“Much of what we acquire in life isn’t worth dragging to the next leg of our journey,” writes Gina Greenlee in Postcards and Pearls: Life Lessons from Solo Moments on the Road. “Travel light,” she adds. “You will be better equipped to travel far.” 

Greenlee is not alone in urging people to let go of what they don’t need and don’t use. Hundreds of authors and speakers in the last few years are reminding their audiences that decluttering and downsizing are essential to a happier and simpler life, especially as we age.

If reducing your material possessions, your carbon footprint or even the size of your house is on your to-do list, remember that you don’t have to reduce your size as a human being in the process.

In other words, as we get older and start packing things into boxes to pass on to our kids and grandkids, we don’t have to reduce our activities, friendships, hobbies or new interests. Getting rid of a crowded, messy closet can make your life easier. Giving up a full, absorbing life can do the opposite.

Fear, fatigue and general life changes can sometimes cause us to reduce our engagement in the world, but there are five concrete steps you can follow to live large and be happier than ever.

Stay Interested in Sustainable Activities

Pursue those interests with which you’re likely to stick. If you really enjoy hiking, for example, you can toss out all those old topographic maps you used in the 1980s. Instead buy some lightweight hiking boots, and plan a trip to the mountains.

You don’t always have to try the steepest trails. Yet do look for new places to trek, and keep a wish list of hikes you’d like to take. Invite friends to hike with you, and look for groups that lead hikes.

If you stay involved in the activities that are really interesting to you, it will broaden your world and bring more fun, unexpected people and events into your life.

Invest in Your Closest Relationships

You’ve probably known many of your friends for a long time, and each person makes a unique contribution to your life. Some are fun coffee dates and others are perfect tennis partners, but those with whom you have the closest, most honest relationships deserve your time and attention.

Engaging with people who listen, ask questions, provide help and support when you need it and encourage you to take risks can help you remain fully active in life.

If our involvement in the world makes us weary, we sometimes have a tendency to close ourselves off from others, to make our social lives smaller. Remember not to do this with your closest friends. You need them and they need you.

Putting energy into these connections can help you stay active and absorbed in the outside world. You may want to stay home and out of the fray, but as the actress Sophia Loren said, “After all these years, I am still involved in the process of self-discovery. It’s better to explore life and make mistakes than to play it safe.”

Keep an Ongoing Arts and Culture To-Do List

One way to remain involved is to make an ongoing list of movies you want to watch, even if it’s on Netflix. The same is true with books you’d like to read, art shows you want to view and concerts you’d love to attend.

Read arts and culture reviews in the newspaper or online so you’ll know what’s out there. Then make a point to see what you want to see.

You may feel lazy at first, and you may feel like doing nothing, but getting out and participating in cultural events helps to broaden your view and keeps you active and involved.

Learn One New Thing a Year

Start a list that chronicles the topics, skills and activities you’d love to explore further. It may cover a disparate range of items – everything from architecture to salsa dancing to computer programming – but it’s a place to start.

Then choose one item from the list every year. Next year may be the year you learn everything there is to know about Middle Eastern history or quilting. At first you may draw a blank when you’re considering what you want to learn, but once you start, you’ll no doubt find yourself unable to stop.

You can choose more than one subject per year, but don’t overdo it. You could get overwhelmed and give up the whole activity entirely.

Get to Know Someone New

Your closest relationships are the ones you need to nurture regularly, but it’s also good to make new friends and acquaintances. Meeting a new person every couple of months will help you to maintain broad interests and stay connected to the outside world.

Whether it’s someone at church or a new member of your book club, it’s enriching to connect with different people who have varying interests. These aren’t necessarily people with whom you need to spend long hours.

Even a casual conversation can spark creativity, open your heart, and make you smile. Bringing new people into your life on a regular basis ensures that you will continue to expand your interests, your ideas and your world.

Are you thinking about downsizing? What new activities would you like to try? How can you invest more deeply in your closest relationships? What movies and books are on your cultural bucket list? Please join the conversation below!

Summer is here and we all want to know how to spend these precious days doing as much as possible for our health. What simple steps can we do, to not only survive but to thrive during these challenging times? Become one of the least vulnerable persons at 60, 70, and 80 years old by adopting these simple steps to take charge of your life, with health and vitality instead of sickness and disability.

