Most care partners are thrust into their duties through a crisis situation: a sudden diagnosis; a slip or fall. I was one of those, thrust into a situation after my sister passed.

Often, we become task-obsessed and goal-oriented. In the process, we lose sight of the person for whom we are caring and of ourselves. Being in the moment – consciously caring – is something we need to learn.

Lori La Bey has devoted her life to helping people do just that. She is the founder of Alzheimer’s Speaks, a Minnesota based advocacy group.

She was honored by Maria Shriver as an Architect of Change and named the #1 Influencer Online for Alzheimer’s by Sharecare and Dr. Oz. I had the opportunity to interview her and learn what she finds most helpful in a care partnership.

Concentrate on the Joy

When we consciously care, we can be in the moment. Being in the moment allows us to experience joy. Often, as care partners, we dwell on the tears of what is lost and the fear of what is to come.

In the process we are missing joy, which happens in the present state. You must consciously decide to experience the joy.

Focus on Three Things – Safety, Happiness and Freedom from Pain

When I visited mom at her senior community, I had an agenda: We have to do this. We have to do that… Sometimes Mom wasn’t buying it or up to it. Then what? Then you go with the moment. I realized that maybe all those things I thought were important, were actually not.

Lori says that when we focus on the three elements of our loved one’s well-being, it not only helps us focus, but it actually reduces the things we need to do and allows us to do the things we want to do, like spending quality time with mom or dad.

Simply put, assess the moment: Is mom safe? Is she happy? Is she free from pain? If so, you may find you have nothing to do at that moment. Enjoy the silence!

Become a Care Partner

Notice that we have not used the word caregiver in this article – well, until now! That is deliberate. You need to consider yourself a care companion or a care partner. When you label someone as a caregiver, you set expectations that they are giving everything away.

When you are a care partner, it becomes about a relationship, where both parties are giving and receiving. Each supports the other. That balance allows you to stop, slow down and listen. Then you can have meaningful conversation with a loved one where you include the loved one in the decision-making.

For example, you may talk to mom or dad about driving. Lots of families try to make unilateral decisions around that. Instead, ask your loved one, “When do you want to stop driving? When do you think it will not be safe?” Write it down or videotape it.

Create the Village

Most of the issues surrounding older adults, and particularly those with dementia, boil down to societal issues, not medical ones. The interaction with the health system is just one part of the journey when growing old.

Remember the questions – are they safe, happy and pain free? That could translate to:

• Does the person have transportation to medical appointments and social events?
• Are they eating well? Is there food insecurity?
• Is their home safe?

Medical professionals like to call these the social determinants of care. Social means society. Educate neighbors and friends about the issues of growing older. Involve them in care. Identify people at risk in the community.

Local contractors and service providers might look in on them occasionally. Even the post office worker can monitor if the mail is being picked up, an indicator of someone’s well-being and ability to get around.

As Leeza Gibbons once said, “Concentrate on what’s left, not what’s gone.”

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you moved from a crisis caregiver to a conscious care partner? How did you do it? Are you spearheading initiatives in your community? Tell us about them in the comments below.

If you purchase an independently reviewed product or service through a link on our website, STYLECASTER may receive an affiliate commission.

Fine lines around the eyes show up first as we age, so the number one thing to ask yourself when shopping for concealer is, does it crease into lines? Although this makeup feature is difficult to find, it’s not impossible. And, according to shoppers, the perfect concealer that won’t settle into fine lines or creases while still covering imperfections in one application is the PÜR 4-in-1 Sculpting Concealer that’s packed with anti-aging skincare ingredients so you can heal skin and cover up imperfections all at the same time.

If you deal with dry, flaky eyes during the winter, this concealer is for you. Since it’s made with a blend of shea butter and ceramides, the formula naturally hydrates the skin, which is key to hiding the look of lines and wrinkles. Plus, all you need is a few dabs of this product, and it’ll completely smooth out to cover the entire eye area. It’s so good, one customer said, “I must say this is one of the best concealers I’ve ever used. It gives me the flawless under-eye look I love. It helps wake up my eyes when I’m tired.”

Courtesy of PÜR.

PÜR 4-in-1 Sculpting Concealer

The concealer has the “wake up” effect for eyes, thanks to the added ingredient of caffeine in the formula. It helps revive even the most tired-looking eyes, instantly making it look like you got eight hours of sleep when you might have only gotten four. Green tea, ginseng, and vitamin B also work as antioxidants to protect the skin from environmental stressors such as pollution, so it naturally helps reduce the signs of premature aging as it covers up any imperfections.

