Have you considered that there are different approaches to the dating process? Well, there are. For some people, dating is like an adventure. Others whine all the time that they can’t find anyone worth dating. And still others, like a challenge. Which one are you?

Let’s have a look at each of them separately.

Adventure Approach

Now, if you ask me, this is by far the best approach, whether you’ve experienced online dating or not. Adventure includes excitement, but it certainly does not preclude a bit of nervousness and angst. A bit of both is good and common to trying something new… or something scary!

Here’s an example of what a client said about trying online dating:

“Online dating is like going into an unknown jungle with all kinds of wild animals, dangerous plants, and traps…. but also, gorgeous flowers, sweet animals and revitalizing pools. It helps to have the no-nonsense safety guide who does the briefing BEFORE you go in and then is also the guide who points out things along the way. Sometimes, she has to pick you up after a bad fall and dust you off. Now, imaging going into the jungle with NO guide or briefing…. no wonder people have horrible experiences!”

Whiner Approach

Oh, oh. I’m sure the title gives advance notice of how this is going to work out. Not well, you are thinking, yes?

Unfortunately, I do bump into this occasionally. Where does this attitude come from? Well, let’s create a list and see if you fall under any of these:

• “I tried it once (half-heartedly) and got no responses.”
• “I sent a few men hearts/likes and never heard from them.” This is men’s number one complaint. They see it as you just tossed the ball in their court and didn’t even bother with a message. What are they supposed to make of that?
• “Why would an accomplished good-looking man or woman need this?”
• “My single friends have told me horrible stories about _________ (insert any dating site/app here).”
• You create your profile or call a dating coach but you already have pre-conceived notions that there are no good men out there.
• Or you are certain all the good men are married.

Time to buck up. This may have been the experiences some had in the 90s and early 2000s, but online dating has radically changed. Thus, your attitude must change into a positive one, or at least neutral.

Just think about this: 48% of Americans are single according to the US Census Bureau, there are over 1500 dating sites/apps in the US, and the number one way people are finding relationships in their 50s –70s is online dating.

To be blunt, had you been divorced, widowed or single in the 1990s, it would have been tough meeting the right people at our age. Uh, uh, not anymore. We are so fortunate!

So, what do I do with a whiner client? Laura, 62, was one, and I immediately put a stop to her talking to single, negative friends about dating. Talk to an impartial third party who can be your cheerleader, like a good dating coach for both accountability and to keep your spirits up and in perspective.

The Challenge Approach

Oh, I like this one too! Many women decide to open their hearts and minds, generally for a three-month period, and give it their all. Why does this work?

• It’s for a short period of time.
• They’ve decided they are all in.
• They get professional photos taken. (No, these needn’t be costly –I work with resources that charge $200-$250 and believe me, this is a good investment.)
• Like deciding to take up yoga or pickle ball, they ask an expert for help to navigate the ins and outs.
• They forget long lists of must-haves and hone it down to 2-3 very important things to them (it may be religion, geography, level of education, etc.).
• When they see an interesting man online, they don’t wait for him to connect – those days are long gone! They send a fun, informative message expressing interest.
• The first two weeks they go on 4-5 first dates. Gulp. Really? Yes, it’s like going to the gym regularly – by date 5 they have practiced enough and feel comfortable!

Tara, 58, was very uncomfortable sending messages. Back in November, her typical message was a heart with “Hi, how are you?” Of course, this is generic and elicited how many responses? Zero! This comes across as no real interest and a copy/paste. Tara has since graduated to 2-3 sentence messages showing that she read the prospect’s dating profile and has genuine interest. In February, she went on 6 dates. My fingers are crossed for Tara!

Attitude is everything, and yes, I see people fall in love every month. Sometimes every week. And that’s why I do what I do!

Happy Dating!

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Which dating category do you fall into: whiner, adventurer or challenge-lover? How has your attitude helped or hindered your dating process?

As we crossed the well-named Blue River Bridge over the St. Clair River from Port Huron, MI to Sarnia, ON Canada, we breathed the clean gun-less air of our northern neighbor. Sister-in-law, Norah, and I were on a five-day jaunt from Chicago to the eponymous Stratford Theater Festival. Leaving the pot-holed, patchwork that is interstate in Michigan, we cruised along the forever smooth asphalt of rural Ontario.

Agriculture is the main product of SE Ontario – fields are neat and fertile, full of corn still to be harvested in mid-October. There is nary a billboard or piece of litter. Large barns are badged with quilt symbols, proclaiming family heritage. It’s just about two hours from the crossing to our destination.

We’d reserved a two-bedroom Airbnb at the Bradshaw Lofts in Stratford. It’s an old factory converted into apartments – some occupied by real folks; others housing people like us, in town for culture and poutine.

