When I was a little girl, my mother made my sister and I write thank-you notes to whoever gave us a gift, large or small, on our birthdays or for the Holidays. This from early on, when writing even one word was a laborious, tongue-biting experience.

We both hated it. We truly did not understand why we needed to write thank-you notes when we’d already thanked the person verbally. Not only that, but we were not allowed to write just any generic note either.

Mother was a stern (albeit loving) taskmaster. Each note had to be personalized to the individual who gave us the present and reflect something we particularly appreciated about the gift. I can still remember the anguish of such forced creativity!

The Power of Gratitude

And yet… my mother had been right. Gratitude is powerful. Science teaches us that gratitude tends to foster better, closer relationships. Gratitude, an appreciative attitude towards others, expressed verbally or otherwise, expands our social circles and makes it easier to make friends.

Even though my mother didn’t have any of the science to back up her insistence that we express our gratitude, she knew instinctively that it was good.

Take Kaye Koines, for example, who, at 86, volunteers – as she has for over 20 years – to read weekly to elementary schoolchildren. Kaye couldn’t fathom retirement without giving something back, even though she’d been giving to her community as a mental health worker for her entire working career.

Most importantly, Kaye says that although the children tell her that she gives so much, she feels they are giving so much more to her. Her gratitude to the children is immense. She reports feeling like a million dollars when she’s with them.

This is no great surprise: Kaye is benefiting from the physically and mentally invigorating and uplifting power of gratitude.  You see, gratitude is not only valuable as a social facilitator; it’s also tremendously good for our health.

Any time you express gratitude, sincerely and genuinely, you not only give a precious gift to others, you simultaneously offer yourself many gifts, not the least of which is improving your heart health and the quality and duration of your sleep.

Random Acts of Gratitude

I like to offer “random acts of gratitude.” I travel a lot for work, so I spend a fair amount of time in airports. The other day, I walked up to the boarding counter. A police officer sat nearby, surveilling the passengers hurrying to and fro, a frown firmly planted on his face.

I smiled and said to him, “Thank you for protecting us.” The frown disappeared, his face lit up – you would have thought I’d announced he’d won the lottery. “Thank YOU!” he said.

It’s so easy to express gratitude. It’s less a matter of the time it might take out of our already over-crowded lives, and more a matter of mindfulness.

How many times a day might you say “thank you” that you just don’t think to do so? Or, to come back to my mother’s approach, how often might you write a note to someone to express gratitude for something?

It doesn’t have to be for a gift, you can express your gratitude for anything and everything: the kindness someone showed you, the encouraging word they spoke, the insight they gave you.

Nowadays, you don’t even have to go through the gut-wrenching experience of good penmanship! Or finding decent notepaper, much less a stamp. Texts, emails, and emojis all make expressing our gratitude easy, quick, and simple.

My mother must be smiling in Heaven.

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Living solo is more common than most of us want to admit.

Over 25 percent of people over the age of 65 live alone in the United States and the statistic grows throughout the world. And in some U.S cities, the numbers swell to over 40 percent.

However, living solo doesn’t necessarily equate to having no family members, a partner or adult children. Simply put, it means we’re alone most of the time. For many single individuals, we celebrate the holidays and special events on our own.

Concerns and Considerations

In my elder orphan Facebook group, concern over loneliness during special events and occasions is often mentioned leading up to Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Yom Kippur, Yalda and Christmas. It seems most members face the dilemma of having no one with whom to share the day for the happiest and most important times.

Up for discussion are topics like not having someone to decorate with and cooking for one, or attending a faith-based event alone. Others raise issues like lack of transportation, joining in the festivities or feeling lonely and knowing others are with loved ones. Others share about giving to others.

While being alone feels like a burden to some, to others, it’s an enjoyment and a time to relish. I fall in between because I’ve learned to accept being alone, however, I have days – especially on my birthday, at Christmas and Thanksgiving – that I regret not having a family of my own.

How I handle my alone time during such times is to call a good friend or visit one. Being in the mix of company like my faith based community also alleviates the regret and sorrow.

Since I’m aging alone, it forces me to have an altered perspective from the one that society believes we should have. So, I’ve learned to accept solitude as my friend, not something to run away from.

Suggestions and Plans

That’s my take, but for others, solitude differs and rarely feels like a blessing or welcomed space. However, since my work dwells in the aging industry, I have the privilege to connect and tune in to the trained advice of professionals.

