Divorce for women over 50 gets a bad rap. We have this cultural conditioning where we tend to see a divorced woman left with nothing. She has nowhere to turn to and no clue what to do with the rest of her life.

The process of ending a marriage, especially a decades-long one, can definitely shake up your life in all aspects. From the financial to the emotional, there are many unexpected good lessons that divorce in later-life has in store for us.

Discovering a Whole New Side of Yourself

Ending a decades-long marriage is traumatizing. For years we defined ourselves as wives, mothers, partners, and always as part of a unit. From an early age, we may have been taught that there was no greater goal for a woman to obtain, and so we dutifully carried out that role.

Then the divorce happened. We felt like our life and world disappeared in a matter of seconds. Everything was in jeopardy and we felt like we lost a part of ourselves that would never return.

Yet, through the navigation of divorce, something started to happen. In a search for solace, we made the wise decision to do things to bring us comfort and joy. In an effort to not feel alone, we may have joined a book club or support group.

Maybe we started to spend more time with friends and relatives. Perhaps we pursued interests and hobbies that we felt we never could in our marriage. We may have returned to work.

At first these things seemed scary because we were not used to them. But gradually, as we started to enjoy these new pursuits, we may have discovered that they were opening a door to a whole new world for us.

One where we could start defining ourselves as businesswomen, fierce gardeners, amazing friend, world travellers. New, richer self-identities emerged that in an earlier life we never thought possible.

Being Alone Can Be Amazing

One of the reasons many of us chose to stay in an unhappy and unhealthy relationship was that we did not want to be alone. We told ourselves that being with a partner, even if the love and respect we deserved was no longer there, was better than being with no partner at all.

However, as the divorce progressed, we may have noticed something happening. The house that we came home to was peaceful for once. Everything was where we had left it, without anybody to clean up after. There was no resentment to grow. We were able to read a good book on the couch. There was no worry about the TV blaring a sports game we never cared about.

We discovered that we liked coming and going as we pleased. There was no partner to worry about. The ability to set our own schedule and run our homes and lives without worry about our spouse was liberating.

The ability to sit by ourselves, go places and explore the things that we wanted to do was wonderful. The feeling of freedom started to replace that fear of being alone. The panic of having nobody there faded. The pain of agonizing about life without a partner dissolved.

You Are Stronger Than You Can Ever Imagine

Women over 50 do not give themselves the credit they deserve. We may have panicked during the divorce process. We may have spent sleepless nights thinking, “I built my life around this marriage and I have done everything for this partner. What on earth am I supposed to do without him? Where will I go?”

But a funny thing happens during the split. We figure things out. We don’t run to our partners, telling them “I have no idea what to do! Please come back to me!” Instead, we start researching our options. We start consulting divorce professionals who help us navigate the murky waters of divorce.

When we started to panic about the financial aspect of things, we learned how to budget. We discovered how to save, how to cut back, and how to make things work for our lives, regardless of income.

Slowly but surely, day by day, before we even knew it, we were taking care of ourselves. We are making the best decisions for ourselves and for our future. Figuring out how to get our happiness back and reclaim our own lives becomes a priority.

Isn’t it funny how a major life change can transform us? Something we didn’t think we could ever survive, let alone prosper through, can mold us into the heroines we never knew we could be.

Divorce can help us learn unexpected lessons about ourselves. We discover our new identities, embrace our time alone, and realize our own strength. These are not only unexpected lessons from a divorce, but some of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Did you survive a divorce after 50? What unexpected lessons did you learn along the way? What strengths did you discover as you rebuilt your life after divorce? Please join the conversation.

These things seem to happen in a series. As I write this, I realize not everyone in their late 60s or 70s has a fascination with sport or movement. But stay with me, because I think my musings could apply to any pastime, hobby or activity that gives us joy.

I have noticed that first one, then another of my bicycling friends have shared concerns about continuing to cycle as hard as they have in the past. It’s not physical pain holding them back, nor is it advice of their doctors.

Let Me Talk in More Detail

One of my friends had a bike accident a few years ago. It was the bike itself that was the problem as the fork broke while she was riding, which ended with her thrown face-down on the side of the road. Since that time, she is still avoiding riding with the friends she rode with for years, doing long-distance rides raising funds for a number of causes. They miss her in their bike group, she misses them, but she continues to hold back.

