If you’re a so-called “bottle blonde,” and have to resort to salon services to maintain your lightened locks, you know that being blonde is not only expensive AF, but it’s also just downright hard. Before taking a deep dive into our comprehensive blonde hair color guide informed by Los Angeles based colorist (and bona fide blonde guru) Linet K, let’s first address some of the potential reasons for why we oftentimes find ourselves leaving the salon dissatisfied (and sometimes straight-up horrified) with the end result. The most common reason for leaving the salon in a state of distress is that your expectations simply weren’t realistic and/or weren’t matched with your budget, the condition of your hair, your natural color’s aptitude to lift (lighten), or the time limit you’d allotted for the service.

If you’ve ever tried to go from a brunette (or worse, redhead) to blonde with only one salon session, you’ve probably been told that this transformation is virtually impossible to undergo within one day if you plan on actually leaving with some hair left on your head. Of course, aside from consulting with your colorist about possibilities and options, it’s also possible you weren’t specific enough in communicating your hair goals or simply didn’t even know what you wanted (all you knew is that it wasn’t what you left with).

Even if you have the most amazing colorist in your city and bring in the most illustrative inspiration pics the margin of “error,” walking out of the salon with the exact shade, undertone and effect you dreamed of us is unlikely without the right vocabulary.  Not only is there a highly nuanced shade palette when it comes to a vast range of different hues under the broad “blonde” umbrella, but there is also a slew of different tones (ash, neutral, golden, icy…and the list goes on). There’s also a ton of different blonding techniques that will each give you a different look.

On top of this, colorists and hairstylists seem to have adopted their own language choc-full of mystifying terms and descriptives, and if you don’t know the jargon, you may be at a disadvantage when you’re trying to distinguish whether you’re coveting dimension, a smudged root, or blended babylights, or whether you’re looking for a “bronde,” baby blonde or champagne-hued accent highlights. “The best thing to do is to take in photos of what you like because your interpretation or understanding of cool, neutral, and platinum are not the same or someone else’s understanding of those terms,” Linet advises.

Balayage, babylights and partial highlights offer the most natural-looking blonde requiring less maintenance and offering a more forgiving grow-up process, while bleach and tones give an all-over blonde (often platinum-white) but you’ll have to be religious about root touch-ups every 3-4 weeks to avoid stark lines of demarcation. “Balayage lasts for between 3-6 months, whereas highlights need a touch up every 4-6 weeks, so you can save money with a balayage with more infrequent salon visits,” she says.

According to Linet, it’s also important to factor in the condition of your hair, if you have a ton of breakage from previous bleach jobs or excessive heat styling, a bleach and tone or platinum highlights, aren’t ideal. “Balayage [tend to be] the least damaging because the bleach doesn’t go all the way up to the root, and there are fewer pieces of hair bleached compared to highlights or babylights,” she says. Regardless of which technique and tone you decide, ensuring you protect the integrity of your hair (another popular salon term, I’ve heard numerous times), selecting the right products to maintain your hair’s health and keep your locks bright and brass-free is essential.

The two products she recommends to her blonde clients? A good bond-builder and violet-hued shampoo. “Olaplex will keep the hair strong and healthy! Purple shampoo only once a week to keep it bright, otherwise, it will start looking grey,” she suggests. See below for some of our favorite blonde looks and find out exactly how to ask for them.

Our mission at STYLECASTER is to bring style to the people, and we only feature products we think you’ll love as much as we do. Sally Beauty is a STYLECASTER sponsor, however, all products in this article were independently selected by our editors. Please note that if you purchase something by clicking on a link within this story, we may receive a small commission of the sale.

Courtesy of ImaxTree.

Icy Platinum Bleach & Tone

A bleach and tone service involves the process of applying bleach in section to the entire head to a pale yellow or white level and then applying a toner to get the desired undertone. This icy (white, cool-toned cast) is achieved by using a purple or ash-toned glaze over pre-lightened locks. As mentioned, bleach and tone blondes should expect a high-maintenance and expensive salon routine because root regrowth looks stark compared to sectional highlights, hand-painted balayage, or super blended babylights.

Courtesy of Color Lux.

Color Lux Cleansing Conditioner

Using a color-depositing conditioner formulated for platinum blondes will help keep your hair fresher for an extended amount of time. Color Lux’s Cleansing Conditioner in the platinum will help counteract unwanted warmth and keep brass at bay in between your salon appointments.

