Being an abandoned mom is more widespread than most people think. When asked about estranged children (parents, or family members), we are put in the awkward position of what to say. Saying too much, not saying enough, or lying can bring up all sorts of questions or guilt, added to how you already feel about this emotional situation.

It’s helpful to figure out what you will say ahead of this question being posed to you. When you’ve rehearsed what you could say, you’re ready when the question comes out of the blue. Your brain will help you by reminding you of your rehearsed answer. We do have options to choose how to answer this question.

Open-Up and Tell the Whole Story

Share incidents that may have caused the division and details of how long it’s been since you’ve been in touch. In doing so be sure you’re ready for intense questions that come back to you from curious people!

Some people related that when sharing details, those who ask, don’t know what to say, and end up giving them the cold shoulder. They may have drawn false conclusions that something must be wrong with you if your kids don’t talk to you now. You must have done something bad.

You could experience this reaction so be ready for the pain it could bring. First, the rejection from the child, then the rejection from those you thought would comfort you.

I have a friend who does this. She shares the whole story, stating that each time she does, she feels better, even if others don’t know what to say back to her. For her, it helps her continue to realize the reality of the estrangement. She has made sharing more about her own mental health, than about the other’s reaction.

Lie and Say Everything’s Just Fine

This does get the person off your radar. They move on to other topics. But do we feel right that we just lied? Maybe. The heart is already hurting and getting the heat off the question feels better.

I don’t advocate this one. Mostly because lying about anything isn’t the path I would want. There are choices you have in answering people, and the choices you make are your personal decision.

Give a Bird’s Eye View of the Child’s Life

“They live in Minnesota, just bought a home, and have a new puppy.” These details need to be honest things you have learned from their friends, other family members or from Facebook. Follow up this bird’s eye view with deflection.

Deflect the conversation by switching it to them or something else. “How’s your son Mark doing?” “What great veggies did you get from your garden this year?” People love talking about themselves and talking about their kids who are succeeding. You have answered their question to the best of your ability and now moved on to something in their world.

Deflecting is a skill for many personal conversations we encounter in life. Whenever someone crosses over into something personal to you, turn it around quickly to something about them.

Briefly Tell Them That You Are Not in Contact and Aren’t Ready to Talk About It

In the syndicated column called Ask Carolyn, she offered this to say to a mom who wanted to know what to do when someone asks about her estranged daughter: “Sadly, my daughter has estranged herself from the family.” Then follow up with, “I’m not ready to share more than that.”

Carolyn goes on to say that negative reactions from people help you weed out those who are not sincere friends to you.

If You Are an Abandoned Parent, Work on Forgiving Yourself

There is no perfect parent. In reflection, I made so many mistakes! I remember a therapist saying to me, the statute of limitations is past for that. You can’t keep bringing your parenting mistakes into the present.

I needed to get to a place of forgiving myself for painful perceived mistakes I made in the parenting job. I try to live this quote, “Don’t let yesterday take up too much of today.”

Try Not to Isolate

If you can, invite new friends and experiences into your life. Keep life exciting in small or big ways. Living under guilt or shame of a child’s estrangement can seep the joy out of the present.

Let Joy Balance the Pain in Your Life

Think about this tip in 50+ Life online magazine. “Nonstop suffering will not bring reconciliation with your adult child, and it certainly impairs the quality of your life. Allow love, fun, and joy into your life – to soothe and strengthen you.”

Below are a few resources that you may want to check out. Be sure that support groups truly support rather than do harm by amplifying agony, fear, or pain. As in any situation, carefully choose your support.

• ·        Meetup – Estrangement
• ·        P.E.A.C. International
• ·        Rejected Parents

Let’s Have a Conversation:

How do you respond to questions about your estranged adult child? Are you healing over estrangement? Do you have suggestions that would help others heal? What are some of the things you do to feel joy even though you have pain?

The road after 60 can get a little bumpy. To make it a smoother journey, you will want to shift from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset.

This involves changing beliefs about how things are supposed to work.

But how do you do this if you are convinced life works a certain way and believe making positive changes after 60 is not practical or feasible?

In this article, and the accompanying video, you are going to learn how to train your mind for self-satisfaction and happiness by developing a growth mindset after 60.

What Is a Growth Mindset?

A growth mindset looks at life through an open mind and lives through an open heart.

The voice of a growth mindset is your true, authentic self. It encourages you to learn new things and explore life without limits.

A person with a growth mindset understands beliefs and behaviors that worked at one point in life do not hold true forever.

Rather than shy away from fear of failure and resisting change, a growth mindset sees gifts in the unknown.

Tap into Your Feelings

To develop a growth mindset at any age, especially after 60, requires rewriting the rules and stories of how you were told things are supposed to be.

