It’s Giving Tuesday, the first Tuesday after Thanksgiving that’s dedicated to giving back. Whether it’s a local community coat drive or a donation to a major healthcare organization like Planned Parenthood, the day encourages us all to take a moment — especially after Black Friday shopping. To celebrate, Bath & Body Works launched six new candles and a partnership with Feeding America.

When and how you shop the new candles doesn’t make a difference in the company’s donation — it’s already happened. Bath & Body Works made a $500,000 donation to help provide at least five million meals to families experiencing hunger through Feeding America. You can donate too, as much as you’re able this year. Then, head to Bath & Body Works and shop six new candles — two of which are only in stores. Each has a cute “giving” name but sorry, there’s no Giving Cher.

Below are the four available online now and check this space for even more candle goodness this week.

Bath & Body Works.

Strawberry Sparkler 3-Wick Candle

With strawberry prosecco, rose water and vanilla bean essential oils.

Bath & Body Works.

Marble Chocolate Cupcake 3-Wick Candle

With sweet cocoa, milk chocolate and vanilla glaze essential oils.

Bath & Body Works.

Mahogany Vanilla 3-Wick Candle

With vanilla, bergamot and sandalwood essential oils.

Bath & Body Works.

Fresh Winter Air 3-Wick Candle

With citrus, peppermint and cold evergreen essential oils.

As a life coach for widows, I often talk with people who are using gratitude against themselves. Self-inflicted, forced gratitude is how many people attempt to kick themselves into a better emotional state. It isn’t effective, and for good reasons.

For starters, most of us are just not good at feeling bad.

Most people are never taught that it’s okay to feel difficult or negative emotions. In fact, we are often talked out of them as children.

“Don’t worry.” “Don’t feel sad.” “Don’t be nervous.”

Many people grow up thinking that it’s not normal or acceptable to feel negatively; that life is somehow supposed to be a bowl of cherries at all times. So, if difficult emotions are perceived as abnormal, then we certainly don’t learn how to deal with them.

Without the ability to process difficult emotions, we reach for a buffer in an effort to temporarily soothe the discomfort: alcohol, food, drugs, social media, over-scheduling, over-working, Amazon, and Netflix are just a few examples, each with its own consequence.

Life Throws Curveballs

Then the year 2020 delivers the unthinkable: a pandemic, civil unrest, unprecedented loneliness, political divide, illness, and in some cases, an even more life-altering event like profound loss. And 2021 was no better.

When a seismic event of a lifetime shakes us to the core, it levels everything that was once normal, predictable, and safe in our lives.

No matter the curveball, many people are grieving something. Any previous negative emotion likely pales in comparison. Like never before, we reach for our buffer-of-choice to try to dull the pain, at least momentarily, and despite the consequences.

Gratitude Can Be a Weapon

We also try to talk ourselves out of difficult emotions. This is where gratitude comes into play. If we have many other blessings, we somehow think that we’re not allowed to feel short-changed.

We don’t want to wallow in our grief, so we shame ourselves into gratitude. “At least I haven’t lost my job.”

We count blessings instead of feel feelings. We fake it, thinking that eventually we will “make it.”

Well intended platitudes offer up gratitude as an antidote to grief. “At least you had so many years together.”

We don’t feel entitled to our feelings of grief, so we kick ourselves with gratitude.

Forced Gratitude Stalls Healing

Gratitude is often a useful feeling, but not when used against ourselves. We can count millions of blessings and still feel robbed of what matters most.

It’s okay to have enjoyed three decades together but still mourn for the two more you had planned. It’s also okay to have enjoyed the most wonderful vacations and still be angry that the 2020 trip was cancelled. Finally, it’s okay to feel both grateful and cheated at the same time.

When we force thoughts of gratitude, we sweep the pain of loss under the rug. By forcing ourselves to count blessings, we resist the difficult emotions. And what we resist, persists.

There Is a Simple Solution

The most efficient way through grief is straight through. That means feeling the difficult emotions that come with the territory. Processing each feeling as it comes is a simple yet profound tool. Here are seven simple steps:

#1 Allow the difficult feeling to be there without reaching for an escape button or buffer.

#2 Name it (is it sadness, stress, regret, anxiety?).

#3 Notice where in the body you feel it. Does it move or stay in one place?

#4 Describe it. Is it heavy, fluttery, pulsing, or something else?

#5 If it had a color, what would it be?

#6 Breathe it in and observe how it changes over time. As it changes slightly, repeat the steps above.

#7 Be courageous enough to be fully present with the feeling until it loosens its grip even slightly.

Basic Human Experience

Feeling the wide range of emotions is, after all, the most authentic human experience. “The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain,” wrote Kahlil Gibran in The Prophet.

With practice, we can learn to feel the difficult feelings as they come. We relinquish the need for buffers because we are courageous enough to feel any feeling. We can then more fully appreciate the positive emotions too, including the most genuine feelings of gratitude.

