Gratitude. A simple word. One we think we understand, and in the general sense, we do. But what we often fail to understand is the power of gratitude in our lives. Not just the feel-good power, but the actual benefit to our very practical, everyday lives.

You see, what we experience in life has a great deal to do with our perspective, with what we choose to focus on, day in, day out. Study after study shows that people who choose to focus with gratitude on the events of their daily lives, big and small, tend to be happier, healthier and live longer.

Grateful people are more optimistic. They see the pluses in their lives, rather than dwelling on the minuses. The result? Grateful people have stronger immune systems, better cardiovascular health, and as result, can more often than not, live longer.

Many Reasons to Be Grateful

Coming out of the pandemic, however haltingly, what can we be grateful for? For example, I am grateful that I have strengthened certain friendships. With the ease and benefit of Zoom, and my work having fallen away so much over the past year and a half, I had the time, means, and the desire, to connect with friends I otherwise met up with on a far less frequent basis.

Other friendships I let quietly slip away into oblivion, as I realized they were not that relevant to my life, nor mine to theirs. A realization I may not have come to where I am without the luxury of time to think on these things.

I am infinitely more grateful, as our activities resume, for the ballroom dancing I missed so much through the long months of social isolation. Sure, we’re still masked, and must be vaccinated, but these seem like minor inconveniences compared to the renewed joy of dance.

Bonnie Bowen, at 91, is no doubt grateful for her renewed ability to do what she loves best – paint. Over the past many months, Bonnie painted whimsical renditions of life as we experienced it during the pandemic.

Charming, uplifting paintings, appreciated by many as Bonnie’s daughter posted them on Facebook. Bonnie contracted Covid, but recovered well, and was able to resume her beloved art after a mere three weeks of being off-line.

Everyday Gratitude

We don’t need disastrous experiences to engage our sense of gratitude. Indeed, life is full of opportunities to be grateful, from the very moment we open our eyes in the morning to when we shut them in sleep.

The sun rose. There’s something to be grateful for. Your eyes opened. Another thing to be grateful for. Because whatever’s going on in your life, you have an opportunity to make it better this new day, even if it’s already wonderful. Whatever family, or friends, or pets you have in your life, these are beings to be grateful for. The list goes on and on.

If you really want to reap the benefits of gratitude, generate a “list of things I am grateful for” every day, what some call “count your blessings.” I write mine out by hand every morning. It doesn’t take but a couple of minutes, yet that simple exercise sets me up for the day on a positive note.

You can certainly type yours into your mobile or computer, but writing by hand seems to imbed things more powerfully into our minds.

Whatever your choice, remember that gratitude matters. Let it take a bigger place in your mind and heart, and enjoy the many benefits it brings.

What are you grateful for right now? Have you been grateful for something that surprised you? If so, what? What has the pandemic shown you about gratitude?

If you follow actress and entrepreneur Shay Mitchell on any social media platform, you know she doesn’t do anything small. Her dedication to TikTok is impressive on its own. Even Mitchell’s beauty routine is a bit extra. In a new Vogue Beauty Secrets video, she shows her 58-step (!!!) routine, which includes many, many, many masks. I thought Madelaine Petsch’s 38-step one was the longest! Shay Mitchell really said, hold my purse.

Mitchell uses a lot of my favorite skincare throughout the routine. She starts off with Shani Darden Skin Care Cleansing Serum ($38 at Net-a-Porter), which is great for sensitive skin. “This cleanser is super gentle,” Mitchell says. “It’s like the perfect sort of balance for my skin.” Then, she quickly goes into applying six sheet masks on her face, chest and breasts. “Now, you’re gonna see quite a few masks and the reason why I like them is just because I feel like they’re very hydrating,” she continues. “I put them on, I don’t have to think about it. I love the drama of it. I think I look funny. I like to scare people when I’m traveling, especially, or when I’m just at home.”

Yes, we love the drama, too.

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She starts with the Skyn Iceland Hydro Cool Firming Face Gels with Extensin and Peptides ($36 at Amazon). Then, she adds on the Patchology Lip Renewal FlashPatch 5-Minute Hydrogels ($15 at Ulta), but takes them off after a few minutes so she can keep talking. Next comes the 111SKIN Anti Blemish Bio Cellulose Facial Mask ($135 at Nordstrom). She doesn’t like to waste a drop of the luxe formula so she applies the leftover onto her neck and chest.

YouTube/Vogue.

Oh, she doesn’t stop there. Next comes the Avajar Perfect V-Lifting Premium Mask ($34.20 at Amazon). To finish her face, she puts the Honest Reusable Magic Silicone Sheet Mask ($14.99 at Target) on top to keep it all tight and tucked in, and rubs Nurse Jamie Uplift Facial Massaging Beauty Roller ($69 at Amazon) to smooth it all together.

