In
recent years, we have all become conscious of the hidden army of people known
as ‘carers’ (‘caregivers’ in the US).

These
are the people who look after a frail (or confused) family member or friend.
They may be daughters (or sons) looking after an elderly parent or, perhaps, a
sibling. Or they may be spouses looking after one another.

Parents
of disabled children are also described in this light. These are frequently
older women, but they can be of any age or either gender. Even children under
18 sometimes find themselves in this role.

You
may well know someone in this circumstance, or it may be you. We all feel for
them, as caregiving is a difficult situation. It can take over one’s entire
life, especially if the carer is living with the person they care for and get
little respite.

The Carer I Knew Best

I
became aware of the existence of carers when I was relatively young, because my
husband’s favourite aunt was one. She had found herself in the traditional role
(in England) of the youngest daughter who never married but stayed home to look
after her increasingly frail mother.

She
was not relieved of those responsibilities until her mother died, when she was
already in her late 40s and rather worn down.

In
her case, perhaps unusually, she blossomed soon after. She married a very nice
older widower and began to substitute regular visits to church to equally
regular visits to the pub.

They
moved to a new house and she had a good life for many years until he suffered a
stroke and she became a carer all over again.

Semi-Carers

But
there is another category of people who are not the principal carer and so are
almost completely overlooked – namely, what I would call ‘semi-’ or ‘supplementary’
carers. These are an even larger group of people whose lives are affected by
someone who is physically or mentally ill or disabled.

Despite
my familiarity with the pressures of being a principal carer, it never occurred
to me that many other people can also be caught up in the web created by
illness and disability.

This
awakening came when my daughter-in-law was diagnosed with cancer not long after
her baby son was born. (I hasten to say she is fine now.)

Of
course, my son had to take on all sorts of responsibilities not normally
expected of a young husband and father. But so, too, did many other family
members.

My
husband and I became very active baby-sitters and general helpers-out. We set
up our house with all the accoutrements of babyhood – baby bed, highchair, baby
clothes and so forth, so that he could come to us on short notice.

It
was tiring and affected all sorts of decisions, such as whether to travel far
from home. When I mentioned it to my doctor, he said immediately, “Yes, cancer
affects the whole family – that is well known.”

In
retrospect, it was not difficult to provide the help that we did, but it was
difficult never knowing when we could be needed. Whatever our plans for the
day, a phone call could arrive at any time asking us to come now. Your own life
gets put slightly ’on hold’.

Indeed,
I am not asking for sympathy, as being required to help to look after a small
baby is a mixed blessing. Yes, it put pressures on us that had not existed
before, but it also brought the pleasures of caring for a baby again. And it made
us much closer to that grandchild, which has lasted over the years.

The Wide Impact of Illness

But
my experience made me stop and think about how many people are so affected. Not
simply by cancer, but by any form of long-lasting illness or disability.

Perhaps
there is a need to provide food for a family, where the mother can no longer
cook, or take on the role of driving the ill person to hospital appointments.

There
can be a need to keep the household going in all sorts of ways, such as general
provisioning or sorting out bills. Not to mention helping
with the children, including the simple
problem of getting them to school.

There
is no ‘system’ to sort out these issues. Some countries provide more state help
than others, such as paid carers who come in to help with washing and dressing.
But when you remove one person from the equation of running a family, you
immediately set up needs for all kinds of help.

Older Women

In
these situations, there are always some family members (or friends) who are
more willing to step in to help than others. Indeed, it is common for people to
assume that where someone competent is on the case, there is no need to offer
more help.

This,
of course, puts more pressure on those who are willing to help and can be the
source of considerable family tensions.

And
it is often we, older women, who find ourselves doing what we can. Perhaps it
is because we have more time and fewer responsibilities of our own, especially
if our children are grown up and we are no longer working.

But
what starts as ‘just helping out a bit’ can easily escalate into doing more and
more. And we do have other things we want to do.

Does
this all sound familiar? If you had such a request, are you someone who says, “Yes,
of course,” without even thinking about it? These are fundamental issues,
concerning how we feel about ourselves and our role in our families.

Semi-carers
are not put upon in heavy ways. It is just normal, day-to-day activities that
need to be factored into whatever plans there were before.

I
would not go so far as to say they deserve some form of recognition, but if you
have friends in this circumstance, I would urge you to acknowledge their
contribution.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Who is the primary caregiver in your family? Are you currently helping out in some way with a parent or other relative or even a friend in need? Have you been asked to do so in the past? Please share your thoughts in the comments below.

Heather Gay’s Green Puffer Vest and Chelsea Boots at Choir Rehearsal

Real Housewives of Salt Lake City Season 3 Episode 7 Fashion

Heather Gay was definitely feeling a certain colour with her look at choir rehearsal on last night’s episode of The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. And while her chelsea boots are unsurprisingly designer, as it turns out the puffer vest is actually a fast-fashion find that costs a lot less green. 