Courtesy of ImaxTree.

Butter Blonde Highlights With Smudged Root

Butter blonde tones are universally flattering on a wide range of skin tones, and they require much less upkeep with maintaining the tone than ash, ice, platinum, and cooler-toned hues. She also appears to have what’s called a smudged root: a process that involves the colorist adding a glaze or demi-permanent gloss darker than the blonde color applied over your roots to soften any harsh lines from your highlights and to help make the grow-out look a bit more natural for those who prefer to only visit the salon for touch-ups a couple of times a year.

Courtesy of GemLites.

ColorLites Color-Depositing Shampoo

This pigmented color-depositing shampoo comes in a variety of hue-enhancing shades, including options for white platinums, golden highlights, and beige blondes. The shade “sandstone” is perfect for maintaining buttery blonde shades.

Buy: GemLites Color-Depositing Shampoo $35

Courtesy of ImaxTree.

Mushroom Blonde Color Melt

Mushroom blonde is probably one of the biggest hair color trends swirling about this summer, and for good reason. The ash-based hue is a combination of grayish-brown and neutral blonde, infused with highlights and low-lights in a myriad of different shades and tones for an ultra-natural look that still delivers ample dimension and character. The color melt technique is a popular way to nail this look because it concentrates on lighter shades at the bottom of the hair with a gradient effect from the root to strands. It’s one of the most fuss-free hair services you can choose from, and it complements the multifaceted ‘shroom shades beautifully.

Courtesy of Fanola.

Fanola No Yellow Shampoo

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, this violet-tinged shampoo is the ultimate brass-blocker I’ve found. Colorists swear by it — even to use in place of an actual toner. It’s that good. This formula will help keep the mushroom tones nice and ashy and will counteract brass.

Buy: Fanola No Yellow Shampoo $24.99

Courtesy of ImaxTree.

Golden Blonde Babylights

Babylights are one of the go-to highlighting methods used on clients looking for a super-natural looking blonde that mimics the enviable soft dimension you’ll see on naturally blonde tresses of children (most people lose this lustrous effect with age). This method offers a super-subtle look and tends to grow out beautifully depending on how light you go.

Courtesy of FEKKAI.

FEKKAI Baby Blonde Shampoo

This blonde-enhancing shampoo helps keep golden locks looking shiny and vibrant, but isn’t as pigmented as other purple-toned shampoos, so it won’t leave your locks looking ashy or silvery.

Buy: Fekkai Baby Blonde Shampoo $19.99

Courtesy of ImaxTree.

Silver Blonde Bleach & Tone

Another bleach and tone example, this striking blonde has been bleached to a pale yellow and toned with an ash or silver toner to create a grayish hue. If you choose to rock this look, prepare for some serious commitment when it comes to your maintenance routine. We advise investing in silver or violet-hued shampoo to maintain the brilliance and counteract brass (especially if your natural hair color is darker) in between salon visits.

Courtesy of Luesta.

Luesta Hair Brightening Mask

This two-in-one hair mask delivers anti-brass powers to keep yellow tones at bay, while also conditioning the hair to reverse breakage and bleach damage.

Buy: Luesta Hair Brightening Mask $26.90

Courtesy of ImaxTree.

Ash Blonde With Platinum Accent “Money Piece” Highlights

This ash-blonde look is accented with a touch of face-framing highlights positioned strategically around the face for a sun-kissed effect. I’ve also heard these accent or face frame highlights referred to as “pops,” money pieces, crown highlights, and frosted tip highlights in salons.

Courtesy of Kerastase.

Kérastase Blond Absolu CicaFlash Conditioner

This fortifying hair treatment will keep your brighter pieces healthy, strong, and hydrated while also boosting their brightness when your in-between visits to your colorist. It’s infused with hyaluronic acid fills, which work to help repair damage and prevent further breakage.

Buy: Kerastase Blond Absolu $49.99

Courtesy of ImaxTree.

Honey Blonde Balayage

Giselle’s signature beachy highlights look effortless and sexy — and they’re actually just as low-key when it comes to maintenance and grow-out as they seem. Balayage is a process of highlighting that (usually) favor the hand-painting technique for placement rather than foils for a more natural look. Balayage often has a rootier look, without being full-on ombre.

Courtesy of CHI.

