We all
have dreams and bucket lists that we would like to accomplish in our lifetime. Seeing
that most of us are past 60, we have likely completed many of them.

Yet, there may still be a few important items that continue to be relegated to our “someday” list, and as the book title by Sam Horn states, Someday Is Not a Day in the Week.

Why do we
continue to push those important dreams to the bottom of our “To-Do” list?
Shouldn’t they be at the top? After all, as baby boomer women in our Third Act,
isn’t this our time to finally make room for what matters most to us?

Last November, as I was writing my book, Downsize Your Life, Upgrade Your Lifestyle: Secrets to More Time, Money and Freedom, I was stopped dead in my tracks as I posed this question:

“What is
preventing you from having the kind of life you dream of right now?”

A Renewed Sense of Urgency

Right now. Those
words shook me to my core and at the same time created a new sense of urgency.
For years, my number one bucket list dream had been to immerse myself into the
countryside of Southern France for at least 30 days.

I wanted to live like a local, experience their lifestyle, culture – and yes, their food – as if I were one of them. And while I was there, I also wanted to test our new lifestyle business model, Work 3 Days, Play 4, which balances having a great business and a great life.

I suddenly
realized that I had not given myself permission to live out my big dream and
fully live the life I most wanted. I began to wonder “what if”:

• I took that 30-day journey to the South of
  France and prototyped our new Work 3, Play 4 business model?
• I made my dream my reality? Not someday but
  one day soon.
• I didn’t go? And yes, the thought did
  cross my mind.

It opened
my eyes to a whole new way of living that I wanted not just for myself but also
for other baby boomer women. My mantra became, “If not now, when?” I decided I was
not going to live a life of regret.

What once
seemed like an impossible dream became possible, then inevitable. I didn’t know
how I would do it, but my dream became larger than my fears. Nothing would
stop me now that I had finally given myself permission to boldly and
unapologetically live the life of my dreams.

On July 1,
2019, I landed in Marseille, France, beginning a journey that changed my life.

Let me share the lessons I learned from living out of my comfort zone for 30 days.

Having No Plan Was the Best Plan (For Me)

If I was going to experience the French countryside, culture and people the way that I truly wanted, I decided the best way for me was to have no plan that might prevent me from having the freedom, flexibility and spontaneity I wanted.

So, I only had a ticket to, a ticket from, a hotel reservation for my first night and a small carry-on suitcase. Traveling with no itinerary was frightening but provided freedom I had never experienced before.

The most
interesting result of traveling without a plan was that it invited a spirit of
adventure that made me feel fully alive, 20 years younger and authentically
connected to the woman I’ve always wanted to be.

Expect the Unexpected: Stuff Happens!

• The bed and breakfast that I accidentally booked in the middle of nowhere.
• The hotel reservation that didn’t exist because I forgot to push send.
• The bus that never arrived, leaving me stranded 50 kilometers from anything.

These are
just a few of the “oops” moments that actually became part of the fun. “Figuring
it out” became a finely-honed skillset. Getting lost, having no internet access
or taxi service simply provided many opportunities to grow, learn and laugh at
myself.

Embrace Life on the Skinny Branches

As a
lifetime entrepreneur, I have taken many risks and thought I had become
accustomed to being out of my comfort zone.

However, as
a baby boomer woman, who is directionally and tech challenged, traveling to a
country where everything was new clearly tested my ability to figure things
out. The bigger the challenge, the more resilient I became.

Yes, You Will Get Lonely (Sometimes)

I had
decided to travel solo, and because I’ve traveled alone many times before, I
fully expected that I would occasionally get lonely… and I did. But I also
discovered a few powerful ways to deal with loneliness:

• Acknowledge your feelings, write them down. Pray.
  Talk to loved ones back home.
• Push yourself to get out and engage with
  people. I found that the village squares were my favorite go-to places to meet
  new friends and socialize with locals.
• Take selfies, videos and record experiences in
  your journal. It’s important to capture those moments so that you can recall the
  memories and share them later.

