If this December you are feeling anything but merry and bright, it’s perfectly okay. There is no requirement to be “in the spirit,” or peaceful or joyful. And by all means, if you don’t feel like it, don’t deck the halls or hang the stockings with care.

There is no rulebook for the holiday season, especially after what may have been a particularly difficult year. Just because you have always done it, doesn’t mean that this year it must be done at all. Perhaps this year you are feeling the sting of loss, unwanted change, deep loneliness or an otherwise dramatically different and difficult holiday season.

It’s Okay If You’re Not Okay

I believe that by age five, everyone should know that difficult emotions are a normal part of life. Perhaps, on average, up to 50 percent of life is full of uncomfortable feelings, from annoyed to agitated, bored to burdened, weak to weary, and everything in between. While the other 50 percent is the range of happy, joyful, pleasant emotions that we enjoy feeling. Life simply is not a bowl of cherries all the time.

In fact, feelings can change by the minute based on the thoughts we’re thinking. A normal day offers us a wide range of emotions because we have a wide range of thoughts. Tracing feelings back to the thought causing them is a useful skill in general, and especially during difficult seasons of life.

Grief Is Heavy

If this holiday season you’re grieving any loss, everything likely feels heavier. Perhaps the mix of emotions you’re experiencing is not at all 50/50, but more like 90% difficult and 10% positive. Whatever mix of emotions you’re feeling is 100% perfectly okay. There is no requirement that you should feel differently than you do.

Difficult emotions are never around forever. The same is true for positive emotions. Sometimes difficult and positive emotions happen sequentially, while other times they happen all at once. For many people who are living life after a profound loss, experiencing both difficult and positive emotions at the same time is a disorienting experience. It’s the duality of grief.

Judging Yourself Has No Upside

Notice if you think you should be thinking, feeling and acting differently this holiday season. This creates unnecessary suffering on top of the pain of an already difficult season of life.

You get to think, feel and act exactly as you are. If this time of year feels heavier than usual, just let it feel heavy. Decorate or don’t. Feel the joy and the sadness that life offers you. There is no need to put on a “game face” or attempt to deliver a best-actress-in-a-dramatic-series level performance. Just be exactly, precisely, however you are. Show up as the most authentic version of yourself this holiday season.

Here are some thoughts to consider. If they feel true for you, practice them often:

• I’m feeling extra sadness/loneliness/grief this year, and that’s okay.
• This is the part when I feel difficult emotions during the holidays.
• There is no requirement to feel happy all of the time.
• Life is a mix of happy and uncomfortable emotions.
• It’s okay if I’m not okay.

If this holiday season is difficult for you, what (if anything) are you doing differently? Do you agree that life, on average, is a 50/50 mix of positive and difficult emotions? Why or why not? Do you notice self-judgement in terms of how you’re feeling and acting this holiday season? In what ways can you take extra care of yourself this year?

We all know that challenges are a part of life. Yet we are never prepared for them when they appear at our door. “Why are you here, things are going well, leave me alone.”

We all get those knocks – the knocks of life. They can be sudden events that shake us to our core, natural progressions of life that leave us searching for new grounding; situations that leave us fiercely flapping our wings in flight so we don’t crash.

A death, divorce, a diagnosis, and yes, retirement, empty-nesting, a move, can cause us to crack open. We then have the choice to begin to mine for our gold, our strengths so we can eventually find our way back home to our new reality.

Or we can succumb and remain broken. We all have the potential to become whole again, perhaps in a different form.

In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.

Albert Camus

Here are 4 ways to cope and move through our difficult times, discovering our (hidden) strengths.

#1 Feel

Allowing ourselves to feel our feelings is crucial to moving through them. We need to acknowledge them and give them permission to be here as a normal and natural part of our humanness.

What we push down has a way of popping back up again. So, as uncomfortable as it is, we have to let ourselves feel the anger, anxiety, sadness, bitterness, pain.

There is motion in the word emotion. We need to allow for our feelings to move through us – like clouds, shifting here and there, changing shape right before our eyes. The key is, when we know our feelings we can manage them better. As a saying goes: “You have to name it to tame it.”