We were about two miles from the main Festival theater, one mile from the in-town Festival theaters. The apartment was not very large, but it was quiet and ok. It was located right on the bus line, offered plenty of parking, and a wonderful small café/coffee shop in the lower level. We did not need to eat anywhere else, though we did.

Why Stratford?

The event offers good theater, all the time. I recall friends telling me about Stratford 30 plus years ago. Back then it seemed Shakespeare oriented and not my interest. But three years ago, my DBH (Dearly Beloved Husband) and I escaped into the world of Tim Horton and Stratford.

Vowing to do this at the lowest cost, we stayed at a cheap and cheerful motel, a brief drive away from the theaters. We bought the cheapest seats possible – and had a wonderful time.

We took a sheep dip in Stratford culture, binged on theater, and vowed to return. We booked tickets early in 2021 (saves $$) rented an Airbnb within walking distance of the theaters, and Covid took away our joy. My husband passed away before we could return, so sister-in-law, Norah, and I scheduled a 2022 visit. And we both came down with Covid. Cancelled again.

The folks at the Stratford Festival are the best. As are the Airbnb folks in Stratford. They made everything easy-peazy. We finally made it in October 2022. Here’s a sampling of our theater adventures.

“Little Women” based on the novels Little Women and Good Wives by Louisa May Alcott

This was the world première of Jordi Mand’s new stage adaptation, directed by Esther Jun.

We were fortunate to attend a matinee on a weekday – high school heaven. Leave it to the Canadians, whether from private or public schools, the teens were well-behaved, appreciative, and polite. They seemed to enjoy the musical. We didn’t have close seats, so at the interval, the usher seated me mid-orchestra center. Great seat in the middle of the teens. Aside from a few whispers, it was heaven. (Yes, the ushers in Stratford do things like ask you if your seat is ok, and if not, they try to reseat you!)

Mand breathed a lot of life into 2.5 hours, radically simplifying the plot of Little Women. But, a picture is worth 1,000 words, and on the stage, not much was missed. The music added impact to what could have been dry narrative. Recommended, especially for teens and inexperienced theater goers. I expect this will become a favorite for high school theater groups.

Richard III

That evening (we try to double up each day), we saw Richard III – one of Shakespeare’s greatest villains. Remarkable staging. Dramatically thrust stage, with steeply raked seats on three sides. When the play opened, the stage was littered with construction paraphernalia, plastic sheets attached to scaffolding, and dirt.

A TV reporter and cameraman stood by a deep hole and interviewed an archeologist who had just verified that the body buried in the carpark is indeed that of King Richard. And, as they left the stage, Richard III, in his battle armor ascended the steps from the hole and the play began.

Breathtaking!

It was a brilliant production. We were in the Tom Patterson Theater, constructed with every bell and whistle that contemporary productions could want. And the Stratford staff knew how to use them.

Death and the King’s Horseman

The next day, we did the matinee of Death and the King’s Horseman by Wole Soyinka. This is the story of the death of a Nigerian king in colonial-era Nigeria. His right-hand-man, Elesin, the King’s Horseman, returns to the community per the death ritual. Elesin must commit suicide and be buried with his leader.

At the same time, his son returns from school in England. He knows the fate that awaits his father. The local British District Officer, Simon Pilkings, learns of the intended suicide, arrests Elesin and prevents what Pilkings considers to be barbaric sacrifice. It’s a classic case of white-man’s logic and the law of unintended consequences.

This play was long and lugubrious. Much attention was paid to ceremony, especially among the women who praise Elesin, even giving him a virgin for his last sexual expression. I admire Soyinka’s intent in the play but felt like I was stuck in my Catholic Church in the 50s during Good Friday’s three-hour service.

Perhaps no one had the fortitude to tell her she spent too much time building the cultural stature of Elesin, a less than stellar person, and not enough on the Colonial British/Nigerian disparate sense of person, place, and history. I did learn from the story.

The Miser

The Miser by Moliere was fun. And who should be playing the Miser, but Richard III, Colm Feore, a star of Canadian stage and screen. The action took place at The Festival Theatre on a large, deep stage, with balconies, entrance and exit steps – lots or room for activity.

Updated to the early 20^th century, the tale of the miser’s children, the unknown young stranger who falls in love with the daughter, the suspicious heiress, and the uncovering of new wealth and happiness came together nicely in this period piece. Nothing heavy but satisfying none the less.

Chicago

Every day we were at the theaters, fellow patrons asked, “Have you been to Chicago?” Since we are from Chicago, I always answered, “Yes,” unaware they were asking if we had seen Chicago, the musical.

It was a big, rock ‘em, sock ‘em musical. Way overmiked, so every voice and instrument blared at the same level. Though Chicago is written to be performed a bit “over the top,” it has its subtle moments of emotion (Mr. Cellophane) which were lost in the chaos. So rather than discuss my lack of satisfaction with this production, when folks continued to ask if I’d been there, I’d respond, “That’s where we live.” And turn away from their questioning looks.