Her final mask is for the delicate skin on her chest area: Booby Tape 24K Gold Breast Masks ($27 at Booby Tape). “Your boobs need love too, you know?” she says. “Especially if you’re going on an event and you have a low-cut dress.” Amen.

Watch the rest of her routine above, including an easy glam featuring both high-end and drugstore makeup.

Although Kim Kardashian goes to NYC, like, all the time, her trip there has made headlines thanks to her reported new thing with SNL‘s Pete Davidson. Now, all of a sudden, Kardashian’s time in the city — including Staten Island — is making major headlines. But all we can see? How killer Kardashian’s long hair and NYC-style ‘fits are looking. Of course, hanging out with Davidson isn’t the only reason Kardashian is in NYC, or why she’s turning on the glam.

On Monday, Kardashian hit up Wall Street Journal Magazine‘s 2021 Innovator Awards wearing her upcoming Skims x Fendi collab. The brown leather hugged her curves as she went on stage to accept a Brand Innovator award for Skims. She wore her glossy dark brown hair up in a ponytail, which is why we didn’t notice just how long it is these days.

On Tuesday, “glam fam” Chris Appleton and Mario Dedivanovic joined Kardashian in NYC. Dedivanovice ensured she had her signature cool-toned bronzy makeup with nude lips, while Appleton smoothed her waist-length strands.

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Source: Instagram

Though ultra-long extensions aren’t new for any part of the Kardashian-Jenner family, Kim’s look especially lush and shiny. They’re so glossy in fact, they stand out against her all-black outfit — hard to do considering it’s all the same color. Maybe she’s using Appleton’s hair mask collaboration with Color Wow. The Money Mask Deep Hydrating & Strengthening Hair Treatment ($45 at Sephora) contains a hydrolyzed vegetable protein complex, as well as a mediterranean sea kelp and algae blend, so strengthen strands and smooth the hair’s cuticle at the same time.

Whatever she’s using, it’s working.

When I was a young girl, still in the single digits of life, I dreamed of walking onto the stage alone to sing for an audience. In my imagination, I grudgingly allowed for there also to be a pianist onstage with me. As a very shy person whose musical vision was to become a well-known singer, I tried to find ways to keep my distance from large groups of people, while at the same time, living my dream.

In looking back over many years as a professional singer and vocal coach who was trying to maintain that awkward balance, I realize now that I was an introvert who had the dreams of an extrovert. And more than half of my 68 years of life have been a struggle to keep these two parts of me in a state of equilibrium. 

I believe that I have lost friends and associates (and work) over the years because of my need to have enough alone time to support the “out there” energy that a singing life requires. Sometimes I would find myself literally walking backwards away from a person whom I felt was too demanding and forceful in their need to be with me.

I Expect That Others Have Faced This Kind of Challenge

What about you? Are you an introvert in some ways and an extrovert in others? Or are you sitting fully in one camp or the other? These 18 months of pandemic living have forced most of us to withdraw. But now that things are opening up again, how will you return to community life?

After reading Susan Cain’s book, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, I understand more about what it means to try to find your place of equipoise when the world around you seems too loud, too fast and too insensitive.

What Does It Really Mean to Be an Introvert as Opposed to an Extrovert?

In her deeply-researched book that was 10 years in the making, Cain explains:

“Introverts are drawn to the inner world of thought and feeling. They focus on the meaning they make of the events swirling around them, while extroverts plunge into the events themselves. Introverts recharge their batteries by being alone; extroverts need to recharge when they don’t socialize enough.”

And here is a statistic from her book that surprised me very much: “one third to one half of Americans are introverts!” That means that one in two or three of our friends and colleagues are introverts! And yet, we still live in a world where the ideal way to be is outgoing and brash, with fast opinions and quick and often ill-considered responses to stimuli. 

Again, from Cain’s book, “Probably the biggest inaccuracy that I see people making… [is that] a lot of people who are clearly introverts describe themselves as extroverts. I think that’s because of the social stigma that they might feel about being an introvert.”

Some of the Most Accomplished Individuals on This Planet Have Been Introverts 

Well-known names head the list: Einstein, Bill Gates and Elon Musk, to offer a few. But it might surprise you to know that Meryl Streep, Barack Obama, and Hillary Clinton also consider themselves to be introverts. 

After reading and thinking a lot about these two opposing life forces (as an introvert tends to do!), I have come to believe that most of us have the propensity to be both introverted and extroverted depending upon the circumstances. And it is in finding a balance – each of us in our own personal way – that our lives can become healthier, wiser and more successful. 

My first husband, Nick, a writer and TV producer who was also often seen on national TV arguing with other forceful people in politics, would seem a good candidate for the fully extroverted camp. And yet, later in life, he told me that he longed to get back to his true self – a philosopher, living in the woods, calmly writing a book every two or three years.

