When do our children become adults? And do how we as moms adjust the way we relate to these now-tall people who share our DNA?

There are a lot of people who object to the term “adult children.” So what do we call them to be both sensitive and politically correct? How about simply sons and daughters?

The fact that they are 30 or 40-something can be readily seen. Their connections to us are usually confirmed by anecdotes and memories. They are validated by others who know us through a common history, like teachers or neighbors. Things can get complicated if there’s been any short or long-term conflict.

As a mom, daughter and granddaughter, here’s my take on how to enjoy your adult children after 60.

Take a Step Back and See Them as Separate Individuals

When you’ve shared history with sons and daughters, it’s hard to drop the heavy comment, “Yes, but I’m their mother.” Yeah, we get that. Or perhaps, “They’ll always be my babies.” Notice how they cringe when they hear that phrase? Remember your reaction?

Look at these people as competent adults with their own lives. It does not mean letting go of the love and caring you feel for them. In fact, to give them adult respect is a high form of love and dignity.

Once you’ve adjusted your “Mom-Viewer,” get re-acquainted with them. Treat them like you would any adult you’re getting acquainted with. Pretend that you are catching up with them after a long time.

This may seem silly at first. However, you’d be amazed at how much we moms take for granted about sons and daughters. We assume we know everything because we’re their mothers, right? Why not ask genuine, low-key questions that flow naturally. Say for example, “So, you’re doing well in the new job? How are you unwinding at the end of your day? Because you’re really looking great.”

The key is to show genuine interest, but not fall into any “Mother-Hover” mode. You don’t want your son or daughter to become defensive or irritated. The conversations can build from there. By taking a youthful perspective, you’d be surprised what delightful things you can learn about this person.

It’s a work in progress, though. If you’re not used to this kind of communication, be patient with yourself and practice. You’re probably not going to get it right immediately. For some of my personal experience with this, I invite you to read my post entitled “Adult Conversation” on my blog.

Acknowledge Any Unfinished Business

Dealing with unfinished business will take time and may involve some pain. Our offspring didn’t come with any how-to manual, so a private and honest reflection of what went on might be a good start.

There is no need for self-bashing. Sometimes the support of a qualified counselor can help you sift through past events and explore your feelings and perspectives. That way, you can approach a son or daughter with an empathetic viewpoint. You will be able to clearly hear their side of any unresolved conflict.

The counselor can also teach you some communication techniques to voice your side of any argument, and help you feel that you’ve been heard. Creating a safe space where parents and children can be honest in a loving, respectful way goes a long way to healing old wounds.

Accept that Things Don’t Always Turn Out the Way We Planned

Lots of sitcoms have joked about moms counting on being able to say “my son, the doctor,” or other variations. It takes courage for a son or daughter to realize that what their parents wanted wasn’t something that made them happy. They often feel guilty for letting their parents down. This could involve education, career choices, or relationships that they feared their parents would disapprove of.

In recent years, we also have been made more aware of the issues faced by the LGBT communities and their families. Not being able to support each other as a family through difficult feelings and decisions has resulted in painful, and sometimes tragic, consequences.

What a journey! Look back on your relationship with sons or daughters. Recall their milestones and accomplishments. Appreciate working through the difficult times and finally coming to a point where you see the results of your parenting. Sometimes the feelings are joyous, sometimes painful, but hopefully always with a loving resolution.

What experiences have you had with recognizing your son or daughter as an adult? Were there any difficulties involved in communication, relationships? Have you resolved them, and if so, how? Please join the conversation.

Two summers ago, my cousin Elizabeth died. Her death was sudden and occurred less than two weeks after the death of her mother. But unlike her mother, who had a traditional funeral, Elizabeth’s wish was to be cremated and to have her cremated remains scattered. In the interim, her two sisters and I put together a memorial service to honor her memory.

Elizabeth’s Memorial Service

In increasing numbers, people are making the same choice: to have a service without the body present. So, on a sunny Saturday morning in early September, Elizabeth’s family and friends gathered at her local Catholic church on Long Island.

I placed the lilac urn that held her cremated remains on a small table in front of the altar along with a framed photo of her taken at a family party a few summers before. A vase, at the base of the table, contained a floral arrangement in shades of purple, a signature family color.