Lessons in Temperament

Lessons in Temperament, an Outside the March Production, monologue written and performed by James Smith, directed by Mitchell Cushman – a brief and tender dive into a difficult family.

We closely surrounded James Smith as he began to tune a piano on a slightly raised platform. The instrument was out of tune and with tuning fork and tuning wrench, he began the tedious process of pulling and releasing the stings. This became analogous to the pushes and pulls in his family.

He is the youngest of three boys – all grown. The oldest is schizophrenic, and leaves the family when James is still a child. The middle boy is autistic and remains in the family’s nest. James appears to be the sanest (what a joy for the parents), but he is strongly influenced by his brothers, their absence and presence.

If you read the book Hidden Valley Road, about a family of mostly schizophrenic boys, 10 of the 12 children, you get the drift. This is just kinder and gentler. An interesting hour to cap our six plays in four days.

Is Stratford worth a visit without the festival? Probably not worth an eight-hour drive, but there are lovely shops (especially at the theaters), fun restaurants (we ate vegan poutine), delightful residents, and in October, magnificent fall colors. If you are goofy about theater, this is a highly recommended trip. You can fly to Toronto, where you can catch one of the frequent busses from the airport and the city. Best of all, you can skip Tim Hortons.

The Stratford Festival 2023 calendar is out. See you there!

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you been to a theater or film festival? What was the experience like? How many plays/films did you see? What event are you looking forward to this year?

When it comes to spirituality, I’m all over the map. Early childhood in Catholicism, late teenager goddess religion, Irish mysticism and earth-based spiritualty, Buddhism, meditation circles, Emersonian transcendentalism as well as attending mosques, synagogues, stupas, weird pagan festivals and sweat lodges. I found divinity in all of these settings, so, I could not comprehend how all religions feel that they have the one way. All ways lead to God.

Also, the ecstasy and devotion that people felt about their religions, I had only experienced in the woods. This led me to the very natural path of looking at decaying trees and animals, the role of fungi, discovering a mother with baby turkeys, the spring regeneration of Coltsfoot and Lady’s Slippers and the flow of birth, life, death and resurrection from a scientific and naturalistic perspective.

Death

Are we as dead as a skunk on the side of the road? Good-bye and lights out; existence and what we know of life is over; this life is not a dress rehearsal. These ideas reminded me to be mindful because… this moment might be all that there is.

Then, in a concerted effort to drop my damn baggage because it was too damn heavy to carry anymore, I was serendipitously led to kundalini yoga through a mindful woman centered teacher, a guru. Despite my New York skepticism, bits of wisdom slowly crept in. One of our mantras was so real; I am beautiful, blissful and bountiful.

A Bit of Perspective

May the long time sun shine upon you, all love surround you; and the pure love within you, shine your way on. To hear a chorus of women singing this and raising their voices for themselves, each other and all of humanity is life changing.

And the voices of women in our gathering lifted my spirit up, and after decades of Biblical trauma, I finally started to weep because I had not cried since 1998.

I would like to say that everything was rainbows, unicorns and the partner of my dream materialized, but that did not happen – or at least not in that order. This was a human version of Eat, Pray, Love. I stopped wine, weed, over-exercising and type A behavior of doing, accomplishing, and being so busy I basically would pass out at night.

Transformation

Nightmares, sweats, electric currents running up my body, out of body experiences, dreams, memories, bad memories, really bad memories and panic attacks flooded my system. I made it this far to be hospitalized NOW? I thought I would have to check myself into the fifth floor or whatever floor the psychiatric unit was on.

Thankfully, a kind psychiatrist who agreed to see me said, “Well, of course you’re having a nervous breakdown, you have stopped all of your coping mechanisms. That is why all your trauma and remembered trauma, and abuse is flooding you because you are not denying or detaching from it. You are in you body and mind, finally experiencing it.”

I could cope with this because I was a fighter and this was another thing to overcome. Yet, this was not a Hallmark movie where I suddenly was BETTER. It took years as I began to learn and perceive I am not my trauma or emotions and learn a new way of being.

Revelation

Which brings me to 2023 and sitting in a Catholic church on Saturday at 5pm.

I am sitting in a pew and letting the words wash over me and as the priest says, “God is merciful.” I am thinking, Tell that to the people in Turkey. I am feeling smug and judgmental and realizing this as I try to plug into something larger because my smugness is irritating me. Then I realize…

I do NOT know any divine path or what is in store for anyone or how it plays out in their or the universe’s karmic soup. This is a horrific tragedy and God is not sending lightening bolts or golden horseshoes. Perhaps the mercy is the community that rises to help those in need, the humanitarian community that is working OT, the donors, the people praying, all of humanity that recognizes the horror.