Fashionably,

Faryn

Vest Also Seen on Amanda Batula:

Click Here to Shop Her Zara Coat on eBay

Click Here to Shop Her Bottega Veneta Boots

Click Here For Additional Stock

Click Here For Info on the Rest of Her Outfit

Photo #1: @DrinkLoverboy

Originally posted at: Heather Gay’s Green Puffer Vest and Chelsea Boots

How much time do you
spend thinking about how you move throughout the day? If you’re not getting the
health results you want, your movement is likely a huge factor!

Movement comes down to a matter of convenience. Today, moving more to perform daily tasks is viewed as an inconvenience. We now have access to devices serving the sole purpose of making our lives easier, from electronic kitchen appliances to phones to vehicles.

But what these
devices are doing is externalizing the work of your muscles, outsourcing the
work of your own body. “Upgrading” your products often results in doing less
work throughout our day.

However, these
“conveniences” come with a major downside.

Humans
Are Intended to Move

Your movement impacts not only your physical health but your mental health and well-being as well. The focus of my work as a physical therapist is to improve a person’s quality of life through movement. Over the years, I’ve noticed a common theme.

The mindset has shifted, and movement is viewed as “inconvenient” rather than a necessary part of a full and healthy life. The first step in taking your life back involves reversing this mindset that contributes to declining health over time.

For optimal health,
you can keep it simple (though simple is not always easy) and start to build
more movement into your daily life by trading out perceived conveniences for
inconveniences.

Over time, this
eliminates the need for separate exercise to compensate for a sedentary
lifestyle. This may seem counterintuitive at first but contributes to better
health in the long run.

Adopting a regular movement practice is a great place to start. A basic understanding of the guiding principles of a movement practice will help get you started on the right foot.

Principle
#1: Movement Is Essential

Movement is a
physiological need for humans, like food and water. Like food, our movement
should be of high quality and offer a variety of “movement nutrients.” But
modern life and our environment often result in repeated movement patterns and
a lack of variety.

We tend to look at
movement as something we need to get out of the way rather than something to be
practiced and performed all throughout the day.

Everybody Needs to Move in Some
Way Every Day

Much like our diet must consist of a variety of vitamins and minerals for us to stay healthy, our movement needs variety as well.

Repeating the same
movement patterns day in and day out can starve certain cells of your body and
lead to muscle imbalances. This leads to immobility in certain parts of the
body. Start to think of movement as essential, and you’ll make it a bigger
focus of your day with practice.

Principle
#2: “Movement” Is Different Than “Exercise”

Movement science is
focused on the importance of daily “exercise” and what defines the best type of
exercise. But somewhere along the way, we’ve forgotten that “movement” is not
the same as “exercise.”

Exercise was created in response to the negative consequences of our modern environment on the human body. As amenities continue to make our lives easier, our bodies suffer from the effects of convenience leading to ever increasing rates of diabetes, obesity, and other chronic diseases.

A new field of
exercise science was created to undo these effects and the byproduct was an
emphasis on daily exercise.

The daily recommended minimum of 30 minutes of moderate physical activity per day doesn’t “undo” the effects of being sedentary for the other 23.5 hours of the day.

The purpose of using
exercise should be to work toward finding new mobility and strength, allowing
you to use larger natural movements throughout the day.

The conversation of movement science has become very polarizing and definitions of “movement” have become narrower. This makes our society feel as though we are separated into “exercisers” or “non-exercisers” rather than all people being considered “movers.”

Our movement differs:
some of us use movement as a means to get around our homes and communities
while others are competing in the highest levels of the CrossFit Games. The
commonality, however, is that movement is essential to all individuals.

Movement matters for
everyone, from those competing in the Olympics to the most medically
compromised individuals. Whether your goal is to be able to safely walk to and
from your bathroom, or deadlift hundreds of pounds, your movement matters.

Principle
#3: Not All Movement Is Created Equal

With all of that being said, some movement is always better than no movement. However, not all movement is created equal.

Your body functions
in its’ healthiest form if you walk 3–5 miles throughout the day. Your
circulation, immunity, and the strength of your bones depend on the function of
your muscles for beneficial activities like walking.

Other movements
cannot replace your body’s need to walk; however, they can be used as a
supplement. For example, riding a bike is not the same experience as walking
for your body, though this is an objectively better activity than spending that
time on a couch.

By a similar token, walking on a treadmill is not the same as walking overground. Recognizing that not all movement is the same is an essential component of being a better mover.

Movement is
complicated, and yet such a simple concept. There are more nuances to movement
than most of us realize. It’s not as easy as defining movement or exercise as
“good” or “bad.”

It all depends on
your goals. If your goal is to win the Tour de France, then practice by riding
a bike. If your goal is to improve
the bone density of your hips, walking overground is the
best choice.

Now that you understand the basics of movement you can start to build your own movement practice. Understanding that your body adapts to how you move is the first step. From there, you can start to make observations of your own movement to learn where you need to make changes.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

How can you get moving today? When was the last time you counted your steps? How do you feel when you don’t have much movement in your day? How can you improve your movement practice? Let’s get the conversation going!

Friends can bring joy in life. Trust and mutual respect between people bolster everything in life. Finding a friend that you can turn to in good times and in bad is precious and valuable. Unfortunately, this sweet relationship can sour over time which is downright disappointing to both involved. Consider the following points when thinking about your friend.

