As we journey down the road of life, I often wonder what lies ahead, just beyond that bend in the curve. We all know that our path is never quite straight, that there are bumps, curves, and roadblocks that constantly get in the way of our leisurely walk.

We saunter along, becoming complacent with our surroundings, with the normalcy of our routine. And then it happens. We suddenly look up and are shocked that right in front of us is darkness with gray menacing clouds threatening our peace.

We hesitate with unbelieving eyes, our breath quickens, and our hearts become heavy with the weight of worry. The uncertainty of those clouds is frightening; that’s what really scares me. Does it scare you?

Imagine the Road Ahead

Close your eyes and envision your own path. Look with eyes that are filled with creative images of how the world around you appears. Is it a path that is beautifully filled with the boundless peace of nature? Are there trees and flowers, birds of all colors, skies that are blue?

Are your lips turned up in a smile, a look of eagerness on your face, lighting up your path with the sheer energy of your presence? Is there someone walking down that path with you, just a few steps behind or directly by your side?

Or is your walk not any of those descriptions? Is it one that is blurred, uncertain, or worse – one that is dark, mysterious, and full of foreboding fear, much like Dorothy’s walk in the haunted forest on the Yellow Brick Road? The path that has her fearful of what the darkness means.

Who’s by Your Side?

“It’s not where you go, but who you meet along the way.” Wizard of Oz by Frank L. Baum

But, if you remember the story of Oz, Dorothy’s journey wasn’t lonesome. She had the Lion, the Tin Man, and the Scarecrow by her side. Her companions. Her partners. Her friends. At this point in your life, who’s by your side?

When you go through six or so decades of friends, they probably fall into different categories. You have childhood friends, the ones that you made when you were young and carefree. Then you have your high school or college friends, the ones you probably first spread your wings with.

Then come your adult friends, the ones with kids your own children’s ages. Fast forward to today, the ones that understand the fears of our 60s. With them we will share all the good things as well as the bad things that lie ahead.

Those are the treasured friends that are in it until the end. Or, at least that is our hope.

Friendship Beyond 60

How do we embrace our friendships, at this stage in our life?

Make Time for Friends

Some of us are lucky enough to have a partner or spouse as our friend. But that doesn’t mean that he or she is all that we need. We can’t make the mistake of not making time for our other friends.

Our gift of friendship commits us to carving out time for them. Make a date (virtual, phone, or when possible, live), put it on your calendar, and don’t make excuses. Make it a priority. Your friendships deserve that.

Take a Break

We are all human, and every single one of us has a flaw that may get on peoples’ nerves. I know it’s probably something you don’t want to think about, but it’s true.

We may talk about our kids too much, we may obsess over our exercise or our body, our aches and pains, or something that probably annoys someone. Take a break, if you need to. But, always, always, circle back around and keep in touch. Text or call. Let them know that you are not gone for good.

Plan a Girls-Only Trip

Take a weekend and hit the road with your girlfriends. You’ll know when the time is right. Those kinds of trips create memories to carry us through the times ahead, and that we’ll need to draw from, when our days are filled with dark clouds.

Avoid the Topic of Beliefs

Unless you absolutely know that your religious or political views are similar, stay away from those conversations. No one wants to be preached to or made to feel that they are being rallied to change their beliefs.

Consider Your Financial Circumstances

Be considerate of the differences in your financial means. Not all of your friends may have the luxury of spending money on clothes, vacations, or ‘things’. It can come across as bragging, not sharing. So, be considerate of all situations where money could be an issue.

Open Opportunities for Them

Don’t be a know-it-all. Give your friends a chance to talk, and be an active listener. They need to shine on their own, too.

Make New Friends

Smile and be open to new friends. Network with people who have the same interest as you. As you grow older, possibly after retirement, your hobbies and interests evolve and change.

Look for groups that congregate like-minded people. Open the door and your heart to new friends. You can never have too many.

Be Forgiving of Each Other’s Faults

Forgiveness is the key to retaining friends. Somewhere along this road, one of your friends may have misstepped, hurled an insult, hurt your feelings. Let. It. Go. Life is simply utterly too short. If you want to remain friends, reach out.

Stay Connected

With the ease that social media provides these days, staying connected should not be an issue. Period.