CHI Ionic Illuminate Golden Blonde Conditioner

Keep your golden strands bright and healthy with this subtle color-depositing conditioner, which also doubles as a bond builder for repairing and restricting damage.

Buy: CHI Golden Blonde Conditioner $15.04

Courtesy of ImaxTree.

Bronde With Ribbon Highlights

Bronde (you guessed it, a slightly blonder brunette shade) is a great option for those on a budget or those who don’t want to fuss with frequent salon appointments to deal with roots. It adds just a touch of dimension and brightness to your natural (or color-treated) hue without a huge investment or commitment. This bronde shade has a pop of blonde with cascading, ultra-thin “ribbon highlights” position around the entire head (as opposed to accent highlights) where the sun would naturally hit.

Courtesy of DP Hue.

DP Hue Gloss+ in Dark Blonde

This color-refreshing gloss gives the perfect pick-me-up to keep warm bronde hues fresh. This low-maintenance look requires little upkeep, but adding a gloss like DP Hue’s will help you push back frequent visits to the salon.

Buy: DP Hue Color Gloss $35

If you’re a so-called “bottle blonde,” and have to resort to salon services to maintain your lightened locks, you know that being blonde is not only expensive AF, but it’s also just downright hard. Before taking a deep dive into our comprehensive blonde hair color guide informed by Los Angeles based colorist (and bona fide blonde guru) Linet K, let’s first address some of the potential reasons for why we oftentimes find ourselves leaving the salon dissatisfied (and sometimes straight-up horrified) with the end result. The most common reason for leaving the salon in a state of distress is that your expectations simply weren’t realistic and/or weren’t matched with your budget, the condition of your hair, your natural color’s aptitude to lift (lighten), or the time limit you’d allotted for the service.

If you’ve ever tried to go from a brunette (or worse, redhead) to blonde with only one salon session, you’ve probably been told that this transformation is virtually impossible to undergo within one day if you plan on actually leaving with some hair left on your head. Of course, aside from consulting with your colorist about possibilities and options, it’s also possible you weren’t specific enough in communicating your hair goals or simply didn’t even know what you wanted (all you knew is that it wasn’t what you left with).

Even if you have the most amazing colorist in your city and bring in the most illustrative inspiration pics the margin of “error,” walking out of the salon with the exact shade, undertone and effect you dreamed of us is unlikely without the right vocabulary.  Not only is there a highly nuanced shade palette when it comes to a vast range of different hues under the broad “blonde” umbrella, but there is also a slew of different tones (ash, neutral, golden, icy…and the list goes on). There’s also a ton of different blonding techniques that will each give you a different look.

On top of this, colorists and hairstylists seem to have adopted their own language choc-full of mystifying terms and descriptives, and if you don’t know the jargon, you may be at a disadvantage when you’re trying to distinguish whether you’re coveting dimension, a smudged root, or blended babylights, or whether you’re looking for a “bronde,” baby blonde or champagne-hued accent highlights. “The best thing to do is to take in photos of what you like because your interpretation or understanding of cool, neutral, and platinum are not the same or someone else’s understanding of those terms,” Linet advises.

Balayage, babylights and partial highlights offer the most natural-looking blonde requiring less maintenance and offering a more forgiving grow-up process, while bleach and tones give an all-over blonde (often platinum-white) but you’ll have to be religious about root touch-ups every 3-4 weeks to avoid stark lines of demarcation. “Balayage lasts for between 3-6 months, whereas highlights need a touch up every 4-6 weeks, so you can save money with a balayage with more infrequent salon visits,” she says.

According to Linet, it’s also important to factor in the condition of your hair, if you have a ton of breakage from previous bleach jobs or excessive heat styling, a bleach and tone or platinum highlights, aren’t ideal. “Balayage [tend to be] the least damaging because the bleach doesn’t go all the way up to the root, and there are fewer pieces of hair bleached compared to highlights or babylights,” she says. Regardless of which technique and tone you decide, ensuring you protect the integrity of your hair (another popular salon term, I’ve heard numerous times), selecting the right products to maintain your hair’s health and keep your locks bright and brass-free is essential.

The two products she recommends to her blonde clients? A good bond-builder and violet-hued shampoo. “Olaplex will keep the hair strong and healthy! Purple shampoo only once a week to keep it bright, otherwise, it will start looking grey,” she suggests. See below for some of our favorite blonde looks and find out exactly how to ask for them.

