Heather Gay’s Black and Gold Workout Outfit With Whitney

Real Housewives of Salt Lake City Season 3 Episode 7 Fashion

Although I don’t know if Heather Gay wore this black and gold outfit from last night’s RHOSLC while working out earlier in the day, I do know that she wore it while trying to work out her issues with Whitney. And that it can totally be worn during good, bad and everything-in-between weather. 

Fashionably,

Faryn

Click Here to Shop Her Koral Jacket

Click Here to Shop Her Koral Leggings

Originally posted at: Heather Gay’s Black and Gold Workout Outfit

We don’t have to live with fear! Many people may say they do not fear anything, and so they speak and defend themselves in all situations. They state they have no fear phobias, but in truth, the fears or worries that go into daily living cause us the most stress.

Most of the population is fearful. I am not a statistician, and I have no graphs or statistics to prove my theory other than the hurts and doubts we all admit experiencing every day of our lives.

End the Replay of an Angry Past

At a young age, we learn to fear angry parents, teachers, siblings and friends. Inadvertently, we discover the ways of our society. The strongest member with the most authority or power gets the prize.

Bullies are created and honored. The baby bully gets the toy that he grabs when his mom or dad do not retrieve the toy to return it to the child who originally had it. As toddlers mature into school age children, they grab and take what they want from others who fear challenging them.

No one wants to be hit, so the bully wins and rules the schoolyard and the teachers whose hands are tied by the administration and the parents. Our attachment to fear is universal and profound.

Reflect Then Dismiss Fear

Fear has nothing to do with our purpose in life, yet it consumes a huge part of our lives. If we let go of fear, we can enjoy what really matters.

For example, meetings with relatives at holiday times are always fearful. We want the right look, the right words, and we want to project the right image. We worry if our gift to them is appropriate. We even ponder the meaning behind their gift to us.

Simple remarks, jokes or slights are challenged and dissected later. We tense at another person’s body language and question their mood. There appears to be a problem if we blame ourselves for another person’s disposition.

We are not in the moment and definitely not enjoying ourselves. We are caught up in an emotional roller coaster with people and self, while we miss the reality around us.

Faith Is Trust Without Proof

To question everyone and everything is distrustful. When we trust and enjoy the people present in our lives it leaves no room for fear.

Judgment also goes hand in hand with fear. If everyone chose not to judge other people, then we might possibly live without so many fears. If one thinks they are being judged, panic rises to the surface.

As we age, we start to believe we are less capable in all areas. It certainly may have some truth to it, but we are far from finished. We learn to take our time and think more about what we do and say. Perhaps we stop taking people for granted and start appreciating so many things we didn’t notice before.

Trust is not that difficult. It is like letting go of the top bar to a swing set while someone below you promises to catch you. You may not try the bar at all if you distrust, but when you trust you have more support and greater faith and acceptance of others in your life.

The Past Is Over; Create a New Present

Past events worry us as much as the future. We often play the “what if” game, losing precious time in fearful scenarios: What if I can’t help my son or daughter raise their kids? What happens if my husband or wife dies before me? What if I develop a disease, am confined to a chair or lose all of my friends?

The truth is, both young and old people have accidents, problems that befall them and health issues. Young people lose spouses through divorce and death as well. We have to ask ourselves, is this how we want to live? Do we want to stay in the house and hide?

Criticism Is Yesterday’s Garbage

If we are criticizing others in our gossip, then we probably worry about others berating us. Getting rid of our judgmental attitude may get rid of some fears. So what if we look older, plumper, poorer, richer, angrier, incompetent, confused and other negative adjectives.

On any given day, we all experience those things. Take a moment to reflect. The judgments others make have no basis. Their assessments matter to us because of fear.

If we let go of assessments and stop the gossip we can end a lot of heartache. We must have faith in us and our ability to be of value no matter how old we are. Finding our own strengths at all ages is vital.

I find grandparents and older people, in general, are the glue that keeps family members together. How strong must we be to do that?

Relax

Relax and enjoy the party. Take no notice of the extra pounds extra wrinkles or last year’s clothes. Be thankful for the company and the time we have to recall the past with a laugh. We are being offered a respite from frustrations, burdens and tremendous workloads.

Let trust replace fear. Be yourself and be accepted as you accept others. Help solve another person’s fears. In a perfect world, we could all be happy. But, if we attempt to offer a tiny bit of peace to others, perhaps we might find it ourselves.

Don’t Allow Worry to Consume Your Life

We base all of our decisions on our fears. It is not a rich or poor man’s baggage. It is not an educated or uneducated man’s burden.

Doubt has nothing to do with our upbringing or our environment or people we choose for friends. It is not based on jobs, capabilities or personalities. Just as we all have to eat and rest for survival, we all share similar fears.

It’s strange to find that we don’t spend much time talking about our anxieties unless we are going to a therapist. Fears make us feel inadequate. Doubt brings us down.

It is worthwhile to ignore our fears as much as we can or they explode. At those few and far between times we deal with them, we should resolve them as best we can and move on.

