We navigate change all of the time because change is constant. Fortunately, we’ve also developed coping skills that make transitions easier. Retirement is a major life change that more and more of us are facing, either by default or by design. We’re now learning some specific ways to better manage that change, too.

Research and anecdotal conversation with retirees support that these four things make the transition into retirement a little easier.

Take Your Time

Retirement signals both endings and beginnings. It also brings some uncertainty. One way to ease your journey is to press pause and go into discovery mode.

College students take a gap year. Retirees can, too.

Take the time you need to feel your way into retirement.

Explore what you’re curious about. 

Talk to people who are doing things you find interesting. 

Experiment with hobbies, ideas, new skills.

Lean into leisure. Play! Rest.

Plan Early

We’re conscientious about planning for a lot of life events: weddings, new homes, babies, new jobs. We’re not always planful about retirement (financial security excepted), which is surprising since many of us could have upwards of 20 years of retired life to live.

If you find yourself musing about retirement, you’re ready to start planning. And that can be as simple as thinking ahead and taking note.

Consider your answers to these and similar questions that impact you mentally, physically, and emotionally during retirement:

How do you want to spend your days?

What do you value?

Which relationships nourish you and deserve your time?

Where do you want to be when you walk out your front door?

What aspects of your physical well-being need your attention?

Set Boundaries

Managing time during retirement is one of the biggest and possibly least talked about hurdles that new retirees in particular face. All those unfilled moments are glorious, but they can quickly be taken up by “stuff.”

Maybe a former employer asks you to work part-time, a commitment that grows into more than you intended.

Or a volunteer opportunity becomes a full-time job without benefits or a paycheck. 

Maybe well-intentioned family members begin incurring on your time a little too often.

Practice setting boundaries. Have a polite but firm response to requests you want to decline. Choose what works for you.

Work Your Plan

Working any plan requires the ability to pivot… life happens, and we need to adjust. We can experience some fits and starts.

It can take a while to get our retired ducks in a row, too. Stay the course, remain patient, tweak things as you go. And keep going!

If life gets the better of you and your plan falls apart, seek support to become more comfortable with the unknown.

Every path has bumps. But the path into retired life doesn’t have to be peppered with land mines. There are ways to make the journey easier so the benefits can be sweeter… and the rewards can be celebrated. 

What can you do to ease into retirement? What suggestions worked for you if you’re already retired? Join the conversation!

After sharing Part 1 and Part 2 of this series, and since I keep receiving comments, emails, and shared stories from readers and other women I have talked with recently, I thought it only fitting to finish with one more blog on the scariest day of the year (Happy Halloween!).

I hope that these stories shine a flashlight on the dark topic of “death planning” so you become more aware of the prevalence of preventable nightmares, realize the importance of the need for action, and feel inspired to avoid your own terror.

Your Scary Stories

Bonnie: “Before my brother died, he had nothing planned but luckily, I helped him get a will done two weeks before he passed away.”

Jeanine: “It was a nightmare after my last parent passed until we got the lawyers involved. It got settled two years after death.”

Beth: “My mother refused to let any of us help her with sorting through her belongings, or with her estate, or everything in between. She would get cranky and accusatory when we tried. ‘Oh, you are just waiting for me to die! You just want to steal from me!’”

Sandy: “A neighbor of forty years was a recluse, working, single woman and was dead over a month before anyone found her. Her home was stacked to the ceilings with newspapers, etc. and there were only pathways through the rooms.”

Terry: “My mother had dementia. She was telling church members that NONE of her children had ever visited her in the 33 years she had lived there. That we didn’t call or write or send her money. None of that was true. One sister called every Sunday night. One brother visited her every week. All of us called her, we threw birthday parties for her, we sent her money, and we checked in. Over 3 decades we had seven family reunions at her house and several at other kids’ homes and paid to fly her there.

Then three years ago, before my mother died at age 99, she changed her executor from the two oldest children to a private fiduciary, updated the will and trust, and didn’t tell any of us. When she died in February, her house was packed to the gills with 70 years’ worth of stuff.

We were working on emptying the house and getting it sold when we came upon her updated will and trust!!! Suddenly, none of us had any rights in the disposition of things. The guy mom had hired hadn’t kept in touch. He didn’t know she had died. And retired from his business.”