It’s easy and you can start today… Just go outside for some sun, earth and oxygen.

May-grey and June-gloom have finally given way to sunshine in July with sunny days and warm nights, what San Diegans know and love. It’s time to get off the couch, get out of the office and into the outside for fresh air in your lungs, sunlight on your skin and sand on your bare feet.

Disconnecting from all electronic tethers and free from electromagnetic field (EMF) bombardment will add life and health to your days.

Sunshine

Before you venture outside with your long sleeve sun-shirt, floppy hat and common commercial sunscreen in hand to avoid the ‘harmful’ rays of the sun, there is something you must know: the sun is good.

Yes, that’s right, getting safe sun exposure every day, both measured and gradual, is one of the best things you can do for your immediate health. 20 minutes of full body sun exposure during the mid-day produces 20,000 I.U. of vitamin D (a.k.a. the “sunshine vitamin”).

Recent research has shown that increasing vitamin D levels in the general population could prevent chronic diseases that claim the lives of one million people worldwide. In fact, optimizing your vitamin D levels can reduce your risk for as many as 16 different types of cancer, including pancreatic, lung, ovarian, breast, prostate, and skin cancers.

A study of menopausal women showed that maintaining healthy vitamin D levels lowers overall cancer risk by 77 %. Astounding! Vitamin D also fights infections, including colds and flu, and influences your immune system to attack bacteria and viruses.

For extended periods in the sun, a quality zinc oxide based sunscreen to avoid photo-aging and wrinkles of your face is recommended. Avoid any sunscreen that contains Oxybenzone (hormone disrupters), Retinyl Palmitate (a form of vitamin A that can trigger cancer), and SPF over 50 (false and misleading) and sprays that can be mistakenly inhaled.

Sunglasses may be necessary to protect your eyes when snow skiing or boating but wearing sunglasses too often can weaken your immune system and block the beneficial wavelengths of light that actually strengthen your eyes.

Grounding

How fortunate I am to live in San Diego, with its miles of sandy beaches, to kick off my shoes and walk along the water’s edge. Research tells us the reason this feels so good is that the earth has a negative charge and, when barefoot, you are receiving a virtual transfusion of healing electrons from the ground.

The earth is a natural source of electrons which are essential for a proper functioning immune and circulatory systems. In addition, inflammation in the body, responsible for most diseases of aging, can be reduced by grounding to the earth.

Wearing too many rubber and plastic soles on your shoes will block beneficial electron transfer from the earth, while leather soles will allow this beneficial electron transfer into your body.

Breathing

Many people complain about fatigue and low energy, even during the summer. Often poor posture and poor breathing habits are big contributors. Forward head and rolled shoulders, common with excess computer, smart phone and tablet use, can reduce lung capacity upwards of 30%.

Coupled with poor breathing habits consisting of shallow chest breaths can lead to excess carbon dioxide in the blood and poor oxygen exchange in the lungs resulting in fatigue, low energy and stress. Performing regular diaphragm breathing exercises with correct posture can do wonders for your energy, alertness, and vitality.

Mindful breathing can reduce common symptoms of stress such as anxiety and digestive problems. Strengthening the diaphragm helps oxygenate your blood, pumping the lymphatics and aiding in the elimination of toxic waste while strengthening your immune system. Begin your day with a routine of 40 repetitions of diaphragm breathing and increase your energy and well-being rapidly.

Adopting a lifestyle that includes these simple and powerful health promoting habits, will help you become one of the least vulnerable persons and thrive even during these challenging times.

Seek out a 100 Year Lifestyle Doctor of Chiropractic to help you create your new healthy style of living built upon a firm foundation of a balanced spine and nervous system. Leveraging a life of longevity with vitality will ensure you meet life’s challenges with greater success and definitely have more fun. Get outside and live!

How often do you go outside, barefoot and unprotected? Have you heard of grounding and do you practice it? Do you use sunscreen every time you walk out the door? Have you noticed your posture hunching lately? What do you do about it?

I have three wonderful moms in my immediate circle of friends who have been ghosted by their children. Dictionary.com defines ghosting as “the practice of suddenly ending all contact with a person without explanation.” The extreme pain this abandonment brings is their daily life challenge.

