Author and diarist Anaïs Nin wrote that “Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.”

That’s literally the case for Kat Kowalski, the main character in my novel Where the Stork Flies. The two women who drop into her life are from another continent in another time. They bring her into a whole new world and help her look at her old life in a different way. But science tells us that women’s friendships do more than that. They are even life-sustaining.

Female Friendships Basics

According to a 2011 study in the journal Oncology Times, women with early-stage breast cancer were four times more likely to die from cancer if they didn’t have many friends. Those with a larger group of friends had a much better survival rate.

It appears that females possess social skills from birth. Studies on day-old babies show that girls stare longer at human faces than mechanical objects, while boys do just the opposite.

Cambridge University psychologist Simon Baron­Cohen, who performed many of these studies, writes about them in The Essential Difference: The Truth about the Male and Female Brain. “On average,” he says, “women engage in more consistent social smiling and maintained eye contact than does the average man.”

Nature Over Nurture

Not that long ago, many feminists believed that behavioral differences between men and women were due to the way boys and girls are raised, especially in early childhood. Recent studies, however, suggest that it may be “nature over nurture,” at least where friendship is concerned.

UCLA psychologist Shelley E. Taylor suggests that women respond to stress differently than men. In her book, The Tending Instinct, Taylor theorizes that while men exhibit the well-known “fight or flight” response to stress, women turn to one another.

She says that, over time, women who formed strong bonds with other women were more likely to survive, as were their offspring. “Female ties have evolved to ensure that certain vital functions important to life get maintained,” says Taylor, whose research started with an “aha!” moment at work.

Tend and Befriend

Taylor and her colleague at UCLA, Laura Klein, noticed that when women workers in their lab were stressed, they cleaned the lab and had coffee together. Their male co-workers, under the same pressures, holed up somewhere alone. When both scientists found that 90% of stress research was done on men, they realized they were on to something.

Taylor calls the female stress response “tend and befriend,” and believes there may be a biological reason for it.

The Bonding Power of Hormones

The hormone oxytocin, which is released into a woman’s bloodstream after childbirth, facilitates mother­infant bonding. Oxytocin is also released during stress and is enhanced by estrogen. When women actually engage in nurturing and socializing, more oxytocin is released, producing a calming effect. Testosterone, which men produce at high levels when under stress, tends to reduce the effects of oxytocin.

Another type of hormone, endogenous opioids, are also associated with feelings of relaxation and nurturing, and are released along with oxytocin when a woman nurses her baby.

Scientist Larry Jamner of the University of California, Irvine, gave opioid blockers to 22 men and 29 women. The men were unaffected, but the women spent more time alone, called their friends less often and said that when they did socialize, it was less pleasant than usual.

Keeping Friendships Alive

Of course, women have always known that friends would help them through the thorny patches of life. Our ancestors shared childcare duties while the men were out hunting. Our stay-at-home mothers in the 1950s had their coffee klatches. Victorian women met for afternoon tea.

Journalists Ellen Goodman and Patricia O’Brien documented their 25-year friendship in the book I Know Just What You Mean: The Power of Friendship in Women’s Lives. They have worked hard over the years to maintain their strong connection, in the face of many changes, and lament the fact that in our stress-filled lives, many women feel they have to give up time with friends in order to keep up with job and family pressures.

Maybe we can’t get together in person with our friends during the Covid pandemic, but phone calls, socially distanced picnics, and even Zoom go a long way toward nurturing us through the ups and downs of life.

When Kat and her friends in Where the Stork Flies work together, everybody wins. Kat discovers the meaning of unconditional love. A Polish peasant finds a way to end spousal abuse in her village. And a young medieval queen wins the added time on Earth she has longed for.

What new world have your friends brought into your life? Today might be a good day to let them know.

For thousands of years, altars have been a physical and spiritual focus of religious sites and holy places. Today, though, many people are embracing and benefitting from personal altars in the home for their own inspiration and self-care.

A Personal Altar Celebrates You and Your Dreams

Creating sacred space and altars in my clients’ homes has been one of the most satisfying and rewarding joys of my design practice.

Personal altars often reflect and celebrate religious and spiritual traditions. But I believe a private altar should also reflect and celebrate who my clients are at their deepest level – their beliefs, personality, hopes, and dreams – in a creative and powerful way.

The Latin root word of altar is altare, which means “high place.” I like to think of a personal altar, then, as that special place we have to connect to our higher self and our highest good.