Everyone Has Their Own Life Journey They Are Walking Through

Sometimes it’s much deeper than we, as their friend, have realized. This can result in friends acting out of character or saying things that they haven’t really thought through.

Ask yourself, “Did they recently have someone pass away who was dear to them? Have they been sleepless and restless about something? Is something bothering them in their profession, life choices, or with their family?”

Can you give them some slack? There may be more happening than they have chosen to share. You don’t know every detail of your best friend’s life.

Friends Are Human Beings

Can you remember a time you may have let someone down? If you are alive, you have done this at one time or another. Human beings aren’t perfect. I believe they mostly do the best they can, just as you have, but there are blunders and mistakes made along life’s journey.

Their imperfection in a relationship can disappoint, just as your unintentional imperfection has been disappointing to someone else along the way. Remembering this will help you to give your friend some slack.

Did You Make Them Powerless?

Consider Sue and Liz, whose friendship spanned over 30 years. Before Liz married her second husband, Sue was there to hear Liz’s misgivings. Liz was being ignored and generally not being treated well by her man. When the girlfriends shared coffee time together, red flags popped up about Liz’s relationship.

Sue did her best to point out the trouble these red flags would result in, but Liz went through with the marriage. When the bottom started to fall apart for her friend, Sue was there. The divorce was messy and hurtful, with Liz’s husband doing things that truly made her feel like dirt.

Sue, as a true friend, stood by her, listening, inviting her over for dinners, playing cards, going shopping, and spending hours talking through the whole divorce pain. A few months after the divorce was final, Liz began to meet her ex for coffee dates and exchanging friendly texts with him. Sue warned her that this was not a good decision, and would have an effect on Liz’s choices, just like before.

This seemed to be a tipping point, where the actions of her friend had become too much, and Sue was, once again disregarded and powerless to help. Hours of support, listening, asking questions, and being there for Liz, to watch her reconnect in this way with her ex, let Sue down in a big crash.

When Sue related to her friend that she just couldn’t hear about the continued interaction with this selfish man anymore, Liz felt let down by her friend who was always there to give support. Sue felt let down by her friend who continually brought pain upon herself.

Have You Exhausted Them? Have They Exhausted You?

Due to whatever they are going through, has your friend exhausted you? Are you exhausting your friend with needing constant support and care? Take a good look at the friendship. Is most of the time spent discussing their needs and their life imbalance, or are your needs and your life always the priority?

Friendship needs to have both, a give and take of balanced input. There will be times that you have a crisis, and your friend will listen more than share, and vice versa. If you are always front and center in the relationship or they are always front and center, the balance is off. This will lead to burn out in the friendship. Something is going to give.

This Choice Preserves Friendships

Consider going to a counselor or a life coach. They are trained and skilled in creating a safe, unbiased, and nonjudgmental environment for you to discuss life’s challenges. Have you hurt relationships by being too needy, too possessive, and requiring more than your friends can give? Stop.

Friends are precious. Sometimes true friends are few and far between. Value them and preserve them by seeking other input for persistent life changing counsel and support. If your friend has indicated in various ways that they are burned out by discussing something, then turn to someone with the skill and experience to help you.

Many times, your health insurance will cover a large part of counseling fees. You may be unsure of spending money for a coach. Weigh the possibilities then try a 30-minute free discovery session that most coaches offer. Hold on to your dear friends by spending some of your money on this choice.

Other Ways to Preserve Friends

When meeting with a friend, occasionally make it all about them. If you’ve shared some heavy life stuff, and they have been there for you through thick and thin, please take some time to acknowledge them. Buy them a coffee, and let it be known that this time the chat is not going to include your issues.

Do a few things together where you don’t talk about stuff. Try a movie, then afterward talk only about the movie. Go shopping together for something you need and keep the conversation light. Attend a play, a concert, an event that you can enjoy together and take the pressure off solving issues.

Send a card or acknowledgment that they are special to you. Appreciate them. Let them know that hours of support are there for them if they ever need it.

Remember that true friendships can be saved, rebuilt, and stronger than before! True friendships can last through the years and hard times. Nothing happens until you are willing to start over by communicating about the conflict. Don’t write off a true, lifelong friendship. Treat it like you would pure gold.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you experienced a friendship going sour? What did you do to rescue it? Was it lost forever? Consider the friendship. Have you burned out your friend by complaining and being negative every time you meet? Have you ever apologized?

Lisa Barlow’s Black Corset Bodysuit and Cargo Pants on WWHL

Watch What Happens Live November 16, 2022 Fashion

Best in black! Lisa Barlow looked super chic in her black corset bodysuit and cargo pants on Watch What Happens Live last night. And we’ve of course linked the look for ya to shop down below, so keep on scrolling before the stock goes away in a manger New York minute. 

Fashionably,

Faryn

Click Here to Shop Her Versace Bodysuit

Click Here to Shop Her Versace Pants

Click Here For Additional Stock

Click Here to Shop Her Versace Pumps

Click Here to Shop Her Versace Belt

Photo: @BravoWWHL

Originally posted at: Lisa Barlow’s Black Corset Bodysuit and Cargo Pants on WWHL