Our mission at STYLECASTER is to bring style to the people, and we only feature products we think you’ll love as much as we do. Sally Beauty is a STYLECASTER sponsor, however, all products in this article were independently selected by our editors. Please note that if you purchase something by clicking on a link within this story, we may receive a small commission of the sale.

Courtesy of ImaxTree.

Icy Platinum Bleach & Tone

A bleach and tone service involves the process of applying bleach in section to the entire head to a pale yellow or white level and then applying a toner to get the desired undertone. This icy (white, cool-toned cast) is achieved by using a purple or ash-toned glaze over pre-lightened locks. As mentioned, bleach and tone blondes should expect a high-maintenance and expensive salon routine because root regrowth looks stark compared to sectional highlights, hand-painted balayage, or super blended babylights.

Courtesy of Color Lux.

Color Lux Cleansing Conditioner

Using a color-depositing conditioner formulated for platinum blondes will help keep your hair fresher for an extended amount of time. Color Lux’s Cleansing Conditioner in the platinum will help counteract unwanted warmth and keep brass at bay in between your salon appointments.

Courtesy of ImaxTree.

Butter Blonde Highlights With Smudged Root

Butter blonde tones are universally flattering on a wide range of skin tones, and they require much less upkeep with maintaining the tone than ash, ice, platinum, and cooler-toned hues. She also appears to have what’s called a smudged root: a process that involves the colorist adding a glaze or demi-permanent gloss darker than the blonde color applied over your roots to soften any harsh lines from your highlights and to help make the grow-out look a bit more natural for those who prefer to only visit the salon for touch-ups a couple of times a year.

Courtesy of GemLites.

ColorLites Color-Depositing Shampoo

This pigmented color-depositing shampoo comes in a variety of hue-enhancing shades, including options for white platinums, golden highlights, and beige blondes. The shade “sandstone” is perfect for maintaining buttery blonde shades.

Buy: GemLites Color-Depositing Shampoo $35

Courtesy of ImaxTree.

Mushroom Blonde Color Melt

Mushroom blonde is probably one of the biggest hair color trends swirling about this summer, and for good reason. The ash-based hue is a combination of grayish-brown and neutral blonde, infused with highlights and low-lights in a myriad of different shades and tones for an ultra-natural look that still delivers ample dimension and character. The color melt technique is a popular way to nail this look because it concentrates on lighter shades at the bottom of the hair with a gradient effect from the root to strands. It’s one of the most fuss-free hair services you can choose from, and it complements the multifaceted ‘shroom shades beautifully.

Courtesy of Fanola.

Fanola No Yellow Shampoo

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, this violet-tinged shampoo is the ultimate brass-blocker I’ve found. Colorists swear by it — even to use in place of an actual toner. It’s that good. This formula will help keep the mushroom tones nice and ashy and will counteract brass.

Buy: Fanola No Yellow Shampoo $24.99

Courtesy of ImaxTree.

Golden Blonde Babylights

Babylights are one of the go-to highlighting methods used on clients looking for a super-natural looking blonde that mimics the enviable soft dimension you’ll see on naturally blonde tresses of children (most people lose this lustrous effect with age). This method offers a super-subtle look and tends to grow out beautifully depending on how light you go.

Courtesy of FEKKAI.

FEKKAI Baby Blonde Shampoo

This blonde-enhancing shampoo helps keep golden locks looking shiny and vibrant, but isn’t as pigmented as other purple-toned shampoos, so it won’t leave your locks looking ashy or silvery.

Buy: Fekkai Baby Blonde Shampoo $19.99

Courtesy of ImaxTree.

Silver Blonde Bleach & Tone

Another bleach and tone example, this striking blonde has been bleached to a pale yellow and toned with an ash or silver toner to create a grayish hue. If you choose to rock this look, prepare for some serious commitment when it comes to your maintenance routine. We advise investing in silver or violet-hued shampoo to maintain the brilliance and counteract brass (especially if your natural hair color is darker) in between salon visits.

Courtesy of Luesta.

Luesta Hair Brightening Mask

This two-in-one hair mask delivers anti-brass powers to keep yellow tones at bay, while also conditioning the hair to reverse breakage and bleach damage.

Buy: Luesta Hair Brightening Mask $26.90

Courtesy of ImaxTree.

