Month: June 2021

Eboni K. Williams’ Gold Bodysuit and Lion Belt

Eboni K. Williams’ Gold Bodysuit Lion Belt in Harlem

Real Housewives of New York Season 13 Episode 8 Fashion

The lion queen! On this week’s episode of RHONY Eboni K. Williams introduces the ladies to her favourite part of the concrete jungle, Harlem, and does so in style with this fierce lion head belt paired with a gold metallic bodysuit. Both of which may be sold out, however we’ve included some Style Stealers down below that are still totally ready to enter their natural habitat of your closet. 🦁

 

Fashionably,

Faryn

 

Eboni K. Williams’ Gold Bodysuit and Lion Belt

Eboni K. Williams’ Lion Belt

Click Here to See Her Gucci Bodysuit

Click Here to See Her Gucci Belt

Photo #1: @EboniKWilliams

Originally posted at: Eboni K. Williams’ Gold Bodysuit and Lion Belt

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How We Can Communicate Better in a World of “Easy” Communication?

communicate better

When texting was still pretty new, I had this text exchange with a friend about my missing cloth tote branded with a local grocery chain logo:

Me: I think I left my Dominick’s bag at your house last night. I brought the ice cream in it but must have left the bag. Can I come pick it up?

Friend: I didn’t notice, but I’ll look for it.

[Days pass.]

Me: Just wondering whether you ever found my Dominick’s bag.

[No reply. Very uncharacteristic of her.]

Me later that day: Never mind about the bag. It was in the back of my car.

Soon afterward when the friend and I were chatting by phone, I apologized for making her search for something that was in my car all along and was just an inexpensive cloth bag to begin with, not worth a lot of trouble.

“A cloth bag!” my friend exclaimed, having thought I’d meant an ordinary plastic bag from the grocery store. “That makes a lot more sense. I kept looking under the sink and asking my husband, ‘Do you know which of these bags Rosanne brought over?’ We couldn’t figure out why you wanted it back.”

I have been laughing about this ever since. I picture my friend kneeling under the sink, trying to figure out which brown bag was different from the others. I guess that’s why misunderstanding is a common ploy for sitcoms – but you probably don’t want it to play a major role in your real life.

When Knowledge Is a Bad Thing

In hindsight, it’s easy for me to see how this fiasco came about. I didn’t have a name for it until I did a little research, but I know now that I was demonstrating one of many “cognitive biases” that trip us up in communicating effectively.

Specifically, I was demonstrating the very common “curse of knowledge.” I knew exactly the bag I was looking for, but my friend knew nothing about that bag. How could I expect her to see it through my mind’s eye when I didn’t even provide a description?

Reach Out and Call Someone

Texting is a much-appreciated option for communicating all sorts of quick messages. But for a deep conversation, I think it falls short.

To avoid misunderstandings, it helps to have one of those telephone conversations we used to rely upon. It certainly cleared things up with my friend.

Phone conversations enable you to detect nuances of expression, plus you can exchange an occasional ‘uh huh” to indicate comprehension or agreement, or you can ask the person to clarify a point. The communication just has a better chance of conveying the intended meaning.

Do you ever just call someone out of the blue? More likely, you text at least a day ahead to make a “date” to talk. Our generation didn’t come up with this protocol, but we seem to be following suit. I’m rebelling!

One evening after dinner, in the middle of both a TV show and a Scrabble game with my visiting daughter, my phone rang. Recognizing the caller as a friend and occasional client, I took the call. No sooner had I greeted my caller with a friendly “hello” than I heard my daughter admonishing me: “Why in the world would you answer a phone call?”

I continued my phone conversation, caught up with my friend and got hired for a little editing work all in a quick 20 minutes. For me, interrupting my evening was more expedient than setting up a future time to talk.

More Options, More Problems

Even when all we need to do is send a quick message and texting is appropriate, we all know how auto-correct and “fat fingers syndrome” mess with us. Recently, my husband texted my daughter that we’d be arriving on July 39. At least that error was obvious.

Texting isn’t the only landmine for misconstrued messages. Despite the advances in communication tools and methods, it seems we’ve only added confusion to actual conversation.

We might deal with an important email hiding in the junk mail folder or a voicemail that escaped our notice. Maybe we forget that a particular work associate communicates only through Slack, or we fail to check the inbox of our LinkedIn account.

Cognitive Biases Influence Even Face-to-Face

Technology isn’t always the culprit. Here are just a few of the many cognitive biases that, even with in-person communication, work against us when we depend on our own observations to try to figure out people’s intentions:

Control Blindness

Control blindness refers to our tendency to overestimate people’s ability to control events. We then attribute intention to others’ actions where there may be none. For example, if a friend doesn’t “like” our Facebook post, we may think she wasn’t happy about what we wrote when what may have happened was that she didn’t see the post at all.

Confirmation Bias

Confirmation bias gets a lot of press because of our current political climate. It’s human nature to seek out information and data that confirm our pre-existing beliefs and to ignore or dismiss information that contradicts those beliefs.

