In an earlier article, we discussed the value of having a sense of purpose in life and some easy steps to help you discover yours. Recall that purpose is related to vitality, mental acuity, and longevity.

Now, we will explore the three key pillars to keep leveling up your life of purpose… where you are most vibrant and powerful. A life you know matters because you feel ‘on purpose’, whatever that is for you.

The three pillars to create your life that matters include:

• Your relationship with your own wisdom and guidance
• Your relationship with life
• Your relationship with others

We can thank Claire Zammit Ph.D., Evolving Wisdom LLC, for her extensive research regarding these three centers of our power as women.

This series of articles will help you begin creating a life that matters to you and spark more passion for life. Think of the three legged stool. Once you have all legs in place, life will support you to create the life you want.

Your Relationship with Your Own Wisdom and Guidance

Many women in their 60s and beyond experience at least in passing that they may not “matter” anymore. The notion is related to feeling relevant and is usually associated with a role, like parenting, work, or volunteering.

Sometimes it is framed as the good days being in the past… along with a bit of apprehension about the future. True, many of our life roles have shifted. This can be something to lament or celebrate. I vote for the latter.

The trick is to stop looking outside to roles and norms for what defines relevance; realize you know what really matters in your life. We are going to explore listening to your own wisdom.

Your inner wisdom needs to feel welcome in order to make herself known and heard. That translates to liking yourself, and thus welcoming the wisdom that you embody.

Your Relationship with You

Many of us have patterns of thinking about ourselves that may not serve us. Some we may have learned during our youth, such as if we are lovable or visible. Some we learn from life experience and culture, such as if we have valuable insights to offer.

What do you really think about yourself? How well do you take care of you? How much do you like you? Are there parts of you that you hide or try to ignore? Celebrate you if you have come to accept and love yourself as much as you would your best friend or child. Doing this is a quest for all of us as women.

Your relationship with yourself is the most important question to explore in creating a life that you are passionate about living. So, how do we learn to love ourselves even more? The voice of your inner wisdom will be muted by any negative thoughts in your mind. Manage your thinking to set your wisdom free.

Step 1: Be the Shield Maiden or Kali the Slayer of Evils for Your Wise Woman

Yes, this is an act of courage, so the images are intentional! Does your self-talk help you feel confident and powerful, or does it lead you to feel inadequate and unimportant?

For three days, notice your own self-talk. Your inner wise woman certainly is not going to want to engage in a conversation with a barrage of negative thoughts. Come to her aid! When you notice any negative or judgmental thinking, what do you do? Talk back!

Have a phrase to say to yourself that uplifts you, such as:

• There is no one else like me and I love who I am.
• I’m learning and doing my best every day.
• I am perfectly me.
• I am courageously myself; I have the power.

Step 2: Welcome Your Wisdom

Now that you have tuned in to managing your mind, let’s get in touch with the wise woman within you. Your wisdom is embodied, not found in mental activity. This is the part of you that knows what matters, so you definitely want to have easy access to that knowing.

After you decide on which wisdom guidance described below works best for you, here is a 7-minute audio to guide you through the reflection.

Here are three ideas for how to listen to your inner wise woman that have worked for others. They all use the same process to tap into the voice of wisdom; you choose the source of that wisdom based on your own comfort.

Before you begin, settle into a comfortable place and breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth three or more times. This gets you in sync with your parasympathetic nervous system – or “rest and digest” as it has been called.

Now ask your wise woman for the guidance you seek. It may be a problem, an open-ended question, or simply general guidance.

One example that I use with clients is to ask what it is that they want to experience in their lives and to feel in their lives. Use what works for you.

You can:

1. Welcome her as your best friend. Use this one especially if you are one who has a fabulous relationship with yourself already.
2. Welcome her as a the ideal future version of yourself (don’t worry about the details, just hold the vision). Take yourself into your future 5 – 10 years and imagine that your life has unfolded perfectly. See yourself in that context.
3. Welcome her as a sacred guide. This can work for those of you who are practiced using the notion of guides, in whatever form resonates.

Breathe and listen for 5 – 20 minutes, depending on what you are able to do at the moment. Listen. You may get a feeling, actual words, a knowing, an image… impressions arrive in many forms. Even if you think there is no communication, the knowing may just come to you later.

The last phase is to thank your wisdom for her presence in your life.

The best part of all is that the more you practice, the more your wise woman will stay active in your life and decision making.

How do you access your inner wisdom? If you tried this exercise, what happened? Is your voice of inner wisdom active or quiet?

The Merriam-Webster’s dictionary defines legacy as “something transmitted by or received from an ancestor or predecessor from the past.” It’s common to hear about legacies “living on” today when they continue to affect those in the present.

Mom’s Legacy Letter

Shortly before her death 14 years ago, Mom wrote a Legacy Letter to her family and friends, sharing what mattered to her. Below are excerpts from that letter:

I want my family to know that I love them. All have been so wonderful to me. That love will be with you forever.