Take for instance, how many in our generation were taught to dismiss our feelings and emotions, and instead focus on the facts of reality. Yet is it not our feelings and emotions that help shape our reality?

Another limiting belief that gets in the way of a growth mindset is the one that tells us daydreaming is akin to being lazy. As we grew into adults, constant activity was valued over imagination and being curious could get us into trouble.

A simple way of developing a growth mindset after 60 is to shift from fixating on outcomes you believe can only be achieved one way or not achievable at all. This means opening yourself to a new way of being, doing, and having your desires met.

One powerful method for this is taking time to daydream by placing your focus on the feelings of what you want to happen.

How does this look in your daily life?

1. First, make a choice not to get caught up in the details and effort required to accomplish everything on your daily to-do list.
2. Take ample time to tap into your feelings as they relate to getting things done, even before your desires are accomplished.
3. Regularly check in with yourself and ask, “How am I feeling?”

Enjoying the emotions of your desires being fulfilled before they appear in your physical reality fuels your joy for life. It opens you up to appreciate where you are and replaces your focus on what you don’t have.

This process has been scientifically proven to not only alter your inner emotions but also change your outer reality.

Tell It Like It Is

It is common to feel overwhelmed or anxious about accomplishing things. When this occurs, most people get even busier with their actions.

Developing a growth mindset requires less physical activity and more contemplative inner processing. Take ample time each day to close your eyes and immerse yourself in the emotions and feelings of living your desires in the now of nows.  

This is not easy at first if you have a fixed perception of reality. Over the years, you may have found yourself saying, “I tell it like it is and not how I wish it was.”

If you are not living life the way you want, telling it like it is ensures your life either stays the same or becomes increasingly more stressful.

Visualize to Realize

To realize your desires into reality you have to first visualize them. That is why a key to developing a growth mindset is using your imagination to visualize your desires into existence.

Let’s say there is a dream destination you have always wanted to visit. Perhaps going there physically is not possible after 60.

But that doesn’t prevent you from reading about your dream vacation, watching videos about it, and even planning out your trip in a journal.

Studies and research have proven time and again, the mind and body cannot distinguish the differences between something that happened in physical reality or in the mind.

According to Alia Crum, an assistant professor of psychology and director of the Stanford Mind and Body Lab, “Our minds aren’t passive observers, simply perceiving reality as it is. Our minds actually change reality.”

She goes on to say, “It’s essential to recognize mindsets are not peripheral, but central to health and behavior. If we truly want to tackle the diseases and crises of our time, we need to effectively acknowledge and leverage the power of mindset.”

Change Your Beliefs, Change Your Results

A growth mindset is developed by making alterations to your beliefs in the present moment, not when things appear to be working in your favor.

For example, if you feel frustrated by a lack of results, question your beliefs about how you think things should be done to have what you want.

From there, use the power of your imagination to create a new and easier path to your desires. This will place you on the fast track to living a more fulfilling and exciting life after 60.

I invite you join me in the companion video for this article. I will share additional insights on how to begin shifting into a growth mindset.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Do you use your mindset to change your reality? How? What results have you seen by switching your mindset? What would you like your reality to look like if it’s not satisfactory at the moment?

If you purchase an independently reviewed product or service through a link on our website, STYLECASTER may receive an affiliate commission.

Not to be all boring and talk about the weather, but winter truly is the time to up your hydrating skincare game. Products like hyaluronic acid serums, lip salves and ultra-nourishing creams are bound to be your staples, which is why it’s smart to begin stocking up now before cracks, redness and irritation hit your skin. Luckily, you’ve come to the right place—we’ve got all the intel on what picks should be entering your regimen, stat. 

Next to Dermelect’s Savior Skin, a balm that has up to 28 different uses, we’d recommend grabbing the brand’s Rapid Repair Moisturizer. The thirst-quenching formula was made for those with fickle skin—think dry patches from the slightest wind gust, redness from too much retinol. Per the brand, the cream was specifically made for use on the “most sensitive skin types,” meaning it contains super calming ingredients that only leave the face softer and less inflamed with every application. It also can be applied before makeup, because it goes on effortlessly without leaving behind a residue or film on the skin.

Dermelect

Dermelect Rapid Repair Moisturizer

Ingredients like azulene, a blue-colored antioxidant-rich and anti-inflammatory additive, soothes and calms troubled areas, while chamomile and avocado surge the skin with hydration. But the cream’s benefits don’t just stop at strengthening the moisture barrier and tackling dry patches—the inclusion of hydrolyzed collagen makes the formula age-defying, too. With continued use, the product will firm and smooth the appearance of fine lines.

RELATED: Peace Out’s Newest Acne Dot Is Invisible During Wear Thanks to Its Makeup-Compatible Features

In fact, reviewers have claimed to see a difference on age-related concerns from use. “My husband absolutely loves this,” one person wrote. “Within a few months of use I actually asked him if he started doing Botox since his wrinkles were disappearing drastically where the crows feet were settled in at.”