It takes
courage to travel alone, and while it has its downfalls, it certainly has its
many benefits too. You get to do what you want, when you want, where you want – and you get to do it your way!

See More of Less

Could I have seen the entire country in 30 days?
Probably, but my dream was to immerse myself in the French countryside so I
could have a deeper experience.

• Slow down. Savor more.
• Focus on what interests you most.
• Take time to notice the little things.
• Do it in your own time and on your own terms.

Attitude or Mindset Can Make or Break Your Journey

To say this trip was easy would be a lie. I had to accept
delays, develop patience, embrace challenges and face my fears many times. I
could have let several moments ruin my trip, but I chose to have a positive
mindset regardless of circumstances.

• Have fun each day. Laugh at yourself, your
  missteps and not knowing.
• Turn fear into curiosity and curiosity into
  fun.
• Learn to accept help from others. Just because
  you can do it yourself doesn’t mean you have to.
• Have an open mind. Let go of preconceived
  ideas and judgements.

The Significance of Immersive or Experiential Travel

Everyone
and everything is a teacher. It’s an opportunity to listen, learn, connect and
honor those things that are different from what we know. Being friendly and curious with locals
allowed me to develop new friendships (which I’m still nurturing today).

This immersive
travel experience created
valuable conversations and insights that enriched my worldview to understand
new points of views and new ways of living.

• Priceless
  experiences, rich conversations and life-long new friends.
• A newfound
  awareness and respect for our similarities and differences.
• A broader
  understanding and connection to the world around us.

Seize the Opportunity to See Yourself Through a New Lens

Several years ago, when I downsized from a very large home to my tiny jewel-box apartment, I discovered the real me who had been hiding under all of my stuff.

Similarly,
when I immersed myself in the South of France for 30 days, I discovered a new
me that had been waiting to be found.

• I discovered the bold, fearless adventurer who
  thrives on change, challenge and connection.
• I discovered that it is possible to have a
  great lifestyle and a great business working from anywhere in the world.
• I discovered saying yes to my dreams is one of
  the best decisions I have ever made.

Embrace a Vacation Mindset Every Day for the Rest of Your Life

When we are on vacation, we are more relaxed, free,
curious and open to new ideas, people and places. I discovered that we don’t
need to be on vacation to have a vacation mindset.

We simply need to open our eyes to adventure and
opportunities that are right in front of us so that we can be fully alive each
day. Living expectantly, daring ourselves to try new things is all part of what
makes life worthwhile. There’s no need to wait for your next vacation. Live it
now.

It Is Possible to Design and Live a Life You Love

At this stage in our lives, we have already accomplished
much that we are proud of. And yet, we might still find ourselves asking “what
else can I do to be more and to do more?”

My 30-day journey provided the much-needed time to
discern what matters most to me and where I can make the biggest impact during
my Third Act. It’s never too late to reimagine, reinvent and redesign our
lives.

Where I Am Now

As baby boomer women in our Third Act, it is our time to
follow those dreams, to check off those bucket list items before it’s too late.
It’s important to see through the invisible barriers, both real and imagined,
that prevent us from living the life we most want.

Whether your dream is to travel to distant locations,
start a new business, or move closer to your grandchildren, give yourself
permission to say “yes” to the life you want, get comfortable with stepping out
of your comfort zone and connect with the inner you that is desperately waiting
to be found.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What recent adventure have you taken out of your comfort
zone? What did it feel like? What did you learn about yourself in the process?
We’d love to read your stories and start a conversation!

Do you
feel stiff after working on your computer? Do you find yourself slumping,
hunching, and with forward head posture trying to look at the screen?

Are you looking
for ways to do what you need to do on the computer, without sacrificing your
posture or your health? Are you curious about “stand up desks,” but not sure if
they are worth the investment?

My clients
and students often ask me, “What’s the best posture for sitting at the
computer?” Keep reading to learn the 3 rules for computer posture, and how to
make a few small changes with items you probably have around the house.

