I’ve always been a high energy, hyperactive, super vigilant, take charge, independent woman. The difference is, now I’m also an aging woman, and that one undeniable fact has recently caused me to rethink how I approach life.

I’ve always been able to muster my determination and take on whatever presented itself as my next challenge, in fact, I’ve thrived on it. I’ve consistently taken on too much, accepted challenges that required me to focus all my energy on my job, to the detriment of my health, relationships and sometimes, my sanity. I’ve stepped in to shoulder responsibility for those I love, despite having an already full schedule, shoe horning it in and pushing harder, in hopes of bending the constraints of time.

I’ve lived by schedules, plans and goals, with extremely high, and sometimes impossible, expectations and standards, always anticipating what could happen and making alternative plans, just in case.

It’s been exhausting. But as a young woman, it was doable, not advisable nor beneficial, but doable. Now, however, I’m beginning to fray at the edges in my effort to make it so.

Accepting this reality is, however, only the first step to making lifestyle changes and different choices for my future. I also need to change how I see my role within my inner circle, my professional persona and the world on the grand scale.

I’ve spent some time on this conundrum and have come up with some possibilities. I share them here, in hopes that those of you who might be coming to the same conclusions might feel seen and be motivated to engage in some healthy revisions of your own, along with me.

Energy Is a Finite Commodity

It always has been, but in my younger life I seemed to have plenty. But now, I feel the need to allocate it differently. For me, that includes physical exercise, a reasonable amount of sleep, my commitment to a part time job as a chef and creating content for the editors who count on me at the top of the list, followed by quality time with my friends and loved ones, volunteer work, personal development and recreation.

Fulfillment, Emotional Rewards and Getting My Needs Met Matters More

I used to sacrifice myself whenever necessary, putting my needs last. I now see the ramifications of that habit and have committed to putting my time and energy toward what pays me back. For me, prioritizing my physical and emotional wellbeing and my mental health, means time alone, savoring the solitude of nature, spending time with those who value me and my company, down time to unplug and time to write, not for publication but for the expression of my soul.

Responding Differently to the Needs of Others Opens Up Room for Me

I’m not Mighty Mouse, and I don’t need to rush in to save the day. I must remember not every outcome depends on me. Life goes on, people figure it out and there are numerous alternative resources available beyond mine. I need to practice the pause when I see a need, or at least wait until I’m asked to help before I decide to do so.

Sometimes Things Will Fall Apart, But It Will Ultimately Be All Right

I can’t prepare for, nor prevent, every calamity in life. Reasonable preparations make sense, packing my go bag during fire season, wearing my seatbelt, exercising to maintain my strength and mobility all make sense. However, being hyper vigilant and working myself into a lather trying to put all the Plan B’s in place is counterproductive and futile.

It bears pointing out that these changes are significant and will not happen overnight. But coming to grips with the need for them and keeping them forefront in my mind is a good first step.

I’m quite sure as I evolve, the resulting shift in how I feel, how much more time and energy I have and the eventual sigh of relief will keep me moving in the right direction. I have no doubt learning to live at a more reasonable pace, as the woman I am now will be the worthwhile reward.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you always felt like a to-go person for everybody and everything? How have you handled that? Has it worn on you as you’ve aged? What type of shift are you planning to do to regain your sense of self?

Vacations in the summer months usually involve traveling to warmer destinations where we can just let go and relax. But preparing for any travel can be anything but relaxing.

So here are some fundamental things to consider that can make the whole process less stressful, and actually kind of enjoyable! Once your itinerary is set and you have a fairly good idea of what the weather conditions will be, you’re already half-way there. The events and climate will give you the parameters for what and how much you need to pack.

Start Early

What causes a lot of anxiety in traveling is those last-minute decisions that often result in making mistakes… resulting in heavy and bulky luggage! So, here’s my main, and what I consider the most helpful, suggestion: start creating your travel wardrobe two weeks before you leave.

