This is a photo I took of my parents’ joint funeral.

Unbelievably, they both died in the same week, in their sleep, aged 86 and 84. My dad had had a stroke a year previously and hadn’t been doing too well, so it wasn’t entirely unexpected when I got a phone call one morning saying he hadn’t woken up.

But it was a shock to experience Mum also dying in her sleep just a week later. They had been together 67 years but even so, no-one expected this, even though she’d had motor neuron disease.

Once my siblings and I got over the shock, we felt glad that our parents were ‘still together’ (at least in our belief system), and that Mum had not had to suffer from MND any longer than she had already been.

It became obvious that we would be having a joint funeral, if possible.

Fortunately, both of them had prepared well the previous year. But they hadn’t just done the obvious, like a will, power of attorney, and advance healthcare decision. They had made a comprehensive end-of-life plan.

This consisted of filling out the Before I Go Workbook, a comprehensive document about their financial affairs, how their household operated, what they wanted in their last days/weeks, their digital life, details on the kind of funeral they wanted, including songs, people to invite (or not), the location of the after-funeral gathering, and a long list of other things.

They had also begun to death clean, that is, to declutter towards the end of life.

All we had to do was carry out their wishes. And because my siblings and I had been involved beforehand, it was relatively easy.

I can’t describe how wonderful it was to know that they had known we would do this exactly as they wanted – it was a source of huge comfort and solace. Carrying out their instructions felt like a great honour; a last gift I could give them.

But sadly, most people face death unprepared. They think that having a will or knowing if they want a burial or cremation is enough.

Of course, even those little details amount to more than nothing, but there are lots of other things you can do to save your family/friends stress, worry, expense, and time after you have gone. If you don’t plan for death, you are actively choosing to likely leave your family with a muddle.

So, what can you do to prepare?

Accept There Is More to You Than a Body

If you have been around any dead bodies, you’re bound to notice they are like an empty shell. The person just isn’t in there anymore.

So, when someone dies, think about who or what they were like in the first place. Contemplation of this idea for others, and then eventually for yourself, will make it much easier to consider the practical fact of death.

Start the Conversation with Your Loved Ones

Find out, in a general way, what your family and/or friends think about death (and life). Use a celebrity death as a starting point – for instance, when Aretha Franklin died, she left no will.

It would be entirely natural around that time to ask whether your friend or family member has a will or not, and that can lead into other general concepts about end-of-life matters.

Stop Behaving as If You’ll Live Forever and Start Living Now

One of the top regrets of the dying is not having spent enough time with family and friends. If that’s you, then accepting the fact that you are going to die will automatically propel you into thinking about what is important to you right now.

When my husband died in 2011, I became passionate about only doing things that I enjoyed. I had realized that I, too, could die at any moment, and the thought of that happening when I was in the middle of not enjoying myself was too much to bear.

So, I made all sorts of changes, and still live my life like that.

It’s always a good idea to join a group of people committed to support each other in planning their end-of-life journey. You can hold each other accountable for the tasks that need to be done, get good cheer when you need it, give and receive sympathy and encouragement to keep moving forward, step by step.

You can do this with family members or friends. Or take the Before I Go Method online course, which I developed after my husband died.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What is one small step you could take right now to start preparing practically for when you are no longer here, and thus giving your family/friends an unusual gift? Please jot it down in the comments below.

If you purchase an independently reviewed product or service through a link on our website, STYLECASTER may receive an affiliate commission.

An esthetician once told me the shocking news that pore size is largely tied to genetics, so if you’ve been looking for another reason to scoff at your ancestors, you can add that to the list. As someone with relatively large pores, I couldn’t help but feel I’d been lied to by a lot of beauty products claiming to “shrink my pores.” While that’s apparently not possible, all hope is not lost; congestion and build-up is still a very real thing, and your skin needs a good clean-out every once in a while to keep things clear and smooth.

Lucky for all us oily skin gals, PÜR’s Joystick may be of service. While the brand is primarily known for its makeup products (I’m obsessed with its airbrushing powder), its skincare offerings shouldn’t be overlooked. The exfoliating cleansing stick is one such example; the deep cleansing formula controls oil production and removes impurities from the skin, and comes in a stick form for ease of application and any on-the-go needs.

PÜR

Ingredients like Moroccan lava clay, charcoal, diatomaceous earth (a gentle exfoliant) and jojoba seed extract lather into a “rich foam” that removes makeup, purifies the complexion and sheds dead skin cells, revealing a brighter appearance with every use. While all skin types can reap its benefits, the cleansing stick is specifically geared towards those with oily and acne-prone complexions. 