#2 Fuel

What’s our fuel? What gets us going? We need to connect with it so we can stay afloat. And how do we keep our tank full of fuel so we can keep going? We recognize and tend to ourselves gently as we may be feeling drained, empty, like the bottom fell out from under us and everything poured out.

What can fill us then? Connecting to a purpose can get us going. “I’m seeing my grandkiddies today; I need to prepare the house for my book club group today; I have to take my dog out for a walk; I need to go shopping for my friend who’s homebound.”

We can think in terms of movement to energize us, interests and connections that recharge us, intentional purpose that helps us continue on.

#3 Fun

It may seem like an oxymoron to put fun in the same sentence/concept with difficult times, but allowing ourselves some moments of lightheartedness is a wonderful coping tool.

We can look to incorporate even the smallest and briefest bits of positivity into the difficulties. It helps fill our (empty) bucket so we can carry on. Moments of reprieve are replenishing and restorative.

So, that walk along the beach can help clear away the cobwebs of pain and enable us to see the larger horizon of our lives. Watching Jerry Seinfeld’s one-man show on Netflix provides some great belly laughs, breaking up some of the tension and anxiety, showing us we can still laugh. There is a balance to life.

#4 Faith

Is there something you believe in beyond the here and now? Something that transcends your difficulties? An unknown, even mysterious force of the universe can provide us with a rope to hold onto. Of course, there’s G-d, religion, spirituality; but for some there’s simply some sort of unlabeled faith.

I will call that hope – a sense of a better tomorrow that can keep us afloat and looking forward to easier times. The sun is always there in the sky, sometimes hidden behind thick dark clouds, but still present however unseen.

That is hope – for better times, for healing through loss and pain, and for eventual growth. Having the faith and belief that we can get through can oftentimes be enough for us to access our inner strength and resources.

As Martin Luther King, Jr. said:

“You ought to discover some principle, you ought to have some great faith that grips you so much that you will never give it up. Somehow you go on and say, ‘I know that the God that I worship is able to deliver me, but if not, I’m going on anyhow, I’m going to stand up for it anyway.’”

Although many times we feel like this is just too hard and painful, holding onto faith and hope, allowing ourselves some moments of pleasure, refueling our body and soul and giving ourselves permission to feel all our uncomfortable and painful emotions will enable us to go through the tough times and come out stronger and better, broken and whole again.

What has helped get you through your difficult times? What contemplative activity brings you solace? What fuels you to keep going? Have you sat with your painful emotions and been gentle with yourself, allowing for them?

Kenya Moore’s White Floral and Lace Pajamas on RHUGT

Real Housewives Ultimate Girls Trip Season 1 Episode 7 Fashion

While Kenya Moore may have wanted nothing do with Cynthia Bailey in this scene on the finale of RHUGT, we want everything to do with her white floral and lace pajamas. And although they’re sold out, thankfully there’s still some cute Style Stealers that can still totally have us going to bed looking like a Housewife in da island.

Fashionably,

Faryn

Click Here to See Her In Bloom by Jonquil Pajamas

Originally posted at: Kenya Moore’s White Floral and Lace Pajamas

It’s amazing how just a few tweaks and several additional products can transform our makeup from a daytime look to a more glamorous Holiday look. And that’s exactly what we’ll be doing today using only drugstore makeup.

Going from a Day to Holiday Look with Eye Makeup

One of the many fun things about the Holiday Season is the chance to add a touch of glamour to our normal makeup look. So, as you’ll see in the video, I’ll transform my daytime look into a special Holiday look using wonderfully affordable drugstore makeup.

Let’s start with the eyes. I’ve already filled in my eyebrows, applied eye primer and created a neutral, daytime eye look. I used my Juvia’s Place Warrior II eyeshadow palette to create my daytime look and I’m going to bump it up a bit by using an eyeshadow palette that may surprise you.

It’s a palette from Colourpop called Lush Life. This is a gorgeous palette both inside and outside. I’m going to start off with the color “Eco” in the crease area, then add a bit of the mid-tone green metallic called “Juicy” in the outer lid and crease area and then use the deepest green called “On The Prowl” in the same outer lid and crease area.