The Risks of Poor Computer Posture

Whether
you’re still working, partially retired, or completely retired, you likely
still use a computer to stay connected to colleagues, family, friends, and the
world.

Several of
my students are using the computer for passion projects in retirement, like
teaching classes, writing, or learning new skills online. And even if you
think, “This will only take a minute,” you may end up sitting there longer than
you thought you would.

It’s
common knowledge these days that sitting with poor posture at the computer is
bad for us. In our younger years, we may have gotten away with poor posture or
uninterrupted hours working at a desk with few immediate side effects.

But as we
age, too much sitting can lead to health problems like weight gain, hip and
back pain, and tight muscles.

If we do
all that sitting in
poor form, we can experience all that plus a stiff, rounded upper back, pain,
impaired breathing, pinched nerves, and worse.

The most
important thing about sitting at the computer is that it should not be your
primary activity. If you are still working at an office job, sitting at a desk
for eight hours may be your current reality.

The
American Heart Association has come up with a list of
activities that you can try to incorporate to move more at work. Additionally,
make sure you are walking, stretching, and moving in your non-work hours.

If your
work does not require you to be on the computer, keep it to a minimum and take
frequent breaks. Remember that when you retire, your #1 job is your health!

The bottom
line is, poor posture at the computer makes us look old, feel old, and maybe
even die sooner. Yikes! Let’s get right into what you can do about it!

Rule #1– Sit Properly

When you do sit at the computer, angle your body so that your knees are lower than your hips. This helps your pelvis stay in anterior tilt and your lumbar spine maintain its neutral curve. Evaluate your chairs and cushions to find an ideal fit.

Many
retired people have traded in their desktop computer for a more portable laptop
or tablet. Laptop keyboards and mice are small. To use the keyboard and especially
a laptop trackpad, your arms turn inward. This makes your shoulders roll
forward and can lead to problems in the rotator cuff.

Invest in
a separate, full-size keyboard and mouse. Your keyboard and mouse should be an
elbow level when your arms are at your sides. Make sure you aren’t in a
sideways tilt to reach the mouse.

Whether
you have a laptop or desktop, don’t miss an important step. Set up your monitor
so that it is at eye level. Use books, boxes, or whatever you have to ensure that
you do not strain your neck while looking down.

Rule #2 – Change It Up

“Stand up
desks” are gaining popularity, because people know that sitting in one position
for a long time isn’t good for them. Standing in one spot isn’t so great
either.

Sitting on
the floor is a great option for our bodies after 60 because it leads to more
flexible hips, stronger legs, and better balance when we get up and down off
the floor.

For
several months, I researched many stand-up desk options. I was looking for a
way to alternate between a chair, the floor, and standing. A colleague finally
gave me the idea that solved my dilemma.

Check out the video below to see a “behind the scenes” tour of my computer set-up, and how I use my ironing board to vary my computer work posture.

Rule #3 – Stretch and Strengthen to Make Up for Your Computer Time

No matter
how mindful we are with our computer posture, it takes a toll on our posture
and joints. In general, the front of the body gets tighter and shorter. The
back of the body gets weaker.

These are
the same challenges that we face during the aging process. Please trust me that
it’s absolutely essential and feasible to counter these posture tendencies – or
they will get worse!

You can do
this with a regular yoga and exercise practice. Check out the Sixty and me yoga
videos!

You can
also do it at home, in regular clothes, throughout the day. Here are a few
exercises to target your computer posture muscles.

The
important hip flexor muscles connect our legs to our spine. They attach not
only to the legs and pelvis, but all the way up to our lumbar vertebrae and into
our diaphragm (breathing muscle). They get short when we sit too much. Try this
quick hip
flexor stretch to help you straighten up when you stand up.

While
working on the computer, our upper backs can tend to get stiff and rounded. You
know what this looks like! You can reverse it with the steps
explained here.