If you have one of those handy dandy rolling clothes racks, use it to display the entire wardrobe you plan to pack. If you don’t have one of those racks, designate a portion of your closet to what you plan to bring. You can add or subtract items to the collection during that time, but at least begin the process two weeks in advance.

The reason for this is that your brain starts to connect what you see on that rack every day with how you see yourself at your destination. The length of your trip and the circumstances you will be in will determine what goes on that rack. During that two-week period anything that just doesn’t make sense for your purposes or that doesn’t contribute to the whole image you want to convey will stand out to be eliminated.

Choose Your Color Palette

It’s not as important to create entire outfits as it is to be sure that the colors you choose coordinate well with each other. That doesn’t mean you have to go for all neutrals, although neutral basics will make your packing easier and your travel less stressful. For variety you can bring along one or two print items. There should just be a feeling of harmony when you look at all the items on the rack.

What this means is that several items will be in the same color and will harmonize with your neutrals. Neutral colored bottoms and accessories – unless you want to add a pop of color in something like espadrilles, a belt, or a small bag, will make creating a whole look easier. A few tops in your favorite colors will make sure you won’t be bored. But frankly, mono color neutral wardrobes are extremely chic and packable.

If you love prints, a striped top or blouse is perfect for a summer day and can work with both blouses and slacks. And a floral printed blouse or a midi dress in a nice print can be dressed up for dinner or down for an afternoon walk through town.

Another possibility is to pack a pair of loose, printed slacks and wear them with a very simple solid color button down blouse. A simple white cotton or linen one would be terrific in this look. Add some gold jewelry and you’re good to go. It’s a very chic and festive look.

Whether you bring both pants and/or skirts, make sure that the tops you choose can be worn with either type of garment, several times, and in multiple ways.

Start from the Bottom Up

For most of us, the biggest packing conundrum is about which shoes to bring. One woman I know took exactly one pair of shoes with her for a three-week trip to Italy. They were designed for comfort, had a 1 ½” heel, and went with everything she wore. But our feet tend to be happier when we switch to different heights and types of shoes.

So, here’s the first rule of thumb: wear your bulkiest pair for travel. Every travel expert knows this rule. Since sneakers and trainers are fashionable and acceptable everywhere right now, and are often your most comfortable shoes, that can be your bulky pair. Of course, if you are planning to do some serious hiking, heavier-soled shoes will do.

I know we all see a lot of women wearing sandals on an airplane, especially in those “celebrity airport outfit” photos. Certainly, many styles of sandals are very comfortable. (Birkenstock Arizona sandals are apparently all the rage again in Europe right now.) But frankly, sandals are less hygienic for plane or train rides, and your feet are likely to get cold.

But do plan to bring a pair of comfortable sandals. They just say “summer” more than booties or loafers. If you’re traveling for a wedding, you might think you need to bring a pair of higher-heeled sandals, but they aren’t really necessary when there are so many flat and lower-heeled elegant pretty sandals readily available. Lower heels are less awkward to pack and take up less space.

If you’re going to be going out to dine or attending social events, your sandals should be just dressy enough to look chic rather than just sturdy walking sandals. If you’re planning a poolside or beach vacation slides will serve you well.

Your third pair can be a slip-on casual shoe or canvas espadrille. The latter is dressy enough to make a lot of very simple outfits look very chic and elevated.

And whatever shoes you bring, pack them in bags. I know a lot of women use cloth bags. But shoes accumulate a lot of unpleasant detritus and organisms from the ground. I don’t think it’s a great idea to pack them in cloth bags anywhere near your clothing or toiletries. I save and re-use zip-lock type larger bags when I purchase things like sheet sets or sealed liquids. They work beautifully for packing shoes. Otherwise, large zip-lock food bags for each shoe will also work.

Multi-Purpose Items

When planning your travel wardrobe, choose items that can be utilized for more than one event. In fact, choose items that can be worn repeatedly throughout your trip.