Simply massage the stick onto damp skin in circular motions with an emphasis on the T-zone. You can also leave the product on for several minutes as a face mask. 

According to reviewers, the supposed benefits aren’t an embellishment; many have seen significant changes come from implementing the Joystick into their cleansing routine.

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“I’m in love with this! I am in my 50’s and although my skin isn’t as oily as in my younger years, I have some T zone issues,” wrote one person on the brand’s website. “This little thing is amazing. I noticed a difference after first use. My pores are less congested. I think the stick is a clever idea. It just seems to be easier and it’s kind of fun. I love the option of leaving it on a little longer if time permits for a little deeper cleanse. Rinses easily too.”

It’s even the perfect addition in the beginning of winter, since according to another fan it helps keep dead skin away. “This exfoliating cleanser works like a dream,” they said. “I have been using this particular one for 2 years, one stick lasts me about 9 months, give or take. I use it 1-2 times a week depending on the season and it helps keep the dry, rough patches at bay and leaves my skin looking fresh and smooth.”

In conclusion, we may not be able to shrink our pores to be non-existent to the eye, but we can keep them in check for a glowing, clear complexion. Get a PÜR Joystick for the job.

If you purchase an independently reviewed product or service through a link on our website, STYLECASTER may receive an affiliate commission.

Selena Gomez might not have taken home the 2023 Golden Globe last night for Only Murders in the Building, but her look was definitely a winner in our book. While Sel truly does it all—acting, singing and a founder of an incredibly successful beauty brand—this was her first time being nominated for the prestigious award (though we’re willing to bet this won’t be the last). So it only made sense that she would go big for the award show ceremony, where she wore a show-stopping Valentino velvet gown with a high-slit and statement puff sleeves.

As for her glam, the rare beauty herself was dipped and covered with a plethora of Rare Beauty and Rene Furterer products, with her high pony making way for her glowy visage to shine—and we’ve got all the details on what her hairstylist and makeup artist used to make it happen.

As evidenced by her frequent GRWM videos over on TikTok, Selena certainly practices what she preaches when it comes to actually using her own brand’s products for her makeup looks. For the Golden Globes, she made sure not to ruin a good thing—the good thing in question being having her fave Rare Beauty products by her side (or in this case, her face)—while tapping in makeup artist Hung Vanngo to glitz her up to perfection.

To achieve her dewy natural complexion, Selena’s look consisted of the Positive Light Under Eye Brightener (which has easily been going TikTok-viral), Liquid Touch Weightless Foundation, Liquid Touch Brightening Concealer, Warm Wishes Effortless Bronzer Stick and the Always An Optimist Soft Radiance Setting Powder to top it off. Her glam was then tied into her outfit through the use of a beautiful smoky mauve eye, courtesy of Rare Beauty’s Came To Play eyeshadow palette, which was prepped for the long night of festivities with the Always An Optimist Weightless Eye Primer.

Sephora

Rare Beauty Positive Light Under Eye Brightener

Courtesy of Rare Beauty.

Rare Beauty Positive Light Silky Touch Highlighter

And if you’ve been keeping up with the latest launches from the brand, you’ll find it no surprise that Selena’s makeup artist’s bag also was equipped with her Positive Light Silky Touch Highlighter (in shade Mesmerize) and her Kind Words matte lipstick in the hue “Worthy” and liner in “Wise.”

Courtesy of Rare Beauty.

Rare Beauty Kind Words Matte Lipstick

Paired with her low-cut neckline and gorgeous glam, hairstylist Marissa Marino’s vision for Selena’s hairdo called for the sleekest of ponytails. In an emailed statement from Rene Furterer, the brand disclosed the items Marissa had at her disposal. “I started by blow drying her hair smooth with an Olivia Garden ceramic round brush,” the hairstylist noted. “Then, I added René Furterer STYLE Holding Gel and pulled her hair into a high ponytail, leaving out her front bang area, and secured with a hair tie.”

Amazon

Olivia Garden Round Brush

Courtesy René Furterer.

René Furterer Style Holding Gel

She continued, “Next, I curled the ponytail with the Olivia Garden 1.25” curling iron, and sprayed with René Furterer STYLE Finishing Spray. Then, I brushed the bang area back into the ponytail and wrapped around the rubber band to secure.” The last step to top finish with a bang? René Furterer STYLE Shine Mist for extra shine.

Rene Furterer

René Furterer STYLE Finishing Spray

Rene Furterer

René Furterer STYLE Shine Mist

Now that’s what we call a winning look.

