Those of
us 60 years and older live with the sobering knowledge that sometimes the sky
really does fall. There are plenty of Chicken Littles running around, frantic
about a crisis at work or a broken automobile, but let’s be clear.

The very
real challenges of everyday life have little in common with the profound,
life-altering crises of lost loved ones, serious injury, severe illness, or
betrayal. Daily trials may cause sleepless nights, but by our age, few of us
have escaped being tasered by something huge that leaves us changed forever.

People
react differently to crises. My husband has to stay busy – no sitting in the hospital chair holding a hand or drinking tea.
He survives by doing what he thinks needs to be done, which involves everything
from gassing up the car to repairing the screen door.

In
reaction to her mother’s murder, a woman I know coped by eating ice cream and
watching funny movies.

Different People, Different Hurt, Different Solace

Like
Forest Gump, some people start running, and like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz,
some build a fantasy world to buffer the hurt. Some, having faced unimaginable
tragedy, become tireless activists and advocates and work to help others
confront or avoid the heartbreak that shattered their world.

Some
cocoon themselves in the arms of friends. Some walk alone into the desert to
feel the solitude and the burn of the sun. Some go to church and stay there.

What can
possibly sustain us when every waking moment is consumed by the heat of physical
or emotional pain, or by worry or regret? This seems to be a particularly
relevant conversation for our 60-plus community. While tragedy can come at any
time, the earth beneath our feet gets less firm as we age.

Prayer, Poetry, and the Garden

Most all
of us will credit family and friends with helping to pull us through. But
there’s a deep personal place only we can reach. It’s in that terrible cavern
we must mix whatever elixir we can conjure to cover the wound.

When my
world crashed, I was sustained by three things: prayer, poetry, and the garden.
There’s nothing to fuel prayer like a crisis, and whether or not you’re
religious or spiritually oriented, reaching upward and asking for whatever help
might be available is a natural reaction.

But the
solace of poetry might surprise you. Poetry may not turn out to be salve for
your soul, but it has been for mine, so I encourage you to at least give it a
try. For those seeking support, grace, and solace, I suggest starting with the poetry of
the late and incomparable Mary Oliver.

For those
who garden, the notion that it can save your life will be no surprise. No
matter what the hurt or fear, being in the garden soothes.

Pulling
weeds, humming, talking to the plants, looking at the clouds, listening to the
birds, smelling the earth – it’s as
though nature meditates through us and only requires that we show up and be
still for a while.

The late
poet May Sarton wrote beautifully of the comfort of the garden in her Journal of a Solitude:

“Everything that
slows us down and forces patience, everything that sets us back into the slow
circles of nature, is a help. Gardening is an instrument of grace.”

Coping with the Change

Life-altering
crises come in different packages, but all change us. When the sky falls and
the earth convulses in seismic shifting, we must find some way to survive it
and rebuild.

Surviving
does not mean forgetting. It doesn’t mean things will ever be the same. But
maybe, by sharing what has sustained us through our tragedy, we can help one
another.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What event
made the sky fall for you? How did you manage in the aftermath? What helped you
cope with your new reality? Do you have a favorite poet where you seek solace?
Let’s begin a discussion.

We can be sailing along just fine – independent, self-contained, pursuing our own interests, plenty of friends, regular contact with family members – and then boom! – the holidays come upon us and we feel like our ship starts to sink.

There are sparkly lights and jolly decorations everywhere. Holiday music is being blared in whatever public place we enter.

Everywhere, the billboards, magazine covers, window displays and television commercials say to us, “See? See the happy families? The homes full of happy people? The warm gatherings of good friends? The wealth being liberally distributed by everybody? Except, um, you?”

And you start feeling financially constricted and alone. You feel that you are not keeping up with ‘everybody else.’

When you live alone, these sinking feelings can really pull you down. After all, there is no one in your home to join you in hanging ornaments on your tree or putting up your outdoor lights.

There is no one with you in the kitchen decorating cookies. There is no one to share a milk punch by the last light of the fire before you go to bed. At home, you are not part of ‘a gathering,’ as the world is telling you that you should be.

During the holidays, moments of loneliness that otherwise would be fleeting can take on extra strength.

In these days of stretched-out pandemic, political issues, wars around the world and tragic shootings, the collective angst adds an extra layer of stress to the isolation we can feel. The holidays that are upon us could be our worst ever as far as loneliness goes.

Along with you, I’ve watched the awful news reports about politics, war, terrorism and natural disasters. Along with you, I’ve felt true despair about what’s going on in the world, and I’ve wished I could do something about it all.

But of course, I can’t. So I’ve decided to concentrate on one thing that I can help with, and that’s loneliness, especially during the holidays.

Many studies have confirmed that loneliness is not only distressing, it’s damaging to a person’s health and longevity.

The late John Cacioppo, who worked as a neuroscientist at the University of Chicago, had said that the effect of social isolation on health and mortality is comparable to high blood pressure, obesity, lack of exercise or smoking. 