Because there is no God.

He is not a person doling out blessing and punishments. Suddenly, I reached a beautiful joyful peace in that Catholic church. God, for me, is about divine oneness, that interconnectedness we feel when we do selfless service, like the first responders at 9/11, or when we do something as simple as wave a car in front of us when they are trying to pass lanes.

Yet, I am getting super judgey when the priest talks about this weird martyrdom of Catholicism, the turning the other cheek, loving a-holes.

Then another epiphany hits me that intersects Catholicism with Buddhism. All suffering comes from attachment. I am suffering when I look at my wrinkles, grey hair and weird sagging skin because I am attached to an idea of beauty. To turn the other cheek means I am not attached to revenge or the most important thing, my emotions, which drive my alligator brain, not my divine brain.

I am 60 this year. I recognize more frequently my alligator brain and my divine brain, and my need for divine oneness finally has the majority of my time. In these last few weeks, my attachments are thankfully loosening their grip. And to drop this is to feel so free. I feel like I can just float away. I just lost 50 psychic pounds.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

When was your faith challenged? What steps did you take when you questioned your religion or faith? Has your relationship with God, religion or divinity changed as you have aged?

If you purchase an independently reviewed product or service through a link on our website, STYLECASTER may receive an affiliate commission.

When you have hyperpigmentation (those pesky dark spots), acne marks, dark circles and the like, sometimes concealer isn’t enough. To really hide imperfections — if you so choose — you need to color correct. That’s where Tarte’s new Shape Tape Color Correctors come in. You’ve got the creamy, ultra-pigmented formula you know and love from Shape Tape, with the shades you need to color-correct any spot. Here’s how you use ’em.

Before you apply your regular concealer, choose the color corrector that’ll work for your imperfection. This is an important step. If you know how to apply concealer, the rest is easy. There’s Pink to brighten dark spots (for all skin tones), Yellow to brighten and neutralize mild redness (all skin tones), Green to neutralize redness, hyperpigmentation and pimples (all skin tones), Peach to neutralize dark under eyes and discoloration (fair-to-medium skin tones), Orange to do the same on medium-to-deep skin tones and Red for the same darkness on deep skin tones.

Tarte also added White as a base or to add to a shade to customize your own and Black to add depth to any color.

Our mission at STYLECASTER is to bring style to the people, and we only feature products we think you’ll love as much as we do. QVC is a STYLECASTER sponsor, however, all products in this article were independently selected by our editors. Please note that if you purchase something by clicking on a link within this story, we may receive a small commission of the sale.

Tarte.

Once you’ve got the color (or colors) that’ll work for you, apply a little to your under eye circles or dark spot and let it sit for a minute. Apply your regular concealer on top and you’ll be shocked at how well the area just disappears. And you don’t have to worry about the concealer getting cakey with all the layering. Shape Tape Color Corrector has hyaluronic acid and nourishing shea and mango butters to keep the area well hydrated. Grab yours at QVC now before they launch on Tarte’s website.

If you purchase an independently reviewed product or service through a link on our website, STYLECASTER may receive an affiliate commission.

When you have hyperpigmentation (those pesky dark spots), acne marks, dark circles and the like, sometimes concealer isn’t enough. To really hide imperfections — if you so choose — you need to color correct. That’s where Tarte’s new Shape Tape Color Correctors come in. You’ve got the creamy, ultra-pigmented formula you know and love from Shape Tape, with the shades you need to color-correct any spot. Here’s how you use ’em.

Before you apply your regular concealer, choose the color corrector that’ll work for your imperfection. This is an important step. If you know how to apply concealer, the rest is easy. There’s Pink to brighten dark spots (for all skin tones), Yellow to brighten and neutralize mild redness (all skin tones), Green to neutralize redness, hyperpigmentation and pimples (all skin tones), Peach to neutralize dark under eyes and discoloration (fair-to-medium skin tones), Orange to do the same on medium-to-deep skin tones and Red for the same darkness on deep skin tones.

Tarte also added White as a base or to add to a shade to customize your own and Black to add depth to any color.

Our mission at STYLECASTER is to bring style to the people, and we only feature products we think you’ll love as much as we do. QVC is a STYLECASTER sponsor, however, all products in this article were independently selected by our editors. Please note that if you purchase something by clicking on a link within this story, we may receive a small commission of the sale.

Tarte.

Once you’ve got the color (or colors) that’ll work for you, apply a little to your under eye circles or dark spot and let it sit for a minute. Apply your regular concealer on top and you’ll be shocked at how well the area just disappears. And you don’t have to worry about the concealer getting cakey with all the layering. Shape Tape Color Corrector has hyaluronic acid and nourishing shea and mango butters to keep the area well hydrated. Grab yours at QVC now before they launch on Tarte’s website.