One multi-purpose, no-brainer garment is a large shawl in a pashmina-type fabric. It can keep you warm on a plane or train and in air conditioned rooms. It can provide a nice finishing touch for strapless or sleeveless dresses. I never travel without one.

As oversized tops are very much in vogue, a solid color oversized button down blouse can look great on its own, tucked into a skirt or slacks, or with the ends gathered up and tied around the waist. You can wear it in all those ways with a skirt, slouchy slacks, jeans, shorts or Bermudas. It can also serve as a jacket worn over a sleeveless top or tank. It can also be your beach or pool cover-up.

Fashionable French and Italian women have embraced the midi dress as a forever summer piece for ages. And the style is now popular worldwide. These are usually looser, flowing garments, which makes them very forgiving if you plan to ditch your diet while on your trip. Dress them up with silver or gold strappy sandals (sneakers won’t work with these), dangly or chunky gold earrings, and your shawl. Or dress them down by adding a button-down blouse, tied at the waist, worn with neutral slides or flats, or colored espadrilles, gold hoops, and a crossbody, or tote bag.

Printed midi dress with ruffle wrap

And especially if you’re going to a tropical climate where it might briefly rain every day, or anywhere with very changeable weather, a hoodie windbreaker or rain shell is always a good idea. These are usually thin enough to slip into your carry-on or checked luggage without creating bulk as would something like a trench coat or heavier parka.

Textiles

The most comfortable material for hotter destinations is linen, of course. It breathes well and tends to keep you dry. But remember that it wrinkles right off the hanger. Style-wise a few wrinkles are perfectly acceptable in linen clothing.

If you are staying at a nicer resort, it’s likely they will have an iron and ironing board in the room. Ask ahead of time. Sometimes they will deliver an iron and ironing board to your room if it’s not already there. Otherwise, a small travel steamer is a good idea, and they can fold up into a small area for packing.

Woven rayons and other plant-based textiles are also excellent for packing. They don’t take up a lot of space, do not wrinkle, wash and rinse easily, and drape nicely. It’s a great idea to pack a couple of t-shirts or tanks in those fabrics. And as Marie Kondo of “KonMari” fame suggests, I like to roll my tees and blouses instead of folding them. I place them on top of one another and roll them as a group. They are less likely to wrinkle and seem to fit into smaller spaces in my bags.

It’s hard to travel anywhere these days without at least one pair of jeans. Denim is a heavier textile but not an uncomfortable one for travel. And it goes with just about anything. If you don’t already own a pair of white jeans, consider adding them to your collection. White is always fashionable in the summer, but now more than ever.

Wear them with a tank top in the same shade of white or one of the other colorful tops in your travel palette. You can also pair them with a striped tank or tee and add a simple belt, hoop earrings, and slides, flats or sandals for a very chic look. You can also dress them up with a patterned blouse or one of the newer eyelet style fuller sleeve blouses worn with dangling earrings.

If you pack wider leg jeans, either in blue or white, you can also likely wear them with your travel sneakers or trainers.

If the weather is going to be changeable or much cooler in the evening, a cashmere or cotton knit cardigan or pullover/jumper is another very useful addition. Wear it with your white jeans, a midi skirt, or even Bermudas with slip-ons or espadrilles.

Lifestride Kascade Wedge Espadrilles

Bags

What used to be called “fanny packs” have gone through a marketing transformation to sound more fashionable. They’re now called “waist bags” or “belt bags.” The latter actually serve as a belt, threaded through the loops on your jeans or slacks. Either type can be your everyday bag throughout the entire trip. Some are also worn as “sling” bags, worn like a cross-body.

The more utilitarian versions, like those from Baggalini, have multiple zippered compartments and are very sturdy. They’re also perfect for your travel days. The more fashionable ones are generally smaller but will likely carry your phone, passport, a few cards, and maybe also a lipstick.

Triple Zip Bagg (baggallini.com)

Another option is a so-called “anti-theft” cross-body version. These have slash-resistant construction and RFID blocking technology so your credit cards can’t be swiped electronically from someone nearby.