If you have trouble accepting the circumstances of being single or alone during special occasions, the Seniorcare.com Aging Council proposes suggestions and plans to help alleviate loneliness:

Harsh Wanigaratne with Speedsta, points to a study by Professor Michael Granof at the University of Austin which showed the 2010 median income of women 65+ is $15,000 and men 65+ is $25,000. Wanigaratne believes having a strategy where distanced family members or friends can “crowdfund” and contribute to their loved one’s activities, transportation or other events is a wonderful way for older adults to stretch their income and enjoy holiday events.

You can connect with non-profits because they often have a big need for volunteers to assist in holiday projects like toy collections, food banks, and food kitchens. Another possibility, invite neighbors to create a friendly gathering.

Admond Fong with SeniorProviders.com believes technology bridges the gap of feeling alone. Use Skype or FaceTime to connect with other individuals spending the day without companionship. Remain connected to the local community – reach out to a hospice organization or the Area Agency on aging to find out who needs a friend that day.

Kaye Swain with SandwichINK.com, recommends writing cards and letters and sending to young children or elderly folks who have no family. It’s a nice gesture if you enclose a self-addressed stamped envelope and paper for them to write you back. Some of the closest and long-lasting relationship develop during this time of year. Offer a friend or neighbor to take care of their housebroken pet, which can keep you company.

Kathy Birkett with SeniorCareCorner.com, suggests using FaceTime or Skype as a tool for virtual tours to share and show your home’s holiday decor! Grandkids living at a distance enjoy the connection and seeing a grandparent’s tree lights and decorations.

About 25 percent of family caregivers are caring from long distance, facing a unique set of challenges. Those that are far away from their parents or other older family members should make sure they stay connected during the holiday season, whether through a phone conversation, email or video conference.

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There’s one thing most people can’t live without because it makes them feel refreshed and wide awake. I’m talking about caffeine, which I myself love to sip on. But did you know caffeine can do more than just give you a jolt of energy? When packed into a skincare product, it can help reduce puffiness. The under-eye area is especially prone to this concern whenever fluid builds up beneath the skin. It could be due to allergies, genetics, a late night out on the town, binge-watching K-dramas until the early morning and the list goes on. Luckily, you’re not doomed to swollen under eyes thanks to The INKEY List’s Caffeine Eye Cream. 

This lightweight cream targets puffiness, dark circles and fine lines under your eyes. Caffeine assists in reducing fluid retention, while Matrixyl 3000 peptide promotes collagen production (translation: it smooths fine lines). Albizia Julibrissin Bark Extract (which comes from Persian silk tree bark) works to make your under eyes look extra refreshed. 

So if your under eyes could use a pick-me-up, don’t reach for anything but the Caffeine Eye Cream. One shopper wrote, “Really makes my eyes look like I’ve had a good night’s sleep!” 

Essentially, this depuffing product is like a cup of joe for your under eyes. Shop it for only $8 with StyleCasters exclusive sale code, STYLECASTER20. When you add it at checkout, you’ll be able to save 20 percent on the best-seller.

RELATED: Reviewers Are ‘Shocked’ By How Fast This Growth Oil Transformed Their ‘Short, Brittle Lashes’—& It’s Down to $13

Photo: The INKEY List.

You might be impatient to get rid of puffiness, dark circles and wrinkles around your eyes, which is why this cream is perfect for you. According to the brand, you could start to see visible results in as little as two weeks. Full results take six weeks, but it’s well worth the wait.

In fact, one shopper said they noticed results even quicker. They wrote, “Love this eye cream. Very good price. Visibly reduced dark circles in a week. Definitely recommend.”

Another reviewer wrote, “I have tried many eye creams and gels, but this is the best. I have dark circles and eye bags… this gets rid of both! Brilliant stuff which I buy on repeat (and now also for my daughter!).”

Apply the eye cream in both the morning and evening on a daily basis. This step should come after you’ve cleansed and applied serums. Be sure to use your ring finger and keep your movements nice and gentle, since this area is super delicate. 

The brand also has a pro tip that’ll enhance the product’s cooling effects. It’s simple: Toss the Caffeine Eye Cream into the fridge for 30 minutes prior to application. Who doesn’t want to feel like they’re at the spa when they’re applying this product?

Give your eyes the T.L.C. it deserves by adding The INKEY List’s Caffeine Eye Cream to your arsenal. Make sure you scoop it up before the sale code expires.

Caregivers are angels walking on earth. They are tireless in their devotion and committed to doing whatever it takes to make sure those they love are safe, protected and supported.

This deep sense of commitment can carry with it a need to be perfect with no room for error or anything less than super-hero qualities. Caregivers often set themselves up with unreachable goals and unrealistic expectations.