Spotlight Effect

Spotlight Effect happens when we overestimate how much attention people pay to our behavior and appearance. It’s easy to think someone else is reacting to something about us when the reaction can have nothing to do with us. Sometimes I have to remind myself that what I wear matters a lot more to me than to anyone else.

Naïve Cynicism

Naive Cynicism occurs when we believe that everyone has self-interest at heart. When people are nice to us, it’s easy to think there must be something in it for them.

Think It Through

Often, if someone’s behavior doesn’t make sense, it’s because we’re missing the explanation. Rather than assuming something and possibly never finding out that we’ve misjudged someone, we probably should ask for clarity. We’re all just trying to communicate the best we can. In 2021, that’s a challenge.

How would you rate yourself in the communication department? What is your favorite communication medium? Do you prefer to text or do you like old-fashioned phone calls? What is your latest – or biggest! – communication mishap you’d like to share with the community?

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Ramona Singer’s Black Glitter Dress

Ramona Singer’s Black Glitter Dress in Harlem

Real Housewives of New York Season 13 Episode 8 Fashion

We’re not on the Upper East Side anymore! On this week’s episode of RHONY Eboni brings the ladies on a little trip down the street to Harlem. And if there’s one thing that makes us dizzier than Ramona Singer while there (due to a bout of vertigo), it’s trying to visualize at once all of the celebs we’ve seen wearing this black glitter dress.  

 

Fashionably,

Faryn

 

Also Seen on Tinsley Mortimer:

Tinsley Mortimer’s Metallic Draped Dress

And Adrienne Maloof:

Adrienne Maloof's Crystal Studded Dress

Ramona Singer’s Black Glitter Dress

Ramona Singer’s Black Glitter Dress

Click Here to See Her Sold Out Jonathan Simkhai Dress

Photo #1: BravoTV.com

Photo #4: @RamonaSinger

Originally posted at: Ramona Singer’s Black Glitter Dress

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6 White Must-Haves for Your Summer Wardrobe

fashion after 50 - summer wardrobe

Does anything say “summer” quite like wearing white? It has several traits in common with its absolute opposite on the color spectrum, black: it’s chic, it’s easy to accessorize, it can be worn as a monochromatic outfit, and it always looks great!

For this season, there are plenty of options for updating your white wardrobe. You may own some of these pieces but be sure you examine your white garments carefully before you use them again this year.

White wears quickly so be sure it hasn’t yellowed or become gray after numerous trips to the laundry. The last thing you want is to look worn!

That said, here are the essential pieces that will have your friends calling you a fashionista and your admirers calling you fabulous!

The Simple T-Shirt

Your t-shirt can be a v-neck, crewneck, or U-neck, whatever is most flattering for your chest type. Hopefully, you know what looks best on you by now. I personally lean towards a v-neck because it looks better with my ample bosom.

adult woman white t-shirt

The best thing about a white T-shirt is that you can dress it up or dress it down. Paired with jeans, layered under a blazer, or tied in a knot in the front or on the side, it looks good as part of any outfit. It is casual and neat, and its clean lines make it perfect as part of your summer wardrobe.

The White Linen Shirt

Nothing says classic quite like a linen shirt. I’m not talking about your mother’s linen, which wrinkled quickly and was brutal to iron. Fast-forward into this century, and marvel at the new wrinkle-free linen.

It’s true! You can run it through the washer and dryer, then hang it right up on a hanger. Surprise! It will retain that linen look and feel, but it won’t be a mess five minutes after you wear it.

So, what kind of a linen shirt is this year’s best seller? Look for one that has a three-quarter sleeve that rolls up with a tab and button. The shirt itself should button up the front, have a medium collar, and be a length that suits you.

Most have shirttails, and they can be worn tucked in, outside and belted, tied in the front, or loose. They look amazing with a brightly-colored sash, and they also can be worn unbuttoned as part of a layered look.

Touch of Lace

Lace is any summer, and can be showing up as insets in the bodice, decoration on sleeve hems, and along the edge of necklines.

older woman lacy white shirt

It adds a feminine touch to the simplest of garments, making them suitable for work but sweet and sexy on the weekends. Look for pieces where the lace is subtle, soft, and understated.

Square Neck or Boat Neck

Audrey Hepburn rocked the boat neck, and so can you! This is another classic that can be dressed up or down, depending on the occasion. Look for a neckline that is flattering and that covers your undergarment straps. In fact, you may need a special bra, but it is worth it.

A square neck is another option. Again, keep those pesky straps out of sight. Look for fabric that is slightly heavy and less opaque than simple t-shirt jersey.

A boxy cut is also an option, especially if you have a bit of an apple figure. The shirt will be square cut across the bottom, and it can be worn inside or outside depending on your outfit.

Tank

Not everyone has killer arms, it’s true, and a tank surely will put those on display. Still, a tank is versatile and can be worn under a jacket or blazer for a great layered look.

Find one that is a bit dressy, maybe with a small v-front or reverse binding around the neckline. It can be sheer if you are willing to wear a camisole underneath.