Due to
working on the keyboard (even if it’s full-size), our shoulders will tend to
roll inward and forward. That can be fixed as well.

Bonus Tip

There are
TONS of posture gadgets out there. (At this moment, there are 96,100,000 Google
results for “posture device.”) They may work for your individual needs, or they
may not.

I use a simple yoga belt posture brace to maintain better computer posture, and the good news is, you can make one yourself.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

How do you keep from slumping at the
computer? Do you have any favorite strategies to remind you to take breaks and
keep moving? What is your best variation to work on the computer without sitting
in a chair? Please share with our community of women.

Today we are overworked, overstressed and overwhelmed. The pace of life is faster than ever. The economic, social and political stresses are all creating internal and external turmoil.

How do these problems affect us? We feel continuously rushed and our lifestyles are out of balance. Many of us have a hard time sleeping, breathing or even properly digesting our food. More of us experience serious health conditions such as heart disease, cancer and drug addiction.

Our relationships with ourselves and others are affected and with that, our sense of enjoyment and appreciation of life. The costs are very high; we lack peace, happiness and true fulfillment.

Mindfulness is a very effective tool for creating inner peace and balance.

What Is Mindfulness?

Mindfulness is the art of attention and awareness. It lives in the present moment which is the only moment we have. It is a form of nonjudgmental, relaxed awareness.

When we are mindful, we are paying attention on purpose to the contents of the current moment, including our emotions and environment.

Benefits of Mindfulness

Mindfulness provides us with a sense of peace, focus and balance. It teaches us detachment from inner drama and harsh judgements. Through mindfulness, we learn to allow things to simply be, rather than trying to control, resist or fix everything around us. However, letting life be does not mean not being proactive.

When we’re mindful, it helps us create clearer vision and better judgement. It helps us to live in the moment and enjoy it.

We become more receptive to what is and as a result we take appropriate, organic and authentic actions, moving towards our true fulfillment. Mindfulness quiets the compulsive mind and creates an expanded way of looking at life. It relaxes our physical being and supports the natural healing process of the body.

Here are the Do’s and Don’ts of how to cultivate mindfulness and support a state of inner peace, focus and balance.

Observe and Don’t Judge

We learn to observe rather than judge. Most of us operate from a place of worry, anxiety and judgment of ourselves and others. This state of mind is preventing us from accepting, receiving and enjoying life.

Observing or witnessing, teaches us to relax, accept and drop judgment. As a result, our state of being shifts to a more peaceful one.

Notice Your “Monkey Mind”

Our Monkey Mind is part of our Defensive Self. It is relentlessly commenting on everything we encounter. It pushes us to file things in drawers according to categories. We have the “good” drawers and “bad” drawers in our mind. There we collect our likes and dislikes.

As we go through life, we are constantly bouncing between rejection and attachment, jumping from the future to the past – and back again. This reactive way of being does not allow for receptive observation, awareness and peace.

It is most important to begin to observe this kind of obsessive and compulsive thinking. If you are a meditator, you know how hard it is to relax the “Monkey Mind.” It takes practice.

But the first step is to notice it, and identify the action and impact of it. As you grow your mindfulness practice, you can learn to slow down and relax your restless mind.

Learn a Healthy Detachment from the Inner Drama

The twin-sister of the Monkey Mind is “Emotional Drama.” Emotional Drama is the inner turmoil of contradicting, conflicting and painful emotions that swirl around and torment us. This can happen in relation to a past or present event.

Most of the time, it touches on a pool of unresolved emotional experiences of the past. So, how do we handle our inner drama? An important aspect is to learn how to identity it and witness our emotional reactions with a sense of compassion and a healthy detachment.

Treat your emotions as you would a child that you love. Allow yourself to experience them and move through them, so that you can find a way beyond. Remember, you have emotions, but you are not your emotions. You are the witness and the healer of them.

Set Up a Daily Meditation of “Mindful” Practice

Because of the pressures we experience in life, it is hard to find a moment to ourselves. On the other hand, if we don’t find quiet and stillness, our lives become more complicated and spin further out of balance. There are many ways to carve out time to meditate.