What have you grieved this year? Did you try to not feel your grief? Have you tried to count your blessings instead? And how do you feel now? Has forced gratitude robbed you of true gratitude? Please share your thoughts with the community.

Kristin Cavallari’s Beige Henley Sweater on Her Instastories

Kristin Cavallari 2021 Instagram Fashion

Kristin Cavallari looks cute and cozy in her beige henley sweater from her Instastories. Good news is you can as well because this sweater is fullllly stocked. I know this time of year is usually about shopping for others, but hey sometimes you have to be selfish. And if you really need to give a gift then give someone the gift of this post on where to get a cute new sweater.

Sincerely Stylish,

Jess

Click Here to Shop Her Rails Sweater

Click Here to Shop Additional Stock

Click Here to Shop More Stock

Click Here to Shop Even MORE Stock

Photo Credit: @kristincavallari

Originally posted at: Kristin Cavallari’s Beige Henley Sweater

The seasons can have a bigger impact on our mental health than we may realise. So, if you’ve found yourself struggling with a low mood and lack of motivation since the nights have started drawing in, then you’re certainly not alone.

The good news is that there are a few things we can do to lift our spirits as we head into winter.

Stay Connected

It can be tempting to go into complete hibernation as the temperature drops and the days get shorter. After all, this is what many other animals do! However, humans are social creatures, who don’t tend to do well in isolation. So, one of the best things you can do to keep positive over the next few months is to stay connected to others.

Staying in touch can take many forms. It could mean arranging weekly phone calls, drinks, or dinner with friends and family members; where you catch up over a comfort dish, a coffee, or a glass of wine. Or, committing yourself to a gym session with friend once or twice a week.

If your problem is that you don’t have many people to reach out to, then you might find it helpful to read this article on ways to meet new people.

Invest in a SAD Lamp

Coping with a lack of natural light during winter can be difficult – so much so that some people develop what is known as Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). SAD is a type of depression that is caused by changing seasons or weather, and it can make daily life hard to manage.

However, as well as doing things to help like getting enough fresh air, making the most of the shorter daylight hours by getting out for walks, and opening your blinds and curtains as soon as you wake up – light boxes also work for a lot of people.

SAD lamps contain fluorescent lights that are designed to trick our brains into thinking we’re getting natural sunlight, and therefore helping to regulate bodily rhythms such as mood, sleep, and appetite. If you’re interested in trying a SAD lamp, then there’s a wide range available on Amazon.

Make Sure You’re Getting Enough Vitamin D

Vitamin D plays an important role in maintaining healthy muscles, teeth, and bones. But research also suggests that it can boost immunity and reduce fatigue and depression.

The problem is though that during the autumn and winter months, it can be difficult to get enough, as we get the majority of it from the sun. Our vitamin D levels can affect how we feel physically and mentally; though it’s not always immediately obvious if we’re in need of a top up.

If you’re worried about your vitamin D levels, then it’s always worth speaking to your doctor, who might recommend that you take a supplement. It’s also important to make sure that you always stick to the recommended daily intake when taking supplements, as too much vitamin D can lead to toxicity.

Take Time Away from Screens

Scientists have suggested that spending too much time in front of a screen can contribute to depression. But, in our increasingly technological world, getting enough time away from screens can prove difficult. Work, shopping, exercise classes, and many other aspects of our lives have all moved online.

If you can, try to swap some of your screen time for other activities like going out for a walk or run, doing a jigsaw puzzle, or reading a good book.

Try Something New

The gloomy weather can also compound any negative feelings that you might have already been experiencing. For example, if you’re fed up with your job, bored with your routine, or just feel a bit stuck in a retirement rut. But trying something new can help to restore meaning and purpose in your life, and give you something positive to focus on.

What you decide to try is completely up to you, but the greatest rewards come from doing things that force you outside of your comfort zone – whether that be starting a part-time job, changing up your routine, or volunteering your time to help a worthy cause.

Plan a Holiday

Visualisation can be pretty powerful, so if the winter season is getting you down, then why not turn your attention to your next sunny adventure?

Planning a holiday can be a great way to beat feelings of cabin fever, see past the chillier months, and start looking forward to the future.

Though Covid is still a consideration when travelling, there are plenty of places you can go to enjoy some winter sun. Check out these 9 beach destinations for a winter escape for some inspiration.

How do you keep the winter blues at bay? Do you enjoy the winter season? Do you have any additional tips for tackling winter blues?

Madison LeCroy’s White Button Down Dress on Instagram

Southern Charm 2021 Instagram Fashion

I have to say Madison LeCroy looks pretty good in white. Sure it’s not her white wedding dress just yet, but it is a very cute white button down dress. It’s a bummer it’s sold out because it would be perfect for this time of year. BUT it is still available in a camel color. And of course we have fab Style Stealers below that you will make you want to say I do.

Sincerely Stylish,

Jess

Click Here to See Her LPA Dress

Click Here to Shop it in Camel

Photo Credit: @madison.lecroy

Originally posted at: Madison LeCroy’s White Button Down Dress