The Whys

Some moms have no idea what caused this breach, with no way to find out. If the mom does recognize the source and wants to apologize to the adult child, this is not an option.

Other moms can identify a heated conversation where opinions differed. This could have been about political, religious, or lifestyle choices.

Maybe unwelcome comments were made about the adult child’s parenting style or poor choices that set an unintentional estrangement in motion. Sometimes we make mistakes as parents, and as parents we admit it!

In this brief article, let’s NOT go back to the source of the abandonment issue. You’ve already done this, over and over times one million, to figure out where things went wrong. If you do find your answer, there’s no way to go back and change it, even if you could or would.

Remember, the answer may not be anything you’ve said or done. Seeking the whys will drive you crazy. It’s a form of mental abuse to put yourself through this every day. Instead, let’s talk about your self-care as a deserted parent.

How to Survive

Here are some suggestions from moms who have been there:

• Distance yourself from the adult child. Time will help.
• You have no control. Release the child and keep moving toward an enjoyable life without them.
• Cry and get on with it.
• Lean on your best friends to help you at those times that hurt more than others – birthdays, holidays, or special events for grandchildren.
• If you have an open communication channel at all with the adult child, just listen… and listen some more.
• In this tug of war, drop the rope.
• Write notes and cards to the adult child or grandchildren. If you think they are not receiving them, put the notes in a box for them to read at a later time in their life. One mom keeps sending birthday gifts and Christmas gifts to her estranged daughter. She’s sure they are dumped without opening, yet she will never give up or stop. It eases her mind.

A Kind Word of Advice

Take Care of Yourself

This unsolvable problem can rob you of your health and mental well-being. You may need to seek the help of a professional counselor to learn ways of handling the ever-nagging and uncorrectable whys. Simply take care of yourself.

Look for Abandonment Support

Check into on-line support groups for abandoned parents or books written on the subject to let you know you are not alone.

Find Your Source of Joy and Courage

Where do you get courage? Is it from your tribe of friends? From your religious beliefs? From self-help groups or books? You can lighten this heavy load and experience everyday happiness even though you will never forget your child or stop loving them.

Take Control of Your Thoughts

When you catch yourself for the millionth and one time asking “Why…?” just stop. Stop yourself and say out loud, “Not today, I’m going to be kind to me today.” You have the choice to have everyday happiness in your life.

As you know, life is short. Enjoy the adult kids that are still in your life, or your friends, or your pets, or your garden. Find what lightens your mood even a little, and do more of it.

Forgive Yourself

Maybe you were the reason the adult child stopped communicating. In hindsight, you see it, but there’s no way to say sorry. So, forgive yourself.

None of us know how to parent. We just take a very good stab at it and do our best. Sometimes we have said or done things that can’t be corrected now. If you need help with forgiving yourself, professionals in your church or mental health professionals will help.

Figure Out How to Live in the Moment

When something good happens, sit in that and enjoy it to the fullest. You are worthy of this. Your past mistakes or your child’s rejection don’t make it not so! Next time you enjoy your morning coffee, or a piece of fine chocolate, or the sunshine streaming in your window, take note and let yourself be there for it!

This brings attention to the things that we love and helps us experience the good in each day.

Are you an abandoned mom? If so, I wish you courage daily! How have you learned to cope? What gets you through special days or events? Please join the conversation in how you have moved forward in your life.

If you are a grandmother, did your kids ask you how you wanted to be addressed by the grandchildren: grandma, mimi, memaw, etc? Never having thought about that question (since both my grandparents and my husband’s were always Grandma Last Name and Grandpa Last Name), I was totally surprised when our adult children asked.

I even asked them “What do you mean!?!” They gave me some examples and then I Googled it (my how times have changed!). I guess I ended up choosing Mimi because I thought it would be easier to pronounce for the little ones, yet not too childish to say when they were adults.

What Is Your Grandma Role?

Is being a grandmother a second chance to be better at something we wished went better with our own children or a time to help instill values and habits we know went well with our kids? Or both?

I have found myself practicing the art of biting my tongue and trying to be more thoughtful and intentional about the time I do spend with our six grandchildren. Role modeling and storytelling seem to be a good approach vs feeling like a second parent to these little ones.