Altars are meant to nurture and energize us, to illuminate the dearest desires of our heart and re-light the path for the life we want. This is where we can go to find the courage and inspiration to touch our dreams.

A Fancy Vision Board?

I’ve been asked if a personal altar is just a fancier version of the popular vision or dream boards. These boards are typically collages of images and affirmations that inspire and motivate a person to achieve a particular goal. While an altar can powerfully influence a desired outcome, what it offers is so much greater.

Altars remind us of the sacredness of our everyday life. When we look at life through a sacred lens, everything changes. Altars are where we can “hold space” for ourselves. This is where we go and let all our rawness show.

It’s where we’re able to brush off the accumulated negative dust and leave behind all the self-judgment and disappointments. We reconnect to our higher self with all those dreams of the life we desire and deserve.

Truly, as Joseph Campbell wrote, “Your sacred space is where you can find yourself again and again.”

The Ultimate Self-Care

Of the many tools I have in my spiritual toolbox, my altar is the number one way I have found to take care of myself. No matter where I live, or how unsettling life feels around me, my little altar is my safe place.

It’s where I feel my deepest sense of belonging and complete acceptance for all that I am. I can sit in front of it with 100% assurance that I don’t have to swim upstream any longer. It keeps me in the gentle flow, bringing me back home to the sacredness of life.

Designing Your Own “From the Heart” Altar

Creating an altar is a fulfilling, creative, and deeply personal process. My best advice: keep it fun, simple, and from the heart. There is no right or wrong way. Here are few steps and suggestions to help you get started.

Where Should You Place Your Altar?

Get the idea of a large church altar out of your head. You don’t need a spare bedroom to create an altar. A windowsill, a small shelf, or a corner of a table will do nicely.

My first altar was a small stool with room for only a candle and my journal. The important thing is that the space “feels right” and allows you private, uninterrupted moments for peace and nurturing.

Set Your Intention

The purpose and intention of your altar will be as personal and varied as your dreams and desires. We create intentions as we target our thoughts to change our physical reality. Your altar can help you focus and support an aspect of the life you want to create or change.

If your intention is to invite greater financial abundance into your home and life, create a prosperity altar. If you desire greater physical well-being and vibrancy, set up a health and wellness altar.

You can change the intention and focus whenever your intuition guides you to. Perhaps your next intention will be for a relationship, career enhancement, greater creativity, increased spirituality, or assistance in major life changes.

What to Place on Your Altar?

Your altar will come alive through color, textures, and objects that touch your heart and hold special meaning and beauty. Candles. Photos. Crystals. Flowers. Jewelry. Inspirational quotes. A piece of fabric. There’s no limit to what you can use.

But keep it uncluttered. This is not where you want to display all of your beloved figurine collection. Find objects that elicit the feelings you want to experience and support the current intention of your altar.

Acknowledge the Natural World

I design according to the ancient science and wisdom of Vastu, also known as yoga for the home. A key principle of Vastu is acknowledging the five elements of nature (air, water, earth, fire, and space) in the home and on an altar.

As you choose objects for your altar, think of which element they could represent. Possibilities and location of their placement could include:

• a feather, bird figurine, or small bell to symbolize air and placed in the northwest corner of the altar;
• a clear vase with living flowers for water in the northeast;
• stones, crystals, wood items, and living plants for the earth symbol in the southwest;
• a candle or incense to represent fire placed in the southeast corner of your altar.

Leave the center of your altar clear. This represents the final element of space, as well as the space you are leaving open in your life to welcome the new.

Nurture Your Altar

If you nurture your altar, it will nurture you. If it begins to feel lifeless and uninspiring, it needs some fresh love. Find new objects that reflect who you are now and what you are feeling and desiring. As you change, so should your altar.

Personal altars have been described as doorways to the unseen. The more time you spend at your altar, the wider the door opens to your desires and possibilities. Visit it frequently to get the full benefits. Let it bring you home to your sacred life.

Have you created a personal altar in your home? What items have you placed on it? What does it symbolize to you? How do you feel when you spend time there? Please share with the community.

Whitney Rose’s Tortoise Sunglasses and Lace Up Boots in Vail

Real Housewives of Salt Lake City Season 2 Episode 12 Fashion

Whitney Rose was totally rocking her tortoise metal sunglasses and lace up platform boots in Vail on last night’s episode of RHOSLC. Well ya know, before/after she was likely forced to take them both off at airport security en route to her 6pm Delta flight. 