As I’ve grown older, I continue to value family more and more. It’s so important to keep in touch. So much of who I am today is because of Mother and Grandma Green and Aunt Frances. They were very special ladies in many ways.

You can always learn new things throughout your entire life. It was important to me that my children had good educations, but they had to do it on their own ($$).

It may sound strange, but the more you give, the more you will receive.

My love for my children and grandchildren is too great to express in words. Show people you love that you care for them and be sure to tell them, too. Never be afraid to say, “I love you.” Be generous with your love.

My faith in God has helped me survive incredible challenges. At times I could not have made it without God’s help.

I apologize for the times I wasn’t the Mom you would have liked me to be. Please know that I really tried my best. Forgive whatever misunderstandings there are between you and those you love. Don’t’ be afraid to say, “I’m sorry, please forgive me. I was wrong.”

I read my mother’s Legacy Letter again each Mother’s Day and on her birthday… plus other random times. It continues to speak to me. I’ve also written legacy poetry and prose focused on Mom. Here’s a link to one poem I drafted on what would have been her 95^th birthday.

My Own Legacy Letter

Below is the most recent version of my Legacy Letter, which I update annually. You will see there are many elements from my mother’s Legacy Letter and the poem I wrote about her that define my own legacy.

Dear Family and Friends,

Thank you for being a phenomenal blessing to me. Life wouldn’t have meant much without you. Over the years I’ve wished we lived closer, but we still stayed in touch and got together periodically. As I write my letter during this COVID-19 pandemic, I especially miss seeing you in person.

Life has taught me a lot, including these three things:

1. The more you give, the more you’ll receive in return. Helping others results in rich rewards. I call this “psychic income.”
2. Education opens many doors. Earning a Ph.D. and other advanced credentialling was worth the effort, bringing me interesting opportunities. I loved learning new things.
3. Perseverance and hard work pay off. I kept on keeping on, often reinventing myself to get where I wanted to be. Change was my mantra.

Thinking about what matters most, I know this has evolved over the years. Now in my “reFirement” chapter, here’s a little graphic with the top 5 values guiding my actions.

In closing, here’s a favorite quote of mine:

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do
 with your one wild and precious life?”
 — from “The Summer Day” by Mary Oliver

P.S. You’ll find many legacy poems and stories I’ve written over the years in my separate notebook. Hope you’ll enjoy them!

I will love you forever,

Kathleen/Mom/Grandma

Updated on 1/31/2021

What Will Your Legacy Be?

Legacy doesn’t have to be fancy. Simply focus on what matters to you. Your legacy may be shaped by your mother’s legacy or not. Perhaps you’ve gone 180 degrees from where your Mom was.

Do you think your legacy was shaped by that of your mother or grandmother? Where do you find similarities? Which things are different? Have you written a legacy letter? What have you expressed in it? Please share with the community!

Sunday night was the filming of VAX LIVE: The Concert to Reunite the World, hosted by Selena Gomez. The concert, which will air on May 8, featured performances by Jennifer Lopez, Foo Fighters, J Balvin, H.E.R., and more. The host looked stunning both on the red carpet and on the main stage. Gomez’s makeup featured a smoky eye in a gorgeous rose hue that subtly matched her red dress. It was created by her longtime makeup artist Hung Vanngo.

Vanngo used Rare Beauty products, of course, though he hasn’t dropped exactly which ones yet. (Don’t worry—we’ll guess.) We’re drooling over the smoky cat-eye in warm tones. And that nude lip? Perfection. Gomez’s new blonde hair was pulled back with natural-looking pieces falling to the front of her face. You can thank hairstylist Marissa Marino for the pretty look that allows the makeup (and that choker!) to stand out.

Our mission at STYLECASTER is to bring style to the people, and we only feature products we think you’ll love as much as we do. Please note that if you purchase something by clicking on a link within this story, we may receive a small commission of the sale.

Source: Instagram

Manicurist Tom Bachik gave Gomez those cool black-and-white nails. He also did Jennifer Lopez’s nails for the show. Unsurprisingly, she also looked incredible.

Source: Instagram

If you want to get a similar look to Gomez’s trendy warm eyes, you can try the Rare Beauty by Selena Gomez
Discovery Eyeshadow Palette ($29 at Sephora) and/or any of the Stay Vulnerable Liquid Eyeshadow hues, especially Nearly Rose.

Sephora.

Be sure to tune in Saturday, May 8 on ABC, CBS, FOX, iHeartMedia, YouTube and more, to see Gomez and J.Lo and all the celebs in action for a great cause.

Kristin Cavallari’s White Button Down Maxi Dress

Kristin Cavallari Instagram Fashion

Get you a girl who can do both! And by that I mean wear a gorgeous $650 floral maxi dress we love and then follow it up shortly after by wearing an equally cute white button down maxi dress (featured below) that retails for under $100.