Tammy: “As a past advisor myself, I talked with families of all ages. Clients with children too often had NO idea of who would provide guardianship should they pass (they also had no will, nor had they spoken with anyone about caring for their child/ren).

Several clients had a previous spouse listed as a beneficiary (the current wife was never so happy about that). Sometimes documents were not executed properly (missing notary, missing initials, etc.) often making them null and void. And way too regularly, joint and individual assets were incorrectly titled (no re-titling to the trust or as Joint with Rights of Survivorship, or no POD or TOD (Payable on Death or Transfer on Death) added to bypass probate.”

Advice to Each Other

Too often, this is an area we ignore because it feels like a difficult discussion, and typically, no one likes to think about their impending death. So, from these terror stories of inheriting a mess, what was your advice to each other?

• Christina: “Right now, I’m usually the driver. I need to have my husband be more active in our financial affairs.” 
• Marilyn: “You only have yourself to count on so get organized before the choice is made for you.”
• Beth: “Moral of the story: A lot of families have dysfunction so even in normal times it is all drama that just gets amplified after death.”
• Terry: “No matter how much a parent or other adult resists, insist on them meeting with an estate planner and getting this figured out in writing.”

With over 20 years in the financial services industry, I still see evidence every week that this estate planning area is the most overlooked, procrastinated, and misunderstood aspect of personal finance. We all know the saying, “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink!”

So, forgive me for sounding like a broken record, but I urge you to take an inventory of your personal situation (check out this tool), review the wishes you have in writing, make a Before and After plan and take action (I offer a free workshop that can help), to prevent the terror of inheriting a mess in your family.

Thanks for sharing so others may benefit!

What is your end-of-life scary story? How has it impacted your life? Will your ‘unfinished business’ create a mess for somebody else to clean up?

Let’s talk about what you believe when it comes to finding the right man to share your heart and life with. I want to start by sharing the experiences of two women.

Ellen’s Mindset Jeopardized Her Happiness

The first is Ellen, a beautiful, fit, smart, approachable, professional woman. She comes across like the perfect match every man would want, right?

Her dream was to find her Mr. Right. Men were really attracted to her even though she’d never been married. Ellen had a lot of first and second great dates but something always seemed to happen on the third date that would make her second guess the man she was initially interested in.

As the third date got closer, she’d start finding faults in the man whether it was the way he dressed, or how he ate his food, or even how he shared a story. Always finding faults in men made her feel like dating was a time-consuming chore that took all her energy and went nowhere.

Speaking with her, we went deeper and found out she was living the “I’m not good enough” mindset. Since she’d never married, she felt like something was wrong with her or maybe something was wrong with him for even being attracted to a woman who’d never been married. (Even women who have been married can have the “I’m not good enough” mentality. I see it all the time with my clients.) To protect herself, she’d turn this around to he wasn’t good enough for her.

This belief was preventing Ellen from getting the man and relationship she so wanted because she feared falling short of his expectations. And it led her to taking a break from dating and put her dream of finding a man to share her heart with aside.

I touched base with Ellen about 6 months later, and she confessed she didn’t think she would ever find love. She felt like a voice was telling her, “You’ve been single 60 plus years. What makes you think you can find love?” Even though she had so much going for her, she felt inferior so she kept sabotaging her dream.

Debbie’s Attitude Made a Difference

And there was Debbie, a divorced mom, who had been successful and led a busy life. She was kind, with the sweetest nature yet physically, she was short and heavy set with some extra pounds. She’d ignored her style over the years. Her hair was short and choppy. She never wore makeup and often wore masculine clothes that didn’t show off her best assets. (And yes, no matter what you weigh, you have assets that men will love about you!)

She’d spent years putting her life on hold as a single mother. Now she was an empty-nester and felt like it was time for her to get what she wanted; to find the right man to share her new free life with.

The first thing we did was some dating updating so her outside world would reflect the positive feelings she was starting to feel about herself. We updated her masculine clothes with outfits that brought out her softer side and made her feel pretty.

She changed her hair color and style, added some makeup, and found she loved this girly side of her she’d been missing. She realized she’d been hiding her true self in the oversized masculine clothes she’d always worn.