Fashionably,

Faryn

Click Here to Shop Her Tom Ford Sunglasses

Click Here to See Her Moschino Boots

Originally posted at: Whitney Rose’s Tortoise Sunglasses and Lace Up Boots

This is the season of celebrations. Yet, for many of us, finding good cheer to celebrate is difficult. These days, darkness is trying to sneak into our lives as both our daylight and our spirits grow shorter and darker.

In my part of the world, we are approaching the shortest day of the year (December 21^st). The sun sets around 4:30 pm, and nightfall covers us like a heavy blanket. And after a year of worry and fear, many of us feel a kind of emotional darkness, too.

Must I really wait for the earth to rotate back around toward sun before my spirits lift? I want… no, I NEED all the light I can find right now!

We Like Light; We Need Light

When I enter a room, I turn on the lights. I turn on all the lights. I confess, I even keep them on when I leave, so I’m greeted by light when I return. And yes, my eco-friendly husband follows behind me trying to turn them off. These days I won’t have it. I am keeping them on.

Life gets better immediately when we bring light into it. It is essential for our well-being in every aspect of our lives:

• People, animals, flowers, and trees seek out light for growth.
• Science confirms that light positively affects our nervous system. It helps to regulate our happiness and sadness.
• Psychology explains that light encourages us and gives us a sense of well-being.
• Spirituality uses “Light” to illustrate hope. God is our “Light” and we are taught to bea light to the world.

We Are Naturally Drawn to Light

Look around and you’ll notice our attraction (our addiction) to light! We’ve designed wide open spaces with big windows to satisfy our craving for light. We have motion detector lights, solar lights and lights set on timers.

Many use the “clap-on-clap-off” lights. We even choose the cities we live in, and vacations we go on, based on the sunshine promised to us.

This year, in particular, I noticed people stringing up their holiday lights earlier than usual, and not just because the commercial holiday season demands it. Perhaps this year we need a lot more light and cheering up.

Light Is Knitted Together with Our Celebrations

We celebrate life with lights. We have so many special rituals and holidays that we celebrate with lights, especially during the darker months. They hint that something special is happening.

We hang lights on our Christmas tree, light the menorah candles at Chanukah, and blow out tiny candles on our birthday cake. We know how to celebrate with twinkling, candle, sun, and star light!

It’s important to CELEBRATE! Celebrations are more than the food and fun. They cause us to pause, to savor the good stuff. Celebrations buffer out the stressors of life.

It’s a sad day indeed when we stop celebrating the big and small moments in our life. Whether we celebrate in rowdy, happy groups (remember, way back when) or quietly in our hearts, we must keep celebrating life and living.

Lights Connect Us to Life

Lights are a vital expression and connection of our celebrations and our everyday life. When we turn on the lights, we create “room” to celebrate in our physical space and in our hearts. When we turn on the lights, we actually convert energy to power and heat.

Think about that: light brings energy and warmth into our life. We warm up and energize our emotions, too. Light sends darkness out. It keeps us from “falling” physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Does Light Bother You?

Sometimes light surprises us. Then we quickly cover our eyes or pull the covers over our head. In a way, light can feel a little threatening if it exposes things we don’t want to see. (Who doesn’t’ prefer to be seen in soft candlelight instead of garish fluorescent lighting!)

Shining a light on our worries and fears is intimidating, too. So if you find yourself seeking refuge in cozy dark places for peace and quiet, you can still find ways to connect light.

A Powerful Glimmer of Hope

Even the smallest glimmer of light keeps the pilot light of HOPE on. What matters is that we celebrate with whatever light remains: a candle is a symbol of hope, a single star can show the way, and even the constant glow from your electronics can remind you to celebrate our unlimited connection to not only the world wide web, but the whole wide world. Light is a celebration of life.

So now, go out of your way to turn on the lights and celebrate life. Make life better and brighter. Create a space of positive energy. And be a light in someone’s life, especially your own.

Do you enjoy the power of light in your life? How do you celebrate the holidays with light? What do you do to make your life brighter in the shorter and darker days of winter? Please share below and let’s have a conversation!

When the fall comes, your list of chores gets another item added to it – cleaning up fall leaves in your yard. Some people find that task relaxing or even fun. But if you are in the vast majority that sees this as just another monotonous thing that you must do, here is a series of tips to help you make the job easier.

Get the Suitable Rakes for the Job

Let’s start with the basics. That means that your first step should be getting suitable rakes. When it comes to raking up your yard, size does matter – the larger the rakes, the smaller the job will be.