It’s also made with sodium hyaluronate, which helps boost hydration for plumper-looking skin. This is the perfect concealer to reach for in the harsh winter months, or if you need extra hydration due to eczema or other skin conditions around the eye area. “Talk about [brightening],” wrote another reviewer. “Lasts all day! Actually covers up the fine lines under my eyes. ”

The concealer comes in 16 different shades, with a color-matching tool on the website that makes it simple to find your perfect color match. “Love this,” wrote another shopper. “Hides my dark circles and doesn’t settle in lines. I’ve tried so many brands and this one is the best. Will definitely buy again.”

If you need a new concealer that has skincare-infused ingredients right in the tube, pick up this PÜR concealer for just $22.

If you purchase an independently reviewed product or service through a link on our website, STYLECASTER may receive an affiliate commission.

Fine lines around the eyes show up first as we age, so the number one thing to ask yourself when shopping for concealer is, does it crease into lines? Although this makeup feature is difficult to find, it’s not impossible. And, according to shoppers, the perfect concealer that won’t settle into fine lines or creases while still covering imperfections in one application is the PÜR 4-in-1 Sculpting Concealer that’s packed with anti-aging skincare ingredients so you can heal skin and cover up imperfections all at the same time.

If you deal with dry, flaky eyes during the winter, this concealer is for you. Since it’s made with a blend of shea butter and ceramides, the formula naturally hydrates the skin, which is key to hiding the look of lines and wrinkles. Plus, all you need is a few dabs of this product, and it’ll completely smooth out to cover the entire eye area. It’s so good, one customer said, “I must say this is one of the best concealers I’ve ever used. It gives me the flawless under-eye look I love. It helps wake up my eyes when I’m tired.”

Courtesy of PÜR.

PÜR 4-in-1 Sculpting Concealer

The concealer has the “wake up” effect for eyes, thanks to the added ingredient of caffeine in the formula. It helps revive even the most tired-looking eyes, instantly making it look like you got eight hours of sleep when you might have only gotten four. Green tea, ginseng, and vitamin B also work as antioxidants to protect the skin from environmental stressors such as pollution, so it naturally helps reduce the signs of premature aging as it covers up any imperfections.

It’s also made with sodium hyaluronate, which helps boost hydration for plumper-looking skin. This is the perfect concealer to reach for in the harsh winter months, or if you need extra hydration due to eczema or other skin conditions around the eye area. “Talk about [brightening],” wrote another reviewer. “Lasts all day! Actually covers up the fine lines under my eyes. ”

The concealer comes in 16 different shades, with a color-matching tool on the website that makes it simple to find your perfect color match. “Love this,” wrote another shopper. “Hides my dark circles and doesn’t settle in lines. I’ve tried so many brands and this one is the best. Will definitely buy again.”

If you need a new concealer that has skincare-infused ingredients right in the tube, pick up this PÜR concealer for just $22.

What do you want to be fit for? Fitness means something different for everyone. Some people want to be fit for trail running, others for windsurfing or mountain biking.

However, there’s more to fitness than handstands, marathons and bulging biceps. Most Sixty and Me readers want to be fit for life, feel confident and enjoy the things that matter to them.

They want to be able to get down to the floor to play with their grandchildren (and get back up after!).

Or they want to be strong enough to carry compost and plant pots around the garden. They want to be able to dig up the weeds and reach up to prune the roses.

Fitness for you might mean having the confidence to travel independently, knowing that you can get on and off buses and trains, go up and down any flight of stairs and lift your bag into the overhead locker without assistance.

Or it might mean something else altogether. It doesn’t matter what; the important thing is that we each take the time to understand what fitness means for us.

Have You Asked Yourself What You Want to Be Fit For?

Don’t worry if you haven’t. Many people don’t ever stop to do so, but we must!

Keep reading to find out:

• Why you have to ask yourself this question today.
• How to make it easier to get to the best answer for you.
• What you should do once you know what you want to be fit for.

Why Is It Important to Ask Ourselves What We Want to Be Fit For?

When we hear the word fitness, our minds often turn to lycra-clad gym bunnies, bodybuilders or endurance cyclists. This can be intimidating and make us feel that ‘fitness’ isn’t relevant to us or that we don’t fit any of these moulds. Knowing our why can make fitness meaningful to each of us.

It can also help us to stick to a programme and make it a regular part of our routine. If we don’t know why we’re doing something, it’s pretty hard to keep going.

Knowing why we want to be fitter can be very motivating. In our Studio, we’ve seen again and again how much this helps our members to remain committed to their exercise programme.

This knowledge also means we can choose the right exercises for our goals.

If you decide that feeling steadier on the stairs is the most important thing for you, then the exercises you do might be different from if the motivation is to be able to keep up with your grandchildren in the park (we have programmes for both in our Studio, by the way!).

How to Answer It for Yourself?

There are usually a few ways to approach an important question.

Here are a few that will help you understand how fitness can be meaningful for you. I’d recommend getting a pen or noting your answers on your phone or tablet. It makes it much more real, and you’ll be able to capture all your thoughts. You’re going to be surprised by how much you come up with.