Tunic

A final must-have for your summer white collection is a tunic. These are great on any figure and cover a multitude of body imperfections. The choices of styles and fabrics are wide and varying.

What you are going for here is a top that can be paired with leggings or capris for a totally casual yet elegant look. Again, dress it up or down, as suits the occasion.

Wonderful Whites

Don’t underestimate the importance of each of these as part of your wardrobe this summer. White is cool in all senses, and it will have you looking good and feeling confident.

Your outfit will appear to be effortless and stylish, whether you accessorize with bright colors or beautiful jewelry. You can’t go wrong with white!

What are your favorite summer white clothes? Do you have a white outfit that you accessorize with bright colored shoes, jewelry or scarf? Let’s chat and discuss our favorite white clothes!

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How to Make Your Memories Stick

make memories stick

King Cyrus II, founder of the Persian Empire, reportedly could name all his army’s soldiers in his army. Seneca the Elder could repeat two thousand names in their original order.

Even after the printing press’s invention and the mass production of books, for centuries, an average person could only afford a few books. Those they owned weren’t just read, they were digested completely, the entirety of their contents committed to memory. As Dutch poet Jan Luyken stated:

One book printed in the Heart’s own wax

Is worth a thousand in the stacks.

For centuries, an excellent memory was a sign of culture and education. Great effort was made in training one’s memory to be a walking mental index. Gradually, we outsourced the task of memory from internal to external storage, depending on written records then hard drives and Google.

As an older adult, you may bemoan a failing memory as an inevitable effect of age. Truth is, few people invest any time developing their memories as people once did. Everyone’s memory is probably worse now than if they’d been born in an earlier century.

Memories and Our Sense of Time

In a single lifetime, we’ve moved from holding directories of phone numbers in our heads to not even making the effort to remember our own. With so little time invested in training our memory, no wonder we can’t recall where we were last Tuesday. 

Have you ever had the feeling of time going too fast? Or asked yourself, where did the time go? As it happens, much of that sensation is informed by the way we create memories and time as a mental construct. 

Michel Siffre, a chronobiologist (the study of the relationship between time and living organisms) with the University of Paris, sought to discover how natural rhythms of human life would be affected by living “beyond time.” In his experiment, he spent two months living in total isolation in a subterranean cave without access to a clock, sun or calendar. He ate and slept when his body told him to. 

With nothing novel to impress the memory, nor chronological landmarks to measure the passage of time, his memory quickly deteriorated. At one point, he stopped remembering what happened the day before. Some nights he’d sleep 36 straight hours, others eight, and couldn’t tell the difference. When the two months he’d planned to spend in the tunnel were over, he thought only one month had passed. 

A very similar experiment was conducted since the Pandemic, again in France, with students ages 27 to 50, staying 40 days in a cave without any outside contact, this time with more scientific measurements to determine how well people adapt to isolation. Participants thought they’d been in the cave less time than they had, as in the Siffre study, and again felt like time had passed more slowly. 

Memory Webs

There are steps you can take to slow time and remember events without having to create elaborate memory palaces or other mnemonic devices.

We remember events in relation to other events. In a past blog, Part-Time Expat Life Shows You’re Never Too Old to Be a Rock Star, I wrote about how each “tour” in Mexico, what I called my yearly stays in various neighborhoods of Mazatlán, formed a distinct memory web in which to capture other memories of that period; X happened the year I lived at the old Pato Blanco Hotel. I met Y the year I lived in Olas Altas, and so on. Many memories are pegged to the central memory of each distinct place I lived.

As Joshua Foer explained in his book, Moonwalking with Einstein, events structure our lives with psychological landmarks that make us more aware of time passing. The more we have to remember, the slower time flies. The more we can connect new information to what we already know, the more likely it is to be remembered. Monotony collapses time. Unfamiliarity and newness unfold it. 

That’s the reason it’s important to change routines regularly, take vacations to new locales and have as many new experiences as possible. Creating unique memories stretches out psychological time and how we perceive our lives. Without the markers, life seems to speed up as we get older because life gets less memorable. 

How to Slow Time

One doesn’t need to move to another country to slow the sensation of passing time. Merely breaking up periods with a novel experience, like taking a class or spending a week in an exotic location will make the period “stickier” to retain other memories of what happened around that time.

The more experiences you have, the more associations you create. The more associations you create, the more you remember and the greater your potential for learning due to the increased stickiness of your memory webs.

Did our sense of time slow down or speed up during the Pandemic? One could argue that the Pandemic was a novel period, full of experiences new to us. Wearing masks, meeting friends only on Zoom, following the news, tracking infection rates and the daily progress on vaccine development made 2020 unique and memorable from years past. 

Perhaps the Pandemic created its own memory web and slowed time for you. For others, maybe the monotony of each day (“Didn’t I just do this?”) sped up time and the year went by quickly, as it did for the students in the cave.

Have you ever had the feeling of time going too fast? Do you feel time passed slowly or quickly during the Pandemic? What new memories have you made in the past month? What other, contingent events do you remember as a result? Let’s have a memory web exploration!

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