This dress is one of those great purchases that looks great on almost everyone. Kristin is 5″3 (according to Google) and I am 5″9 (according to my doctor) and both of us can absolutely pull off this look. And if white isn’t your color, you can also shop this beauty in teal, yellow or black, meaning there is something for everyone. And with a price like this, I wouldn’t wait, because this dress is sure to disappear as quickly as the Instastory she wore it in.

The Realest Housewife,

Big Blonde Hair

Click Here to Shop her Steve Madden x BB Dakota Dress

Click Here to Shop Additional Stock

Click Here for Even More Stock

Click Here to Shop it In Yellow or Teal

Click Here to Shop an Affordable Belt to Pair it With

Photo: @KristinCavallari

Originally posted at: Kristin Cavallari’s White Button Down Maxi Dress

When divorce is mixed with other transitions in your life, like retirement or taking care of an ailing parent, it’s tempting to never want to leave the house. Although feeling overwhelmed and confused during divorce is normal, avoiding these common boomer mistakes can save you unnecessary drama and stress so you can move on with your life.

Missing the Big Picture

Divorce feels awful because, as a society, none of us are taught to plan ahead for it.

Funny, isn’t it? For years, doctors have been telling us to take care of ourselves so we will feel better as we age. Financial advisors preached about planning for retirement for years. Why don’t we apply those same principles to divorce?

We stumble into divorce and panic, instead of logically asking ourselves, “What’s the game plan? Where do I want to be in a year with this divorce and how can I get there?” It’s no wonder why we feel like we no longer control our own life.

Planning where you want to be six months or a year from now and then implementing those steps has bigger dividends than struggling to make it through the day. This method can also help plan for contingencies and worst-case scenarios.

Letting Emotions Cloud Your Judgement

When you strip away the heart-ache of splitting from your spouse, divorce is actually a business transaction: dividing assets and debts and moving on. That’s not to minimize your decades-long marriage, but it’s absolutely critical to keep emotions at bay when dealing with the business side of things.

Your head understands, but the part of you that is angry may spend months fighting over things that have nothing to do with business. It’s understandable: we all make decisions based on emotions because we are hurting. And the only way we know how to deal with those emotions is by projecting it onto our business decisions, especially after a long marriage.

We over-react because we think we will “win,” the divorce, and “get back at” our spouse. This tit-for-tat only prolongs stress and ensures a future of bitterness. You deserve better than that – you have worked for years and deserve the chance to enjoy yourself now. Why be bitter during this next chapter of your life?

Nobody wins in a divorce and you must make your decisions from a clear-headed and rational place. Otherwise, you will find yourself robbed of time, money, and emotional energy – assets that are put to better use in your post-divorce life.

Failing to Make Your Own Decisions

When you’re going through a messy divorce after 50, it can be easy to say, “You know what?!?! I’m just going to let my lawyer figure it out for me.” Or, “Okay, fine. If agreeing to the demands of my spouse will get them off my back and let me move on, whatever.” Or, you may seek advice people whose information may not necessarily be in your best interest.

There is nothing wrong with educating yourself or asking for advice. But, remember that, ultimately, this is your life and your future. It is your right and your responsibility to take ownership of your divorce decisions.

Sure, you can have people advise you – divorce professionals working with you is never a bad thing. But remember, at the end of the day, it is you who has to live with the divorce decisions – shouldn’t you be the one making them?

Staying in the Dark

Remember the phrase, “Knowledge is Power?” It’s popular because it’s true.

Divorce can feel overwhelming. At this point in your life, you may have thought that the hard work was behind you and that you had a good handle on things, but then this curve-ball is thrown at you and you’re not sure how to plan for it.

The only way to ease that fear and uncertainty is to educate yourself about the process. Quality divorce resources online are plentiful, many divorce lawyers and coaches offer free consultations and there are support groups and community classes that will help you understand your rights and offer assistance so you do not get run over in the process.

The more you read, reach out and take advantage of the resources out there, the less scared and helpless you will feel. That type of knowledge is pretty powerful, indeed.

Dating Before You’re Ready

Once you and your spouse split, you are given this amazing opportunity to heal, rediscover yourself, and reclaim your independence – things that only you can do. So why would you invest yourself emotionally with someone new, when you haven’t had any time to learn how to be on your own? And how much worse will you feel when that “new, promising” relationship doesn’t work out?

Sure, as humans we want to be loved. It’s understandable to feel lonely after sharing much of your life with your spouse. Separation is a lonely place to be, but you know what’s even worse? Dependence – depending on another romantic relationship to make you feel loved and validated.

Now is the time to break that cycle. Lean on your friends, your family, a good therapist and divorce support groups to listen and encourage when you are lonely. Find the happiness by discovering and enjoying your new-found freedom. You deserve to put yourself first right now.

The divorce journey is a long a tricky one, especially later in life. But educating yourself and reaching out for help can steer you away from these mistakes and get you back to enjoying the best years of your life sooner than you thought possible.

Did you encounter any of these mistakes during or after your divorce? If so, how did you overcome them? Please join the conversation.