But if you are on a beachy-type vacation, you probably also want something bigger and more summer specific. You can certainly pack a straw, raffia, or woven satchel or tote if you stuff it with soft essentials like sleepwear, a small travel pillow, even underwear and socks. But if you’re pretty certain you’ll be doing some destination shopping for gifts, clothing, or accessories you might want to pack a foldable woven or macrame-type tote for your haul.

The Sak woven packable tote

Other Essentials

Wherever you plan to travel it’s a good idea to make photocopies of your essential papers and cards (passport, itinerary, emergency contact, phone numbers, credit cards, I.D.) When you get to your destination, keep them somewhere secure, such as your hotel room safe.

Things like sunscreen, makeup, and toiletries can always be easily replaced, but others, like medications, can’t. Bring those in your carry-on, not your checked bags. And lastly, speaking of sun protection, be sure to pack at least one hat, maybe two!

Foldable packable hat

A baseball cap for casual days at the beach pool or walking around town, and a packable roll up fabric or woven hat for when you want to be more stylish. And large sunglasses will jazz up any outfit.

Bon voyage!

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Where are you traveling to this summer? Have you packed your backs? How many days ahead of time do you pack? What about last-minute packing? What have you included as travel essentials?

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Originally posted at: Sheree Whitfield’s Blue Knit Cutout Confessional Dress

“So much pressure to be positive and I am down!” This is a phrase I hear over and over from my clients. Of course, the reason they are seeing a psychotherapist is because things aren’t going well. Something in their lives needs to change. But surely the change isn’t to be ‘up’ all the time.

I am going to say something controversial here that I regularly tell my clients:

It is ok to be down in the dumps and depressed every once and awhile. It is inevitable.

The Pressure to Be Positive – All the Time

We are told all the time to turn lemons into lemonade. I do it myself! After my last column for Sixty and Me, Turn Loneliness into Solitude, I was touched by the responses. There is so much sadness out there, and those of us in the helping professions want to help ease the burden. We have tools that we know can be of real assistance, and we try hard to help our clients make things better.

But there is another side to it. If we are going to be full human beings, we cannot avoid sadness. Sorrow and loss are part of living. Periods of lack of confidence, lack of hope and lack of energy are inevitable. There is nothing wrong with us if we experience these feelings.

Feel It, Then Let It Pass

To me, the point is just not to be stuck there. I think those feelings should come and go. I have the image of being at the seashore, watching the waves come in and go out. Feelings can be like waves, and if we let them, they will recede like the waves of water we enjoy watching.

I want to emphasize ‘if we let them’ because we can actually hold on to waves of depressive feelings and, unwittingly, keep them from flowing out of us if we are not paying attention.

“What is the matter with me; I am such a loser,” we tell ourselves. Or, “I am afraid I will have this feeling for the rest of my life.” We don’t just feel something. We compound the feeling with our negative thoughts and fears by not letting go, adding another layer of negativity, and not letting the emotions naturally recede like a wave.

What if we just thought, “Too bad. I feel down today. Maybe I will have a bubble bath, play some hurtin’ music and go to bed early.” In other words, be kind to ourselves as in, “This too shall pass.”

We can give ourselves permission to have the sad feeling without panicking about it, without adding a layer of criticism that would keep the feeling stuck there and make it worse. It is difficult enough to feel bad; we don’t want to feel like a bad person for having the feeling in the first place.

Instead, we can try to allow a natural process to take effect despite our fears. We can just breathe, and try to stay in the present. The wave rolled in. It is likely to roll out of its own accord – if we let it.

I am sharing these thoughts to connect with anyone who needs to hear them. Even though I am part of a helping community of experienced professionals, sometimes I think just a little advice and reassurance can go a long way.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Do you feel like you need to be positive all the time? What happens when you feel down? Do you get stuck in the down feeling, or do you let it pass?