However, to err is to be human and to be overwhelmed and exhausted is caregiving at its best.

Unrealistic Expectations Can Trigger Guilt

Sadly, often caregivers refuse to allow themselves to be human and have no patience for themselves when they aren’t perfect. When caregivers feel they can’t do it all alone, they feel guilty about asking for help, guilty about making the wrong decisions, guilty about the amount and quality of the time they give to their loved ones and then feel guilty about feeling guilty.

By allowing ourselves to be human and finding satisfaction with our personal best, we have less need to feel guilty and more opportunities to feel good about ourselves.

We must remember that it’s progress, not perfection we are working towards and that the secret of serenity lies in the ability to be as kind to ourselves as we are to those we care for. By acknowledging we are always moving forward and doing the very best we can we are stronger and healthier. Our hearts are fuller, our bodies rested and we are stronger to meet the daily challenges we face.

To that end, I developed and used the following strategies to soothe and comfort myself when I was feeling that my best wasn’t good enough, when I found myself feeling guilty about the job I was doing and how I was doing it. Try these strategies for some guilt-free living!

No Isolation Allowed

Do not stay by yourself in your own head. By keeping your thoughts to yourself you are staying behind enemy lines! When we listen to the judge and jury in our heads that puts us down and questions every move we make, we are asking for trouble.

Pay attention to the negative comments going on in your mind especially when you are hungry, angry, lonely or tired and realize that it’s time to reach out and connect with someone else. Get feedback and support.

Open up and share what you are feeling and what you are going through. Seek out other caregivers or caregiver groups in your community. The Alzheimer’s Association is always a great place to find help and connection. Talking to someone you trust will give you a new perspective.

Get Up and Get Out!

When guilt starts to settle in, get moving! You need a break. Period. Find a way to take a walk, exercise, have a cup of coffee with a friend, or if possible pick one of your favorite hobbies and enjoy it even for 15 minutes.

If you have the time, get a manicure, do some shopping, take a brisk walk. Shake the guilt up by refusing to sit and ruminate about it. Grab some “me time” to recharge. Distract yourself and engage in something that makes you feel good.

Stop Beating Yourself Up

There are millions of reasons why we beat ourselves up. Everyone does it from time to time but caregivers seem to have a special club membership! Of all people! If you are beating yourself up, stop it! The acts of kindness, love, and concern for another’s life and welfare you display make you a miracle worker.

Give yourself a break and end the self-criticism. You are enough, you have enough, you do enough! Make a list of three great qualities you have that make you special and help you be the accomplished caregiver that you are.

Put the list somewhere you can see it easily and look at it often to remind you how precious you are.

Let the Guilt Go!

Treat yourself as you would a friend. Try and see all the extraordinary service you give to your loved ones. Make a list at the end of the day of all the things you accomplished and situations you handled with grace and efficiency.

Remind yourself you are doing the best you can all day, every day. Praise and acknowledge yourself as you would a friend who needs cheering up. Look in the mirror and see an angel of mercy and caring. Tell that angel how wonderful you are! Guilt be gone!

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I’d love your feedback about this difficult feeling. Do you feel guilty sometimes as a caregiver? What tactics do you use to get rid of feeling guilty? How do you stop the habit of beating yourself up? Please join the conversation.

Did you know that the amount of time that today’s children spend playing is far less than the amount of time we spent playing?

How can that be with all the overwhelmed young mothers who seem to spend their time running their children from one event to the next? And at home there is an increase in screen time. Meanwhile, in our schools there is a decline in recesses.

Altogether, this means there is an overall decline in unsupervised play.

The Value of Outdoor Play

From time to time my husband Chuck and I reminisce about our childhood experiences and find ourselves comparing them to those of our grandchildren. The experience that we feel is the most different is playing outdoors.

Neither of us would trade our experiences with our grandchildren’s. Not only do we see fewer children playing outdoors, but we also see that those who do are almost always involved in some sort of competitive, adult-supervised play.

We feel that outdoor play is important to the development of children, but we also think that unsupervised play is equally important as well.

When we attended the Type-A Parents Blogging Conference, we found we are not alone in our beliefs. Researchers say that free play significantly improves kids’ problem-solving skills. Play is also one of the best ways to stimulate children’s brain development. Active kids are more likely to be active adults.

Play Is an Important Part of a Child’s Life

My husband Chuck likes to talk about the traditional pick-up game and how he feels it helped him develop into an independent adult. I wrote an earlier blog which described his experience. You can find it here.

