Have you ever had a goal you couldn’t seem to get accomplished, but then when there was a special event added to the calendar, it somehow got done? Losing weight before a wedding, completing a home project before company comes to stay, or finishing a gift before the birthday/holiday, for example?

There is something about the brain seriously taking that date on the calendar as the MUST BE DONE BY deadline, and you magically get it done. That is the best tip for getting your estate planning completed too.

Schedule a trip, put it on the calendar, put money down, and watch how you will magically get the attorney visit and document signing complete before you leave!

Decisions, Decisions

Then there are the details. Have you thought about certain items you have that you may want to go to someone specific? Or what I hear a lot these days is women recognizing that adult children often don’t want china, crystal, silverware sets, knick-knacks, etc. at all anymore.

And how about your bank account or IRA? Designating beneficiaries on accounts/real property or creating a personal property disposition list is an important task to make sure you complete.

Don’t Forget About Beneficiary Designations

Just like Step 10 in my book says: Remember that each beneficiary designation dictates the distribution of each account so make sure all of your beneficiary designations are current. Too often we list someone and then life changes, people pass away, or relationships change, so your beneficiary designations may need to change too.

1. Consider naming primary and contingent beneficiaries on all accounts and policies. A contingent beneficiary specifies who would receive the account if both you and the primary beneficiary perished in a car accident together, for example.
2. We are usually aware of the need to designate beneficiaries on retirement accounts, life insurance policies and annuities but you should also confirm they are current.
3. You can name beneficiaries on non-retirement accounts, i.e., POD (Payable on Death) on bank accounts and TOD (Transfer on Death) on investment accounts, real property, and even vehicles in some states.

Consult Your Attorney

The best person to give you advice on naming beneficiaries is your legal advisor. He/she understands the big picture of your estate and knows what it is you are trying to accomplish.

Discuss with your attorney the option to add “per stirpes” or “by rights of representation” wording (the ability to include grandchildren if their parents predecease you) to a beneficiary designation.

You Need a “Mini-Will”

Too often, people misunderstand and believe that once their will or trust is drafted, that takes care of everything so beneficiary designations don’t matter because they have it all spelled out in their will or trust.

No!

Remember, a beneficiary designation acts like a little mini-will in dictating where each account gets distributed, so the account never references the will or trust for distribution instructions at all on most accounts, unless the will or trust is listed as the beneficiary (and that may not be the best practice for tax reasons) or goes through probate because there was no beneficiary listed. You need to consult your legal advisor for beneficiary designation recommendations.

DIY?

I often help those who have lost a spouse, and I strongly discourage anyone from considering it a DIY (Do-It-Yourself) process. One woman I had not worked with told me how she consolidated one account into another online, commenting how easy it was to take care of it electronically.

But she found out later that she had moved a tax-deferred account into a taxable account. She basically, unknowingly, cashed out an IRA. Ouch, significant unexpected taxes will be owed now.

I recently read about an executor who decided not to wait for the CPA or advisor’s advice on the distribution of his single aunt’s large IRA. So, he had checks issued to the non-spouse beneficiaries. Ouch again, those beneficiaries will owe significant taxes.

…Or Not?

Again, not a time to DIY. Laws change. Account types matter. Different companies have various requirements for processing. Everyone is in a unique situation and has different needs. It’s a traumatic time of life.

This is all why I created The Before and After Loss Checklist Bundle to help make sure you and your advisors are prepared and thinking through the full scope of your needs.

Less Worry, More Life!

We don’t need to dwell on end-of-life issues, but we can worry less about it if we think through and communicate our wishes. Set yourself a deadline to get your wishes organized and in writing that involves going on a trip somewhere. Decide, take action if needed and then get on with enjoying life!

Have you checked your beneficiary designations lately? Have you decided how to pass things along to family? How have you seen others deal with these end-of-life decisions? Let’s have a discussion!

