One of the biggest shopping weeks is here! Sephora’s deals have already hit their website for Cyber Week but there is much more coming. That’s why it’s so important to know Sephora’s Black Friday hours for 2021. Whether you’re a Sephora Insider, VIB or a Rouge member doesn’t matter here. Everyone gets access to makeup, skin and hair discounts.

Stores also expand their hours, giving you even more time to shop if you actually go in with a solid plan. (I think we can all agree that last-minute shopping is the absolute worst and time-consuming.) Here’s a quick recap of the dates to keep in mind, whether you’re already in the thick of this year’s events or want to take notes for 2022. Knowing when each part of Sephora’s holiday blowout actually begins means you can take full advantage and stack the most savings with plenty of time to spare.

Now, we don’t have confirmation yet on all these dates and times but Sephora’s sale is usually the same every year. We’ll update this story when we learn more.

November 25

Stores are closed on Thanksgiving. Shop online, instead!

November 26

Sephora stores usually open at 6 p.m. EST and close at 12 a.m. EST. Store hours can vary by location, so hit up your local Sephora store on the phone before you jump into the car.

For those lucky West Coasters, Sephora’s Black Friday online access begins at 9 p.m. PST. The rest of the country will have to stave off tryptophan comas and set an alarm, because that means deals go live later depending on your time zone (it’s midnight for the East Coast).

November 27

It’s here! On actual Black Friday, Sephora stores often open at 6 a.m. and stay open until 9 p.m. or even later.

Black Friday at Sephora gets a bit crazy so wear comfortable shoes, bring a shopping tote bag and your face mask, of course. There are a bunch of gifts we’re dying to grab from brands including Fenty Beauty, First Aid Beauty and Too Faced. Sephora gave app users early access to view the deals and OMG they’re good. Check ’em out, below.

Urban Decay.

Urban Decay Naked3 Eyeshadow Palette – $27 Off

Get this iconic neutral eyeshadow palette for half off.

Living Proof.

Living Proof Full Dry Volume Blast – $15 Off

Ensure your holiday hair lasts for days with this volumizing dry shampoo — that’s half off.

Sephora.

Sephora Collection Skin Perfecting Brush Set

Also half off is this five-piece, cruelty-free brush set infused with collagen.

Lindsay Hubbard’s Pink Ribbed Cutout Dress

Winter House Season 1 Finale Fashion

Okay despite the pic below (sorry Linds, screenshots are hard)…Lindsay Hubbard looked pretty in her pink ribbed cutout dress. This dress is great for this time of year because it has that sweater material. And it just so happens to still be in stock. But that may go fast so we of course have our Style Stealers below that, much like Jason, are def worth bringing home.

Sincerely Stylish,

Jess

Click Here to Shop Her Lioness Cutout Dress

Originally posted at: Lindsay Hubbard’s Pink Ribbed Cutout Dress

It is a warm sunny day as I skip beside by mother in our backyard. I am four years old, and this is one of my earliest memories. We have matching blue watering cans, only mine is much smaller than hers.

The rose bushes, which beautifully line the concrete patio, are our destination.

We reach my favorite white rose bush and my mother and I give it a drink of water. A group of yellow butterflies, who have been silently sitting between the leaves and thorns of the rose bush, are startled by our laughing and splashing water.

The butterflies quickly emerge from their hiding spots, forming a yellow cloud above the rose bush.

My eyes are transfixed on them, and I follow their movement with amazement. I extend my hand outward in the hopes that maybe I can play with them.

One of the butterflies breaks from the group and circles back, landing softly on my outstretched hand. A mixture of momentary shock is washed away by wonder and joy that now shines forth from my face.

The butterfly wants to be my friend and I am elated!

A Secret Eye-to-Eye Conversation

My mother remains a few feet away, busy pruning and watering, unaware of this enchanting moment I am experiencing. I slowly engage my new friend, mindful not to startle her. I gently touch her wings as she rhythmically opens and closes them.