Exercise, yoga, cleaning your house, or merely sitting on a bench to watch the sky – these activities are ways to find peace. The most important element is your ability to quiet the Monkey Mind, ground your body in your breath, and be mindful in the moment.

Teach Yourself to Live in the Moment

We are never “in the moment.” Our thoughts are always pulling us in different directions. We obsess over what we must do, going through past and future dialogues, projecting and worrying about the future. We have lost the ability to be fully engaged in the present moment.

Deep down, we all long to experience and enjoy every moment we have. On some level, we need to become more like children and train ourselves to smell the roses and appreciate the simple things in life. We should aim to cultivate the most basic right of life – enjoyment!

Do Not Feed the Habit of Obsessive Worry

Simply put – we worry too much. It is an ingrained habit rooted in the basic fear of survival. It robs us of our energy, imagination and creativity. Treat it as a bad habit.

Commit to shedding worry, slowly and surely, just as you would junk food. Become mindful when you are engaging in worry, and talk yourself out of it. Drop it as you would your “Monkey Mind.”

Do Not Encourage an Imbalanced Lifestyle

It’s an obvious point that balance is supremely important – balance between doing and resting, work and play, physical and mental, or spiritual and practical. Healthy living means balanced living.

Become mindful of this very notion, and stay committed to maintaining balance in all areas of your life. It is not an easy task. But if your health and peace of mind are a priority, you will find a way to achieve it.

Do Not Harshly Judge Yourself and Others

Harsh judgment of ourselves or others causes emotional pain which translates to stress in the body and sadness in the heart. Become mindful of your judgments and their impact on you and others.

Teach yourself to become more accepting, compassionate and loving. These characteristics will help you grow and love deeper.

Do Not Reinforce the Habit of Stress and Unhealthy Control

It is obvious that stress and the need to control the uncontrollable imprisons us. Use the practice of mindfulness to notice the stress in your body, and learn to release it by using your breath, gentle movements of the neck, shoulders and lower back.

Commit to relaxing, resting and playing. Self-guide to cultivate a healthy perspective in life. Nothing is so important that it deserves to make us unhappy and sick.

Do Not Rush Through the Moments of Your Life

You only get one life to live in this form, in this body, now. Embrace it! Each moment is a gift, and you deserve to open to the moment, and live it with enjoyment.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What stresses you out? Have you incorporated a mindfulness practice in your life? Do you feel overwhelmed and overstressed sometimes? Please share your thoughts and experiences below!

If you purchase an independently reviewed product or service through a link on our website, STYLECASTER may receive an affiliate commission.

For years I’ve been skimping on eye cream in the mornings. I found that it made my under eye concealer slip off easier, and I figured since I was wearing it at night, I was covered. But as more and more fine lines quickly approach, I’ve been on the lookout for something that can handle all my going-out-in-the-sun needs, and guys, I think I’ve finally found it. This eye cream/concealer hybrid from Colorescience is like an eye cream on steroids. It hydrates, conceals, brightens and provides anti-aging benefits all in one.

You’re probably already using a tinted SPF or BB cream throughout the day, and you can think of this as a tinted eye cream. It has the feel of a cream but the color of a concealer, and thanks to ingredients like albizia julibrissin bark extract, sea water, sorbitol and jojoba esters, the eye area actually appears brighter as soon as you apply it. It has just the perfect amount of sheer color, and I love dabbing it on for my no-makeup makeup look days, or just when I need to run outside in the sun for some quick errands or a long walk to take in the gorgeous fall temps.

Courtesy of Amazon.

Colorescience Total Eye 3-in-1 Anti-Aging Renewal Therapy for Wrinkles & Dark Circles

It also acts as a primer so you can pat this on before you put on your all-day concealer and ensure you have SPF coverage throughout the day. This product is “phenomenal at light reflection and brightening,” wrote one reviewer on Amazon. “It’s expensive, but a little goes a long way.”