Several years ago I had a pivotal moment pertaining to heart health. I had just returned from visiting my family out of town. We celebrated my aunt and uncle’s 50th wedding anniversary. What an amazing milestone and achievement!

This event got me thinking about family, longevity, and the future. According to statistics, almost a million Americans – 920,000 to be exact – will have a heart attack in the next year. Worse, not all of them will have had any warning signs.

Obviously, everyone’s health situation is different and nothing I share in this article is medical advice. That said, I hope that the following statistics and general ideas for living a healthier life give you plenty to discuss with your doctor on your next visit.

It’s Time to Take Heart Health Seriously

Did you know that heart disease is the leading cause of death in the U.S.? Every year, 800,000 Americans die from heart disease, strokes, and other cardiovascular diseases. This problem is not limited to the U.S. either. For the first time, the American Heart Association has tracked statistics from more than 190 countries. The results?

Heart disease remains the #1 cause of death worldwide, with 17.3 million deaths each year. In addition, stroke is the number 2 global killer.

3 Scary Facts About Heart Disease

Do you know what the most common symptom of heart disease is? Sudden death. Now, I always thought a symptom was a warning sign that could scare me into action… but there is no action after death.

This is especially tragic when you consider that over 80% of heart disease is preventable through lifestyle and diet modifications.

The third fact? A research study published by the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention revealed that, among Americans, aged 30 to 74, most have hearts that have aged beyond their chronological years.

So let me summarize what we know so far.

The most common symptom of heart disease is sudden death. Heart disease is largely preventable. Most of us think we are just fine, thank you very much. The scary truth, however, is that many of us (myself included) have hearts that are older than we are!

Heart Disease Risk Factors

In many ways, understanding the risk factors for heart disease is the key to prevention.

In fact, researchers were surprised at how powerful a healthy lifestyle could be, noting:

“It is not surprising that healthy lifestyle choices would lead to a reduction in heart attacks… What is surprising is how drastically the risk dropped due to these factors. Unfortunately, most people are ignoring the impact healthy lifestyles could have on their lives. One study, for instance, involved men aged 45 to 79… and only 1 percent of them engaged in all five of the “low-risk” behaviors that could prevent a heart attack.”

These Healthy Lifestyle Changes Could Save Your Life

Follow a healthy diet. Avoid foods that are high in fat, salt, sugar, and LDL (bad cholesterol). Bad cholesterol contributes to the formation of plaque – a thick, hard deposit that can clog blood vessels and make them less flexible.

Increase your physical activity. According to the American Heart Association (AHA), exercising 30 minutes a day, five days a week will improve your heart health and help reduce your risk of heart disease. Make 30 minutes a day the minimum!

Get your weight down, if necessary. Aim for a healthy waist circumference, less than 35 inches for women and 40 inches for men.

Keep alcohol consumption to no more than two drinks a day for men and one drink a day for women.

Stop smoking, plain and simple. Get help if you need to but just do it.

Here are a few tips for getting rid of your bad habits after 60.

True Age vs. Functional Age

Did you know that there is a difference between your functional age and your chronological age and it affects your heart health?

Your functional age is your REAL age. It reflects your overall physical ability to complete daily tasks such as gardening, carrying your one-year-old grandchild, and doing household chores. Some people who are the same age as you and I can literally run circles around us; their functional age is likely lower than their true age.

Others, who may have the same true age as us, aren’t able to walk to the store or ride their bike a mile or two. These women likely have a functional age that is higher than their true age, in years.

The bottom line is that the decisions that we make now, in terms of our fitness, diet, and habits, matter! It’s empowering to realize how much control we have over our health. Here’s to a bright future!

What healthy lifestyle changes have you made recently? How do you take care of your heart? Have you neglected your heart health due to recent world crises? Please share what has been easy to change – and what you struggled with. Join the conversation.

‘Tis the season of ghosts, ghouls, goblins and freaks, but are you wearing your control freak mask year-round?