What Is Your Money Message?

Since most of my working years have been related to helping people make wise financial decisions, using money as a life skill is forefront in my brain as I see my little grandchildren starting to be school aged.

I was a guest on a podcast with Tony Steuer a couple months ago, and he asked a tough question: What is the one best piece of advice you would give anyone about personal finance? The toughest part of answering that question was to narrow it down to just one thing.

So as a grandma, I am asking myself that same question in order to narrow it down to a few things that my experience has convinced me would be healthy and helpful for my grandchildren to learn as well. As grandmas, we often have teachable moment times with our grandkids.

Think of your own life or how often you have heard others say, “I learned X from my grandma,” or, “She was the one who taught me how to do Y,” or, “I was really close to my grandma.”

Save, Spend, Give

The money lessons I hope to share with our grandchildren relate to the three things we can do with money: Save, Spend, Give. In order to save, we have to earn money in the first place. Working to earn money is a great way to help children start practicing Save, Spend, Give.

Earning to Save

Sharing stories about how you or your family earned money as a kid – whether it was an allowance or a job – can be a great conversation starter. On a recent one-hour car trip with our five-year-old granddaughter and her friend, I asked the children about how they like to help around the house.

Chore charts, allowance, and a written list of what they do at home came out of that one question. I shared stories about lemonade stands, selling Girl Scout cookies and later working at a bakery in high school.

They told funny things that had happened when they took out the trash, washed the dishes, and matched the socks. And I reminisced about helping one of my grandmas with mowing, shining her silver, and dusting her glass shelves in the curio cabinet.

As we talked, I could see how proud they were of all the things they knew how to do, how much they knew it was helping their family, and how fun it was to earn some money for some of the responsibilities. They almost seemed to enjoy bragging about all they do.

Saving to Spend

That conversation segued right into asking about what they do with the money they earn. Saving up to buy something was the common theme: a scooter, a toy, a treat.

The friend was a few years older, and he proudly told me about things he had already purchased in the past with his savings. The only thing I remember buying as a very young child was penny candy – remember those days? A quarter would fill up a little brown bag!

Delayed Gratification

Delayed gratification is a huge life lesson learned when saving money. It reinforces and helps us practice learning to live within our means, a hard lesson our society today would do well to live by.

Making it fun and fairly quickly rewarding for children, can truly be a gift we can at least help facilitate in our grandchildren’s lives. And often in that process, they feel the reward and wonderful feeling of gratitude and appreciation along the way.

Saving to Give

Earning and having money also affords us the luxury of being able to help others less fortunate than ourselves. I remember collecting coins in cardboard donation boxes to take to church around holiday time, participating in fundraisers for various organizations, and volunteering in a variety of capacities growing up.

By nature, children are very self-centered, and we help them become less so as they mature by giving them opportunities to be a blessing to others.

One of my clients used to say, “Money isn’t everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch!” It is a subject area that impacts us throughout our entire lives. Being a grandma may be a “do over” time, a “do it again” time, as well as a “do have some fun” time!

Remember, children are sponges and often absorb more than we realize. Because you love them, feel free to cherry pick your stories and activities together to help positively influence your grandchildren’s lives on money lessons you have found to be important. They will remember you for it and may even thank you some day when they are older and wiser (because of you).

What did you call your grandmother? What do you recall learning from her? Are there experiences you have had with your grandchildren that you would like to share with our community? Let’s have a discussion!

My Mom, who had been diagnosed with dementia, was leaning up against the sink in the bathroom. Her soapy hands were under running water. I was reaching around her trying to gently use a nail brush to clean under her nails; she’d just had another accident and her hands and nails were a mess.

I was desperate to finish the job before she lost her patience. We were both tired and frustrated. She decided she was done, but I tried to coax her to be still for a little while longer. When she became agitated, I tried more coaxing. So, she used a new tactic: she bit me.

I was so shocked and angry, I was afraid I was going to start screaming at her or worse, bite her back! I did yell out in surprise and pain. My pride, ego and heart hurt more than the actual bite.

But with the help of a power greater than myself, I backed away, grabbed the towel I had prepared, handed it to her and left the room.