And then on the inner and middle part of the lid I’m going to take the lightest color (called “High Season”) from another Coloupop eyeshadow palette, the Cabana Club. I’ll also add a touch of the color called “Cha, Cha, Cha” from the Cabana Club palette to the middle of the crease and then blend it in well.

Be sure to check out Elise’s YouTube channel which specifically focuses on makeup tips, techniques, and product reviews for those of us 50+. Don’t forget to subscribe!

For eyeliner, I’m combining the deep green “On the Prowl” with the gorgeous deep blue from the Cabana Club palette called “Pool Party.” For eyeliner below the eye, I’m going to combine a light touch of both of these colors just to the outer one third of my bottom lid. Then I’m going to go ahead and add another coat of mascara.

Correcting and Concealing with Concealer

Next, to camouflage the dark circles under my eyes, I’m going to apply Elf’s Hydrating Camo Concealer in “Light Peach” to color correct. Then I’ll gently pat the same concealer in the color “Fair Beige” over it to brighten the under eye area.

Adding Some Definition to the Face

I’ve already applied my No. 7 Lift and Luminate foundation which I combined with a little of my L’oreal Age Perfect Serum Foundation to get the right color. And I also used the Elf Hydrating Camo concealer in “Fair Beige” to cover age spots on my face.

Next I’ll add some definition to the face by doing some quick contouring with a deep contour stick color from Wet n Wild called “Where’s Walnut.”  I’ll bring it under the cheekbones, under my jawline and also add just a touch to the middle of my forehead and then I’ll thoroughly blend it into my skin.

To ensure there are no harsh edges, I’ll also use my foundation brush to go over all the edges of the contour I applied.

Adding Color to Give a Lovely Flush

The next step is blush application to create a lovely soft flush. I’m going to mix a tiny bit of the lipstick I’ll be using from Milani called “Violet Volt” (unfortunately, discontinued) with a bit of moisturizer.

I’ve run out of the drugstore moisturizer I’d normally use, which is Rich Moisture Cream from Versed, so I’m adding just a touch of Clinique’s 72 hr. Moisture Surge. The moisturizer not only lightens up the color but also makes the lipstick-used-as-blush far easier to apply.

Adding a Soft Glow

Since we definitely need to add a little glow to this Holiday look, I’ll be using Wet n Wild’s Megaglow Liquid Highlighter called “Hello, Halo.” I like to dot it on with my fingers and then blend it in by pouncing it in with my Real Techniques sponge. This application technique prevents the highlight from disturbing the makeup underneath.

Creating Lovely Lips

Now for the final addition to the look: lipstick. I’m going to apply my “Violet Volt” lipstick from Milani over the lighter lipstick I’m wearing. And to add a little extra holiday glow, I’ll apply a lip gloss from Sephora called Glossed in the shade “Regal” along with a small amount of another shade called “Wild” just in the center of my lips to create an ombre effect.

The Sephora gloss is drugstore priced at $10.00. Just for the fun of it – and to see how it looks—I’ll also add a small amount of the Wet n Wild highlighter I used earlier. I’ll put a small amount on the back of my hand, then I’ll use a lipstick brush to pick it up and apply it to the center of my lips. This creates a lovely glow which attracts light and makes the lips look bigger.

So, with a change of clothes and jewelry, and just a few additional makeup items and tweaks, we’ve gone from a subtle, neutral daytime look to a more glamorous evening look.

If you’re going to a holiday event, do you make any changes to your normal makeup routine? If so, what changes do you like to make? What product or technique do you feel makes the biggest difference in going from a daytime to a special Holiday look?

Gina Kirschenheiter’s Beige Padded Shoulder Bodysuit

Real Housewives of Orange County Season 16 Episode 2 Fashion

Blink and you might have missed Gina Kirschenheiter in her beige padded shoulder bodysuit. Thank goodness for rewind because I almost did. Which would have been a bummer considering this bodysuit is in stock AND on sale. That means we all need to pause what we’re doing and shop it below.

Now if only we could fast forward to when it gets delivered .

Sincerely Stylish,

Jess

Click Here to Shop Her Good American Bodysuit

Originally posted at: Gina Kirschenheiter’s Beige Padded Shoulder Bodysuit