Another friend who cycled with a group of women for years has begun to worry about her balance. She recently sought to alleviate this concern by buying a step-through bike, which looks really sporty, by the way. She is comfortable with the bike, but still feels she couldn’t keep up with her former group. So, she no longer participates in their group rides.

Both scenarios make me sad. Both of these lovely women feel they would be holding their groups back because they are uncomfortable with the previous pace they all shared. Both women in their late 60s and early 70s are uncomfortable enough that they are separating themselves from the very friend groups they have exercised and socialized with for years.

I am not a cyclist myself, but I do understand the power of regularly exercising with a group of friends you have bonded with through that exercise. I have done many Saturday morning runs with the same group of people for years. Even though most of them are roughly 10 years younger than me, for years I didn’t have any difficulty keeping pace with them.

How to Forge Ahead

Recently that has changed. I have worked around it by beginning my run earlier, running a few miles with them, then agreeing to meet at the same time for our typical coffee stop. Even so, it is hard to realize that I am no longer fully experiencing being a part of that pack.

On the other hand, I have two friends who have not held back. One of them took a tough fall off her bike recently, leaving her with a black eye and numerous bruises. Undeterred, she has been doing mountain trail biking through the summer. Another friend who had a fall (while running) that led to a long break in her training, instead began deep water swimming and has developed another group of friends with that activity.

I’m simply pondering how we as women approaching (or having past) the 70-year mark, deal with changes to our activity level, whether through injury or simply the slowing down with age. And how we deal with how those changes may impact our involvement with groups of friends who have been a part of our lives through those activities.

As I indicated at the beginning of this article, while my examples involve changes in our ability to maintain the same level of physical activity, it’s my assumption the same is true for many of us in this age range who enjoy the passion of activity with friends.

If you have been a member of a sewing circle, knitting group or quilter, have you experienced changes where you consider stepping back from activity with that group of women? Has anyone experienced changes in eyesight or hand mobility through arthritis or other debilitating changes?

At this time in life, many of us have already experienced the loss of friends who for years were an important part of our “friends” circle. As we approach our 70s, how do we best maintain friendships with those friends who share our passions, our joys, our accomplishments, our secrets, sometimes for decades?

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Should we allow a difference in ability level separate us from that friendship circle? How can we maintain our place and keep those important friendships alive? What have you tried?

Garcelle Beauvais’ Black Pouch Combat Boots in Aspen

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Season 12 Episode 16 Fashion

While it’s revealed that Garcelle Beauvais unfollowed Erika on this week’s episode of RHOBH, you better believe that we’re going to be following alllll of the Aspen cast trip fashion like these black pouch boots. Which in our opinion are just perfect for engaging in a little housewife-on-housewife combat. 

Fashionably,

Faryn

Also Seen on Marlo Hampton, Heather Gay & Dorit Kemsley:

 Shorter Style Seen on Kyle Richards + Lisa Barlow:

Click Here to Shop Her Prada Boots

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And Here For More Stock

And Here For Even More Stock

Photo #3: @DoritKemsley

Photo #4: @KyleRichards18

Originally posted at: Garcelle Beauvais’ Black Pouch Combat Boots

Growing into my wisdom each year, I have noticed the desire for ease and simplicity.

It wasn’t always like this.

I spent many years wasting my energy and time worrying about things that I couldn’t control and really didn’t matter. It was a vicious cycle that I was unaware how to stop.

Then Midlife happened.

I vowed to take on a whole new perspective. It meant taking a hard look at how I was viewing my piece of the world and adjusting as needed.

It meant uncovering beliefs that were taught to me, not necessarily accepted by me.

This was initially brought on by denial, not by choice.

I found myself in a highly toxic work environment. One where my wisdom and expertise were not valued, in fact, they were not even acknowledged.

I was miserable, and I didn’t understand why. My husband noticed and encouraged me to quit.

But how could I possibly quit? I had no Plan B!

Eventually, I made the decision and left the job. It wasn’t until after I walked away from the toxicity that I really started to unravel. How could I have been so naive? I beat myself up, feeling ashamed. I was certain karma was getting back at me for my transgressions decades ago when I, too, most likely didn’t listen to anyone in their 50s, 60s and beyond.