Spread Your Friendship

Don’t be possessive of your friends. You can never have enough – and they can’t either. A garden is filled with many flowers, and a good friend realizes that many colorful souls can and should be in our lives.

A post on my Moonflower Blooms blog describes the feelings that I have for my family and friends. It is the perfect representation of Dorothy’s walk to Oz, implementing the scene where the yellow brick road is filled with fields of flowers.

She had her friends by her side, arm in arm, their journey filled with the heart of friendship and the bravery to meet the challenges ahead.

This is how I intend to live my life moving forward. How about you?

Who shares your life journey with you? What could you do to be a better friend? When was the last time you sent a personal message to an old friend? What keeps you from reconnecting? Is there someone you need to forgive? Please share your friendship story with our community.

March 11, 2020 will be added to the collection of significant dates in my life. It will mark the first day of staying home alone protecting myself and others from the menace of Covid-19. I have written before about the trials and tribulations of this time in solitude and the flickers of recognition that I’ve had of who I am.

The essay also covered what I’ve learned throughout my life to bring me to that point when all of a sudden, I was utterly alone and yet somehow able to stay calm and find balance. To be in charge of my emotions and wait it all out hoping for better days.

I’ve made each day count for sure. With little things, with big things, and most importantly with the normal ups and downs of life which exist with or without Covid.

Now with the added component of being totally isolated from the most important people in my life, unable to be visited or to visit them, and limiting my social interactions to seeing images of them on Zoom and hearing their precious voices on the phone daily.

Love from Everywhere

Throughout the year, I kept in touch with people around the globe, and all along I have felt an outpouring of love. It has felt almost like a ray of sunshine or strong energy pointing straight at my home. Straight at my heart.

While I allowed myself to indulge in sadness and frustration at times, I’ve recovered quickly to embark on my next project, on my next article, on my next recipe, on my next essential chat with a friend, on my next painting, on my next Netflix series, on my next moment, hour, day, week and month.

Becoming an Observer

In this year I have become an observer who can see without doing, without participating in that world that still exists outside the confines of my home. I have seen so much of the world sitting in my little cottage by myself.

There’s been strife everywhere. Families, including my own, grieving the loss of loved ones. Entire countries deserted and locked down.

Where I live, there have been changes of government, a new president, a first ever woman vice president, over 500,000 deaths from the virus and demonstrations on the streets of entire cities in protests sparked by anger and frustration.

I have also watched people being kind to one another. Helping seniors, helping neighbors. Teaching children. Cooking, shopping, fetching, and caring for one another. I watched art and music and creativity of expression all around me.

The world was turning with or without me and waiting for me to join in when it was safe for me to do so. In the meantime, I felt very strongly that my contribution to being part of the solution that we were all striving for was to stay home and support and allow the essential workers to do their job of keeping us safe and sound by keeping myself safe and sound and out of the way.

And Then Came a Ray of Hope

In a short nine months, scientists developed vaccinations, and in February I had my second shot of the Covid Moderna vaccine. It is hard to describe the joy I felt to qualify so quickly to receive it.

One of my friends commented that “there has to be some reward to being our age!” I am thankful for my “advanced” age for more reasons than that, but I agree that getting the vaccine qualified as a biggie.

While being the recipient of this jewel of science does not award me total freedom and requires me to continue to be cautious, wear my mask, wash my washed out hands and keep distance from other humans, I can now do some of the things that represent my daily routines before Covid.

Simple things. Important things. Reading my book at the beach. Going to the park for a walk. Buying my own groceries in the market. Breathing easier and, little by little, joining that world that I so love and yearn to be a part of.

The pandemic is not over yet, but at last there is hope that it can be in a nearer future if we all use what we’ve learned from our first year and keep moving forward with the knowledge that we’ve painstakingly acquired.

My Reward and Ultimate Prize

As I write this, my son, his wife, and my three grandchildren are driving from Georgia to see me in Miami. I can’t describe my emotions so I will just let you guess them, and you’ll be right, of course.

I still have seven more grandchildren and another three kids and their spouses to see, but like the vaccine, I know that will come even sooner than I ever imagined.

How are you marking this first year of Covid-19? What are your highlights and low points? What have you learned in this year of “observing the world go around”?