Ash Blonde With Platinum Accent “Money Piece” Highlights

This ash-blonde look is accented with a touch of face-framing highlights positioned strategically around the face for a sun-kissed effect. I’ve also heard these accent or face frame highlights referred to as “pops,” money pieces, crown highlights, and frosted tip highlights in salons.

Courtesy of Kerastase.

Kérastase Blond Absolu CicaFlash Conditioner

This fortifying hair treatment will keep your brighter pieces healthy, strong, and hydrated while also boosting their brightness when your in-between visits to your colorist. It’s infused with hyaluronic acid fills, which work to help repair damage and prevent further breakage.

Buy: Kerastase Blond Absolu $49.99

Courtesy of ImaxTree.

Honey Blonde Balayage

Giselle’s signature beachy highlights look effortless and sexy — and they’re actually just as low-key when it comes to maintenance and grow-out as they seem. Balayage is a process of highlighting that (usually) favor the hand-painting technique for placement rather than foils for a more natural look. Balayage often has a rootier look, without being full-on ombre.

Courtesy of CHI.

CHI Ionic Illuminate Golden Blonde Conditioner

Keep your golden strands bright and healthy with this subtle color-depositing conditioner, which also doubles as a bond builder for repairing and restricting damage.

Buy: CHI Golden Blonde Conditioner $15.04

Courtesy of ImaxTree.

Bronde With Ribbon Highlights

Bronde (you guessed it, a slightly blonder brunette shade) is a great option for those on a budget or those who don’t want to fuss with frequent salon appointments to deal with roots. It adds just a touch of dimension and brightness to your natural (or color-treated) hue without a huge investment or commitment. This bronde shade has a pop of blonde with cascading, ultra-thin “ribbon highlights” position around the entire head (as opposed to accent highlights) where the sun would naturally hit.

Courtesy of DP Hue.

DP Hue Gloss+ in Dark Blonde

This color-refreshing gloss gives the perfect pick-me-up to keep warm bronde hues fresh. This low-maintenance look requires little upkeep, but adding a gloss like DP Hue’s will help you push back frequent visits to the salon.

Buy: DP Hue Color Gloss $35

We all know the old saying that a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step – and the same principle can be applied if you want to declutter your home. The trick is to begin small and take it one step at a time. Here’s how to get started.

Use 20-Minute Time Boxes

Begin by choosing a small area that contains things you do not have any emotional attachments to – just a drawer, a shelf, a small cupboard or something similar.

Set an alarm to go off in 20 minutes and start decluttering. When your alarm sounds, stop and pay attention to how you feel. If you you feel like you’re done for the day, that’s fine. If you feel like doing a bit more, set the timer for another 20 minutes and keep going.

Continue in 20-minute time boxes, pausing after each one to assess if you would like to finish at that point or keep going.

If you have good stamina and find that 20 minutes is too short, set your timer for 30 minutes or an hour. But be sure to stop before you feel too tired. When you end each session feeling good, you will be more likely to return the next day to do more.

The lovely thing about time boxing is that each small area you clear releases energy for you to do more. The stagnant energy that accumulates around clutter causes you to feel tired but when you start clearing it, this frees up stuck energy in your home and also energizes you.

In fact, so many people have experienced this invigorating effect that I once wrote an article Don’t read or listen to this book at bedtime! to warn what can happen if you read my book too late at night.

Doing 20-minute time boxes also means that with each one you complete, you will experience the feel-good dopamine release that accompanies each achievement, which will encourage you to want to do more.

Break Each Area Down Into Small, Manageable Chunks

Don’t make the mistake of dragging everything out of your cupboards or closets, piling it in the centre of the room and trying to sort the whole lot out in one go. I’ve never heard from anyone with more than a trivial amount of clutter that this method worked for them.

Instead, break each area into small, manageable chunks. If you are clutter clearing a cupboard, work shelf by shelf, completing each one before moving on to the next. For chests of drawers or dressers, work drawer by drawer. If you have a whole junk room full of clutter, divide it into chunks and tackle each area one at a time.

If you get easily distracted, spread sheets or blankets over the other stuff in the room to hide it from view, which will enable you to focus completely on the area you are working on.

Use the Box System to Sort Through Your Clutter

The box system described in Chapter 16 of my book, Clear Your Clutter with Feng Shui doesn’t take long to set up and will help you enormously to sort through your things and make decisions about what stays and what goes. Two boxes that are particularly useful are the Transit box and the Dilemma box.