Are you ready to embark on a crafting adventure that combines the cozy charm of crochet with the convenience of your own two hands? Get ready to explore the world of finger crochet! With no need for hooks or needles, finger crochet allows you to create beautiful, textured projects using just your fingers and yarn.

Whether you’re a seasoned crochet enthusiast wanting to try a new technique or a beginner eager to explore the realm of fiber arts, finger crochet is an accessible technique that will have you hooked (pun intended!). So, roll up your sleeves, gather your favorite skeins of yarn, and prepare to learn how to finger crochet.

What Is Finger Crochet?

Finger crochet is a technique that uses your fingers instead of hooks. It’s a fun, easy way to practice crochet, and it works up quickly. When you finger crochet, you use the same basic stitches as regular crochet, including chain stitch (ch), single crochet (sc) and double crochet (dc). But instead of a hook, you use the tips of your fingers to create each stitch.

This technique is great for beginners because it’s easy to spot mistakes. It’s also an excellent alternative to traditional crochet for people with arthritis and conditions that make using a hook difficult. Plus, you can do finger crochet anywhere, making it perfect for travel.

Materials

One of the most appealing aspects of finger crochet is its simplicity, which is reflected in the minimal materials required to get started. Before you dive into this delightful craft, make sure you have the following essentials at hand:

Yarn

First, you’ll need yarn in the weight and color of your choice. Whether you prefer a chunky, cozy texture or a fine, delicate thread, the yarn is the star of your finger crochet creations. Thicker yarn works best for beginners because it’s the easiest to work with.

Scissors

You’ll also need a good pair of scissors for neatly cutting the yarn as you work on your project. Make sure they are sharp enough to make clean cuts without fraying the yarn.

Tapestry Needle (Optional)

While finger crochet doesn’t require any additional tools, having a tapestry needle on hand is helpful for weaving in loose ends or joining pieces together.

Optional Embellishments

Depending on your project, consider additional embellishments like buttons, beads, or appliques to add flair to your finger crochet creations. These are optional but are a fun way to customize your work.

That’s it! With a few simple materials, you can start making crochet magic with your fingers.

Getting Started

First, you’ll need to master the art of creating a slipknot. The slipknot is the foundation of any crochet project and acts as the loop to start working your stitches. Fortunately, making one is easy. Follow these simple steps to make a slipknot:

1. Hold the end of your yarn between your thumb and index finger, leaving a tail of about 6 inches (15 cm) or so.
2. Take the yarn attached to the skein and cross it over the tail, creating an “X” shape.
3. Next, put your finger through the loop of yarn formed by the tail.
4. Pull the yarn end through the loop, creating a loose knot.
5. Gently tighten the knot by pulling both ends of the yarn in opposite directions. Ensure that it is snug enough to hold but not tight enough to hinder your work or cut off circulation in your finger.

How to Finger Crochet the Foundation Chain

Once you have your slipknot securely in place on your finger, it’s time to learn how to crochet a foundation chain in finger crochet. The foundation chain acts as the base for your crochet project, providing a starting row to build upon. Follow these step-by-step instructions to create your foundation chain:

1. Slide the slipknot over the thumb and forefinger of your dominant hand, ensuring it’s snug but not too tight.
2. Hold the working yarn in your opposite hand to maintain tension.
3. Grab the yarn with your dominant hand and pull it through the loop. This creates your first chain stitch.
4. Insert your thumb and forefinger in the new loop and pull the yarn through again to make another chain stitch.
5. Continue making chain stitches until you have the desired number of chains. Remember to count your chains as you go to ensure you have the correct number for your project. Maintain even tension while you work to ensure consistent chains.

This chain is the starting point for the rest of your stitches, allowing you to build upon it and create beautiful finger crochet projects. Now, you’re ready to explore some other common crochet stitches.

