at STYLECASTER is to bring style to the people, and we only feature products we think you’ll love as much as we do. Please note that if you purchase something by clicking on a link within this story, we may receive a small commission of the sale.

Basically, you simply light the candle as you normally would, wait 10 or 15 minutes for the skincare-grade wax to soften and pool into a liquid, and then you’re ready to drizzle this yummy skin-enhancing wax-to-oil formula all over your skin — just don’t forget to blow out the flame. Clearly, Neom’s Skincare Treatment Candle isn’t formulated with any old candle wax. The soybean oil base is infused with not only twenty-four different de-stressing essential oils, but also a slew of nourishing skincare ingredients, including jojoba oil, cocoa butter, almond oil and rapeseed oil.

Courtesy of Neom Organics.

Neom Organics Intensive Skin Treatment Candle

It probably goes without saying, but this candle also happen to smell like straight-up heaven on earth — i.e. lavender, jasmine and Brazilian rosewood.

Full disclosure: while I was ever-so-slightly concerned about getting burned, rest assured, it wasn’t an issue. In fact, this is one of the most relaxing nights to myself I’ve had in a hot (pun intended) minute. Neom recommends that you make a night of it too — draw a warm bath, pour a glass of wine, and get ready to have the literal softest skin ever after massage in the moisturizing oil and breathe in the relaxing blend of anxiety-erasing aromas.

Neom offers two versions of their Skincare Treatment Candle: the Scent to De-Stress and the Scent to Sleep. I tried the de-stress version, and as someone with an apparent inability to fully unwind, I found that it really did the trick.

Courtesy of Neom Organics.

Neom Organics Perfect Night’s Sleep Skin Treatment Candle

For all of the restless night owls out there, it’s time to give this sleepy time candle a try. Not only does it smell and feel amazing on the skin, but it also helps you wind down and prepare for some solid shut eye with the help of English lavender, calming sweet basil, and jasmine.

Buy: Neom Perfect Night’s Sleep Candle $46

The older you and I get, and I just turned 68, the more important friendships become. We also speak a lot about de-cluttering, which, especially for those of us who have lost a spouse, moved to a new place or country, or simply want to live a simpler life, is an important part of letting go of what simply no longer serves.

I want to address the equal importance of de-cluttering our lives of friendships which also no longer serve.

As painful as it can sometimes be, those whom we have loved for a great many years can end up as disappointments. That goes both ways, of course. Political leanings change, or in one way or another a choice made forms a crack in the great strong castle that used to house our friendship.

How Friendships Can Change

Sometimes a subtle shift in how a friend treats us, or refuses to respond to a call or email, gets our attention. Once is understandable. A pattern, well. Something may be amiss.

Or, they are no longer available, they are always too busy, when before there was always and forever time for “just us girls.”

Worse, you may notice that the kindness that used to define your connection has been replaced by the occasional snarky comment, or disapproval, or an outright insult.

What on earth?

If you’re like me, you would want to know what’s going on. It’s perfectly reasonable to think that there was a misunderstanding, and that there’s every reason to expect that the strength of your friendship will, as it always had before, support walking through the hard stuff. There is always hard stuff in lifelong friendships.

But not all friendships survive all hard stuff. As with everything, it depends.

Childhood Friends Don’t Always Last a Lifetime

At 68, I don’t have any childhood friends in my life. They have fallen by the wayside, either because of marriage and family responsibilities, my penchant for moving, or some other reason. In one case, a few years ago, my best friend from middle school wrote a very angry comment on a Facebook post of mine.

I’d shared a video about life regrets from people close to death, and I was making a gentle exhortation to my fellow grey hairs. If there had been a dream, I hoped they would find a way to realize it before life closed the door on them.

My friend wrote with real venom that “other people didn’t have that kind of money.” Okay, well, I don’t either. This woman had approached me some years prior about writing a kid’s book. I’d just published my first and was happy to help. She didn’t choose to do it, using her grandkids as her constant excuse.

Money can’t write a book for you. Rich or poor, you still have to do the work yourself. While I can’t know her inner thoughts, it appeared that she resented me for choosing to live my dream. That choice, like all big life choices, has been costly. But money has nothing to do with it.

We haven’t spoken since.

When Things Get Cold

If you have gotten the cold shoulder, or the occasional hostile remark, it might be time to take a look at the status of your connection. Over the last three years, I’ve had to release one 40-year friendship and another 20-year friendship for different reasons.

In one case, my long-term “best friend,” as she liked to tell others, had little more than a single lunch all year long to share with me.

My adventure stories became baubles that she shared with people whose time she did value, as a way of claiming to be my friend but no longer wanting to put any time or affection into our connection.

If I traveled to Africa to swim with Great Whites, she would show the photos to her real friends. That’s her perfect right, but it would perhaps have been kinder to let me know – rather than saying “Honey, I can’t talk right now” every single time I called – that I’d been dropped a few rungs on the friendship ladder.

To the bottom, apparently.

I walked away from her with great sadness.

At some point, you and I need to get the hint. We are no longer that important, and we need to find people who really do want to be with us. Perhaps even more importantly, it’s not about us. It is about their choice, their journey, unless you and I have been cruel or mean in some way to deserve being demoted.

But that’s another story.

What De-Cluttering Does, and Why It’s Such a Gift

In the same way that clearing out the garage or that old closet allows the house to breathe, and puts air, light and space into our places, allowing people to move away from you creates space for new friends.

Since moving to Eugene last year, even under Covid, I’ve found new friends. And with those who are still very close to me back in Denver, I talk more often now than ever we did when I lived close by.

There is, for once in my life, a guest bedroom in my house. I am busily decorating it, the same way that I’ve been opening my heart for new people to find a welcoming space.

My departure from my old friends’ lives opens them up to people they prefer, too. As Bob Crachit (as played by Kermit the Frog in The Muppet Christmas Carol) says to his children, “Life is about meetings and partings; that is the way of it.”

The great gift of partings is that they so often open up the way to new meetings.

And those meetings so often lead us on the most exquisite of journeys.

What have you learned about letting friendships go later in life? How has trimming your tree allowed more light, love and laughter be part of your world? Please share your letting-go-of-friendship stories.