At various points we all go through challenges that necessitate rebuilding. Perhaps a divorce, an illness, a major life transition like retirement, the death of a loved one. These and many more require healing and recovering.

Healing Is Not a Cure

It doesn’t mean the pain is gone; it means it doesn’t have as strong a hold on us, and it can start to be integrated into our lives so we can begin to carve out a new path. Healing doesn’t change the difficulty, and it is not a cure. It’s about developing a sense of wholeness through it all. And wholeness encompasses our emotional, spiritual and mental parts of ourselves.

Healing improves the quality of our life even when no change occurs in our circumstance; even when there’s no cure in a physical condition. And yes, even when our loved one has died.

A Path of Growth

And dare I say, there can be a path of growth. There’s actually a term for this: post traumatic growth. We take on new meaning and live our lives in even slightly new ways. We don’t ask for these tough situations but once they’re upon us, it behooves us to make something of it and hopefully move on and create a good life, despite.

My Own Rebuilding Experience

I’ve just begun my ‘rebuilding’ phase as I’ve completed my chemo treatments. Rebuilding my health and body back from lymphoma and the toxicity of treatment is a goal I am embracing and looking forward to.

Weight gain, strengthening and building up my immune system and my muscles and bones (especially since I have osteoporosis) will be huge feats. Upping my basically already healthy eating to a new level that is more in line with anti-cancer health will mean a lot more food preparation (which I don’t enjoy) and drastically reducing certain addictive loves like sugar.

Basic Rebuilding Tips

Rebuilding will look different for each person dealing with their specific challenge. But there are certain basics that apply to all:

• Be patient with yourself and give yourself permission to take it slow. Know that it will be hard and take time. Be gentle with yourself as you would be to your friend.
• Allow yourself to feel all the feelings you may have blocked out when you had to deal with the actual situation. Flooding can occur. Again, be easy with yourself.
• Have and hold a vision of what you want. And if you don’t know yet, that’s fine too. It will evolve.
• Create mindful and conscious intentions.
• Be a responder and not a reactor.
• Become proactive and not a passive recipient of your situation.
• Commitment to rebuild and heal is a mindset. It will not happen on its own. You are the driver of your life. You are the institutor of change.
• Be mindful and stay present. Anxiety rears its head when we think and worry about the future.
• We don’t necessarily have a choice in what befalls us, but we have a choice in how we respond. We look to heal and become whole again, taking on new meaning and purpose.
• “Things do not necessarily happen for the best, but I can choose to make the best of things that happen.” Tal Ben-Shahar
• Praise yourself for your smallest steps each day. We build on baby steps.
• Find the good in the day, and bits of joy to bring in. There’s always something, however small.
• Daily gratitude goes a long way. Take note by either writing a short list or mindfully thinking it. Again, however small and seemingly inconsequential.

How do you see yourself rebuilding from your life transition or challenge? In what ways have you grown through your challenges?

Were you a reader as a child? Did you snuggle up in a chair or under the covers at bedtime while an adult read to you? If so, chances are you were impacted by the wisdom found in children’s books.

Reading helps us to understand ourselves, the world around us and other people. Reading also allows us to experience things we could not experience personally.

Some children’s books, especially those written in the 18th and 19th centuries were thinly veiled attempts at imparting morals and manners to children.

Later books were more focused on entertaining children, though lessons seeped through like water in a sieve, impacting us – even if we were not consciously aware of what we were learning.

I still remember my mother reading aloud the novel Heidi, one chapter at a time. My sister and I anxiously perched on the bed, waiting to hear about Heidi, Peter, Grandfather and the goats.

We imagined the far away setting in the Alps, almost breathing in the fresh air as Heidi did. From Heidi, I learned compassion, feeling homesick along with the little orphan girl and her wheelchair bound friend Clara.

Compassion is just one of the many lessons I learned while reading classic children’s novels. Here are six other lessons we may have unconsciously learned as we read and reread the beloved stories of our youth.

We Can Be Independent

Part of the work of childhood is gradually growing into people who are independent from our parents and caregivers. Children’s books are full of stories of children who take the reins and control their own destiny.

Remember Nancy Drew? She was very independent, driving around in her blue roadster with only the slightest supervision from her father. The Boxcar Children successfully lived alone in an abandoned box car, working to get money for food and taking care of each other.