How to Single Crochet with Your Fingers

Now that the foundation chain is ready, let’s learn to single crochet using your fingers. Single crochet is a basic stitch and forms a dense, sturdy fabric. Here’s how to crochet single stitches in finger crochet:

1. Slide the loop on your finger off, and insert your finger into the first chain stitch of the foundation chain.
2. Place the working yarn over your finger, securing it with your thumb.
3. With the working yarn in place, use your finger to reach through the first chain stitch from front to back.
4. Pull the working yarn through the chain stitch, creating a loop on your finger.
5. You should have two loops on your finger now. Take the working yarn again and pull it through both loops, just like closing a regular crochet stitch.
6. Move to the next chain stitch in the foundation chain and repeat steps 3 to 5 to make another single crochet stitch.

Continue working single crochet stitches into each chain stitch of the foundation chain until you reach the end. Remember to maintain an even tension and keep your stitches snug but overly tight.

When you get to the end of the row, turn your work to start the next row. If you’re working in a spiral or round, continue to crochet single crochet stitches in the desired pattern.

Practice this technique, and with time and experience, you can crochet single stitches effortlessly using just your fingers. Whether making a simple project or a complex design, the single crochet stitch is a versatile building block that will help in your crochet journey.

How to Double Crochet

The double crochet stitch is taller, creating a looser, open fabric than single crochet. Follow these steps to crochet double stitches in finger crochet:

1. Start by placing the loop of your working yarn onto your finger, as you did when practicing single crochet stitches.
2. Insert your finger into the next chain stitch of the foundation chain, and reach through the chain stitch from front to back with your finger, grabbing the working yarn and pulling it through the chain stitch. You should now have two loops on your finger.
3. With your thumb and forefinger, reach through the chain stitch again from front to back, this time pulling the working yarn through the chain stitch. Now, you will have three loops on your finger.
4. Reach through the first two loops on your finger, grabbing the working yarn and pulling it through those loops, leaving two loops on your finger.
5. Repeat steps 3 to 5 for each subsequent double crochet stitch. Reach through the next chain stitch with your thumb and forefinger, pull the working yarn through, reach through again, pull the working yarn through, and finally, pull the working yarn through the first two loops.
6. Continue working double crochet stitches into each chain stitch of the foundation chain until you reach the end. Remember to keep your stitches consistent.
7. Once you finish the row, you can turn your work for the next row or continue working in a spiral or round.

How to Half-Double Crochet

Now, let’s take your finger crochet skills to the next level with the versatile half-double crochet stitch. The half-double crochet adds an element of height and texture to your finger crochet projects. Here’s how to do it:

1. Place the loop of your working yarn onto your finger, just as you did before.
2. Insert your finger into the next chain stitch of the foundation chain.
3. Reach through the chain stitch from front to back with your finger and thumb, grabbing the working yarn and pulling it through the chain stitch. You should have two loops on your finger.
4. Reach through the chain stitch again from front to back, this time grabbing the working yarn and pulling it through the chain stitch. You should have three loops on your finger.
5. Finally, reach through all three loops on your finger at once, grabbing the working yarn and pulling it through all of them. You will then have one loop on your finger.
6. Repeat steps 2 to 5 for each subsequent half-double crochet stitch. Reach through the next chain stitch, pull the working yarn through, reach through again, pull the working yarn through, and then pull the working yarn through all loops on your finger.
7. Continue working half-double crochet stitches into each chain stitch until you reach the end.
8. Once you finish the row, you can turn your work to start the next row or continue working in a round or spiral, depending on what you’re making.

This stitch may take some practice to master, but with patience, you’ll be creating beautiful finger crochet projects using half-double crochet stitches in no time.

Finger crochet is a fun way to get started with crochet. From mastering the slipknot to creating beautiful stitches like single crochet, double crochet, and even the versatile half-double crochet, you have unlocked a world of possibilities using just your hands and yarn. As you practice and refine your finger crochet skills, you’ll witness your projects evolve into unique, handmade treasures infused with your personal touch.

Here is a great demo video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F4rmILtGKvI

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you tried finger crocheting? What have you made using this technique? If you haven’t tried it yet, what do you want to make when you learn how to finger crochet? Please share your thoughts below.