#1: What Do You Enjoy Doing Now?

• Are these activities you want to keep doing, e.g., volunteering, playing golf or going for regular walks with a friend?
• If you don’t maintain your fitness, is there a risk that you won’t be able to keep doing these activities that you enjoy?

#2: What Are You Struggling With?

• Are you finding gardening more challenging than it used to be?
• Do you notice your balance more when you’re out walking?
• Perhaps your joints feel stiffer, or you find it harder to carry your shopping up the stairs?
• Could these struggles or challenges be made easier with exercise (if you do the right exercises, at the right level for you, of course)?

#3: What Is Coming Up in the Future for You?

Look at your diary or think about the coming months and years.

• Do you have any trips planned? Maybe a holiday, or you’re planning to visit family or friends?
• Maybe you have grandchildren on the way, or your family will need more help in various ways?
• Are you feeling fit enough to make the most of these? Are you concerned about how you will cope with them?

#4: What Dreams Do You Have?

Permit yourself to have a little daydream here.

• What are your hopes and wishes for the future?
• Perhaps you’d like to visit an old school friend abroad or take a cruise?
• Maybe you’d like to be able to help out more with your grandchildren?
• It might not be a big event – your dream could be to feel more confident and have more energy every day.

Now think about this:

Would this dream be easier to realise if you were fitter or stronger or had better balance?

That’s it – no more questions!

Now, look at all the notes you’ve made. It should be pretty clear what you want (and need) to be fit for. There might be one clear area of focus, or there might be several things. Both are fine; the main thing is that you’ve worked out what fitness means for you.

What’s Next?

Now that you know what you want to be fit for, you can ensure you’re following the right exercise programme.

You won’t waste any time, and you’ll know that your fitness efforts are going towards the things that matter to you.

At this point, you could consult an exercise professional or look for a programme specific to your needs and challenges.

For example, in the Vida Wellness online exercise Studio and community, we have a series of exercise videos called Fit for Life. We already have videos and programmes focusing on Fit for Travel, Fit for Grandchildren and Fit for Gardening, and we will add more in the future.

The full videos are available to Studio members, but you can do some Fit for Life exercises right now. Just click play on this short taster session from our Fit for Life instructor, Tina:

Studio members also enjoy access to a wide selection of videos and programmes, including Healthy Hips, Feel Stronger, Move More Easily and Strong & Steady on the Stairs.

As a Studio Member, you’ll feel confident exercising at home with clear, easy-to-follow videos, professional advice and the support and encouragement of other members.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What do you want to be fit for? Do you think it’s important to know your goals in order to keep up with your fitness routine? Would you do a specific fitness program tailored to your goals? We’d love to know!

If you purchase an independently reviewed product or service through a link on our website, STYLECASTER may receive an affiliate commission.

Fine lines around the eyes show up first as we age, so the number one thing to ask yourself when shopping for concealer is, does it crease into lines? Although this makeup feature is difficult to find, it’s not impossible. And, according to shoppers, the perfect concealer that won’t settle into fine lines or creases while still covering imperfections in one application is the PÜR 4-in-1 Sculpting Concealer that’s packed with anti-aging skincare ingredients so you can heal skin and cover up imperfections all at the same time.

If you deal with dry, flaky eyes during the winter, this concealer is for you. Since it’s made with a blend of shea butter and ceramides, the formula naturally hydrates the skin, which is key to hiding the look of lines and wrinkles. Plus, all you need is a few dabs of this product, and it’ll completely smooth out to cover the entire eye area. It’s so good, one customer said, “I must say this is one of the best concealers I’ve ever used. It gives me the flawless under-eye look I love. It helps wake up my eyes when I’m tired.”

Courtesy of PÜR.

PÜR 4-in-1 Sculpting Concealer

The concealer has the “wake up” effect for eyes, thanks to the added ingredient of caffeine in the formula. It helps revive even the most tired-looking eyes, instantly making it look like you got eight hours of sleep when you might have only gotten four. Green tea, ginseng, and vitamin B also work as antioxidants to protect the skin from environmental stressors such as pollution, so it naturally helps reduce the signs of premature aging as it covers up any imperfections.

It’s also made with sodium hyaluronate, which helps boost hydration for plumper-looking skin. This is the perfect concealer to reach for in the harsh winter months, or if you need extra hydration due to eczema or other skin conditions around the eye area. “Talk about [brightening],” wrote another reviewer. “Lasts all day! Actually covers up the fine lines under my eyes. ”

The concealer comes in 16 different shades, with a color-matching tool on the website that makes it simple to find your perfect color match. “Love this,” wrote another shopper. “Hides my dark circles and doesn’t settle in lines. I’ve tried so many brands and this one is the best. Will definitely buy again.”

If you need a new concealer that has skincare-infused ingredients right in the tube, pick up this PÜR concealer for just $22.