The Transit Box

The Transit box is used when you are sorting through an area and find things that don’t belong there at all.

Suppose you find a kettle that has somehow ended up at the back of a shelf in your bedroom. You may be tempted to take it to the kitchen, plug it in and see if it works, then perhaps make yourself a cup of tea. And, before you know it you are sitting in the garden reading a book while you drink your cuppa and you’ve forgotten all about your clutter clearing mission.

Using my method, you put the item in the Transit box and carry on. At the end of the session, you go around your home putting the items in the box where they belong, or if you don’t yet have space for them, put them near where they belong.

The Dilemma Box

The Dilemma box is another lovely invention. When you come across something that you can’t decide whether to keep or let go, in the past this may have brought your clutter clearing session to an abrupt standstill. But, if you use a Dilemma box, any items you are not sure about can get put in there, and you can just continue.

At the end of the session, stash the Dilemma box away somewhere and put a reminder on your calendar to check it a few months later. The passage of time will usually bring much more clarity about whether to keep the items or not, especially if you haven’t used any of them in the intervening period.

If you’d like a more radical approach, ask a friend to open the box for you. Anything you can name, you get to keep. If you can’t remember what’s in there, it rather proves the point that you don’t need any of the things, and your friend gets to take them away and dispose of them for you in any way they see fit!

Have you tried any of these methods to help you declutter your home? Which one helped you the most? Which items did you find most difficult to let go of? Please join the conversation.

Having children is overrated. People think that you raise your kids until they’re 18 and then it’s over. No, it isn’t. It’s never over because your kids eventually become your parents.

My children are all grown up and I’d love to get over them. I can’t. They’re my children, but I don’t understand them any more than I understand the man I married.

I look at my boys and wonder how they actually grew up without me. They claim I didn’t cook or take them to Hawaii at Christmas. They say they were latchkey kids. Most of the time I can’t even talk to my adult children.

A few weeks ago, I was visiting one of my sons, Jonathan, and his three boys in Las Vegas. The weekend assault was over and he was driving me to the airport. I was exhausted.

“You were really good this weekend, mom,” he said. I was thinking how often I put tape over my mouth and didn’t say what I was thinking over the last few days. The whining, thumb sucking, coddling, candy and sugar were difficult to ignore.

“Really, I was good?” I asked him, like one of his boys desperately wanting approval. “Did I get an A this visit? Usually, I’m pulling Ds or even Fs.”

Welcome to the World of Adult Children

Adult children get to confront their parents no matter their age. Mine tell me that I overstepped my boundaries if I say what I think. Yet, it’s perfectly okay for them to attack me. Family management is not necessarily a democracy.

I would not have dreamed of talking to my parents the way my boys talk to me. I didn’t respond to my mother, even as an adult, when she criticized me for just about everything I did.

On her deathbed, she still had to comment on what I was wearing. “Why are you wearing a T-shirt in the middle of winter?” she asked. She had no idea that it was 105 degrees in the house. She was bundled up like a snow bunny.

I spent a year in therapy to sort out the complicated nuances of being a parent to adult children. I was curious as to why my adult children – and maybe others in the boomer generation – felt the need to parent or criticize their parents.

My therapist said: “It has nothing to do with you. It’s their adult issues that come out and spill onto you, your behavior, activities and lifestyle, which they may or may not approve of. Your sons have issues. Probably you ex-husband is even complicit and influences your sons in a variety of unconscious ways.”

When we attempt to sort out family issues involving our adult children, we walk a fine line. We certainly have to practice mindfulness in all aspects of the family dynamic. And parents have to practice not speaking the first thought that comes to mind. After all, the first thought comes from judgment and it usually becomes the subject of confrontation.

It’s approaching summer now and we will all soon be encountering family outings and vacations – hopefully. Let’s see how the parents of adult children can better understand and emotionally cope with the energetic dynamic of family communication.

Here are a few suggestions to think about:

Possess Situational Awareness

Make sure you understand the dynamic of the environment before you speak. Note who is controlling the conversation, who is adversarial and who is amenable or conciliatory.

Steer clear of the angriest person or the person who always must be right and win the argument.

Try Not to Label or Judge

Everyone judges – constantly – as in all the time. It’s human nature to judge and, when it comes to our families, we judge more than ever.