A table, in the rear of the church, held memorial cards, which bore a photo of a lighthouse, a favorite of Elizabeth’s, and a basket filled with packets of purple forget-me-not seeds. Each packet was imprinted with her name and a picture of the flowers, which were to be planted in her memory.

The table also contained a guest book for visitors to sign, and each person was given a program outlining the order of service for the Mass. Her sisters wore the beaded bracelets and necklaces Elizabeth had bought for them just weeks earlier to wear at their mother’s wake. Later, at lunch, her brother-in-law, an ordained minister, led us in prayer before offering a brief eulogy.

Elizabeth’s memorial service was intimate and, in the absence of a funeral, gave family and friends the opportunity to gather together and commemorate her life.

The New Trend: Memorial Services

The rising popularity of memorial services is driven, in part, by the increase in direct cremations, a mode of disposition with no accompanying rituals.

The Covid pandemic has also contributed to the increase. When Covid struck, many churches closed, making it impossible for families to have a funeral Mass for their loved one. Instead, they planned for a memorial Mass at a later date.

“A memorial service acts in the same capacity as a wake, bringing people together, but without the deceased present in their physical form,” says funeral director, Doris Amen, who owns the Jurek-Park Slope Funeral Home in Brooklyn, New York.

No Two Memorial Services Will Be the Same

Memorial services can be religious or non-religious. They can take place in a variety of venues: a funeral home, a church, a park, a garden, or on a beach. They can be simple or elaborate.

Elaborate Memorial

One of the grandest memorial services Amen recalls is the one for the widow of a well-known artist. A few months after her death, a memorial service with the woman’s cremated remains took place at St. Bartholomew’s Episcopal Church on New York City’s Park Ave.

A reception followed the religious service on the outdoor terrace of the church, where waiters served cocktails and canapes. Everyone who attended received a print reproduction of one of the woman’s late husband’s nautical-themed paintings as a keepsake.

Amen later shipped the cremains of both the woman and her husband, who had died in 1999, to a cemetery in California for permanent placement.

Services Can Be Simpler

For more modest services, Amen offers her clientele the use of an urn, at no charge, to display the cremated remains. But whether they use hers or their own urn, people often dress it up with flowers.

That was the case for the memorial service of a local Brooklyn merchant. Amen displayed the cremated remains, surrounded by flowers, on a table in the meeting room of her funeral home. Guests dined on food catered by a local restaurant as they watched a video montage and shared reminiscences. Classical and big-band music, the man’s favorites, played in the background.

“It was a party. We had music. It was what the next of kin wanted,” said Amen. “They wanted to have a celebratory situation rather than an in memoriam. Every family is different.”

In fact, the man’s memorial card reflected his party spirit. It depicted him with a broad smile, one hand raising a glass of wine in a toast.

“So many people they did not expect showed up that the family ran out of food,” Amen, who often goes above and beyond for her clientele, said. “In 45 minutes, I made them a full tray of baked ziti.”

Food is often a big part of a memorial service.

“Some people go to restaurants with the ashes. We had one in a local restaurant at which the ashes were on a separate table, with a place setting. We even put a place card for that person,” Amen said.

Memorial Services Can Have All the Elements of a Funeral

In planning a memorial service, families will often draw on the traditions of funerals.

Obituaries can generally be placed in a community newspaper free of charge. They can also be posted on the funeral home’s website or social media sites like Facebook or Instagram.

Memorial prayer cards are often used. They will have a photo on the frontand aprayer, poem, or quote, on the back. The image can be religious or secular, depicting a nature scene, artwork, or a favorite photo of the deceased.

A religious service can be held. Sometimes it will be in a house of worship, or a member of the clergy can officiate at the site of the memorial service. Families should choose meaningful hymns and readings.

Flowers also can be a big part. A vase of flowers in the favorite colors of the deceased lends beauty to the setting. Peace lilies or orchids are popular options.

Photos and videos are important as well. Whether framed, poster-sized, montages, or in the form of slideshows and video tributes, pictures are visual remembrances of one’s life.

Funeral programs will often go beyond outlining the service and include biographical information, photos, poems, and favorite sayings.