That pity party didn’t last long. I had to turn my choice into a teachable moment not only for me, but other women who were not valued due to their age.

It was at that moment Fiercely50ish was born. My mission was to make sure women in Midlife and way beyond knew just how relevant, necessary, and needed they are!

Since then, I’ve not looked back!

We Are Not Invisible

I realized that my complacency and failing to advocate for myself in the job I left made my ‘invisibility’ worse.

I did not want other women to be exposed to this ridiculous and often hurtful treatment. I knew there was a way for women to rise above stereotypical beliefs and walk into their power and brilliance. Age has nothing to do with capabilities, and I was not going to let anybody tell me otherwise.

So, how does a woman in Midlife and beyond stop this nonsense?

My answer is, through getting visible with her confidence and style.

Aging has no playbook, if you will. Prior to Midlife, there was a plethora of resources to help us manage and navigate. Remember What to Expect While Expecting; a book detailing pregnancy. And the countless resources about child-rearing, marriage, and everything else but aging.

It’s as if nobody wanted to address aging, especially aging women.

Well, that’s where society is wrong.

Hitting a certain number of birthdays has nothing to do with who you are as an individual, your abilities, your experiences. But, my lovely Sixty and Me women, it is up to us to wear our age proudly.

Age is simply an image, and we get to portray this image every single day. This, to me, is exciting.

As a fashion expert, I’ve learned to never underestimate the power of clothes; what they say about you or how they make you feel.

Your Style Made Simple Now

My husband and I have made a conscious decision to remove clutter. Our last move caused us to really examine what was important and what needed to be let go.

Many of you have done the same. Perhaps you have sold your homes and opted for a smaller dwelling, perhaps you’ve hit the road with an RV, or are enjoying the world on a boat. The point is you’ve made some changes that make your lives perhaps easier and much simpler.

As I work with clients, the same rings true for their style.

How many clothes do we really need?

Before I launched Fiercely50ish, I suffered from Closet Clutter. I had so many clothes! Did I wear all of them? Nope.

No matter how I organized, folded, or displayed my clothes, there were A LOT!

I couldn’t say goodbye to these clothes. They were part of my history. Many were there to remind me that I would “someday” get back into them.

It was an emotional experience that caused unwanted stress. I didn’t want this in my life any longer. It didn’t fit in my simplicity plan.

Simple, effortless style is possible. I promise.

Capsule Wardrobe to the Rescue

You may have heard or even subscribe to the capsule concept. It began decades ago, in the mid 1970s, when Susie Faux opened her boutique, Wardrobe, where the capsule wardrobe was born. Per her definition, it is a “limited number of essential or staple items that you can wear for multiple reasons.”

In the 1980s, fashion icon Donna Karan introduced her “Seven Easy Pieces” collection focusing on the capsule concept of creating many outfits from basic pieces.

Capsules are smart, they can reflect our style personality and can cure closet clutter. They save time, they save money, and they eliminate decision-fatigue.

Just in time for fall, I’ve created the 2022 Fall Classic Style Capsule with a French Twist. If you gravitate toward a simple and timeless look that is found in the Classic wardrobe, you’ll love this capsule. Who better than the French to perfect the Classic look?

Capsules are not about not buying more, but buying better so that you’re building a foundation of clothes that you can wear wherever you’re going or whatever you’re doing and will last many seasons. Simple style made easy is what it’s all about.

I want you to enjoy this age. We have so much to do and experience. Worrying about what’s in our closets or how to put outfits together that reflect our unique personality should not be on our to-do list.

Enjoy, lovelies!

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you felt invisible after Midlife? Have you found support through the roughest times? Has your style changed to make you feel more visible and vibrant? In what ways? Do you think simplicity gives you more and better ways to express yourself?

Crystal Kung Minkoff’s Camel Plaid Coat on the Way to Aspen

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Season 12 Episode 16 Fashion

Ahhh, the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills trip to Aspen is finally here! And based on the previews there’s some great fall fashion inspa for us like Crystal Kung Minkoff’s camel plaid coat, which we don’t even need to ask an Ouija board if you’re going to be shopping a Style Stealer of.

Fashionably,

Faryn

Click Here to See Her Jonathan Simkhai Standard Coat

Originally posted at: Crystal Kung Minkoff’s Camel Plaid Coat