According to Gary J. Kennedy, M.D., social isolation results in a lack of mental stimulation which increases the risk of dementia.

Here are some ways you can alleviate loneliness, especially if you live alone:

Accept Invitations from Others

I’m sure you’ve heard the age-old advice, “If you’re lonely, never say no to an invitation.” That’s pretty good thinking. People do tend to stop asking if you keep saying no, so say yes as much as you can.

Host Your Own Get-Togethers

Or, how about hosting your own soiree? There’s nothing quite like preparing for a group of friends or family who’re going to come to your home. Somehow, your house feels more welcoming when you know people are coming.

And, at the end of an evening that’s filled with laughter and conversation, shared food, wine, and convivial spirits, the presence of these friends will linger in your home along with new good memories and warm feelings, for some time.

Reach Out and Touch Your Neighbors

Bake a batch of cookies or candy and wrap up small parcels for your next-door neighbors, the family across the street, your gardener, your housecleaner. It feels good – and yes, somehow less lonely, to be industrious and giving, and to send good food and good wishes out into the world.

Consider Seeking Out a Roommate

You don’t have to commit to the idea right on the spot, but you can open the door to thinking about it. Seek out others who might be looking to live in a shared home. Talk with them online, or meet with them in person.

You don’t have to say, “I’m definitely looking for a roommate,” but rather, “I’m considering living with a roommate. Would you like to get together to talk about the idea? I’d value learning what you know and what you’ve considered in the way of sharing a home. I want to investigate the idea further.”

You can seek out and connect with potential roommates on sites like Senior Home Shares, SilverNest and others.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

If you live by yourself, do the holidays tend to make you feel alone and lonely? Have you ever considered living with a roommate? Please share your thoughts and concerns about this possibility in the comments below.

Maxims of life advice distinctly seem to contradict each other. I
keep trying to sort out which recommendations to follow.

• Should I control my own destiny, or if it’s meant to be, it will happen?
• Should I face my fears, or remember that fools rush in where angels fear to tread?
• Should I reach for the stars, or be careful what I wish for?
• I know I’m not getting any younger, but I also know patience is a virtue.
• Is it really now or never, or do good things come to those who wait?
• Is anything worth having worth fighting for, or maybe I should stop acting as if I’m trying too hard?
• Does God help those who help themselves, or does He work in mysterious ways?

So, where does that leave us as we start thinking about the New
Year and quaint concepts like setting goals and making resolutions? In my case,
confused.

Deciphering the Signs

Many of us look for signs. If they don’t appear on their own, we
contrive them, noticing a rainbow in the sky or a lucky penny on the ground
signaling the timing is good to act on something we’ve been questioning.

When we don’t want to take action, often we fall back on that “If
it’s meant to be….” quote. But when we’re successful at reaching a goal, we
tend to attribute it to our diligent persistence and profess that our fate is
in our own hands.

Making Your Own Path

I’m partial to believing that we have some control over outcomes.
In my life, for example, after college, I turned down an acceptance to
Northwestern University’s graduate journalism school, preferring instead to
look for work as a writer.

This was shortly after Woodward and Bernstein got young people
excited about investigative reporting, so journalism posts were highly
competitive. After a short search, I accepted a job as a secretary.

The following year, I reapplied to Northwestern – and received a rejection. That really dampened my plans about becoming
a writer and, to reference another cliché, I was not about to take that lying
down.

I called the dean, who did not say anything I wanted to hear, such
as the school had made a terrible error and of course I was welcome to enroll.
But he handed me one lifeline. He suggested I send him a letter explaining why
I should be admitted.

I labored on this assignment for days, writing and rewriting, and
mailed out my three-page “appeal” detailing my year’s growth as a writer and
enlightened human being.

It worked. By the following June I had my graduate degree, which
not only opened all sorts of professional doors but also brought me to Chicago,
where I married a local boy and have lived ever since.

My career, marriage and permanent location – in other words, my entire life – was shaped
by that one effort. I could more easily have said, “If it were meant to be, I
would have been accepted,” and left it at that.

Sometimes We Have No Control

But while other pivotal life moments, too, came to pass because of
my actions and sheer will, I can count just as many major life-changers that
seemed to come out of nowhere – as if,
indeed, they were meant to be. The fact that my first child owes her birth to a
failed IUD is only one of them.

For me, “Be careful what you wish for” is good advice, because a
lot of seemingly unfavorable events turn out great. For instance, I “wished” to
keep my very first editing job even though I wasn’t crazy about it, but I was
fired rather quickly. I was crushed!

Yet being available to look for a new position led me to a trade magazine where I thrived. When the previously mentioned IUD failed, and I started raising a family, the editor of that magazine offered to let me work at home on a freelance basis. Now, over 40 years later, the magazine still provides freelance work for me.

The Best of Both Worlds

I suppose the best we can do is cover all our bases – set goals for the New Year and pursue them with robust intent,
but not get so distracted that we miss something that simply pops up.