Picking her up, I now hold both wings together, so we can have a secret eye-to-eye conversation. She tells me the magical experiences of being a butterfly and how much she loves my white rose bush.

Cupping my newfound friend between my hands, I can feel her jump up and down with excitement as I skip around the yard showing her my special hiding places. When I open my hands to bid my butterfly friend goodbye, I am taken aback.

Instead of flying away, she lays motionless in my hand.

“I Can’t Make the Butterfly Fly”

My mother can make everything fine, and I run to her, exclaiming, “Make the butterfly fly.” She sees the lifeless butterfly in my palm and calmly says, “I can’t, Joan.”

Undeterred, I demand in a louder voice, “Make the butterfly fly!”

“Joan, I can’t. The butterfly is dead.” I refuse to give in and in a more insistent voice say, “You can Mommy! You can make it fly! It is not dead!”

Realizing I am refusing to accept the death of the butterfly, my mother bluntly replies, “I am sorry, Joan. But there’s nothing I can do.”

With anger like none I had known before I emphatically declare, “She is a perfectly good butterfly. Now, you make her fly!”

My mother again replies, “I can’t make the butterfly fly.”

I stand with my outstretched hand glaring at my mother. I do not understand why the butterfly stopped moving or why my mother will not help. Finally, I put my hand down and the butterfly slides to the concrete, but she does not feel the fall.

The Code Phrase

With no explanation for what happened, a seething rage rose up in me, mixed with a sense of dread and helplessness. Hugging my little blue watering can to my chest, I defiantly walk away from my mother.

It wasn’t until many decades later, when I began working through the ‘what’ and ‘how’ of my life’s experiences, that I became aware of how much my beliefs and behaviors as an adult were shaped by this seemingly inconsequential moment. For it was there, in this moment, that my future interactions with my mother took root.

If my feelings, concerns, or desires did not coincide with my mother’s, they were never acknowledged. If they were acknowledged, it was through scorn or various forms of ridicule.

What no one knew, until I started to share this story publicly after my first book was published, is that when I find myself trapped in a situation that is untenable, and beyond all help, I will silently utter the code phrase to myself for walking away, which is, “Make the butterfly fly.”  

Journal Prompt

Since realizing this, I have journaled about it. Thanks to that code phrase, I’ve been able to keep my wits about in difficult situations. I know I’m not the only person who has had to walk away to avoid conflict, so I invite you to journal your answers to the following questions.

• Do you have a code phrase for recognizing when it is time to walk away from an untenable situation? If not, take some time to come up with one.
• Describe a situation in your life, perhaps recently, where having a code phrase would have helped you gracefully remove yourself from a difficult or troubling experience.
• Do you believe a code phrase would help you navigate through difficult life experiences with more ease and awareness? If so, be sure to journal how.

When you notice a difficult situation arising, what is your reaction? Do you get into a conflict, or do you have a phrase to help you walk away calmly? What is your personal experiences with how you have utilized internal code phrases to remove yourself gracefully and peacefully from troubling circumstances?

Gabrielle Kniery’s Grey Floral Print Leggings and Sports Bra

Winter House Season 1 Finale Fashion

I love a cute workout set because it can be worn at anytime of year. Which is exactly why I adore Gabrielle Kniery’s grey floral print leggings and sports bra that she is wearing on tonight’s Winter House Season 1 finals. Sure going to the gym seems harder in the winter (I mean going anywhere in the winter is hard unless it’s vacation) but a cute set like this would make it easier. Or maybe it’s just great for chillin inside and snacking.

Sincerely Stylish,

Jess

Click Here to Shop her Stronger Leggings in Navy Blue 

Click Here to Shop the Matching Top

Originally posted at: Gabrielle Kniery’s Grey Floral Print Leggings and Sports Bra

There are two kinds of losses in this life: clear loss, such as the death of a loved one where there is a body, and ambiguous loss, where the person is there – but not there.

Examples of ambiguous loss can be divorce, mental illness, dementia, addiction, immigration or aging parents. How individuals deal with these community losses becomes an essential part of the family blueprint.