Step back and try to understand the innuendos and subtleties of the argument. Or, better yet, be aware of the underlying meaning or subtext of what is being said. It’s possible that the object of the attack is not necessarily the one you think it is.

Verbally Engage as Little as Possible

In the years since my adult children got married and had children, I can’t possibly count the number of squirmishes and outright brawls we’ve had. Of course, they pale in significance compared to the joys we have experienced together. When family times are good, they are truly amazing.

I have finally learned to reduce the quick – and sometimes destructive – responses that I have when my emotions flare up. Now, finally, it feels good not to engage in the situation. Of course, one or the other son usually elicits my opinion. That’s when I leave the room.

Working on adult children and parental problems is not easy or simple. It takes a strong dose of mindfulness to create an atmosphere in which everyone feels respected and loved.

What do you think? What have your experiences been with being a parent to adult children? Please join the conversation.

Perceived value, by definition, is a consumer’s perception of the value of a product or service and its ability to meet their needs. Every day, in my various blogging groups, I hear from women who are hesitant to charge for the goods or services they create.

Why do so many women seem to feel that their time and products aren’t worth selling and should just be given away?

I wonder if this hesitancy becomes worse as we age. Do we feel that what we have to offer is less valuable as we get older? On some level, I think we do. We doubt ourselves. We are more likely to criticize our appearance.

Some of us may be struggling with not being needed as much by our families who may have once defined us! I find myself slowing down just a bit at my job which is one that requires energy. It can cause me on a bad day to feel like I’m “washed up.”

Why might this come up as an issue after 50? For many of us, who want to continue to remain busy, our lower perceived value can get in our way. What are some situations where this would come into play?

When We Consider Continuing Working or Starting a Business

Many of us might be looking to revise what we are doing for work or even go out on our own. Many of us are looking to redefine at this stage of the game.  Maybe we are looking to change or begin a new habit. Whatever it might be, we often have imposter’s syndrome. That awful, “who do I think I am” mindset barrier that can rear its ugly head.

A lack of perceived value might cause us to:

• Accept less money than we are worth as a consultant or part-time employee;
• Not even try to pursue a particular opportunity because we’ve just decided it’s not possible or that no one would be interested in what we have to offer;
• Give away valuable services for free. The simple act of giving away valuable products or services makes them worthless. And, in turn, increases our weakened perceived value.

When I set out on my blogging journey, I paid for a fairly expensive course to help me understand all of it.  At the time, there were many who were complaining about the cost of the course. I listened to them and sat back and asked myself, “Would I be taking this project and blogging as seriously had I not paid for this?” The answer is most definitely NO.

If I’m being honest, I’ve downloaded tons of free content that I haven’t even looked at yet! The fact that I paid for it adds value. And why should it be given away for free? It’s important content that the author worked hard on.

When We Have a Hobby That Could Be Monetized

One of my co-workers brings her 8-year-old daughter, Allie, to work with her frequently. Last week, Allie came up to me and asked me if I would like to purchase one of her custom-made drawings. I asked her how much they cost, and she said, “Two cents.”

I replied, “Don’t you sell those beautiful pictures for just two cents! I’ll give you 25 cents. I’d like my custom-made picture to be of five dogs.” And Allie proudly went to work on her commission. I was proud of Allie for realizing her artwork was worth money, but we needed to work on her perceived value.

Perhaps you have a hobby that could be monetized? Artwork or craftwork that could be sold in an Etsy shop? Maybe you love to write short stories and they could be published. Are you a gourmet cook? You could start a blog and teach online cooking classes.

When you hear these ideas, is your inclination to say, “Nah. That won’t happen.” Or is it to say, “What have I got to lose!!! I’m going to go for it!”

If We Don’t Realize Our Value, How Do We Expect Others to?

Women, and especially women over 50, need to realize their value and the value in what they have to offer. Women downplay their worth overall and women between the ages of 55 and 64 experience the widest gender gap in pay.

We are able to identify needs in the market based upon our perspective. We are empathic. We are listeners. We have half a century of life experience to offer. We bring a lot to the table and what we bring is worth paying for. But WE are the ones that need to realize that.

What is a hobby or business that you’ve thought about monetizing? What is stopping you, if you haven’t yet? What are your thought on free versus paid content? Are you as likely to work through the free as through the paid?