Another said, “I’ve been using this for a few years now. After about 5 minutes of putting it on, the puffiness is minimized. I don’t have huge bags but i do have dark circles. The tint helps with this also. I doesn’t have an odor and it goes on smoothly. I put my moisturizer on after this and it all blends well.”

The formula is also made without parabens, sulfates, phthalates and synthetic fragrance. It comes in four different shade ranges so you can find the perfect shade to dab out dark circles and instantly hydrate and brighten the eye area. The metal applicator tip stays cold so you get an additional boost of cold therapy every time you apply it.

Grab it from Amazon now for $74, or from the Colorescience website for just $62.90 once you enter code NG15 at checkout to save 15 percent.

Has anyone had the experience of giving birth over 40? Perhaps conflict and turbulence were an accepted part of your marriage or life without a partner and pregnancy? For sure, it was part of mine.

Giving Birth After 40

Before I even gave birth, I was unconsciously molding dissent and doubt in my baby’s neural network. I had many concerns about child rearing, not about giving birth at 44, as my wasband’s values and upbringing were 180 degrees antithetical to mine.

I tried predicting potential conflict areas after the first trimester, before the big day: religion, hobbies, eating habits, methods of encouragement and reward, what to be lenient or strict about, and more. I wrote a mini-book for my unborn child on these topics, entitled Letter to My Unborn Son.

It is an additional strain on one’s relationship when a) the couple does not share the same values, b) the couple communicates in a contrarian manner (Meaning if one partner communicates verbally about emotional issues related to the family and the other doesn’t, that’s a recipe for disaster.), and you both have opposing child-rearing methods. But how do you know that when you first get together with a person?

If you’re wise, you’ll discuss these matters. I was passionate and headstrong. Only after three months of pregnancy did I begin contemplating the gravitas of raising a child.

How to Raise the Type of Boy You Haven’t Met

I solidified my principles by reading, joining bulletin boards (it was 2001, the early days of the Internet), speaking about specific topics aloud with my then-partner, and writing. I had one big wish: to raise my boy to be the man I had never met.

What did that mean?

I would give him a solid foundation in caring for himself and others, confidence in his humanity, and thus vulnerability. Communication was important – lots of it through the various languages of love, singing, playing all types of music (though I didn’t care much for country and salsa), multi-lingual abilities, words, humor, and touch. I love gift-giving for simple pleasure, not as a reward. No reasons are required.

When Parenting Values Collide

Have you found reaching a parenting agreement or, at the very least, a compromise difficult? It didn’t help that my friends in New York or Americans I associated with empathized with me. They could not fathom another way of thinking.

What could I do? Until my son was seven, I saw my mother once or twice a year. Each time she’d bring many presents as if she rolled Hanukkah and Christmas into one. Compared to my in-laws, who only gave two gifts a year of a calculated value. They nurtured a “lack mentality” based on merit, which I opposed.

The concept of “spoiling” a child was foreign to me as my definition of the term meant indulging to the point where the parent granted the child’s wishes all the time. So long as I could feel that my son appreciated his gifts, I’d shower him.

The same goes for saying “I love you.” I’d say it all the time and show it through caressing and listening to his subtle hints and fears (after the divorce) to ensure his safety and security.

I Became a Parent Whisperer

I listened to my son throughout his formative years without pushing my ideas of who he should be. I encouraged him to become whoever he wanted, to explore the world. If he didn’t want to play an instrument, I didn’t force it on him. If he opted out of sports, it was okay.

At 21, my son became the man I always wanted to meet. He is aware of his shortcomings and tries to learn more about himself and what makes him tick. He speaks his mind freely and shows his feelings without remorse or fear. His girlfriend attests to the fact that he’s a caring, compassionate being who respects her immensely.

I couldn’t be prouder.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What battles have you fought raising your children? Have they brought the fruit you anticipated? What are your children like today, as grownups?