She started dating and had a nice time but felt uncomfortable and had a hard time making a heart connection with the men she met. I reminded her to come from the passions in her life on a date and how the things she loved doing felt in her heart.

Our generation was taught to come from our mind. We’re smart and men love smart sexy women. But men can’t connect with your mind. Your heart is what draws a man to you. Debbie also tried flirting. It was hard at first but once she got the hang of it, she loved it and started having fun talking to the men she met online and at various meet-ups in her community.

A part of her was so surprised that men were drawn to her. But why wouldn’t they be? When you feel good about you and the life you love, you light up and that’s what men love about you.

Over time, Debbie kept going to dances and meet-ups. At one of them, a man asked her to dance. She accepted, and they spent the night dancing and talking. He asked for her number, they went on a date and had fun together. It was just the beginning of the life they would create as they fell in love and got married.

The Successful Dating Mindset

So, why did Debbie succeed as a woman who was not the most beautiful, who was out of shape, who needed a total update? Because Debbie always knew she would meet someone. It was just a matter of time.

Your deepest held beliefs are the foundation for your success at finding the right man. If you believe you won’t find love, no matter what you do, you most likely won’t. A negative belief filled with self-doubt will sabotage your dream.

And that is why Ellen failed at finding love. When you are certain that love is in your future, like Debbie believed, along with having the right tools and support that form a strong foundation, finding Mr. Right is very possible!

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you been missing the right dating mindset? Do you go into dating with the “I’m not good enough” mindset, or do you go with “I will meet him one day” mindset? What self-limiting beliefs are stopping you to find love?

Our family tries to get together each year for a reunion. With 18 of us it is no small undertaking. This summer our gathering was in Destin, Florida. We rented a lovely home about a block from the ocean. Our eight grandkids, ages 6-13, and their parents were totally psyched for the experience.

As for me, I was a bit uneasy about the whole ‘beach thing’. You see, I have horrible looking varicose veins, cottage cheese thighs and dry, sagging skin. Probably not a lot different from other women my age, but nonetheless this 70-year-old body of mine is not something I care to flaunt… Seriously, who wants to look at that!?

I Couldn’t Hide My Insecurities

So, before walking with my family down to the beach the next morning, I covered up my bathing suit and my unsightly body with a floor length cotton dress. Once we arrived at our spot, I quickly plopped down in a beach chair and hid under an umbrella.

I adjusted my sunglasses and straw hat, picked up my bottle of water and waved at the children and their parents as they marched down through the sand, boogey boards in hand.

After about 15 minutes Adie, my six-year-old granddaughter, started waving at me from the water; inviting me to get in and play. I smiled at her and shook my head ‘no’.

She was persistent and continued urging me to join her. I continued to decline.

Finally, my granddaughter strutted up on the sand, hands on her hips like a girl on a mission. “Come and play, Grandma. Don’t be afraid. I promise I will not let go of your hand until you feel brave.”

“Darn it,” I mumbled under my breath grabbing Adie’s hand, “the things I will do for these kids!”

I tossed the dress and beach towel aside, and Adie and I skipped down into the cold ocean water together. For the rest of the morning, I was boogey boarding, swimming, riding the waves and building sandcastles.

I had a wonderful time!

When Did I Decide to Stop Playing?

After returning home from our vacation, I found myself with a gnawing question that would not leave me alone. I kept asking myself, “When did I decide to stop doing that? When did I decide to stop playing in the ocean and frolicking in the sand? And what other fun things have I quit doing along the way?”

As synchronicity would have it, I found myself listening to an episode from ‘Huberman Lab’ about the topic of ‘play’. It was titled Using Play to Rewire & Improve Your Brain.

Andrew Huberman, a neuroscientist from Stanford University, was speaking about the myriad of research studies being done on the incredible power of ‘play’. As we age, he said, the amount of time we devote to play decreases. And yet play still holds amazing power for us all.

Do you remember when you began decreasing the amount of time you devoted to play?

Here Are Some Ways That ‘Play’ Can Contribute to Healthier Living

• Play releases endorphins
• Play improves brain functionality
• Play stimulates our creativity
• Play gives us more energy
• Play improves our memory
• Play stimulates the growth of the cerebral cortex
• Play can even help to keep us young.