I believe that to some important degree, it is because he did not have that necessary downtime that his life ended at the young age of 58.

My current, marvellous life-partner, John, knew deep inside from a young age that he was an introvert – though he likely did not have that word for his state of being. His very successful life’s work in software development allowed him his necessary quiet time. Now at 69, he is at peace with a life lived close to nature and far from the maddening crowd.

As our post-pandemic lives become freer, keep in mind that a surprising number of us are introverts. There is no shame about wanting to hold on to some of our pandemic “chill” time. This is a rare opportunity to reconsider your needs and make some of the changes that your quieter self may have been longing for. 

For myself, I’m eager to get back to live singing. But my final concert of the year will be a free online Christmas concert. You can sign up here if you are intrigued! 

What plans do you have for reentry into your more public life? Are you eager to get back to the hustle and bustle? What did you miss most over the past 18 months? How would you like to change your engagement with the world – if at all?

Pre-pandemic, divorce had been declining in America – except for older Americans. A lot of studies have been conducted on the topic, one stating that the number of people over the age of 50 who divorce nearly doubled between 1990 and 2010. Researchers have dubbed divorce for those over the age of 55 as the “gray divorce,” and have started to note its many financial consequences.

Gray divorce can have an outsized effect on women since in many cases women have longer life expectancies, their husbands may have been managing the family finances, and they often took significant time out to raise children, which impacts their retirement benefits and savings and their career prospects. As a child of divorce, I’ve seen first-hand the impact it can have on the finances of women.

Divorce in retirement age can be daunting for many reasons. A huge personal and household change at a time of life transition from working to retirement is a lot for the strongest among us to handle, but if you plan well and prepare your financial life, you will survive a gray divorce. The best thing you can do is plan in advance and take control of your independence confidently.

If you are worried about a divorce in your future, here are some things to consider.

Know the Law

You need to be aware of the divorce laws in your state, especially if you did not come into marriage with a prenuptial agreement outlining your division of assets. In several U.S. states, there is a community property law that divides all property accumulated during the marriage equitably.

Seek legal advice and be certain that you are getting from the marriage what the law recommends you deserve.

Save, Save, Save More

Only 24% of Baby Boomers, “the gray generation,” feel that they have saved enough money to hold them through retirement. That is down 12% from just five years ago! Divorce is an expensive life change, and if you are already feeling apprehensive about your financial outlook at retirement age, you need to take this into consideration when getting a divorce.

Start saving as much as you can, and if you feel you didn’t start saving early enough, really start saving now. Make multiple contributions to your savings, such as downsizing to a smaller home, cutting back on extraneous daily expenses or deciding to work a few more years before drawing Social Security benefits. These small concessions will add up and get you back on your feet after a divorce.

Take Control of Your Own Future

No one plans for a divorce (for the most part), but even if you aren’t planning to get divorced, you should be planning to take care of yourself should something happen to your partner.

It is also uniquely empowering to have an independent retirement plan to keep track of how much you have saved and a clear projection of how much you could potentially need. The notion that you are prepared to take care of yourself should be enough of a motivation to take control of your financial future.

Work with a Financial Planner

Working with a financial planner is an excellent way to prepare for unforeseen financial calamities and shortcomings that come with divorce. It is also a way to have an objective set of eyes on your finances, and sometimes an objective voice of reason is the only way to take hold of your financial future realistically.

Financial planners have seen it all, and are paid to be the voice of reason, so don’t hold back. Take advantage of any suggestions or advice they have to offer.

Plan for Healthcare

Have you been under your partner’s healthcare plan for decades and are now back at square one? Will you be able to keep your partner’s healthcare after the divorce?

Depending on your health insurance policy and specific regulations, these are questions you need to ask in order to be secure in the future of your healthcare. You can find some resources on ways to save on health care.

Don’t Be Too Proud to Downsize

Up to this point, you have had the security of a combined life, shared expenses and a joint income. After divorce, especially around retirement age, where your work income may be lower, don’t decide against downsizing your lifestyle; it may be the only way to have a comfortable and secure future.

Consider small ways in which to downsize, such as a more efficient vehicle or smaller home and weigh what is most important to you. If you plan to travel often, perhaps investing in a small apartment is the best permanent living option for your home base, which leaves you more money for travel.

Divorce is no fun, but can be less stressful if you plan correctly. Baby boomers are breaking the mould across the board and now one in three baby boomers is single during retirement age. You’re not alone and there are resources to guide you on your path to independent, financial freedom.

What advice would you give to a woman who is looking at a divorce right before retirement? Are you familiar with the divorce laws in your state or country? Do you have a plan for healthcare in retirement? Please join the conversation.