There are those of us who struggle with varying degrees of that need and/or obsession to exercise control over ourselves and others. The good news is that your scary little monster doesn’t have to haunt you, your family and your friends.

Are You a Control Freak?

While some people may be aware of their controlling tendencies, others may not. In case you’re not sure, then you might be a control freak if…

• You insist that things should be done in a specific way,
• You are a perfectionist,
• You panic when you make a mistake and fear people will discover you are a total fraud,
• You are compelled to argue your point,
• You’d rather do it yourself than delegate,
• You are super organized,
• You prefer the same routine, and
• Your feathers get ruffled when things don’t go your way.

The 1000-Piece Puzzle Project

If there was ever a doubt as to my personal tendency to get hijacked by controlling behavior, it was recently laid to rest while assembling a thousand piece jigsaw puzzle with my significant other (“S.O.”).

In my head this project would be a fun and challenging way to spend time with S.O. and to cultivate our ability to work as a team. Within 5 minutes of beginning the project, it felt like a total train wreck.

I insisted that we sort all the pieces into piles based on their general color/pattern before beginning assembly. S.O. on the other hand, preferred to dive right into assembling the frame, and so he did.

I found myself becoming more and more annoyed as he made progress on assembling the puzzle while I continued the grunt work of sorting. To add insult to injury, he was benefitting from my grunt work, which only fueled my growing anger as I continued to insist we should sort everything first.

Controlling the Control Freak

I finally had to sit back and take a breath, trying to calm my escalating physical reaction and snarky tone of voice. I sat there in full awareness that I had been hijacked by the need to control as evidenced by my overreaction to the situation.

Since then, I’ve tried to better educate myself about this type of behavior and learn new tools to keep my little gremlin in check. I’ve learned that some people are afraid of feeling a loss of control. I’ve discovered that I have a deep-seated need to manage all aspects of my life in an attempt to establish a feeling of security.

It is deeply rooted in fear. Fear of not being good enough and fear of ultimate rejection, which to the human nervous system is the equivalent of death. That’s pretty powerful stuff!

Working Together

As things would go, I got over myself and continued to work with S.O. on assembling the jigsaw puzzle. We each worked in our own way and before I knew it, we were actually working together and making progress. S.O. even commented on how my sorting work was a good strategy.

Eventually, the beautiful park scene that had once been a thousand separate pieces revealed itself in all of its glory! Better yet, I gained insight and experience recognizing and working through the uncomfortable feelings associated with my need to try to control my environment.

How to Overcome the Control Freak

Here are some tips and tools I’ve learned that help manage my personal little freak show:

• Develop an awareness of overly controlling behavior. You might enlist a trusted friend to help alert you when you are acting in a controlling manner.
• Journal your thoughts and feelings about instances in which you act in a controlling manner. Can you recognize a pattern, trigger, or root cause associated with the behavior?
• Accept that many things in our life are beyond our control. At the same time acknowledge that you are not powerless. You can choose to develop new habits that create stability where it counts, on the inside.
• Experiment with different breathing exercises like box breathing (Google it) or yoga to help you learn how to manage your physical reactions. Experiment with meditation, prayer, walking or other meditative type practices to help you manage your mental reactions.
• Make sure you are getting enough sleep.
• Be kind to yourself, try to lighten up a little, and practice gratitude. No one is perfect and imperfection and risk are part of being human.
• Don’t be afraid to work with a qualified therapist if you need help understanding and managing your behavior.

There’s More Than Just the Shadow Side of Being a Control Freak

That’s right, there are also many positives associated with personality types that lean towards controlling behavior. We are results oriented. Our foresight and ability to plan make us great at mitigating risk. We are both organized and efficient. People know they can count on us. Overall, we are pretty nice folks when we learn to effectively manage our little beast!

Is your controlling behavior affecting your relationships and your level of happiness? Can you think of a specific instance or instances when your controlling behavior negatively impacted your life? How might your life be different if you were able to develop tools and habits to help manage this behavior? Please join the conversation!