The good news is that you can get rakes up to 30 inches wide. Some even come with “no clog” technology, which means that you won’t have to stop and unclog the rake as the tines won’t skewer leaves. These are the right tools for the job, but that is just the beginning.

If you are serious about cleaning up fall leaves in your yard, you will have to deploy some technology.

Use a Leaf Blower with a Tarp

Let’s face it, not many women over 60 would go around their yard with a leaf blower – although, why not? If you don’t think you can do the job yourself, you can definitely hire some help.

If, however, you’re up to the task, you will need to get yourself some proper gear for dealing with fallen leaves. Getting a high-quality leaf blower should be the number one thing on your shopping list. You can also rent a blower for a day if you don’t want to make space for it year-round.

A leaf blower is an ideal tool for getting leaves off the walls, driveways, and larger areas. Put a large tarp on the ground and blow leaves onto it for easy disposal. Once the tarp is full, simply drag it to the disposal area. If the load is too heavy, make sure to get some help.

Some leaf blowers also have a vacuum function. If the model you choose doesn’t work that way, consider buying a separate leaf vacuum. It is the ideal tool for sucking up leaves, small twigs, and other debris and grinding it into mulch. Use a leaf vacuum for all those hard-to-reach areas, such as around shrubs or flower beds.

Keep in mind that things like large twigs and rocks can damage the impeller, so make sure that there aren’t any in your lawn before you start vacuuming.

If you do not have an easy way to dispose of the leaves and debris, move on to the next step.

Use a Lawn Mower

At a glance, this suggestion might seem outrageous, but it’s not. After all, leaves fall off the trees before the winter comes for a reason.

Fallen leaves can protect the plants from a harsh winter. They can also return the nutrients that the trees have absorbed during the summer to the soil to use them again.

The easiest way to help nature do its thing is by taking a plain old gas-powered lawn mower and mowing your leaves into tiny pieces. Just remember to set it at the highest possible deck height.

Before firing up the lawn mower, ensure that the leaf layer is not deeper than four inches. Then, you should be able to get it all done in a single pass.

Also, start mowing the fallen leaves when they are slightly damp from the morning dew. This will make the whole process smoother, and the leaves won’t fly across the yard as they will have some weight.

Remember to Clean the Gutters

Before the fall brings in heavy rains, you should ensure that your gutters are clean.

Clean the gutter sprouts before the blockage does any significant damage to them. For this job, your ordinary plumber’s snake is the perfect tool. It should be all that you need to pull the clumps of wet leaves from your downspouts.

When it comes to cleaning the roof itself, if it is steep enough, you should be able to pull the leaves off with a broom with an extension. Or better yet, use a roof rake. For flatter roofs, your trusted leaf blower should do the job.

Remember that gutter guards do work and consider installing them. They are solid guards that cover all of the gutters, save for a tiny space that is wide enough to let the rainwater go through. They work on almost any type and size of gutter.

Your cheaper alternative would be to get screened gutter guards that are not completely solid, but these do not work so well as small debris can still get through. However, they might be all you need depending on where you live and your local climate.

Compost the Leaves

As stated above, there are many ways that nature benefits from fallen leaves, and you can reap those benefits too.

If you simply leave the pieces on the lawn, they will act as fertilizer and feed your grass during the winter. Then, when spring comes, those pieces will no longer be visible, and your grass will return looking more vibrant and healthier than ever.

Alternatively, you can spread the chopped leaves over your perineal beds. There they will serve as winter mulch. In addition, as the leaves break down during the winter, they will serve as nutrients that feed the soil. They are also equally beneficial to any newly-planted bulbs and other plants that might be sensitive to frost.

Suppose you have a vegetable garden, mix the chopped leaves with the soil. Then, in the spring, the surface will be clump-free and more manageable even so you can sow seeds.

Do not use these leaves near rock garden plants or put them close to the Mediterranean species such as lavender, as they might rot.

Do Not Ignore This Chore

While it might be tempting to skip cleaning up leaves altogether, don’t do it.

Raking and cleaning up your yard is something that you must do if you want your garden to look lush and luxurious the following year.

If you simply let the leaves rot on the ground, your lawn will not get enough sunshine. This is the perfect environment for all sorts of unwanted bacteria and pests to grow and prosper.

So if you don’t deal with your lawn in time, it will be patchy and less healthy when the spring comes.

Have you cleaned up the leaves in your yard? Did you use a rake or something else? Have you hired someone to clean your yard for you?