I took the right route and the high road and the moment passed. I went looking for her and found her sitting in her favorite chair in front of the TV, watching a cowboy movie (her favorite) like nothing had happened. In her mind, of course, the moment was gone forever, forgotten.

Yet something very important had happened. It was not the bite, but my reaction to it. I was shaken to the core with the power of the rage that had exploded in me. I realized how much anger I had built up and how quickly I was in a very scary and dangerous frame of mind.

I needed to take a long hard look at my feelings, come up with a way to help myself manage this anger and begin some radical self-care. I had seen the anger monster, and it had my face on it.

Getting in Touch with Caregiver Anger

Most caregivers experience anger and frustration daily, but usually feel guilty about it. Denying our right to be angry, we either try to stuff it or ignore it. Sadly, we can’t avoid being angry; it is a natural byproduct of life on life’s terms, especially life as a caregiver.

The danger is not in the actual experience of the emotion but the power of that emotion when ignored or unchecked.

Anger happens. It’s ok. It’s normal. What’s not normal is ignoring it, letting it get the upper hand and feeling bad about it.

Anger cannot always be avoided, but it can be managed. The following three tips helped me to get in touch with my anger so I could process and handle it in an appropriate, healthier way.

HALT: Take Your Emotional Temperature, All Day, Every Day

Taking a moment at various points of the day to see what and how you are feeling is extremely important. I call this taking your emotional temperature.

Asking yourself if you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired allows you to stop (HALT) and evaluate your state of mind and body and take care of yourself if you answer yes to any of these questions.

For instance, you can grab a healthy meal or snack if you are hungry. If you notice you feel angry, you can acknowledge your anger and permit yourself some down time to breathe and treat yourself kindly. If you are lonely, reach out and connect with someone. Finally, if you’re tired and weary, you can rest and take a much-needed break.

These acts of self-care help prevent and alleviate the buildup of stress and anger that can turn into a pressure cooker of emotions waiting to explode. By being in touch with your state of mind and body you can do something to make yourself feel better and perhaps avoid an outburst before it happens.

Don’t Keep Caregiver Anger to Yourself

If I had a nickel for every time I felt almost instant relief when I made a phone call to a friend while in a state of anger, desperation or anxiety, I would be a very rich lady!

The very act of reaching out to talk to someone rather than keeping it all bottled up and in our heads, helps us to release tension and stress. Having someone sympathize – or even just listen – can validate our feelings. We feel less isolated and crazy.

Getting our feelings out into the air instead of stuffing them makes them real and easier to understand and process. We gain a much better perspective sometimes just by saying things out loud to someone who can empathize.

Forgive Yourself

Go easy on yourself. No one is perfect. We are all human and everyone makes mistakes. Life is a complicated process and caregivers are especially vulnerable to the emotional side effects of caring for others. The caregiver journey is demanding, overwhelming and intense; emotions run high.

If you do lose your temper, take a break and chalk it up to being human. While it is never healthy to let our emotions run wild, unchecked and uncensored, it’s not unusual that caregivers feel a wide range of strong emotions during the day.

I was often in tears or had steam coming out of my ears on a daily basis. However, beating ourselves for having these understandable and normal emotions adds insult to injury and stops us from processing our emotions in a positive, healthy way.

Give yourself a break. Learn to forgive yourself for being human, and give yourself permission to feel your feelings. Feeling angry is part of the territory. Feeling bad about feeling angry is self-destructive and damaging.

Hit the restart button and let go of the guilt. Everything is a growth opportunity and you’ll get better at anger management if you are kind to yourself.

When my Mom bit me, I was tired, upset, frustrated, angry at the world and worn out. I wasn’t even aware I had so much anger inside, and I wasn’t taking care of myself or managing my needs properly.

I had let myself down by not being aware I was hurting and paid the price. The good news is that this experience made me see I was just as responsible for my state of mind and body as I was for my Mom’s.

Self-care and awareness are the ultimate weapons to managing anger and stress. This includes checking on your needs, reaching out to family and friends, and most importantly, compassionately allowing yourself to be human.

What do you think is the hardest thing about being a caregiver? Have you ever found yourself in a state of caregiver anger? How did you deal with it? Please share your experiences below!