The Gains Are Worth the Effort

Fear is weakness and weakness is not supposed to be in our vocabularies. Our society openly values strength and independence and disregards fear.

Therefore, we function well in most situations, but there are those times daily, weekly or monthly when we must encounter some forms of worry. Instead of solving issues for the moment, as we usually do, we can try to understand them and let them go.

We strengthen our muscles by exercising for a long tedious time. To strengthen our understanding of worry is also a slow process. It will involve many setbacks as well as gains. Try not to spend so much time contemplating anxieties that haven’t occurred and simply live your life.

When I taught school I used a worry box for my students. They wrote their name on a paper for each worry they had and then tossed it into the worry box which was kept outside of the classroom. We separated from our worries and lived the days at school stress-free. What a relief it was!

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What is important to you today? How helpful and kind will you be to others? Are there people who need and depend on you? Will you use your last bit of strength in kindness or use it up on stress? Please join the conversation, and let’s talk about stress and the ways we can help lower it in our lives.

I have been hearing a very common refrain from divorced women over
50 as they try to move on:

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this.” 

“I’m over 50 and it’s too late to start over.”

“We were supposed to grow old together.” 

“I was supposed to retire in a few years, but now I have to go
back to work because of the divorce.”

“I was supposed to be on his health insurance, but now I don’t
know what I’m going to do.” 

Supposed to…

I should be….

Sound familiar?

We All Have Unmet Expectations

Ah, the language of expectations. Or rather, unmet expectations
that now haunt you after 50.

It’s these expectations we had about our lives and marriages and
how things “were supposed to be” that are now keeping us stuck. It’s those
unmet expectations that are holding us back and maybe making us feel angry or
resentful. 

But here’s a truth bomb for you, my friends. 

We have a hard time recovering because we can’t let go of what we expected or assumed about how our life would be. 

We Think of It the Wrong Way

Here’s a hard truth: Even at 50 and beyond, you subconsciously think of our marriage and other relationships as a vending machine.

We assume that if we put X amount of time into a relationship, or
make X amount of sacrifices over the course of a decades-long marriage, we are
entitled and guaranteed a certain output, a certain “Y.” 

But guess what? 

That’s not how it works.

Here’s what you need to know. The idea that if we make sacrifices we’ll be rewarded is untrue. But as women 50 and better, we drank that Kool-Aid because that’s what our misguided puritanical society told us.

From an early age, we’re fed the lie that if we are good, work
hard enough, and make the sacrifices; if we do all those things that good girls
do, and check off the list of putting our spouse’s needs before our own; if we
focus on his goals and not our own goals, and we define ourselves as a couple
and not as an individual, then that means we get the payout of a comfortable
retirement, financial security, and a stable and comfortable marriage where we’ll grow old with
that person. 

But seeing that you’re reading this, you KNOW that’s not how your
algebra equation worked out. 

You KNOW that regardless of how many coins you put into the office
vending machine, and no matter how many times you pushed the E3 button for that
Snickers, and no matter how many times you pounded the machine when the little
whirly thing got stuck on the candy bar that wouldn’t drop, and no matter how
many times you stuck your hand in that little door at the bottom of the
machine… you didn’t get what you put into it. 

Your investment did not pay off. 

The algebra equation did not turn out. 

You were not rewarded for your sacrifices. 

Ta-Da! Your expectations were not met. 

Failed Expectations Reflect in Your Feelings

And how does that make you feel? 

Does it make you angry? Bitter? Does it make you feel like you got the short end of the stick? Or perhaps you feel like you were the latest victim in a Ponzi scheme and you’re too old to start over?

Have you caught yourself saying, “I did everything in that relationship and now I’m the one who has to start over, while that SOB is with his new girlfriend, or taking trips to Mexico, and I’m here alone just struggling to get by. I feel like I wasted the best years of my life. And I’m left with nothing at 50 and beyond.” 

And you know what? All of it is true. And all of your feelings are
valid. 

Great, you’re right. But now what? What do you do now?

Two Steps to Take Today to Let Go of Unmet Expectations

When your expectations haven’t been met, you’ve got two choices, and two choices ONLY. 

1. You can choose to remain in that space of feeling like you got screwed over with the divorce or breakup. You wouldn’t be wrong. It’s understandable, but it’s not going to get you anywhere. Or,
2. You can take it to the next level and DO something about it. Even at 50.

And no, I’m not saying you need to just put on a happy face and
fake that everything is fine. 

But here’s how you can start doing something about it. 

Step 1: Take a Full Survey of Everything You Still Have and Write It All Down

Do you have your health? Do you have any kind of income? Do you have a job? Do you have health insurance? Do you have a support system? Do you have a good therapist? Do you have a divorce coach?

Do you have interests or hobbies you would love to pursue but
haven’t had a chance to? Do you have goals and aspirations and dreams that are
yours alone that nobody can take from you? Write it all down. 

Step 2: Write Down EXACTLY What You Are Lacking

Where you would like to be in the areas you feel are lacking? Write that down without any mention of your ex.

For example, if you were expecting that you’d be on your ex’s
health insurance and you’re not, what can you do now to make sure you’re
covered? To whom can you reach out to help you figure that out?

