As a former non-profit director, I used to help raise money for teaching and learning. One of our most successful fund-raising campaigns was a donor wall. Those who contributed a certain amount would forever have their names inscribed on a beautiful wall visible in the community.

Not surprisingly, the donor wall was especially appealing to older individuals and couples. Adult development literature explains this appeal by pointing out that as we start recognizing our mortality, we tend to be more focused on leaving a legacy.

Leaving a legacy is one way we can know our lives have had impact. In a way, leaving a legacy is like communicating beyond the grave. It tells those we leave behind how we cared for them and how we tried to make their lives better.

Here are three legacy opportunities worth considering:

No Matter How Little You Have, Communication Matters

Two sisters sat side-by-side at their beloved mother’s funeral. Because their mother had very limited means during her latter years, she didn’t think a will was necessary.

Yet, she owned one possession that had a lot of sentimental value even though it wasn’t worth much in money. She possessed a simple, silver locket that both sisters had wanted.

The older sister assumed she would end up getting the locket. When she discovered her younger sister had taken the locket after their mother’s death, she was furious. The sisters feuded for years because of an unresolved matter that could have easily been addressed before their mother’s passing.

My husband and I have led a fairly modest life. What property we have is jointly owned. Any policies or other financial documents have beneficiaries listed. We both have grown children from previous marriages, and we have had discussions with them about any sentimental items they might want.

However, we drug our feet when it came to putting a will together. We thought we had everything covered. When we started working with an attorney to prepare our will, we realized how helpful this document will be for those we eventually leave behind.

As it turns out, my husband and I aren’t the only ones who have procrastinated creating a will. As reported by many sources, only 51% of Americans between 55 and 64 actually have a signed will in place.

I suspect there are a number of reasons why people don’t get around to write their own will. Like us, some might not think they have a need for a will. For others, talking about their own mortality might be difficult.

Another factor for some people might be the cost, as it’s not exactly cheap to work with an attorney. For some of them, inexpensive online wills might be sufficient.

Because my husband and I both think of ourselves as responsible people, we discussed the need for a will as a matter of being responsible.

Once You Are Gone, Your Actions Will Have Spoken Louder than Your Words

One of my favorite women in history is Susan B. Anthony. She spent the majority of her life advocating for women’s right to vote. She continued fighting for her cause until she took her last breath in 1906. I know my life is better because of the legacy Ms. Anthony left.

When it comes to the legacy I want to leave, it primarily involves investing in others. For instance, when I spend time with my grandchildren, I want them to remember that I loved them.

I also spent a quarter century investing in students as a community college speech instructor. Every student who found their voice because of the investment I made in them has become part of my legacy.

Another part of my legacy will be to help Baby Boomers navigate the non-financial aspects of retirement planning. I want others to have the same tools I’ve discovered that have allowed me to plan, as a wise woman expressed it for me, “A life that I never want to retire from.”

For me, the most important part of my legacy will be the investment I make in other people. This kind of investment will last long after I’m gone.

Personal Messages Can Create Our Connections Beyond Lifetime

When I was studying for my professional retirement coaching certification, I was introduced to another type of legacy. It involves sharing parts of your life with loved ones by creating a written (or recorded in video or audio format) account of important parts of your life you may never have completely expressed.

For example, what do you want your family and future generations to know about your values, some of your challenges and some of your life lessons? What advice would you like to leave for future generations?

Even though I’ve shared much of this information with my family, I plan to attach a letter to my will that could answer some questions future generations might have about who I was.

I want my posterity to know I cared deeply about family, being responsible, being a life-long learner and learning to live without regrets.

I’ll also advise them not to take themselves too seriously. I hope they’ll learn to laugh, love and live with a full heart. That’s what I want my life to communicate after I’m gone.

Which kind of legacy do you think is most important? How do you go about putting those legacies into action? Are there any actions you can take during the next week to leave a lasting impact? Let’s start a discussion in the comments below.

Lisa Barlow’s Purple Ruched Confessional Top

Real Housewives of Salt Lake City Season 2 Fashion

While Lisa Barlow is showing some serious self-love in her RHOSLC tagline this season, we’re showing some love here for her purple ruched confessional top. Which you don’t have to like, because I love it enough for the both of us (although I’m really hoping you love it too so you’ll shop a Style Stealer below ). 

Fashionably,

Faryn

Click Here to See Her Versace Top

Originally posted at: Lisa Barlow’s Purple Ruched Confessional Top

I’m not trying to brag too much here, but I’m pretty certain that I have one of the coolest, most enviable jobs around. Reason being? I scour the internet for the best shopping deals and coolest trends every day, and get to test out so many amazing new clothing pieces, beauty products, and home goods. I’ve been a shopping writer and editor for a few years now, and have developed a knack for determining which products are worth every penny, and which ones are better left in the virtual cart. 

This month is all about stepping into the fall comfortably. Stores like Target are beginning to roll out their fall home lines and sites are seeing increased search interest in moisturizing and clarifying products (makes sense, given that temps are sadly going to plummet and the air is about to dry). Amazon’s Movers & Shakers page—a section that shows what items are rising in popularity—is filled to the brim with soothing lotions and oils. Google is being inundated with “fall fashion” inquiries and people on Pinterest are starting to search for pumpkin recipes and candles once more. 