Now let’s face it, Girlfriends, who at our age does not want to improve her memory, and her brain functionality; not to mention more stimulation and growth in our cerebral cortex?

As I became more intrigued about play, I found myself doing more reflection. There were so many things I used to enjoy playing in my past. And so many of those things I had stopped doing.

Why did I quit shooting basketball hoops, playing volleyball, four-square and chess games? What other things had I stopped doing?

I pulled out my journal and started to make a list.

Here Are Some Starter Phrases That Helped Me Brainstorm More About the Play

I used to… (play piano, dive, swim, play chess and poker)

I always liked… (playing basketball, volleyball, four-square).

I once loved… (creating and acting out plays, running lemonade stands and running through the fields of sunflowers).

I remember when… (we would go water skiing in the lakes, and boogey boarding in the ocean)

When I was younger, I loved… (doing cartwheels in the grass and playing Candy Land with my mom. I loved riding my bike through the neighborhood and sledding down the mountain in the winter).

I was pretty good at… (jumping on the trampoline and making up cheer and dance routines).

I wish I would not have stopped… (playing board games, basketball, volleyball, …just being open to more play).

These exercises were so cathartic for me that I decided to get off my bum, quit worrying about my 70-year-old body, and return to focusing on more play in my life.

Since our beach vacation, I started playing pickle ball, volleyball in the swimming pool, and challenging my grandkids to games of chess. Last week I drug my sister out to shoot some hoops and play HORSE. We also tried out tossing a few games of disc golf.

And, during a recent sister weekend, we all joined in and learned a new dance on YouTube to the tune of, “We are family.” We laughed until we cried… our endorphins were running wild!

Now It Is Your Turn. I Challenge You to Create Your Own List

I want to invite you to join in and create your own list to identify what you might be missing in your life. Ask yourself the questions I did about play… Why did you quit? Is this where you stop? What play can you add back into your life? What new play can you experience?

I urge you to consider ways you can get more play in your life. Jump in and you will quickly be reminded how much fun it is.

Play is so good for our brains, our body, our relationships, our self-esteem, and our overall happiness.

Oh, and yes, and that nagging question, “Why did I decide to stop?” has changed. I now have a new question I ask myself, “How far can I go?”

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you stopped engaging in play? When did this trend begin? Do you think you want to get play back into your life? What kind of play would you pick up?

If you purchase an independently reviewed product or service through a link on our website, STYLECASTER may receive an affiliate commission.

Since 2012, Charlotte Cho has been leading the way when it comes to Korean skincare. She and her then-boyfriend (now husband) Dave launched Soko Glam to bring the best of Korean beauty into our lives. They launched their own brand, Then I Met You, in 2018 and it’s been a hit since. The brand has never even done a sale — until now. Then I Met You’s Friends & Family sale is here but only for a few days short days.

If you’ve been wanting to try the best in Korean beauty technology, such as cleansing balms, tonics, lip masks and more, this is the sale you’ve been waiting for. In fact, Then I met You fans have been asking for a discount since the brand launched. Now, four years later, they can finally grab their favorite brand for 20 percent off. Shop some of our favorites below but there’s a lot more where this came from. The sale ends after the weekend and certain products have already sold out.

Then I Met You.

Birch Milk Refining Toner

Equal parts hydrating Korean toner and exfoliating Western acid treatment, this skin-refining toner brightens and clears pores.

Then I Met You.

The Giving Essence

Ellagic acid, black chokeberry and galactomyces work to brighten skin, hydrate and reduce the appearance of pores.

Image: Then I Met You.

Calming Tide Gel Cream

Hydrate, stimulate collagen production and bolster the skin’s moisture barrier with this antioxidant-rich moisturizer. The gel formula feels almost cooling going on to calm any skin irritation.

Then I Met You.

Honey Dew Lip Mask

Antioxidant-rich honeydew, moisturizing squalane and honey come together in this luxe lip mask.

Then I Met You.

Rosé Resurfacing Facial Mask

A blend of 6 percent glycolic and lactic acid exfoliates dead skin cells and leaves skin silky smooth in just 15 minutes.