Make It Meaningful and Unique

Families shouldn’t forget the small things that can make a difference in a memorial service.

Send invitations through the mail, email, or through social media platforms.

Ask everyone to wear the deceased’s favorite color, even if only as an accent piece.

Play the deceased’s favorite music. In addition to CDs and steaming, perhaps there’s a singer in the group who can offer a special song.

Serve the deceased’s favorite food and/or drink.

Set up a memory table on which to showcase favorite books, crafts, hobbies, sports memorabilia, and more.

Give guests a memento to take home – a charm, a favorite recipe card, a memorial stone, the sky’s the limit. If the deceased was a collector, consider giving guests a piece from that collection.

Have you been to a memorial service? How was it organized? Have you considered it for a loved one who passed from Covid? Please share your thoughts, stories, and experiences in the comments below.

Kenya Moore’s Purple Leather Dress

Real Housewives of Atlanta Season 13 Episode 5 Fashion

Kenya Moore’s purple leather dress is too cute. I have been obsessing over this light lavender color lately. In fact I’m trying to make it my go-to color for the summer. So seeing this dress in the previews tickled me pink purple. But I have to say seeing the skeletons in the preview did not and gave me a bit of a scare. Thankfully there are no skeletons in my closet, and just clothes.

Sincerely Stylish,

Jess

Click Here To Shop Her Zara Purple Faux Leather Dress

Originally posted at: Kenya Moore’s Purple Leather Dress

Drew Sidora’s Red Cowboy Boot Print Dress

Real Housewives of Atlanta Season 13 Episode 14 Fashion

As a newer resident of Austin, Texas I really feel like there will totally be a time in my future where I could wear Drew Sidora’s red cowboy boot print dress. Though I don’t have a pair of cowboy boots—yet—this dress may be a good gateway for me. Kind of like covering Drew’s style has been a gateway into my bank account.

The Realest Housewife,

Big Blonde Hair

Click Here to Shop her Sandro Bootsy Dress

Originally posted at: Drew Sidora’s Red Cowboy Boot Print Dress

It’s been a whopping 20 years since Hilary Duff graced our small screens as Lizzie McGuire. Since then, her early aughts makeup and hairstyles have become truly iconic. It’s only fair she’d get a makeup collection in her honor. Enter the Lizzie McGuire x ColourPop collection, a beauty collab you didn’t see coming. But we’re thankful it’s here.

The world was collectively bummed when the Lizzie McGuire reboot was officially axed in December. It seems Duff wanted to go a more adult way than Disney did. The jury is out on when and if they’ll ever agree and come back to the table. While we hold on to that little bit of hope, we’ve got this fun collab to hold us over. Lizzie deserves it.

Our mission at STYLECASTER is to bring style to the people, and we only feature products we think you’ll love as much as we do. Please note that if you purchase something by clicking on a link within this story, we may receive a small commission of the sale.

ColourPop.

The eight-piece collection includes the What Dreams Are Made Of Palette (a 12-pan palette) with duo-chrome finishes. Expect the first So Juicy lip gloss with glitter, including Dear Diary So Juicy Duo (in Lizzie, crystal clear gloss with rainbow glitter, and Miranda, translucent pink gloss with peachy golden glitter), as well as Seriously Cool So Juicy Duo (in Gordo, a translucent violet with rainbow glitter, and Ethan Craft, a translucent orange with copper and gold glitter).

ColourPop.

Bubblegum Pop Lippie Scrub will help prep your lips for gloss in the most 2001 way possible, while you play with two new glitters: Sing to Me Paolo Glitterally Obsessed (a white opal with bright rainbow glitter) and Get a Grip! Glitterally Obsessed (a bubblegum pink with multi-dimensional rainbow glitter).

ColourPop.

Finally, there are two new blushes: Dee-lish! Pressed Powder Blush (a cool-toned bubblegum pink with a satin finish) and You Are Magnifico Pressed Powder Blush (a cool-toned hot pink blush with a satin finish). ColourPop’s collabs often sell out fast. Just look at RawBeautyKristi and Animal Crossing collections. ColourPop could barely keep them in stock. It’s fair to say we think Lizzie is going to be even bigger. Set your iCal for March 26 at 10am PST and check back here for all the shopping details.