The children of Narnia managed quite well in their adopted fantasy land, conquering foes with little adult help. Pippi Longstocking lived in Villa Villakkulla with nary an adult in sight.

Children’s stories helped us to imagine living independently without actually leaving the safety of our homes. We could escape our everyday lives and live in a tree like Sam, the young boy in My Side of the Mountain, who runs away, adopts a falcon and survives on his own in the Catskill mountains.

These characters and others like them taught us that with resourcefulness and hard work we can take care of ourselves.

Pluck and Grit Will Take You Far

Remember Laura Ingalls Wilder? The child of the Little House on the Prairie series was known for her spirit. Other young pioneers such as tomboy Caddie Woodlawn, Jody in The Yearling, and Travis of Old Yeller were also courageous and not afraid to act.

Creating a home in a new and untamed land is one recipe for developing kids with pluck and grit, but clearly not the only one.

Young Ramona in the Beverly Cleary books is gutsy, audacious and bold. Velvet, of National Velvet, is strong-willed and determined.

Homer Price manages to foil bank robbers and control a situation with a donut machine gone berserk. These are characters who persevere and tenaciously deal with life’s challenges.

Many of us also devoured biographies. The Childhood of Famous Americans series, little blue and orange books, were wildly popular in the 1950s and 1960s.

The books, which were later deemed to be more fictional than reality, focused on the lives of courageous children who grew up to be heroes. These and other biographies inspired us to do worthy things.

Be Open to Adventure

Children’s stories are full of characters who have adventures. What would The Adventures of Tom Sawyer have been like if Tom, Huck and Becky had stayed home and played board games all day?

Think of Nancy Drew, the Hardy Boys and the Tollivers solving mysteries. Young Jim Hawkins has his map of Treasure Island and goes out to sea. The children of the Melendy family have a new adventure every Saturday.

Travel appeared in children’s books before it became mainstream for many people. Donna Parker goes to Hollywood, making us long for the world of glamour and movie stars.

Nancy Drew travels to France, Nairobi and Austria. The Bobbsey Twins visited Plymouth Rock and Colonial Williamsburg, imparting history lessons along the way.

Children in books also traveled across time and place. Tolly in the Greene Knowe series meets children from the past. Charlotte in Charlotte Sometimes travels via magical bed to an English boarding school in 1918. In children’s books, time travel – with all of its adventurous possibilities – is an option.

You Need Friends

We all need a sidekick or two. Friends help us out of sticky situations and encourage us to be our best. They provide laughter and help us to find insight just when we need it.

Charlotte had Wilbur. Betsy had Tacy. Nancy Drew had Bess and George. Donna Parker had Ricky West, and Trixie Beldon had Honey Wheeler. The two sets of Bobbsey twins had each other.

Anne of Green Gables had her bosom buddy, Diana. Like Anne, many of us had or longed for a friend who was our steadfast companion and kindred spirit. If we lacked such a friend in our lives, characters from the novels we read often became our friends.

It’s Fun to Stretch Your Imagination

The fun and fantasy of children’s books enriched us by stretching our imaginations. We love to suspend willing disbelief in order to accept the magical.

Remember Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle? She was a little old lady whose husband was a pirate. She lived in an upside-down house and imparted ‘cures’ to children who misbehaved. What fun it was to imagine playing in an upside-down house or digging up treasure in the back yard.

Fantasy could take us on adventures. We could step through a wardrobe in England and walk into Narnia, where we could meet witches and battle evil. We traveled to Oz with Dorothy and had fun believing that lands like Oz, with all of its magical creatures, exist.

Mythology and folklore also gave us fantastic tales. We imagined what it would be like to be a giant like Paul Bunyan and have a big blue ox for a pet. We could also have dragons for pets or ride one conquering the air. We soured across the skies and into the oceans with Greek gods and goddesses.

Some fantasies were closer to home. The adventures of a lowly house painter, Mr. Popper and his twelve penguins, kept us laughing. We imagined what fun it would be to have such amazing creatures in our own homes.

Believing in the impossible opened us up to creativity, which feeds our souls and helps us to solve problems.

Kindness Matters

Children’s books often bring out the simple theme that kindness matters. In the beginning of Charlotte’s Web, Fern saves a runt pig, Wilbur, from her father’s ax. Saving Wilbur’s life allows friendship in the barnyard to blossom.

On the opposite side of the spectrum, we learn the hard way from the story of Wanda, a young girl who is ridiculed for wearing the same dress every day.