When a loved one dies we mourn our loss. We take comfort in the rituals that mark the passing, and we turn to those around us for support.

But what happens when there is no closure? When a family member or a friend who may still be alive goes radio silent and stops all communication? They are lost to us, and we have no reason why or a future ending in sight.

Pauline Boss, Emeritus Professor at the University of Minnesota, explains in her book Ambiguous Loss that those who have lost family members to divorce, immigration, adoption, addiction or chronic mental illness fluctuate between hope and hopelessness.

Human relationships are often traumatized because of the ambiguity. There are no clearly outlined five stages of grief to ‘finish’ the process when there is no body to bury. The sorrow becomes chronic and makes it more difficult to resolve and move on.

The challenge is how to regain our psychological footing, create new meaning and live satisfactorily with unanswered questions.

Death of a Dream

Divorce is an ambiguous loss that affects many of us. You are leaving someone. You have lost someone by the divorce certificate, but they’re still here.

You have been barred from seeing your grandchildren when your son’s ex got custody. So they’re here, but not here. They are present and absent at the same time – especially in a co-parenting situation. It is haunting.

When avoidance becomes an avenue of unexpressed anger, then the dark side comes out. Hostile silence is a form of violence and verbal abuse. Teens use it as a method of bullying, exes use it to get back at each other, and adults use it as the ultimate silent treatment. Ah, the crystal ball begins to clear.

Complicated Grief

Extended grieving ends up looking like what psychiatrists now call ‘complicated grief’ that is long term and chronic. It is incremental death. Both here and gone.

It is what parents experience when their adult children go emotionally – and sometimes physically – missing, and they lose touch with grandchildren. It may be punctuated by jabs of blame or never-ending silent treatment. It feels like punishment. There is no closure to be found.

It is this ambiguous loss that keeps people stuck in grief and unable to find resolution so they can move on and rebuild a life they love.

Not talking is still communicating. What it says is that they do not even think you are worth the time or effort to have an honest conversation with. It is painful. It is dehumanizing. Don’t be duped into wondering and wasting energy trying to figure out what you did wrong.

The Situation Is Crazy, You Are Not

What you’re experiencing is ambiguous loss because your loved ones are still missing. It is the most difficult, most stressful loss there is, but it is not your fault.

In 1969 Elizabeth Kübler-Ross found the five stages of grief to be relevant to people who are dying, fading into death. They are not helpful to someone who’s at the loss end of that death.

We like linear stages because they provide an ending. Each stage has a finite end point when you’re done. You’re no longer grieving.

There is no such thing as closure with ambiguous loss. After any traumatic event – even a hurricane, most people blame themselves. We have to live with it and find a new normal.

Transforming the Loss

Ambiguous loss is meaningless. We will never have all the answers to why it occurred. The life task before us is, first, to differentiate between depression and sadness, and then to create new meaning and a go-forward plan.

Sorrow is a normal reaction to the loss of any dream. The closer the dream is to your heart, the greater the sadness whether that dream was the ‘happily ever after’ of a marriage unfulfilled or the dream of close family ties that span generations.

Women I have met and worked with are not depressed; they’re sad. They’re grieving. And this should be normalized.

The transformation occurs when you no longer blame yourself and can assign it a meaning that you can live with the rest of your life without too much stress.

You may never understand the ‘why’ of what happened, but you can find meaning elsewhere in your life. There may never be a perfect answer because life doesn’t always deliver closure. Sometimes we must learn to live with unanswered questions and move on.

New Meaning

The search for meaning is life giving. What does a grandmother do with a surplus of love, time and resources?

We live with wounds and occasionally life gives us the opportunity to serve. I was able to do that by finding something else that was meaningful through volunteering as a Big Sister and sharing with those who want what I have to offer, rather than chasing after those who don’t.

Who or what have you found to invest yourself in that fulfills you? What words of wisdom would you share with your sisters who may be experiencing ambiguous loss? Please join the conversation below!