Three ladies were lunching solo at a bar. It sounds like the beginning of a joke, doesn’t it? My quick stop for a bite turned into a leisure lunch as the three of us chatted at Applebee’s counter. I feel very lucky to have the time and means to be a lady who lunches. It’s my favorite retirement perk.

One of the gals and I had crossed paths before – in a previous life when we were both married and lived in a nearby town. We recognized each other, but Donna and I had never been introduced.

The other lady was divorced, too, and having a hard time with it. But it turns out she was having a hard time with everything, even the fact that her parents named her Ruth instead of her sister’s name Candice, a.k.a. Candi.

It didn’t take long to learn we were all 66. But divorced and the same age are where the similarities ended. I assumed, because of her attitude, Ruth was most recently divorced. But it had been eight years. She told us she stopped seeing her shrink for telling her to wake up and get over it. Her old life didn’t exist anymore. After all, her ex had remarried. It was time for Ruth to become a different person.

Independence and Dependence Are Choices

Donna had recently closed on a condo, a forever home for her. She enjoyed her work at one of the busiest seafood restaurants in town. Ruth lived with a boyfriend she didn’t really like, but she didn’t feel she could afford her own place.

When she told us all about her divorce settlement, our jaws dropped. It was a lot, with regular monthly payments and a big annual bonus. Currently, she and her attorney were taking the ex back to court for more money.

As we paid our tabs, Ruth asked if we could exchange numbers, maybe do lunch again. I gave them both a business card. Retired realtors never run out. Donna wrote her number on a napkin and handed it to me.

“May I have your number?” Ruth asked Donna.

“No,” Donna said and walked out. I said goodbye to Ruth and walked out, too.

Pity Patty and Whiny Wendy Are Not Invited

I have always been a cheerful, optimistic person – to a fault, according to my ex. I haven’t changed the core of me just because I’m divorced. Poor Ruth was probably a difficult person to be around when she was married.

I can’t imagine many friends calling to invite her out, just to hear the whole well-rehearsed woe-is-me spiel again. If Ruth doesn’t make cheerfulness more her style, she runs the risk of being a very lonely old woman.

Donna waited for me just outside the restaurant door.

“I’m sorry if I was rude,” she said, “but I’ve never met a more negative person in my life. No way was I giving her my number.”

“Maybe she just needed a good ear,” I shrugged. Donna laughed, making it clear she had no intention of ever lunching with Ruth again but would be in touch with me. And she has been. Hurray – another lady who lunches!

I was feeling bad about Ruth, though. Maybe she was just having a terrible day and needed a friendly face. But I heard her argue with the waiter about her bill, and it rubbed me just enough the wrong way that I doubt I’ll ever lunch with Ruth again either.

Some Mean Girls Mean Well

A couple of my Facebook groups are for women over 60. It amazes me what people will share about their lives, then wonder why the comments turn negative. Ruth would get torn to shreds if she shared her story, and it would hurt her to the core. But even professional help isn’t helping her get past her grief. She fired her shrink for being mean – for telling the truth.

We suffer from disenfranchised grief as we wade through marital division. Besides divorce, losing an unborn baby or a partner to suicide are examples of disenfranchised grief, as are infertility and sexual abuse.

I’m guessing most of us gals who got divorced past 60 honestly planned on grieving our husbands at death and not through divorce. I remember how disenfranchised I felt – how rejected. But we get through the grief process, not stay there as it seems Ruth has. We make the choice to get better, not stay bitter.

A couple months ago, on my way to church, I called my ex to wish him happy birthday and had an immediate meltdown. I sobbed through our brief conversation. I wiped tears away all through church. I felt silly going home to my sweetheart and explaining my wrecked face, so I took a long drive. I was still weepy hours later.

I confided in my big sis girlfriend Myrna, and she texted back the truth: Get over the past. You have a terrific guy and a great life. Duh. I know that. Thanks for being my mirror, Myrna. I think I just needed to wallow in a little disenfranchised grief to remind myself of just how far I’ve come in four years.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

How do you handle negative people? Do you think you are one? Have you been able to move past divorce or another traumatizing life experience?

Heather Gay’s Black Lace Up Dress at the Cover Release Party

Real Housewives of Salt Lake City Season 3 Finale Fashion

It’s nice to see Heather Gay rocking black and not have it be on her eye. This time she’s wearing it in the form of a sexy lace up dress. I think it’s safe to say she nailed her cover release party look. And I also think we all need to take a page out of her Bad Mormon fashion book and get one just like it for ourselves.

Sincerely Stylish,

Jess

Click Here to Shop Her Dolce & Gabbana Dress

Click Here to Pre-Order Her Book (Coming Feb. 7th)

Originally posted at: Heather Gay’s Black Lace Up Dress