When she proclaims that she has a hundred dresses, the other girls laugh. Her bullies eventually learn the truth, too late for Wanda but in time to teach them – and us – a lesson about kindness.

In children’s books we also learn to love and care for animals. Books such as Bambi, Lassie and the horse stories of Marguerite Henry gave us insight into the lives of animals. Many children experienced the love of animals they met through books.

The books we read as children often shape us. What books did you love as a child? What do you think you learned from them? We would love to hear your experiences and memories in the comments below.

Leva Bonaparte’s Red Satin Bustier Top on Instagram

Southern Charm 2022 Instagram Fashion

As you can tell from the photos below this satin bustier top is very popular among the Bravo universe. We’ve seen it on Kyle Richards, Jackie Goldschneider, and Crystal Kung Minkoff all in different colors. But today we got to see it in red on Leva Bonaparte’s IG. Which means we are red-y to get our hands on one too!

Sincerely Stylish,

Jess

Also Seen on Kyle Richards + Jackie Goldschneider in Orange:

Photo Credit: @kylerichards18

Photo Cedit: @jackiegoldschneider

And Crystal Kung Minkoff in Floral:

Photo Credit: @bravowwhl

Click Here to Shop Her Alice + Olivia Top at Gwynn’s

Shop Other Colors:

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Photo + Info: @levaabonaparte

Originally posted at: Leva Bonaparte’s Red Satin Bustier Top

Have you been laid off recently? When that happened to me, it was something that I both wanted – and welcomed. But I also found myself struggling to adjust to that new life.

When you know that a major change is on the horizon, one which will upend your daily routines – a move, a break-up, an illness, leaving your job – it’s tempting to treat that event like the proverbial jumping off a precipice: there is a before and an after. And it’s knife-edged.

So you throw all of your energy into the before – in my case, finishing all those last minute tasks at work, saving files, going out for (lots of!) drinks with colleagues – and consciously put aside thinking about what comes next.

That’s all normal. After all, change is scary. It’s much easier to make yourself insanely busy with the build-up to the change than to contemplate the abyss of the after.

But when the other side of that precipice finally arrives – when later becomes now – you suddenly discover that you have all this time on your hands and no earthly idea what to do with it. (And yes, for the record, I did take a three-week vacation!)

It isn’t easy to make that adjustment. Here are five strategies that can help you ease into being laid off and make that time both fun and productive.

Tackle a Big Project on Your To Do List

Choosing a large project to focus on doesn’t mean it has to be something onerous or unpleasant. Pick something that you’ve been wanting to do for a while, but simply haven’t had time for. And then take control of that one thing.

My major project was working my way through Julia Cameron’s brilliant book The Artist’s Way – a 12-week course (I did the book version) that helps you unlock your creativity. I’d been wanting to tackle this project for at least two years. And guess what? It not only provided a structure for my mornings, I also had a fantastic time unleashing my creative self.

Exercise

Something we should all do a lot of is exercise. We all know that exercise is great for various reasons, including helping us to sleep better, cope with chronic disease, and fend off depression. And that’s especially true for older adults.

However, it’s not just about exercising more regularly. This is an area with which you can experiment. Take advantage of classes conducted in your local park or swimming pool, for example.

Trying something new can be exhilarating as well as a great learning experience.

Read

Reading is something else you can explore. I’ve long been a fan of reading long books in the summer when you have a bit more daylight and (hopefully!) a bit more time.

For me, reading fiction expands my feel for voice and style and lets me bring that to my own writing. But it can do more than that. Reading can unlock the wisdom of others and help you to pursue your dreams.

Relax

Relaxing and taking a break from everything seems obvious, right? Even if you’re using some of these techniques to try and structure your down time, the void in your normal routine can be stressful.

I’ve long extolled the virtues of mindfulness in the morning. Lately, though, I’ve been experimenting with muscle relaxation exercises at night. They help me relax myself before I go to sleep so that I treat sleep less as a new playground for my anxiety and more as a respite from it.

Have One Guilty Pleasure

My guilty pleasure is watching Homeland and similar shows. I know it’s not exactly kinky adult programming, but I’m really enjoying it.

Do you have more free time these days? What do you do with it? Have you ever had a block of “down time” – whether due to getting laid off or something else that changed in your life – and how did you cope? Please share your experiences below!