A second reviewer also shares the cream with their husband, writing “My husband had extremely dry skin due to winter weather, so bad, his face was flakey. I gave him the sample to try and now he’s hooked. So now I subscribe regularly. His skin looks great.”

I don’t know about you, but this product sounds like one to watch—or at the very least, one to pick up for the tough season ahead. 

While living a healthy life can help keep you active
and spry in your later years, there’s still a lot of new aches and pains that
start popping up, especially as you approach your 60s and beyond.

Back pain is one of the most common issues in older
adults and is one of the top three reasons seniors visit their physician. 

Why Back Pain Becomes an Issue

There are many reasons why you might suffer from back
pain, but the most common are:

Changes in Your Discs and Joints

As you get older, your
body might suffer from overuse. The discs that sit between your bones start
losing moisture making them less effective as shock absorbers. If it’s not your
discs, your joints might end up wearing down. Either option can lead to back
pain.

Spinal Stenosis

Spinal Stenosis is another
reason. Basically, the canal where your spinal cord passes through narrows down.
This could happen due to disc degeneration or thickened ligaments.

Spondylolisthesis

Another cause can be
spondylolisthesis – a slipping of vertebra,
usually at the base of the spine. Depending on how far the vertebra slips, this
could cause severe back and leg pain and numbness.

Luckily, there are a few things you can do to help
relieve and even reduce the risk of experiencing recurrent back pain. 

Rest Adequately

Taking enough rest is common advice for anyone who has
injured themselves, but especially true for seniors. As we get older, it seems
to take longer to recover to 100 percent.

And sometimes, you might end up healing only to 95
percent. If you’re experiencing back pain, give your body some adequate time to
heal. 

With that said, don’t rest too much! Anything over 48
hours can actually make your back pain worse and increase your recovery time.
While you should lay off any strenuous exercises, after two days, you can start
doing some light stretching to help improve the flexibility of your
muscles. 

Get Active

It might sound counterintuitive, but staying active
can actually help relieve your back pain. In fact, it’s our lack of movement in
everyday life that has led to an increase in back pain even among the younger
generation.

Most adults spend over six hours sitting down. Not
only is this bad for your overall health, it’s also terrible for your
back. 

Hours of inactivity lead to weakened core muscles and
tense shoulder and back muscles. This only gets aggravated by poor sitting and
standing posture.

Starting or continuing a good fitness regimen can
actually help relieve back pain and get you back on your feet sooner. You don’t
have to become a gym rat to improve your fitness. In fact, you don’t even need
to leave the comfort of your home if you don’t want to. 

When picking exercises, choose ones that focus on
strengthening your core, such as: Pilates, Yoga, or Tai Chi.

You should also speak to a physical therapist,
especially if you experience recurrent episodes. They can then prescribe a
back-focused program to help you gain strength and improve your core. 

Get a Massage

A good massage not only leaves you
feeling relaxed, it also helps promote better circulation and flexibility, both
essential for relieving back pain. Whether you’re suffering from a herniated
disc or just experiencing general back pain and stiffness, massages are a
great, natural option to easing your pain. 

If you have the money, opt for a professional massage with
an expert who can work out those stiff and sore spots on your back.

In general, deep tissue massages tend to work the best
for back pain as they really work out the kinks and knots. If the pressure is
too much, you can always ask the masseuse to apply less pressure, or you can go
for something a bit gentler such as the Swedish massage.

If you don’t have the time or money to spend on a
professional masseuse, you can opt to give yourself a massage by purchasing
your own back massager or using a foam roller to stretch out your back.

Try Acupuncture

If you’ve never gotten acupuncture, it can seem
daunting. After all, who in their right mind would pay to get needles stuck in
their body? However, studies have shown that acupuncture is actually helpful in
reducing back pain, especially among those who experience chronic back issues. 

Acupuncture began in China over 2,000 years ago and
involves inserting a series of needles into the body at specific points. These
needles are supposed to help stimulate the body’s Qi, which in turn helps relieve
pain and improve health. 

Since acupuncture is considered an alternative
treatment, it might not be covered by your insurance, so make sure to consider
this before booking an appointment.

As well, do a thorough investigation of the various
acupuncturists in your area and find a reputable practitioner. Then speak to
your doctor before you decide to go forward with treatment.

The fact that your body may not be as resilient and
flexible as it was in your 20s, doesn’t mean you have to deal with constant
back pain. These tips should help alleviate and also prevent back pain from
recurring.

With that said, you should speak to your doctor if you
are experiencing recurrent back pain to make sure there isn’t a more serious
underlying issue.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

How often do you experience back pain? How are you
managing it in your day-to-day life? We’d love to hear your thoughts! Let’s
continue the discussion in the comments below!