Perhaps the wisest quote in this category is: “Opportunity knocks
just once.” Stay vigilant and jump on the potentially good things that cross
our paths.

There’s still one more saying to consider. It aptly sorts through
the confusion and is so popular that it’s frequently embroidered. My mother had
it hanging in our dining room:

Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can, and Wisdom to know the difference.

Happy Holidays
to the Sixty and Me community!

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Which
clichés do you catch yourself to use the most? How do you handle them? Do you
prefer to make your own path in the world, or do you wait for something grand
to happen in your life? Please share your thoughts in the comments below!

Lisa Barlow’s Neon Green Satin Blouse and Studded Bag in San Diego

Real Housewives of Salt Lake City Season 3 Episode 10 Fashion

I love how Lisa Barlow decided to add a nice twist of lime to her Vida Tequila luau party look here in San Diego on this week’s RHOLSC with her neon green satin blouse and studded bag. And paired with her cool embellished jeans? Just bartender’s chef’s kiss.

Fashionably,

Faryn

Click Here to Shop Her Frame Blouse in Many Colours

Click Here For Additional Stock on Sale

Click Here to See Her Valentino Bag

Originally posted at: Lisa Barlow’s Neon Green Satin Blouse and Studded Bag

If you purchase an independently reviewed product or service through a link on our website, STYLECASTER may receive an affiliate commission.

You’ve probably heard me go on and on about my oily skin (sorry not sorry). It just means I’m always on the lookout for products that prevent me from shining like a disco ball. One recent find, the $5 TikTok-viral Brighten Up! Banana Powder from essence, has been an absolute favorite—but now, the video-sharing platform has helped me discover yet another mattifying product that’s available on Amazon.

Everything beauty guru Mikayla Nogueira touches turns to gold, or in shopping terms, sells out. So when there’s a product she’s endorsed that hasn’t been swept off the shelves yet (and also so happens to be on sale for 15 percent off on Amazon, it’s a good day. Grab your own while it’s discounted from $40 to $34, and be sure to sign up for a Prime membership or a free 30-day trial if you haven’t already.

Mikayla recently got Mally Beauty’s Poreless Face Defender trending, with her TikTok try-on amassing a very impressive 12 million views.

@mikaylanogueira

But honestly I’d prob just use a blotting sheet or roller if I needed! 😀 @TheBeautyRadar #makeup #beauty

♬ original sound – Mikayla Nogueira

The TikToker explains how she doesn’t like using face powders because she has dry skin (which can be more prone to a cakey look post-powder). Even as someone who has oily skin, I can relate. When in doubt and regardless of your skin type, reach for the Poreless Face Defender, a balm that provides a long-lasting matte finish on the complexion. Blush and bronzer balms are having a moment, which convinces me that this formula might be worth a try.

This mattifying balm is the perfect alternative to primer and powder, as you can dab it on before your makeup to prep your skin or after your makeup to lock it in place. If you’re going for more of an au naturale look, simply apply it over your bare skin to vanish any oiliness. We love a good multitasking moment!

Mally Beauty’s Poreless Face Defender is no joke and neither are the results shown in Mikayla’s TikTok that has shoppers beelining straight to Amazon. Shop the magical balm for 15 percent off and let your oily skin worries fade away.

RELATED: TikTokers Say This $5 Mattifying Powder Makes Their Skin Look Like ‘Facetune in Real Life’ & It’s Selling Out 

Photo: Mally Beauty.

The Poreless Face Defender is sheer and weightless and gives you that blurred, airbrushed effect. Your pores that are looking a bit larger than desired? Gone. The layer of a not-so-ideal shine coating your face after a couple of hours? Also gone. This product keeps your skin fresh and flawless rather than cakey and dry.

Gently pat the lightweight, translucent formula all over your face, making sure to avoid swiping and rubbing the product on, since that’ll only move around the existing oils and makeup on your skin’s surface. Here’s a pro tip from the brand: Pat the balm around the edges of your lip to stop your lipstick from budging, or apply it over your lipstick to mattify. 

Of course, anything Mikayla loves, shoppers are also going to adore.

“I use it on my T-Zone and it makes my makeup shine-free all day! Seriously! When I get home my makeup still looks pretty darn good after a 10-hour work day,” raved one five-star reviewer. “I haven’t even used my compact powder or loose powder since I started using this.”

“This has seriously changed my life! I have such oily skin no matter how much mattifying primer, powder and spray I use,” wrote another shopper. “With this, I put it lightly under my makeup and lightly over and it stays matte all day! If I do get oily, I just pat a little over my face and I’m good to go. It’s completely sheer, it doesn’t cake, it doesn’t dry you out.”

Mikayla’s try-on mixed with the glowing shopper reviews are all you need to add Mally Beauty’s Poreless Face Defender to your Amazon cart. Apply it whenever you do your makeup and throw it in your bag for quick touch-ups throughout the day. Before you know it, you won’t be able to leave the house without it.