I, on the other hand, remember my sister Pam’s imaginary world of playing house. We used a stick to draw our homes in the dirt road driveway leading down to our home.

Many of us in the neighbourhood liked to play down in the woods behind our houses. We built forts and dammed the stream back there. Those were wonderful days, and there wasn’t an adult in sight for hours at a time.

At the Conference I was introduced to a movement called, The Genius of Play. This is a national movement whose mission is to give families the information and inspiration to make play an important part of every child’s day.

Their research says that play is more than fun and games, that it is essential for child development. Their mission is to “give families the information and inspiration needed to make play an important part of every child’s life.” It provides advice, play tips, and ideas based on a kid’s age and developmental stages.

The Genius of Play and the other groups feel that there are six key benefits of play that are crucial to healthy child development.

Play Improves Cognitive Abilities

There are studies that show that a correlation between outdoor play and a reduction in ADHD symptoms. Outdoor play requires children to use their brains in unique ways. Also, it helps them to incorporate concepts learned in the classroom.

They may have learned about the parts of an insect in school, but in the outdoors they can study an insect up close by themselves and experience it in a hands-on way where they can see and touch, bringing to life the lesson they learned at their school.

My daughters used to bring me roly polys and would also let the little green lizards bite their earlobes and wear them as earrings until they let go. Scientists tell us that outdoor play also decreases anxiety.

Play Hones Communication Skills

Unstructured play helps with honing our communication skills. Not everyone can be chosen first nor can everyone go first on the slide. Kids who participate in unstructured play with each other learn these communication and behavioural skills on the playground. They also learn to modify and enforce their own rules.

Chuck and I both were involved in unstructured, unsupervised play. His story about the pick-up game you heard about earlier. Mine, though, was in a big field across the road from my home. It was surrounded with houses, as we lived at the edge of a small town. Kids from the houses met in that field and played football, baseball, or whatever was in season. As a girl, I loved football best. I think it had something to do with getting tackled by the boys.

Play Increases Creativity

Outdoor play helps children use all their senses, such as insects to see, rustling leaves to hear, fresh mown grass to smell, rabbit weed to taste and acorns to touch and throw. Television only gives them hearing and seeing, and it can seriously affect their perceptual abilities.

Playing outdoors provides opportunities for imaginative play. For example, children invent things like Pam and I used to do with the imaginary houses we created. And it was dirt that presented limitless opportunities to invent our world as we pleased. An activity like biking develops self-confidence and satisfies one’s exploratory interest.

Play Increases the Ability to Process and Express Emotions

Remember how excited we all got when someone made a touchdown or someone jumped across a wide ditch? Well, this is how we learned to process and express our emotions. We were challenged by the other kids; and that was a good thing, because we learned how to cope.

Play Develops Physical Skills

Did you know that children who play outdoors have better distance vision? A study by Optometry and Vision Science found this to be true. Also, outside play is relaxing and destressing for children. Research shows that third graders who get 15 plus minutes of recess a day are better behaved in school.

Playing outdoors also helps kids develop muscle strength and coordination. For example, the simple act of swinging requires a child to engage all their muscles to hold on, balance and coordinate their body to move back and forth. Skating requires balance, too.

Play Enhances Social Skills

Outdoor play requires kids to learn to get along with each other. Unchaperoned play requires it, too. It also helps kids gain self-confidence. Children invent rules and negotiate their way through play. This increases their creativity, intelligence, and negotiation skills – all social skills that we need to function in society.

I would like to add a seventh benefit:

Play in the Outdoors Develops Good Health

Lots of children suffer from vitamin D deficiencies per the American Academy of Pediatrics. This vitamin is important to future bone and heart health, but too much sun is a problem as well. My mother and I both made our kids come in during the hours of 10-2 p.m. Florida gets quite hot during the middle of the day anyway.

But children need to play outdoors without sunscreen for some part of the day, and I don’t remember using sunscreen as a child at all unless we were swimming or out all day on the beach. I can remember playing outdoors without my shirt until I got to be about six or seven years old. I believe outdoor play for children is vital to their good health.

So, grandmothers, encourage your children to read this. They need to understand that unstructured play is as important as school and adult-supervised sports.

Kay Redfield Jamison, a psychologist, noted for her work on bi-polar disorder, says it best, “Children need the freedom and time to play. Play is not a luxury. Play is a necessity.”

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Let’s Have a Conversation:

Do you think that unstructured play is important for young children? What unsupervised games did you play as a young child? Do you think children’s lives these days are too focused on supervised play? We look forward to reading your comments.