If you feel stuck in a less-than-ideal life and can’t seem to find your way forward, consider that it may be because our brains are made for efficiency. The main goal of our primitive human brain is to keep us alive, and one way it accomplishes that goal is by being efficient. When it comes to our thoughts, efficiency equals redundancy.

Our brains offer us the same thoughts, day in and day out. We tend to believe that everything we think is true.

Beliefs Are Well-Practiced Thoughts

Thoughts we think over and over again become beliefs. In the spirit of efficiency, our brains file our beliefs in the subconscious. It is inefficient, after all, to consciously re-think things that we already believe to be true.

At no point in our development does anyone teach us:

• That all thoughts are 100% optional.
• That thoughts are simply sentences in our minds.
• That we are not our thoughts.
• That our thoughts are sometimes not true.
• That our thoughts sometimes don’t serve us.
• That our thoughts on repeat can become a self-imposed prison sentence.

As we become better eavesdroppers on our thoughts, we can learn to observe without judgement. We can simply say, “Oh, this is what my brain is offering me today,” knowing full well that those thoughts may or may not be true and may or may not be serving us.

Only then can we become fierce editors of what our brains offer us.

Take Control

In a life that often feels like it is spinning out of control, thinking thoughts on purpose can become our first opportunity to regain control. Although our brains might be offering one thought on repeat, a host of other thoughts are also true.

We have the ability to direct our brains to think the thoughts that are both true and useful. This is how we get unstuck and step into new possibility.

Since our thoughts directly create our feelings, and since our thoughts are 100% optional, it is best to choose thoughts that don’t make us feel horrible. After all, life can be tough enough without our brains manufacturing unnecessary additional suffering.

Create a Belief Plan

As a coach for widows, I encourage my clients to create a Belief Plan. It is something everyone, widowed or not, can benefit from.

A Belief Plan is a list of thoughts that are true for you and that serve you. It can also include thoughts that you want to believe but you’re not quite there yet. It does not include thoughts that you do not believe at all. No unicorns, no rainbows, just truth.

Here is an example of a Belief Plan. (Note: not all these thoughts will ring true for you or serve you, but feel free to use the ones that do.)

• Every decision I’ve ever made was made with good intentions and the information I had at the time.
• Today I will observe without judgement.
• I am worthy of happiness.
• I give myself permission to dream again.
• It’s never too late to make new choices.
• I give myself permission to be a beginner.
• I’m capable of learning and growing.
• I make good decisions and I have my own back.
• I am capable.
• The best is yet to come.

Take These Steps

Just a few steps will help you create your Belief Plan and start benefitting from it right away.

1. Grab a piece of paper and create your own Belief Plan. Add thoughts that are true and useful to you. Add or delete as needed. Be sure to include beliefs that you are still learning to believe.
2. Read your Belief Plan at least daily, or more often as needed.
3. As you read each belief, pause to feel the feeling that each thought creates. Make a note of the feeling.
4. Optionally, ask yourself, “On a scale of 1 to 10, where a 10 indicates very strong belief, what number would I give this belief today?”

Notice what a Belief Plan is not. It’s not a unicorns and rainbows type affirmation that is too far from your current truth. It’s not a fake-it-until-you-make-it approach to living life. It’s also not forced positivity. Those don’t work; Belief Plans do.

What thoughts hold you back from living the life you want? What do you believe about yourself and your ability to grow? In what ways have your beliefs about yourself changed over the years?

Teresa Giudice’s Neon Yellow Sports Bra and Shorts

Real Housewives of New Jersey Season 11 Episode 4 Fashion

If Teresa Giudice proved one thing on the cast trip to Lake George it’s that she’s a F-I-T as ever. Her body is insane, as proven when she wore her neon yellow sports bra and shorts. If she proved two things, the second is that she needs to buy this shirt to change into after her workout so everyone just freakin’ stops asking…

The Realest Housewife,

Big Blonde Hair

Click Here to Shop her Sports Bra

Click Here to Shop Matching Bottoms by the Same Brand

Click Here to Shop her Shorts*

*As always on Amazon, we think this is a color match but cannot confirm*

Originally posted at: Teresa Giudice’s Neon Yellow Sports Bra and Shorts