If you were expecting to stay in your house, where you’ve lived
for the past 20 years, but you can’t swing the mortgage, what can you do to
find a housing situation that you can afford?

If you are going to have to go back to work when you thought you’d
retire in five years, what financial changes can you make (taking on a second
job, cutting down on expenses, etc.) to make sure you’ll still be okay? 

It’s a Mindset Shift

Here’s what we’re doing here. We’re shifting the mind frame from “not
getting what we expected,” to “taking ACTION and making sure that we’ll be
okay, regardless of age.” Doing so accomplishes a ton of good for us. 

We Are Not Helpless

It’s shaking us out of our learned helplessness, where we think we’re going to be stuck and miserable because our life circumstances changed.

We Are in Charge

It’s forcing us to get up and empower ourselves and let us be in charge of our own future.

It doesn’t matter if your life is now different than you expected.
That point is completely moot so it’s not even worth wasting your time thinking
about. You have too much work to do to keep ruminating on how thing didn’t
go. 

We Are Strong

It’s building the resilience we deserve and showing us how strong we really are, even if we don’t know it yet.

By shifting the focus on YOU, defining your future for yourself, and no longer relying on somebody who obviously wasn’t that dependable anyway, you get to take matters into your own hands. 

Because like it or not, you don’t have a choice. 

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What expectations for life and marriage did you have before you divorced? How do you feel about them now? What can you do to move on? Please share with our community using the box below.

As noted in my previous Sixty and Me blog, Original Medicare consists of Part A and Part B. This blog focuses on Part A which applies to inpatient hospital stays plus some other services.

Part A (Hospital Insurance) covers:

• Inpatient stays in a hospital
• Inpatient stays in a skilled nursing facility (not custodial or long-term care)
• Hospice care
• Home health care

Costs for Medicare Part A

Most of us won’t have premiums for Medicare Part A. Therefore, the only costs are deductibles, coinsurance or copayments.

Deductible

The amount paid for healthcare services or prescriptions before Medicare or other insurance plan pays.

Coinsurance

A percentage of the total cost for healthcare services after any deductibles.

Copayment

An amount paid before deductibles or coinsurance.

Inpatient Care in a Hospital

If you are in the hospital as an inpatient, Medicare covers the following:

• Semi-private room
• Meals
• General nursing
• Medications while in the hospital
• Other services and supplies

Costs not paid by Medicare are:

• Private room
• Private nursing
• Phone, television or internet access
• Personal care items like deodorant or slipper socks

Knowing if you’re an inpatient or an outpatient is essential when in the hospital. Sometimes you might be considered an outpatient because you’re in for observation or tests. Since Medicare pays inpatient and outpatient costs differently, make sure you ask about your inpatient/outpatient status.

Inpatient Care in a Skilled Nursing Facility

After a hospital stay of three days or longer, Medicare pays for 100 days or less of skilled nursing care in most cases. The covered services are:

• Semi-private room
• Meals
• Skilled nursing
• Therapy (e.g., physical)
• Medications while in the facility
• Other medically necessary services and supplies

Medicare generally does not cover the costs of assistance with daily activities like dressing or bathing unless received during a medically necessary stay in a skilled nursing facility.

Hospice Care

Hospice care for the terminally ill may be covered under Medicare Part A if a doctor confirms the patient has six months or less to live. Patients in Medicare-covered hospice receive comfort care only instead of services intended to extend life.

Covered services include:

• Pain and symptom management
• Medical, nursing and therapy services
• Aide and homemaker services
• Spiritual and grief counseling

Some additional details about hospice care:

Home Health Care

Medicare Part A may cover services at home if deemed medically necessary by a doctor or other sanctioned healthcare professional. Home healthcare services must be provided by a Medicare-approved agency.

Covered services include:

• Nursing care
• Therapy (e.g., physical)
• Part-time aides
• Durable medical equipment (e.g., hospital bed)
• Medical supplies

Medicare home care coverage usually does not include:

• Full-time (24-hour) care
• Meal delivery
• Household services not related to the care plan like shopping, laundry or cleaning
• Help with daily activities like dressing or bathing if that is the only care needed

You can learn more about Medicare Part A by checking out the Medicare website or downloading the latest Medicare and Me handbook. Also, look for my future blog posts on Sixty and Me for more valuable Medicare information. For an even deeper dive, check out my Medicare eBook at Cantissimo Senior Living.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What services have been covered for you under Medicare Part A? What haven’t been covered? Have you found Medicare Part A sufficient for your needs so far?

Tamra Judge’s Aztec Print Shacket on Her Instastories

Real Housewives of Orange County 2022 Instagram Fashion

We agree with Tamra Judge’s secret admirer here. Because even at her attempt to not be “hot” in her aztec print shacket she still is. And we can be too because it is still in stock and very affordable. Which means we need to shop it and then give it a nice warm welcome it into our shacket.

Sincerely Stylish,

Jess

Click Here to Shop Her Jacket on Amazon

Photo Credit: @tamrajudge

Originally posted at: Tamra Judge’s Aztec Print Shacket