My shopping carts fit the bill for these fall trends perfectly. I’m shopping for nourishing face masks, sleek platform loafers, and cozy throw blankets to start my cold weather months off the right way. Check out the eight essentials I’ll be buying this September below: 

Our mission at STYLECASTER is to bring style to the people, and we only feature products we think you’ll love as much as we do. Target is a STYLECASTER sponsor, however, all products in this article were independently selected by our editors. Please note that if you purchase something by clicking on a link within this story, we may receive a small commission of the sale.

Courtesy: Neutrogena.

Neutrogena Anti-Residue Clarifying Shampoo

I don’t know what it is about spending so much time indoors, but ever since the pandemic began, my scalp has been a mess. I’ve experienced more dandruff and dryness these past two years than I have collectively my entire life. My one saving grace? This simple clarifying shampoo. It removes icky product build-up from dry shampoos and conditioners without stripping my hair of its natural oils. For best results, I swap this product with my typical purple shampoo once or twice a week. 

Courtesy: Sam Edelman.

Sam Edelman Laurs Platform Loafer 

I’m of the belief that if you have a good pair of loafers, you can wear them across every season. I love the androgynous vibe of the shoes. They’re punk and sexy at the same time. Unfortunately, most quality pairs are a few hundred dollars. That’s why, when I found these Sam Edelman ones, I squealed out loud with glee. The Olivia Rodrigo-esque shoes platforms come in black, tan, or green and pair them with practically every dress or pair of pants you’ve got hanging in your closet. 

Courtesy: Target.

Cable Knit Chenille Throw Blanket

There is no problem that curling into a cozy throw blanket can’t solve. This is why at the beginning of every fall season, I gift myself a new one. I love the look of all things cable knit. The sophisticated design makes tops and accessories like this blanket, which is just $25, look so much more expensive than they are. 

Courtesy: Nest New York.

Nest Pumpkin Chai Candle

It’s time for society to pass the point of calling everything pumpkin scented or flavored basic. Let’s all just agree that pumpkin anything is delicious and should be celebrated, not mocked. This September, I’m going all in on candles. Nest’s Pumpkin Chai candle is everything I want to cover my space. The spice scent is decadent without being overwhelming. Plus, the candle itself is a warm orange. You can’t find a better fall candle than this. 

Courtesy: Mr. Coffee.

Mr. Coffee Mug Warmer

I’m fairly certain that this clever coffee invention was made for me. It ensures that slow sippers (moi) won’t ever have to deal with lukewarm drinks ever again. To use it, all you have to do is flip the switch on, and the base will warm your cup’s bottom and keep the liquids inside nice and hot. I’ll be keeping this accessory on my WFH desk at all times. 

Courtesy: Free People.

Free People Picnic Sweater Romper

This fall, I don’t want to wear anything that requires more than a little effort to put on. Jeans? Absolutely not. A button-up shirt? You’ve got to be kidding. Heels? Please, don’t make me laugh. But this sweater romper? Sign me tf up. It’s like wearing a stylish and socially acceptable set of onesie pajamas. I plan to keep it on at home during work and lounge time, then dress it up when I go out with tights and combat boots. It’s such a simple look, but those are the best ones to style again and again.  

Courtesy: PÜR.

PÜR 4-in-1 Sculpting Concealer 

There are very few people I trust with makeup advice. One of them is Rachel Nussbaum, InStyle’s beauty writer. She knows everything there is to know about the ingredients that comprise popular foundations, hairsprays, etc. Her vast knowledge comes with a lot of heartbreak. She often tells me (and her readers) of the harmful irritants that are too-often included in name brand products, so when there’s a brand she approves of, I take note. Rachel told me that Pur is on her list of A-Okay concealers, so I’m hopping on this 4-in-1 color corrector faster than a kid on a trampoline. It comes in 16 shades, costs under $25, and is free from the nastiness of phthalates, aluminum, and talc.

Courtesy: Summer Fridays.

Summer Fridays Jet Lag Mask

I’m a writer living in New York. Translation: I don’t have an income that gives me the means to spend hefty amounts of cash on skincare (nor do I want to). Spending close to $50 on a face mask would physically and emotionally pain me if I didn’t already know and love this one so much. I’ve been using Summer Fridays’ Jet Lag Mask for years. It saved my skin when I was on Accutane, and continues to be my secret to non-greasy hydration. I’d say I have to stock up on it about every five months, and this September is one of them. I’ll be using it to prevent cracked winter skin, and before date nights or brunches to give me a Hailey Bieber-esque glow.

Pleasure is defined as “a feeling of happy satisfaction and enjoyment.”

When it comes to living well, what gives you pleasure? Is it feeling good, having energy, being connected to people and things you care about? I’m guessing these are the things that give most of us pleasure.

The thing is, none of these things comes automatically – you have to put effort into each and every one to be successful and to derive pleasure from them.

Short-Term Pleasure and Its Impact on Weight Loss After 60

I was recently talking with a client about pleasure. She is wanting to lose weight and sleep better. But she also knows she is an emotional eater and finds she calms down when she eats sweets. Sound familiar?

It’s a problem for many of us, for many reasons. As a child, you may have been given a sweet when you fell off our tricycle or woke up cranky from a nap. The association between pain and immediate relief stuck.

You may notice when you eat a sweet that you feel better in the moment. Sweets are insidious, because they hit the pleasure center in the brain and you feel better. For a moment, you experience pleasure.

The After Effects

But then reality hits. The problem you stressed over isn’t solved. And you criticize yourself for failing to support the goal of weight loss or simple overall wellness. “What was I thinking?” you might say. “Why did I distract myself when I could have taken action that would result in a more lasting kind of pleasure?”

Lasting Pleasure

Long-term pleasure is the feeling you experience when you keep your eye and your actions focused on the long-term goal. You have those moments when the urge arises to go for the momentary pleasure, but you’ve developed techniques to remind you of your higher goal.

To guide you toward more reliable and satisfactory outcomes, you may want to design a mantra…

“I know what I want long-term,” or “This momentary pleasure won’t solve my problem”

… or you may distract yourself with a positive action like taking a walk, doing a yoga stretch or talking to someone.

The idea is to recognize the momentary pleasure you get from over-indulging will only distract you, and possibly cause harm. It will prevent you from attaining the pleasure you can get from your long-term goals of feeling good, weighting less, having more energy, etc.

Take a Moment to Handle the Matter

As soon as you recognize temptation, pause and think – in this moment, do I want the immediate pleasure I’ll get from this bowl of ice cream or cheese pizza, or can I breathe through the feelings and remind myself of how good I’ll feel when I’m a better weight, have more energy, etc.

None of us is always successful in this way, but when you can be successful most of the time, you will be very proud of yourself.

What are you doing to get in shape these days? Are you happy with your health and physical capabilities? Why or why not? Have you personally lost weight after 60? Please join the conversation.

It has been almost a year and a half since Covid turned our lives upside down. The “new normal” has been a term tossed about often ever since this pandemic began. It is a term to make our situation seem more permanent.

It helps to alleviate our anxiety by subduing hope for our previous lives. It helps us function, feeling that this way of life is sustainable. We can get used to it and feel like our old selves in this new world. In reality, no one knows when we have reached the new normal. It is an ever-changing world. This applies to things outside of Covid also.

About 15 years ago, the new normal was Google maps or Siri giving us directions through our Bluetooth in the car. And 20 some years ago, the new normal was printing up MapQuest directions before getting in the car, and before that, fold up paper maps from the gas stations were the new normal. Somehow, we adjusted.

Ways to Cope with the Ever Changing New Normal

Change is stressful. But there is usually a silver lining somewhere to be found when our new normal shifts. The trick is to actively find it and celebrate its beauty. Sure, it’s rough wearing masks but you only have to make-up half your face, right? And, it comes in handy to cover a blemish or two. There may be limited capacity at the baseball games but it sure is nice to be rid of the pushy crowds.

Finding the silver lining is certainly one way to cope with the new normal. Another great technique is creating your new normal self-care routine. Do some honest searching within yourself. Many self-care routines (if we have any at all) are simply out of habit.

We go to the gym to ride the elliptical because we’ve been told it will make us healthy. We do yoga because it is supposed to give us peace. But there is something called joy that is a truly personal experience.

Be honest with yourself and find what truly brings you joy and incorporate it into your daily self-care routine. For some that may simply be singing in the shower. Some may enjoy painting, swimming or meditation.

Has the new normal put a damper on your self-care because it is not enjoyable to wear a mask at the gym? Adjust and adapt. See if you can do that activity out of the gym or find something that is tolerable and joyful for you to do with a mask at the gym.

Feel Like You Can’t Adapt?

Do you just plain feel like a fish out of water in this new normal? Accept that this may just be the case. If you are someone who has trouble with the continuously changing rules of the world, sit and bathe in the discomfort.

Just keep going. Do what you need to do. Follow the rules and find joy where you can. What is it they say? “If you’re going through hell, just keep going. You might get out before the devil even knows you’re there.”

Create

Create a world that is more comfortable for you. If this pandemic has taught us anything, it has taught us to be creative in problem solving. We’ve all seen the video of the priests baptizing with squirt guns and the virtual or drive through graduations. We find a way to make that lemonade.

There Has Always Been a New Normal

Last year, the pandemic had me posting a group of photos on Facebook entitled “Spring 2020 for the Sabins.” There was my son attending high school on his home computer, my University of Hawaii dance major daughter doing her ballet class remotely in our family room, and my husband and I wearing our N-95’s at work.

I made the post thinking it would be a fun surreal world to look back on. I had a sullen feeling this year when my Facebook memories appeared and there was my post. Spring 2021 for the Sabins was basically the same as “Spring 2020 for the Sabins.”

There is something to be said for accepting whatever situation you are in as the new normal. This seems to be the only way to find peace in this world. I suppose if we think about it, we are always living in a new normal. The change has just been more subtle and slow moving.

How have you been coping with the ever changing new normal? Have you found ways to find joy through all of this? Have you learned anything from this experience?